12. Ursula the Matronly
Year 308-395, born to Irina and Herman
"Yes, Timmy, that is the proper way to hold a machete. No, Alopecia, everyone can see through the pencil magic trick. Can't you think of something new?"
"Teacher Ursula, I gotta pee!"
"All right, Fredrico, take the bathroom pass." Fredrico left the wagon with a bloody, decapitated head hanging from his fingers.
Ursula Weller, twelfth in the Weller family line, had taken a group of students on a field trip to Shin Makoku in order to visit the great Shinou. A long wagon transported them to their destination, but she knew that it was her job to instruct her students along the way.
"Now, Nevaeh, have you finished your evil plan to murder your parents for giving you that stupid name?"
The girl smiled and held up her detailed plan that would surely land her wherever the opposite of heaven is.
"Very good."
"Teacher Ursula! Some kid is watching me pee!" came the call from outside of the wagon. All of the kids crowded to the opening to see.
"Hah! You call that pee? Stupid humans take no pride in their bodily fluid excretion!" The golden-haired youth flipped back his shiny sunny glimmering locks and posed.
"Who the hell are you, kid?" asked Ursula.
"I am a mazoku, superior in every way to you pathetic pieces of bear bee excrement!" He pointed his spoiled nose to the sky and looked away.
"Teacher Ursula, is he what you call, 'a dickface'?"
"Yes, children. This is one of the not-so-elusive dickfaces I told you about. You are likely to meet several in Shin Makoku, particularly in the Biedefeld territory."
"Hey!" the sickingly angelic youth pointed a firey finger at the sullen instructor, his disgustingly purpleness seeping even into the words on this page. "You show me some respect, for I am your superior as a mazoku!"
"Oh really? What do you think, children? Does he feel… superior?" They giggled. And suddenly, they disappeared.
The youth looked around, whipping his shiny-ass locks to and fro. "Where did they go?"
"Well, Mr. von Biedefeld, I'm afraid you have offended my dear children. And that is something that you do not want to do. You see, I am Ursula Weller of Dai Shimaron, and these are my pupils."
"You don't scare me!"
"I don't, do I? What about… them?"
The youth turned around to find four children huddled up against him, smiling evilly. They lifted their arms as he backed away.
"I am not touching yooooou!" they chanted.
"Hey! Get away from me!"
Three more children vaulted from the trees, with sticky, sap-covered vines between their teeth. They tied up the youth, who struggled and spat fire out of his mouth, but there was little he could do against the cunning of Ursula's famed pupils of death.
"Aww, isn't he just adorable?" asked an evil little girl in pigtails, as she pulled a knife from her boot and licked it. "I think I decapitated a doll last week that looked just like this one!"
The youth gulped.
"Now now, children, there will be no decapitations today. It wouldn't be prudent at this juncture. We can't go around killing helpless and pathetic demons."
"Man…" the children were very disappointed.
"However… you could make him piss his pants a little.
The children cheered an evil cheer as they advanced upon their prey. They had been wondering what to bring the great Shinou for an offering, and von Biedefeld pee sounded like something he would find hilarious.