WOW, okay, I'm so sorry I'm lagging behind in posting! School started on the 15th, and hit me full force. I've either been too exhausted or too busy to update. I'm trying, folks!

And, as always, thank you for all the love from the majority of you. I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply to your lovely reviews, but I value you all.

I own nothing, and am in no way connected to ABC. I wouldn't say "no" to a job writing for Castle, however.

The morning after That Night, Beckett woke up with a headache. She felt like she had a hangover, even though she hadn't drank anything. At first, she assumed it was because of the bomb case…and then it sank in.

Castle was gone.

Her head slumped back into her pillow, and she snuggled back under the blankets like a teenager being reluctantly woken up for school. There were only a handful of times that she had ever not wanted to go into work since she got out of the academy – she could count them on one hand. After Royce left, the first case she and Castle had worked together, and after Montgomery died. But that morning was the worst it had ever been. It shocked her that it topped the list, and she hated herself and him for it, but it was a fact. At least when Montgomery died, Castle had been there. Or he had offered to be. Now, he wasn't, and she could feel the hole he left even when she was just lying in bed.

Beckett sighed and got out of bed anyway. She would be damned if Richard Edgar Castle could stop her from doing her job. No, she had something to prove – if only that she could survive. That was what she prided herself on. She could always survive.

Beckett got changed into a black v-neck sweater and jeans, and then made her way into her bathroom to finish getting ready. Too put out to care, she simply braided her hair in its natural state – it wasn't like she had to look good for anyone – and did her makeup quickly. She reached for her cherry body spray, and then stopped herself. She hadn't worn it for the first two years of their partnership. In actuality, she had just spritzed it on once when she had ran out of her regular perfume and needed a substitute for that day until she could go get more of the usual after work. But then, Castle got too close, and noticed too much, and sounded like he enjoyed it too much, and before she knew it she was wearing it the next day, every day thereafter, and buying more when it ran out.

But Castle was gone, and she was pretty sure Ryan and Esposito wouldn't be so enchanted by her smelling like certain fruits. She shook her head at the bottle and tossed it in the trash. She just wanted to forget.

Beckett drove slowly to work, lost in her head. How had she forgotten that she didn't let people like him in? How had she let herself say all that she had said? There was so much that fell on his ears that would have stayed in her head before. She had opened herself up as much as she knew how, brought down as many walls as she could without freaking herself out. She had tried. Something she couldn't say about many people.

She had tried to be a better person, and he left.

Beckett pulled up to the precinct, and absently made her way up to homicide. The whole place felt colder now. It seemed inherently wrong to her that when the doors opened up, there would be no smiling mystery novelist waiting for her with a cup of coffee just exactly how she liked it. There would be no witty remarks, no childish behavior for her to roll her eyes at and act annoyed, no outlandish theories that wound up leading to a break in the case, no silent moments when they held each others eyes for just a second too long…nothing. Radio silence.

How had she read him so wrong? How was it possible that he had never felt anything? She was baffled.

Beckett paused as she came up to her desk, ignoring Esposito and Ryan's respective greetings. Her eyes combed over her desk and landed on a tiny elephant figurine. It was so damn like him to be so careless as to leave it behind. It had been on sale at an artist's stand that was in a little market where they had questioned a fruit vendor once. She had been ready to leave – her mind was already on the next thing they had to do – and made her way to the car, only realizing upon arrival that she had lost Castle somewhere. She had shaken her head, mumbled something about how he had the attention span of a fly, and gone back in to find him.

Beckett finally found him staring at a small table full of animal figurines that were impeccably done – hand painted perfectly, enameled with gold in spots, some even holding tiny jewels – and chatting with the artist.

"Castle, come on, what are you doing?" she had asked, sounding annoyed. "We have to get back, this isn't a shopping trip."

"These are amazing," he had told her, picking a penguin up in his hand and turning it over. "Tracy here makes these all herself with a conventional oven, did you know that?"

Beckett had flashed a small smile at the woman, hoping she didn't come off as rude. "Yeah, okay, awesome, now let's go."

But Castle hadn't moved. He had insisted that he must buy one, and he had made her stand there until he had asked her to pick for him.

Desperate to get a move on, Beckett had pointed at a little grey elephant with the tiniest red and green jewels outlining his ears, an intricately painted Indian style blanket on his back, and gold edges on the end of his trunk, tail, and toes. "That one," she had said. "Sure."

Fifteen minutes later than she had wanted to leave, they had emerged with the elephant in a little brown paper sack.

It had lived on Beckett's desk for about a month before she had begun to pester him about taking the damn thing home already. It didn't belong at work, it belonged in his house. She had even suggested that maybe he take it to Alexis as a just-because-present. Nothing.

Finally, one day – about two months after it took up shop on her desk next to her pencil cup – while she was doing paperwork and he was staring off into space, he had said, "I think the little guy looks happy there."

And that had been the end of it.

Somehow, that had convinced Beckett to leave him there, and that's exactly where the elephant stayed for the next two years of their partnership. It became something that when he wasn't there she would look at and smile, get a little tingle in her stomach that she only secretly enjoyed. It reminded her of him. Occasionally, they would both wind up looking at it while making a decision. It became the Elephant.

And Castle had walked off and left it sitting on her desk like it meant nothing to him, even though she had always assumed he thought of it as fondly as she did. However, she had also assumed that she would mean more to him than the Elephant, and he had left them both like they were trash.

Beckett grabbed the Elephant and hurled it into the trashcan harder than she should have and watched it shatter.

She looked back at her desk, and all she saw was Castle. She began seizing everything that reminded her of him, and tossing it into the garbage.

A " " pen. Trash.

A Serendipity mug he had brought to "liven up the place". Trash.

The signed Temptation Lane photo that reminded her more of him than her mom. Trash…

Castle abandoned her.

A highlighter he used to pick out key words in a newspaper article for a case once, the pack of Post-It's that he used to leave her messages on her desk, the stapler he used to staple a permission form that Alexis came to the precinct to get signed, her NYPD mug that he had brought her coffee in so many countless times…

He never cared about her.

A paperclip chain, a picture from a Christmas party, a miniature castle that he thought would be funny, all the pens in her pencil cup…

If he could forget her, she could forget him too.

A pair of scissors, a Rubix Cube buried in her desk drawer from their first year, the pencil cup itself…

When Beckett was done, her desk was almost entirely bare, save for the computer. She let out a long breath and blinked rapidly against the threat of moisture from her eyes. She sank down in her chair and put her head in her hands.

"Uh…boss?" Ryan's voice cautiously broke the silence. "You want us to go get you more satisfactory desk supplies, or…?"

Beckett froze. Of course they were going to ask questions, they had just witnessed her throwing away the majority of her desk for no apparent reason. They had no idea. "It…wasn't the supplies," she managed out, trying to keep her cool. She couldn't do this at work. She just couldn't.

"Right," Esposito remarked behind her. "I throw away my stapler all the time."

Beckett sighed and swiveled in her chair, keeping her eyes on her hands. They would find out sooner or later. "Castle left me," she said, and then winced at how relationship like her words sounded. How pathetic she came across.

"What?" Ryan asked incredulously. "He would never do that. Castle loves-"

Esposito elbowed his partner sharply in the side.

"This place," Ryan finished, rubbing his rib cage and glaring at Esposito. "Why would he leave?"

"He said his 'fascination has subsided," Beckett hooked air quotes, looked up at them, and then shrugged. "Whatever the hell that means."

"Well then we don't need him," Esposito said, sounding angrier than Beckett expected. Something fierce was displayed in his eyes. "He changed his mind too damn much anyway. You're better off without him, Beckett."

Beckett made eye contact with him and blinked in surprise. "You don't…understand, Javi," she told him quietly to avoid being overheard.

"I think we understand more than you think," Esposito countered. He held her eyes for a moment, letting his words sink in before saying, "Castle's our boy, but you're our girl. He wants to keep hurting you then…" he shrugged. "He's gotta go."

"You come before him," Ryan agreed. "I would have liked to see you two work out but if he's dumb enough to leave, so be it. We'll always be here."

"Always," Esposito smiled at her.

Beckett pressed her lips together and looked down. He couldn't have known what the word "always" had meant to her and Castle. He had never been around when it was said. And yet, there were her two boys, offering up the same promise that Castle had broken. And it meant so much. "Thank you," she said earnestly. "I'll be okay, it's just a shock I guess."

"You're allowed to be upset, you know," Ryan said, bringing her attention back to them again.

Beckett studied them for a moment; unable to express the thanks she couldn't say. She smirked and said, "What is this, group therapy? You two are bigger girls than I am."

Both men grinned at her. "Family takes care of family," Esposito said. "That's how it is."

Castle shut the door heavily behind him, and let out a long breath. He was glad to be home. It was madness out there.

Almost numbly, he made his way into the living room where he could hear Alexis and his mother talking.

"Richard," Martha greeted him grandly when he walked in the room. "You will never believe what's happened I-" she cut herself off as she took in her son's face. "Dear God, what happened to you? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Yeah, Dad, what's wrong?" Alexis asked worriedly, eyebrows furrowing as she turned on the couch to face him.

"I…I did it," Castle said simply.

Martha and Alexis exchanged a look. "You…did what, dear?"

"Beckett," Castle sank down into a chair.

"You talked to her?" Martha asked hopefully.

"No," Castle shook his head. "Well, yes. But no."

"Dad, you're not making any sense,"

"I ended it," Castle supplied. "I was just there. I ended it. I cut us off. It's over," he looked down. "We're done."

"Oh, Richard," Martha moved to the chair next to him and took his hand. "What happened to sticking around? Last time I talked to you, you were planning on dealing with it, working by her anyway. What happened to that?"

"You wouldn't believe how hard it is to be civil with a liar," Castle told her darkly. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't even look at her. She kept trying to joke with me, smile at me, she even invited me out for a drink. Like nothing ever happened. She was so damn confident I wouldn't find out…" he shook his head again. "I wouldn't have been able to watch the little things I would have taken to mean that she felt the same way happen day by day and know that I was wrong."

"But…you talked to her, right?" Alexis asked weakly. "I mean, that's good, she knows. You two can work through it."

"I didn't tell her," Castle said.

"Oh."

"What on earth did you tell the girl then?" Martha pressed.
"I lied to her," Castle refused to lift his eyes to his family. "I lied to her, just like she lied to me."

"Well…that's noble of you…" Martha said tentatively, searching for something redeeming about the situation. "You didn't want to hurt her. It was good of you not to sink to her lev – oh, will you stop shaking your head? What is it?"

"That's not why I lied," Castle drug his eyes up to his mother's face. "I told her I was bored. I stood there and made damn sure it sounded like I never cared about her. I wanted her to feel what I do, not even friendship," he got up to fix himself a drink and muttered, "It's only fair."

Martha and Alexis looked at each other again.

"So…what's next? What happens now?" Alexis asked.

"Nikki Heat is done. They'll make the Heat Wave movie, and that'll be it," Castle explained. "We can live like this for the rest of our lives off the royalties from past books alone, so that shouldn't be a problem. Heat Wave merchandise will bring in even mo-"

"Hold on," Alexis interjected. "You're not going to write anymore?"

There was a silence that stretched on for what seemed like forever as Castle carefully considered his answer. "No, I won't be."

"But you love writing," Alexis' eyes were the size of golf balls. "Dad, you can't give up just because some bitch lie-"

"I'm tired of fiction!" Castle interrupted her in return, looking at his daughter. "I'm tired of made up stories, I just want to be here with you guys, right now. I want to spend time with you before you go off to college in the fall, and I want to make the most of all the time I can."

Alexis stared back at her father, unnerved by the lack of light in his eyes. She saw the pain of being forced to grow up written all over his face, and she felt her stomach twist itself unpleasantly. How dare that…no, this wasn't about her. This was about her father. "I'm so sorry she broke your heart, Daddy," she whispered, making her way over to him to wrap him in a hug.

"Yeah, me too," Castle rubbed her back lightly. "And I'm sorry I put you two through four years of me being gone for nothing,"

Alexis sat on the floor by him.

"I lost track of my priorities, and I hope you'll both forgive that," Castle made eye contact with his mother and his daughter for a brief moment each. "I promise you it'll never happen again."

"We were never mad," Martha told him gently. "You were happy, darling, we could never fault you for that."

"We could fault her," Alexis mumbled.

Martha shot her a look.

A small smile cracked through Castle's façade as he looked at his daughter. "I'm all yours now."

Alexis rested her head on her father's knee the way she used to when she was a child. She hoped the phase wouldn't last forever. Everything was changing, and she didn't want to see her dad broken.

Martha rubbed her sons' hand in small circles, trying to ignore the traitorous part of herself that felt as if she had just lost a daughter.

"She looked so sad," Castle said softly after a long pause. "How could she have the nerve to look that sad?"

"Perhaps she was sad, kiddo," Martha supplied.

Castle squeezed his mother's hand and let go, and patted Alexis' head. He stood up and downed the rest of his drink. "What's done is done."

Alexis eyed him. "Just like that?"

"Just like that," Castle shrugged. "I'll be damned if she gets to me."

"You can't just swallow this, Richard," Martha warned.

"Watch me," Castle said evenly, no emotion showing on his face even though his brain was waging a war. "I'm going to bed. Night you two."

"Night," Alexis said confusedly, while Martha said nothing.

"Only one person in the world who can get him that upset," Martha mumbled once he was out of earshot.
"You think they're really over?" Alexis asked her grandmother.

"Hard to say," Martha said sadly. "But I think they just may be."