Words can't express how shocked I was when I opened up yesterday and realised it's been ten months since I updated this fic.

Let me try and justify why I have been away so long.

Ok, well, sadly I had depression through November and December of last year.

Recovered from that and then had AS exams in January

School work took over through February and March

April I had Art deadlines. Anyone who's done Art AS with limited talent will know how awful this is.

May and June I had the rest of my ASs

July and August I was in Africa

And now it is September.

The truth is I'm a horrible person who just couldn't make time and I don't deserve to have people like you reading my stories!

I can only apologise and beg forgiveness.

Hermione did not turn back. How could she? Draco's words had only confirmed for her exactly what she guess she'd been suspecting all along. Shame at her naivety, her weakness, flooded through her as she stormed back towards the castle, refusing to acknowledge Draco as he shadowed her every step, attempting to catch her attention once more.

At once she swung around, stopping Draco dead in his tracks, temporarily stunned at the ferocity on her face. "What do you mean you can't pretend this is ok? What does that even mean? How is it not ok? I've basically just played myself into your hands and now you're saying that's not what you wanted? That certainly ins one way to rub salt into the wound."

She rages at him, ignoring his attempts to interrupt until he raised his voice to her. "Just shut up for one minute, will you!?" She silenced, looking at him expectantly and he could see she desperately wanted for him to make it alright, and somehow, that was exactly what he wanted him to do as well. "My words came out wrong." He began. "I never meant to say I can't be friends with you, what I meant to say was that I don't want to be friends with you." He could hardly believe what was coming out of his mouth, and he could see the hurt welling up in her face once more. "Not just friends."

His inhibitions were screaming at him to correct this godawful situation which was suddenly so far from anything he'd known before. His first thought was what his father would do if he ever heard his son talking like this to a mudblood. His second thought was somewhat more confusing, why wasn't he having just that same reaction at hearing himself talk like this to a mudblood?

Hermione scoffed, but he could see the flattered confusion in her eyes. "What are you talking about, Malfoy?"

This was his opportunity, his opportunity to rectify what had just happened. Just make some smarmy sarcastic comment and leave! The rational part of his brain was willing him. Instead he led Hermione beneath a tree she recognised to be the one Harry had described as his father's tree, and turned to face her.

"I don't really know what I'm doing." He admitted. "But when you came to find me just now, I started to think maybe you were feeling the same way I am and so I thought maybe I'd just come out with it." These words were sour as they spilled from his lips, and he was certain she would see the traces of a lie that must be there, but at the same time, he wasn't entirely sure what he was saying was such a terrible deceit.

She her eyebrows suspiciously, and he could see she was masking a look of complete bewilderment. "I'm sorry." He forced. "This is too soon."

"I don't quite understand exactly what's going on here." Hermione smiled uncertainly.

"Just forget it." Draco said, wishing he hadn't said anything. Wishing he'd just let her walk away.

He stuck his hands deep into his pockets and began to walk swiftly away, leaving her alone beneath the tree.

"What in Merlin's name just happened." Hermione pondered, crouching down in the shade of the braches. The morning was crisp, and she suspected the first snow may fall sometime in the next few days.

Everything about their talk had been wrong. Nothing Draco said seemed to match with the impressions he was giving her and it was annoying her. How dare he mess with her head like this?

It was a while before she traced his steps back towards the castle, and she was still no clearer on exactly what had passed between them.

Had it been genuine? What he had said, or was it just an accident? Another slip of the tongue which he hadn't known how to get out of without offending her?

None of it made any sense.

"He can't like me." She murmured. "This will be some silly game or he's been inhaling far too many fumes in the potions room…"

But what if he did like her? What then? She couldn't shake the idea that that might be alright with her. There was no way the feeling was mutual, but what harm could he be?

"So where have you been all morning, oh Lover-of-the-Big-Tree." Blaise cicled Draco as he attempted to descend the stairs to his bedroom. "We saw you down there with her. Gotta be said, mate, I'm not looking forward to losing 100 galleons, but watching you suffer like this is really worth every penny."

Draco forced a smirk, it's feeling so familiar it hardly required any effort at all. "So Pansy's attempts to make you give it up didn't work I see."

Blaise stopped his prancing, a blush of guilt crossed over him as he averted his eyes from Draco's. "Mate, about that, I know she's like your girl and everything, but the girl jumped me and…"

"It's fine." Draco cut in shortly. "I have little use for a slut like her anyway."

"Little use… Draco… you do know what use the rest of us find for sluts like her don't you?" Blaise grinned.

"There are others." Draco returned Blaise's grin evilly, though he was numb inside.

Blaise laughed appreciatively. "Pansy will be crushed."

Together they entered their room and crashed down on their beds. "So about the mudblood girl…" Draco had never noticed it before but the word "mudblood" didn't sound as cruel coming from Blaise's lips. It was almost as though it's true meaning as an insult had never really occurred to him, thus meaning it lost all impact. "How long before you can get her in the sack you reckon?"

Draco could tell Blaise meant it as a joke, like he'd even consider actually riding the girl, and yet, though he would never admit it, the idea didn't seem anything like as repulsive as it used to.

"Christmas easily." He said. "Been making leaps and bounds today, my friend. Leaps and bounds."

It's a little-un, purely to ease you back into what's going on. I have ages before exams (well 3 months) so I should hopefully have finished this by then.

PLEASE REVIEW! And read my new fic, because no1s reviewing and it's upsetting me!

JustADoll

xxx