14. Michaela who Doesn't Quite Think Things Through

Year 359-415, born to Lorenzo and Lucinda

Michaela Weller had seen a lot. Mostly things coming from her father's bedroom, but other, even more horrible things as well. For instance, one morning, she left her bedroom in order to see her father wandering around armless.

"Dad, what the hell happened to you?!" she cried.

"Oh, you know… made love, got up, made love, had breakfast, made sweet love, surrendered my arm in ritual sacrifice to the god of the demons, had some sweet love made to me-"

"Why would you do that?!"

"Because life is short and your mother is freaking hot," he replied matter-of-factly.

"No… dear god, why did you cut off your arm?"

"All Wellers must sacrifice their arms to Shinou at some point. It's the rule."

"But we don't even worship that guy. Why should we care?"

"It's the law, man."

"You're the king. You make the law."

"Don't you worry your pretty little head about it, honey. Well, I should say, don't worry your pretty little arm, 'cause it won't be around much longer!" Then he cackled, ripped off his shirt, and ran back into the bedroom.

Michaela decided then and there that she would never lose her arm in such a fashion. No, if she was going to lose her arm, it would be hacked off in the middle of doing something completely badass. That was the Weller way.

Many years later, as Queen of Dai Shimaron, Michaela remembered her vow and set off to confront Shinou herself. Clearly after almost 400 years, he must have tired of this pointless tradition?

She entered the temple. Scantily-clad underage priestesses scattered to and fro, preparing a feast for the Almighty Original King. Truly, Michaela thought to herself, he was a great god to command his subjects so. Or a great pervert.

She entered the sanctum and kneeled down before the original king.

"Oh Great God of the Demons, I come before you to-"

"So are really people saying I'm a god now? How exciting! I'm the God of the Demons! Wait, wouldn't that make me Satan?"

"Oh Shinou, the Great Satan, I come before you to-"

"I dunno if I have it cut out to be Satan, really. I'll just stick with my scantily-clad underage priestesses."

"Are you a pervert, then?" Michaela stamped her foot impatiently.

"Not at all! I don't do anything with them. I'm quite incorporeal. It really sucks."

"Listen, I came for a reason, are you going to listen to me or not?"

"Sure, hotcakes, whadaya need?"

"I am Michaela Weller, Queen of Dai Shimar-"

"Another hot female Weller banging down my door! Too bad this only happens every hundred years or so. They're so feisty."

"They're somewhat less feisty once you chop off their arms, I presume."

"But I can have so much fun with the arms once they've been sacrificed to me. I have a pile of them in my incorporeal room!"

Michaela pondered the implications of that statement for a moment, before silently renewing her vow to never let him take her arm for his "fun."

"Yeah, about that… Shinou, the deal's off. I don't want to give you my arm, and my descendants won't want to either. We think it's a shitty deal."

"But I need your arms! It's very important!"

"Yeah, I don't think what you are doing with them is terribly important."

"Yes it is. I'm saving them!"

"Saving them for what?"

"In the future, there might be a Weller who is super duper badass. He will be the most badass of them all. And if he loses an arm, I'm definitely gonna need a spare. Or several dozen."

"He? What if it's a she?"

"Hahahahahaha! You're so funny. Weller women are just eye candy."

"What?!" Michaela withdrew her sword, eyes narrowed.

"We will see who is eye candy after this!" and with a swift slice of her sword, she lobbed off her arm."

"There. Not so hot anymore, am I?"

"Uh, okay, no, you're pretty hideous now I guess. Congratulations. I'll just take that…" and Michaela's arm disappeared to Shinou's perverse incorporeal realm.