CHAPTER THREE: THE FIRST PATROL
So this is what Malfoy had known: that both he and Hermione would be Head Boy and Girl. Hence his warning for her to be "friendly," come September. Hermione walked back to her common room after her first day of classes, passing by a group of Slytherins, which included Theodore Nott and Draco Malfoy.
"Have you seen the girls around here?" Nott said incredulously. He let out a low whistle.
"Even the Mudbloods are looking good this year," Mafoy said, smirking at the tops of Hermione' thighs.
Hermione closed her eyes for a moment but did not stop walking, and passed by the Slytherins as if they were merely a group of third year Hufflepuffs. She reached the common room and slumped on the golden armchair, plopping a book onto her lap. She heard the portrait swing open but pretended she hadn't.
Malfoy swooped in behind her. "Don't you have anything better to do than read these God-awful books all the time, Granger?" he asked, and pulled the book away from her. Hermione rolled her eyes and turned around in her armchair to face him.
"And what is it you, exactly? Just give it back."
Malfoy looked thoughtful for a moment. "No, I don't think I will," he said, and began to walk in the direction of their bathroom. Hermione glared at him.
"If you really wanted it, you would come and get it," he cooed suggestively. Hermione tried to count to 10 internally before responding, but was interrupted at 6-
"Oh, come on, Muddie, don't you want to see if the rumours are true?" Malfoy glanced at his crotch and then raised an eyebrow.
"Listen, ferret boy," Hermione said coolly, getting up from her seat, "I would rather be burned at the stake."
Malfoy shrugged. "You'd have to be a witch to be burned at the stake though, not a silly little Mudblood like yourself," and with a final grin he shut the door in her face, her book still with him. Hermione heard the shower being turned on.
Furious, Hermione plucked another book from the grand bookshelf and sat down in her armchair once again, flipping each page rather roughly. After about twenty minutes Malfoy emerged from the bathroom, a towel slung around his waist, and a small one being shuffled through his hair. Hermione continued to read.
"Reading again?" he said, amused. When Hermione did not answer he walked over and stood right in front of her. Her eyes were now level with the front of his towel, which looked dangerously close to slipping.
"It looks just as small as I've heard," Hermione lied calmly, arching an eyebrow at Malfoy. Malfoy grinned but did not move. After several tense seconds, Hermione grew irritable.
"Get that thing away from me," she said, pushing him away by the stomach. Malfoy laughed and unwrapped the towel, revealing a massive hard on.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, I SAID GET IT AWAY FROM ME-"
"Ah. Well, you see Granger, I thought you were referring to my towel. You should really be more clear about these matters. One of us could end up…embarrassed," he said softly. He wrapped the towel around his waist again. Hermione was red in the face but he seemed quite unperturbed.
Hermione stood up, about to leave to her bedroom and said, "Well at least I know you're happy to see me, ferret boy."
Malfoy winked. "Ah, yes, the wand chooses the witch, Miss Granger," he said croakily, his eyes bulging as he imitated the old and fragile wandmaker, Ollivander.
Hermione raised an eyebrow to both the cruel impersonation and the innuendo. "You are some new kind of disgusting, Malfoy. Congratulations, you've truly outdone yourself." And with that she stalked to her door haughtily and shut it with a slam.
"Don't forget it's you and me tonight for night patrolling," Malfoy yelled.
IIIII
Hermione came down from her bedroom four hours later. It was now 10PM and she knew that despite hating Malfoy, she had a reputation to upkeep, and that meant fulfilling her responsibilities as Head Girl.
"Where exactly do we have to patrol tonight?" Malfoy asked from the couch. He had changed into dark pants and an emerald green v-neck sweater. Hermione felt slightly embarrassed for still being in her robes.
"Just the fifth floor, no one's supposed to be wandering around there according to Professor McGonagall."
The two of them exited through the portrait and made their way to the nearest stair case. As they walked up, Hermione missed the trick step and felt herself falling until two strong arms pulled her up before her leg fell all the way through.
"Careful now," Malfoy said softly, "Who are you, Longbottom?" Hermione ignored this comment and continued her way up the stairs.
When they reached the fifth floor they made a left, and walked silently for a few minutes.
"What is-"
"OOOOOH, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE," came the voice of Peeves, the school's Poltergeist.
"Oh great, it's Peev-"
"THE GRYFFINDOR PRINCESS AND THE SLYTHERIN PRINCE. HAVE YOU SLITHERED INTO HER CHAMBER OF SECRETS YET, BLONDIE?"
Malfoy snorted. "Come here," he whispered to Hermione, and motioned to the right, where a line of armour stood.
"WHAT ARE YOU TWO UPTO SO LATE AT NIGHT? NOT ENOUGH PRIVACY IN YOUR PRIVATE COMMON ROOM? "
"Let's go!" Malfoy hissed, and grabbing Hermione's arm, the two began running. Peeves swooped in on them, and frightened, Hermione ran straight into one of the suits of armors, causing a thunderous crash. Peeves laughed and disappeared.
"Oh no, oh no, we'll have woken up half the castle by now," Hermione said, jumping anxiously from foot to foot.
"Hey, I think you dropped something- lumos," Malfoy said.
To Hermione's horror she saw that what had fallen out of her pocket were three purple condoms. Praying that Malfoy didn't understand what these were in the Muggle world, Hermione scooped them up hurriedly, but not before Malfoy grabbed the last one.
"Latex…" he murmured to himself quietly, "Hey, what are these-" Malfoy's eyes widened as he mouthed the word "contraceptive."
"Granger, are these-"
"Yes! Alright, they are!" she hissed, "Now let's get out of here before someone-Filch-"
Malfoy laughed. "But Granger, surely you know you can just perform a simple contraceptive spell for protection-"
"Oh, I'd bet you have loads of experience with those," Hermione snarled, and grabbing the last packet from Malfoy, shoved it into her robes.
"I just wanted-well, just in case, final year, you know," Hermione mumbled. Malfoy's eyes widened with interest.
"Now what do we have here," came a new voice. It was slow and the speaker's face became illuminated by the lantern he was holding.
"Head Boy and Girl, out of bed?" he continued nastily, "we are in trouble, aren't we?"
Malfoy smirked. "We were patrolling the corridors, you bumbling-"
"AND I SUPPOSE MAKING ENOUGH RACKET TO REVIVE THE DEAD IS PART OF YOUR DUTIES," Filch yelled.
"Well, to be frank," Malfoy started, "I think you're making enough noise to-"
"BED. NOW," Filch relented. Hermione and Malfoy spun on their heels and made their way back into their common room.
"Tonight was interesting," Malfoy said, venom dripping from his voice. Hermione began to fret, wondering who he'd tell first about the condoms. She nodded shortly and went straight to bed, leaving Malfoy alone in the middle of the common room, looking at the spot she had been just standing in.