''Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.'' Sam Levenson
Sitting on Draco's bed, watching as he slid into his chair, Hermione raked her hands back through her hair and breathed in deeply, willing herself to stay calm. She was perfectly sure that if she spoke at that precise moment, her voice would have quivered too much for anything she said to be intelligible. Collecting her thoughts, she chanced a glance at Draco. He was looking at her coolly, his grey eyes betraying no sign of inner turmoil.
Exhaling, she turned her whole body towards him and began to speak. ''I'm not entirely sure what I should tell you. All that I'm really sure about is the fact that when I walked away from you my life got about ten times harder. Everything that had seemed difficult before became almost insurmountable. I couldn't concentrate in class...''
''That must have killed you.'' His voice was flat and bitter, and for the first time Hermione saw him as a snake, sinuous and cruel. No longer was he a lounging panther. All that remained of his velvet glamour was a few threadbare patches, and all his casual grace had twisted into a coiled mass of pain, ready to lash out at anyone.
''Please...please just let me say this.'' She gathered herself and continued. ''I couldn't concentrate in class, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even cry because of the gossip that would have started. I constantly had a lump in my throat and my heart actually hurt. I'd always thought that people were exaggerating but now I know that heartache is a real thing. And I couldn't understand why it felt so bad. I knew I loved you, I adored you with every single fibre of my being, but I knew that, logically, you were against everything I could ever have wanted and everything that I could ever have. And the guilt that that created was crucifying. I thought that if I picked the thing that had been most constant in my life, I would be doing the right thing. I had expected it to hurt, but I could never have anticipated the level. It was agony. I was utterly devastated.
''I couldn't bear to see you, because everytime I did, this little voice inside me would start screaming about how stupid I was to throw someone so beautiful away. Everytime I heard you speak in class I wanted to clap my hands over my ears and drown you out somehow because no matter what you were saying it changed so that I could just hear you repeating some of the things you used to say to me. Everytime someone even brushed past me in the corridor I would be turning towards them, already smiling, secretly praying that it would be you. I couldn't sit at that table at the back of the library because it would just remind me of that time that you licked that bit of chocolate frog off my hand. And I snapped that you were too greedy and stormed off. And everytime I thought of that I would want to slap myself for ever leaving your side.
''Every so often I would see you being typically Slytherin, bullying other students, sneering at others and I would be able to remind myself why I had to walk away from you. I could tell myself that you were proud, greedy, jealous, possessive, angry, lazy and just motivated by sex.''
''That's not fair!'' Draco sat up straight, glaring at her.
''Maybe not but it's what I had to tell myself.'' She shrugged. ''I might as well not have bothered because the relief that came with that only lasted half-an-hour, at the most. Just when I thought I was going mad, we left school, and I was with Harry and Ron, helping to take down Voldemort. It was easier to be away from you but at the same time, I missed you so much. I thought about you, dreamed about you, and no amount of common sense, no amount of time has ever changed that. I carried on with my life as normally as I could but I never stopped...'' She paused over the last words and then decided she had nothing left to lose. ''I never stopped being in love with you.''
Dragging in a breath, she looked up at Draco, totally aware that she had handed him all her cards.
Draco looked at her, pale and quivering with emotion, completely out of place in a cell. She smelt divine, a cloud of fragrance surrounding her, and the top that she was wearing gleamed expensively where the light hit it. He felt ashamed of himself, like he was some filthy animal dragged up from the sewers, utterly unworthy of any of the feelings that Hermione professed to have for him. ''And you think I didn't feel like shit?You think it was easy for me?''
''I didn't say that.''
''Well, it wasn't. It was horrible. I functioned on autopilot. I couldn't talk to you, I couldn't talk to anyone. And it's all very well you coming back now, but I'm not exactly in a position to do much about that.''
''I don't expect you to do anything...''
''So you just came here to tell me that you've never stopped loving me, that you're hurting really badly, but that's fine and you don't expect anything to change?'' His deeply sarcastic tone cut Hermione as he raged on. ''And you were ok to come back two years later and tell me this while I'm grubbing around in a cell? You didn't want to come and tell me this when we were free of obligations and murder charges? Was this just something to ease a nagging guilt? Well, Hermione, it doesn't work too well if you leave, come back and leave again!''
''Well, maybe I wouldn't have left in the first place if you hadn't been such a selfish idiot!'' Hermione snapped back.
''You left because I was 'a selfish idiot'? That's it? I'm a man, it's my prerogative to be a 'selfish idiot'!''
''You were more than an idiot, you were an egotistical fuckwit! I don't know what the hell I expected this would accomplish.'' Hermione dashed away angry tears, furious with herself.
''Then why did you come?'' Draco shouted. ''Just to rub my nose in the fact that I can't have you no matter how much I want you, and no matter how sorry you are?''
''I came here because I needed you!'' She screamed.
The silence that suddenly fell was deafening. Hermione closed her eyes, sucked in air and let it out in a juddering gasp. Still with her eyes closed, she whispered into the stillness. ''Even when you had been at your worst, you would always be able to say something that made everything seem ok. You could always calm me down and I needed you to do that tonight. I suppose I forgot that you aren't under that obligation anymore.''
She opened her eyes again and saw Draco right in front of her. ''I was never under any obligation to do anything. I did it because I wanted to. Because you made me feel better everytime you needed me. It meant I was good enough to do something...nice.''
Hermione shook her head slowly and looked at him. ''You were always good enough. You just chose to do stupid things.''
Draco reached out a calloused hand and brushed away a stray tear. ''Why did you need me tonight?''
''Ron told me that he loved me and that all we needed was each other. It was my fault. I thought I could make myself love him, and then I could move on. So I kissed him and realised I was wrong, so I ran away. But then I let Harry talk me into a date. If I'd just said no, I wouldn't have gotten upset and I would never have put us both through this.''
Draco wiped away another of her tears and she closed her eyes briefly in silent bliss at the feel of his skin on hers. ''I'm glad you put us through this.''
''Really?'' She looked at him and Draco thought his heart would split with love. She looked so vulnerable, her doe-like eyes red-rimmed.
''Of course. And if Ron would make you happy, you've got to push any memories aside and go for it.'' He forced the words out of his reluctant mouth, desperate to hold her to him but not wanting to keep her unhappy.
''No!'' She said vehemently. ''I don't want Ron!''
''What do you want then?'''
''You,'' she said fiercely. ''You're what I want!'' He didn't say anything and she drew back slightly, her cheeks flushed with embarassment. ''Unless you don't want me.''
''Don't ever think that!'' Draco knelt on the floor beside her, holding her hands tightly and looking deep into her eyes. They were so close that Hermione could see every single shade in his grey eyes, the silver and the smoke. She could see the stubble that flecked his jaw, stronger now than it had been than when they were at Hogwarts. ''But you have to understand Hermione. No matter how much I want you, no matter how much I need you, no matter how much I love you, I am not in a position to give you the things you deserve.''
''All I want is you. I don't think there's anything you could give me that's more precious than that.''
''Hermione,'' he said, impatiently. ''I wasn't enough for you before. You just told me that, and you don't know that anything's changed, and I don't want to put the pair of us through that again.''
''You were enough, you were just other things as well! And you've gotten rid of those. You're obviously not possessive, you just told me to get with Ron if it would make me happy.'' She paused. ''Unless you were trying to let me down gently and I was just too dense to understand.''
And with that Draco leapt up, sitting next to her and clasping her small face in his long hands. ''Do you not listen? I just told you : don't you ever think that,'' he growled. ''Ever. You are the only person I have ever wanted this passionately.''
Hermione thought she was dreaming. Holding her hands round the base of his neck as though he were the only thing keeping her anchored in that moment, as he slowly but assuredly pulled her face closer to his.
They rested for a few seconds that seemed like an eternity, nose to nose, their breath brushing against each other's lips. Draco could only see the soft brown eye with the fringe of black lashes brushing the velvety cheek below as she blinked.
Hermione barely dared to think that what she had longed for for two endless years might actually be about to happen. She could feel silky soft strands of Draco's white-blonde hair brushing against her temple, she could smell the sweetness of his skin.
And then, anticipation and excitement fluttering through her veins, Hermione felt Draco's lips brush gently across hers. As their breath mingled, Draco tipped her head back, deepening the angle of the kiss. He kissed her lower lip, stroking her hair, the side of her face, revelling in her taste which was better than he could ever have remembered, the subtleties of the flavour overwhelming his mind.
Unable to hold herself upright any longer, Hermione fell backwards, feeling Draco's glorious weight cover her as she twisted her fingers into his hair, tugging him closer and closer, feeling like she would explode with happiness.
In that dingy cell, two broken people became whole again, all the pain of two, tearful years temporarily erased.
AN: I cannot apologise enough for the delay that there has been in getting this chapter up. My laptop (which was ancient, in all fairness to it), finally decided that it had had enough, gave up the ghost and died. So I have dashed out this chapter in an internet cafe (thereby explaining any typos - very sorry). I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope it made up for the long wait - reviews will be ENORMOUSLY appreciated. Lots of love...petitesorciere