A/N Still don't belong to me, still not making any money! Thanks for all the kind reviews and encouragement.

It was the middle of December when my life seemed to fall apart. Lots of people were deciding to skip out on their bond, which meant lots of work for me. I was still working part time doing research at Rangeman, too, which meant I had a healthy balance in my checking account for once. I had put up some twinkle lights in my window, and bought a nice little decorated tree for my table. I had even gotten almost all of my shopping and most of my wrapping finished already. For the first time ever, I felt like I handle on this whole Christmas thing. I finally felt like an actual, card carrying adult. Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas, indeed! Life was looking good to me. There was only one thing I was missing. Well, rather, one person: Ranger.

I missed him terribly. I don't know why, but this time just seemed worse than the other times he has been in the wind. Somehow, I just couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. I worried incessantly, and I probably drove poor Tank nuts. I called him nearly every day to see if he had heard anything.

"Steph, remember, no news is good news. He's the best. He'll be ok. Don't worry" he tried to reassure me, but somehow it fell on deaf ears. I still worried. I just needed to see him. To hear his voice. To touch him. To rip his clothes off and have my way with him. Oh, wait, I'm getting ahead of myself here!

Lula and Connie were worried about ME. They knew I was missing Ranger like crazy. I tried to pretend everything was ok, but I couldn't fool them. They tried to cheer me up every time I walked into the Bonds Office. Connie tried to get details out of me about Ranger's and my relationship. She just rolled her eyes when I explained, for the hundredth time, that we don't have a relationship. "You keep telling yourself that, Steph," she winked.

"Yeah, white girl, we know there's nothing AT ALL going on between you and Batman," Lula chimed in with a snort. Geesh, so much for moral support.

Well, ok, there was something between Ranger and me. I just don't know how to define it. Maybe that's why I was so anxious to have him home. So we'd have time to explore just what exactly was between us: lust? for sure; friendship? definitely; respect? in spades; love? Well, that was the million dollar question, wasn't it? I had finally admitted to myself that I was in love with Ranger, but I'm not sure I'm ready to tell the man himself. What if he sent me away again, or even worse, what if he laughed? Now that could keep a girl awake at night worrying.

When I had told my mother that Joe and I were finally through, she had asked me a question that has been haunting me for the last two months. "Stephanie," she had asked, with none of her usual brusqueness, "Are you throwing away a life with Joseph on the gamble that Ranger and you can make a future together? Do you love him, and more importantly, does he love you?" I had been a little taken aback by her question; I'm much more used to her usual nagging and belittling. This seemed a little too heartfelt.

I gave it a moment's thought, and then answered as honestly as I could. "Mom, Joe and I will always have a place in each other's hearts, and each other's lives. Just not that way. We just didn't have the love that it takes to build a future. We finally came to agree to that. It's for the best. That had absolutely nothing to do with Ranger. As for Ranger, I don't know where we stand. I love him, and he loves me, in his own way. We're not together. We're not a couple. I hope that will change soon, but I don't know. But even if I never have a relationship with Ranger, Joe and I weren't right for each other."

Mom watched me throughout my little speech. Then she did something that shocked me. When I was done, she said, well, she said nothing. She just nodded and reached out and put her hand over mine. Who was this woman, and what had she done with my mother? Finally, she softly said, "Ok, Steph. Just remember, your father and I are always here for you. We just want you to be happy."

Wow, she could have knocked me over with a feather! But her questions keep coming back to me. Did I only break it off with Joe so that I could be with Ranger? Did Ranger really love me? Would we ever be together? Late at night her words would come back to me, and I'd wrestle with them until I fell asleep. Great. Something else to worry about.

Ten days until Christmas and I'm back at the Bonds Office. Duty calls. I needed to drop off a body receipt and pick up any new files Connie had for me. I had stopped on my way for reinforcements: a dozen mixed doughnuts, and three tall peppermint mochas. Hey, it was Christmastime, after all.

As soon as I walked in the door, I knew something was up. Lula jumped up with a huge grin on her face. "Hey, Steph didn't expect to see you up and around so early this morning." She shot Connie a look and the two of them dissolved in giggles.

I wasn't sure what had gotten into Lula, so I just gave her my pathetic attempt at the one eyebrow raise. When that didn't cut through their hilarity, I gave in and gave an incredibly articulate, "Huh?"

Suddenly, Connie and Lula exchanged glances again, but this time something besides mirth passed between them. Confusion, maybe? What's going on here? Lula took a deep breath, came around the desk to stand right in front of me, and said, "Hey, Steph, do you really not know?"

"WHAT?" I asked, suddenly nervous. "What's such a big freakin' secret?" I knew my voice was rising, but I didn't like the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Steph," Lula started, with real concern in her voice, "Ranger's home. He got back yesterday afternoon. Tank and I just assumed he was going to see you last night. He said there was someone he needed to see and he would be offline until this morning."

Well, hell.

TBC