A/N - So here's Christian's little bit of thought.
CPOV
This is going much differently than I thought it would. I was shocked when I saw the Mockingjay's name on the registry for the List. I never would have thought she'd be one to be into casual sex, though her husband has been dead for a year now and maybe she is trying to get away from herself. I don't think she comprehends how lucky she is to have gotten me though. Men who are twice my age were livid when I got to her first and all they would have wanted was her body simply to say that they had been with her.
Of course I do want her for her body too, but she will at least learn things with me, maybe embarrassing for her now, and some may be painful, but she'll learn. If I'm lucky, she'll learn to like them even. I thought she might be difficult given that so many blame her for the rebellion, but I don't see it that way. I don't think she ever intended to do anything but save her life and the life of the boy she ended up falling in love with.
I could tell from the video playbacks what was genuine and what wasn't. Her kisses to him in the beginning were reluctant and fumbled if anything, though there was the one in the cave that anyone would have been able to tell that she wanted to be with him. I only ever really had that with my Ana. Until now. I wasn't expecting anything other than physical attraction to this woman, but when I touch her, there's something there that I can't explain. It's as if there's a current between us and for lack of a better word, there's a fire about her and I want to get burned. It's not just lust, is it love; it's much too early to say that. Though, with my Ana, it happened very quickly.
I'm not looking for love, though I hadn't been looking for it then either. Yet, Katniss is different; she's already proven how strong she is time and time again to all of Panem. I wonder how broken she was when her husband died. Did she hide from everyone she knew for weeks on end like I did? Did she stop eating because food lost its flavor like I did? Did she cry and cry until the tears dried up like mine did? She obviously decided to get away from District 12, though was this her initial plan, to become someone's mistress? I wonder if she'll indulge me with an honest answer.
Katniss is surprising me by being so complaint. I would have thought that she would leave after seeing the rumpus room, but then she said she'd go along with being spanked and tied up. I wonder if she'll let me do more. And kissing her! I was not expecting to want more of that, as I had never truly enjoyed kissing a woman before my Ana. Even after Ana, I didn't care to be kisses, but let them do it. There was nothing in it for me with the two women I was with after my Ana died. Before Ana, I didn't even want to be touched unless they were pleasing me in some way. I think, no, I know, that I want to have Katniss touch me.
She still has scars from when she was burned, when they had killed her sister. Somehow though, they suit her, The Girl on Fire. But she isn't a girl, not anymore, she is a full-fledged woman and she is making me want more of her every second that I am with her. Even the at the table while I was showing her which cheese went best with the fruit, I was having fun and enjoying it. It was fruit and cheese for crying out loud!
But her scars, they make her more beautiful and show just how much she has endured at such a young age. They look they made a certain pattern on her skin and I wonder why more wasn't fixed. Maybe it couldn't be fixed or maybe like me, she wanted people to be able to see her scars if they got close enough. What will she think of my scars? Will she ask me the right questions in order to find out? All this is going through my mind while I'm taking her back to my room and I'm walking slowly on purpose to think all of this through. We'll see how she handles herself in the next twenty-four hours; see if she stays with me longer than that.