Alejandro the Mostly Armless

Y250 – Y339, born to Leander and Eleanor

Alejandro sat in the war room with his fourteen siblings. One of them was to inherit the throne of Dai Shimaron after the death of their super emotional father, Leander.

"And it is now that the heir to the throne of Dai Shimaron must be named. Though it fills me with great sorrow to have to make such a choice, only one of my fifteen children must rule this country. In order to narrow down the search, only a legitimate son or daughter of mine whose arm is also a key to one of the great boxes may qualify. After that, there will be a competition to determine who is most worthy to fill this seat. To my eldest, Alejandro Weller, followed by Magnolia Weller, Fionnuala Weller, Timothy Weller, Brangelina Weller, Fancy Weller, Chuckles Weller, Ignacio Weller, Koko Weller, Sasuke Weller, Edwina Weller, Rielle Weller, Mercutio Weller, Calypso Weller and finally Dude Weller; I wish the best of luck in your quest for power.

PS: I'm dead! That sucks so much."

Thus read the will of Leander the Emotional.

"But which of us is the key?" asked Mercutio.

"Only the great Shinou can tell us which of us contains a key," said Calypso.

"Are you saying that we all need to go to Shin Makoku to talk to some dead person to find out which one of us can rule the kingdom? Why are we even subject to this?" Alejandro said pissed-offly.

"Stupid-ass demons gotta control every damn thing," piped in Koko.

But there was nothing that could be done. The 15 brothers and sisters packed their bags and set out for Shin Makoku in order to confront the Original King.

"Your Majesty! Your Majesty, there is a gaggle of Wellers outside of the temple!" said Akara.

"A gaggle of Wellers? Is that what they call them? I think a murder of Wellers would be more appropriate."

"What do you think they want?"

"Let those idiots in. What are they gonna do, kill me? I AINT GOT NO BODY. I'm just a gigolo."

So the gagglous murder of Wellers entered the temple and bowed before Shinou.

"Oh great Original King, I have come with my fourteen brothers and sisters in order to resolve a dilemma. You see, it is required for the true heir to the throne of Dai Shimaron to be a carrier of the key to the End of the Wind."

"Yeah, and? Hurry it up, I'm late for my appointment with the incorporeal masseuse."

"Well, could you please tell us which of us possesses the key?"

"How the hell should I know which one of you is the key?"

"Um… because you created them?"

"Fine, fine. There might be a way for me to figure out which one. The problem is, I am wasted off my ass right now. I have to see them up close."

The Wellers raised their left arms.

"Not close enough."

The Wellers stood on their toes.

"You know, with those funky German uniforms, and your arms raised, you kinda loo- NO, nevermind. You're still not close enough. I'm all the way up here by the emblem that looks like a guy with his private parts hanging out."

"We can't get any closer to you. There has to be another way."

"Well, why don't you all chop off your arms, and throw them up here?"

The Wellers looked at each other.

"Are you insane?" asked Timothy.

"No, I said I'm wasted! Wasted! Pay more attention. I hope you aren't the key, you are an idiot."

"I see that we have no choice, brothers and sisters," said Alejandro. "We must remove our arms for the sake of Dai Shimaron!" Everyone grumbled and pulled out their swords.

THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THUD THUMP was the sound as fifteen arms fells out the floor.

"This sucks!" said Koko Weller.

"Now, throw the arms up at me," said the disembodied voice of Shinou.

Blood splattered the walls as the Weller arms went into the air, bumping into each other and creating a big mess. Finally they all rested on the floor once more.

"Well, I got a pretty good look at your arms as they defiled my sacred temple. I now know which among you had the key. I mean, technically you don't have it anymore-"

"Tell us!" said the Wellers, leaning forward anxiously.

"You guys are totally gonna laugh about this later. I mean, it's pretty funny if you think about it."

"What?"

"Alejandro is the only one who had the key. I guess he can be king. Too bad about everyone else though, huh? These arms are completely useless!"

Alejandro's arm disappeared as Shinou grabbed it to save it for later.

"Wait, so we all cut off our arms for nothing?" asked Brangelina.

"Haha, yeah, you guys are idiots. Oh well. We'll feed these other arms to some hobos, it'll be like a feast! Carry on back to Dai Shimaron."

And so they did. Because they didn't have the arms to spare to bitch-slap the Original King, and even if they did, he's just a gigolo. He aint got no body.