Valentine's Day, Chapter 7

Tank and I sat in Pino's for another hour. I cried. We talked. We schemed. We planned. We talked some more. Unfortunately we couldn't come up with some miraculous plan to solve all the mysteries surrounding Ranger. Finally, Tank sighed, and said, "You know I hate to say this, Steph, but this is going to have to be your move. Ranger isn't going to tell me squat. You're the only one who has a chance to get through to him. You're going to have to talk to him. The sooner the better."

I knew Tank was right. I still didn't know what I was going to say to Ranger. I still wasn't sure I was strong enough to face him. I also knew that I still loved him, and I wanted what was best for him. If that meant Deborah Fairbanks, so be it. It would hurt, but I'd get over the heart ache eventually. A hundred years ought to do it. There was no denying that something was eating at Ranger. Something just wasn't right with him. It looked like it was going to be up to me to find out what, and what, if anything, I could do to help him. No matter what, Ranger has always been there for me when I need him. How could I not return that favor? How could I just walk away?

I nodded my head. "You're right, Tank. I'll talk to him. I have to. I want to." I gave him a pat on the arm, and we stood to leave. I couldn't help myself, and reached up and gave him a hug and a peck on the cheek. "Thanks, big guy, for being such a good friend. To both of us." Tank look surprised, but gave me a hug back.

"You're welcome Steph. Helping you IS helping Ranger, you know." Tank looked embarrassed at his admission, so we awkwardly let the moment pass. He walked me to my car, gave one of my curls a tug, and wished me a Merry Christmas. With a wave, he was gone.

CHRISTMAS!! Oh my God! I had almost forgotten it was Christmas. For once, my preparations were done, but this meant I needed to get on Operation Ranger right away. There was no way I could let this slide until after Christmas. How could I celebrate knowing there was something wrong with Ranger? I pulled out my cell before I could think better of it and hit speed dial #1.

"Yo."

"Hey, Ranger, it's Steph."

"Babe." Oh, how hearing those four little letters stabbed straight to my heart. The word was right, but the emotion behind it was all wrong. Or should I say, there was no emotion behind it. It sounded the same to my ears as if he had just said, 'toilet." Crap!

"Um, Ranger, I was calling to wish you a Merry Christmas."

"Is that all?" again with the cold, flat voice.

"Could I see you?" I know it came out as a whisper. I was trying not to cry. I needed to keep it together, if I had any chance of getting him to agree to see me.

There was silence on the other end, as if he were thinking about it. Finally, he said, "Tonight. 8:00. Your place. That work for you?" His voice sounded just slightly less frosty, giving me hope.

"Yeah, Ranger, that would be fine." I was so relieved he had agreed to see me, but now the panic was back. Luckily I didn't have to worry about what I was going to say next, as he had already disconnected.

I had less than five hours to figure out what I was going to say. That might not be enough! I needed help. I needed reinforcements. I needed Ben and Jerry's. I flipped open my cell, hit speed dial for Mary Lou and headed off to 7-11.

"Hey, Mare, what's up?" I asked when she answered.

"Oh, hey, Steph, I'm just trying to keep the beasts from killing each other. There's just a little too much Christmas going on here for my taste. Luckily, Lenny's mom is coming over to pick the kids up to take them to the Christmas party at her club."

Why, what's going on?"

Her direct question left me speechless. What, exactly, was going on? I didn't even know where to start. My silence must have alerted her that all was not well in Casa de Stephanie.

"Steph, do you need me to come over? Is this about Ranger?"

"Yes and yes. Mare, I need your help." I was so relieved. This is why everyone needs a best friend like Mary Lou!

"I'll be there in 45 minutes, that ok?" she asked.

"That'll be perfect. Thanks, you're the best." We did the goodbye thing and disconnected. I made my ice cream run, and was home in 15 minutes. I checked my machine; the only message was from my mom. I paced. I fed Rex. I ate my way through a half pint of Cherry Garcia. I got out a notepad and pencil and tried making a list. I gave that up and paced some more. Thankfully about that time Mary Lou knocked on the door.

I let her in, and quickly filled her in on the whole Ranger story, from the night of the party, to Tank's background information on Deborah Fairbanks, all the way through my phone call with the man himself, and my plans for this evening.

"WTF is he thinking?" she wanted to know when I got through my tale of misery. "He knows how you feel about him, seemed he was feeling pretty much the same way when he left, but then he comes home with a woman attached? MEN!!!" One good thing about Mary Lou is that she is always on my side.

We plotted a plan of attack (Ranger should be proud). She helped me pick out the perfect outfit: new skinny jeans that made my butt look great and a sweater that I know Ranger liked. The color matched my eyes and the neckline showed a decent amount of cleavage. I felt confident, or at least as confident as I was going to tonight.

We rehearsed what I was going to say. We rethought our plans and started fresh. We rehearsed again. All too soon, it was time for her to be getting home. I gave her a hug, wished her Merry Christmas and sent her on her way.

Right at 8:00 there was a knock on the door. Ranger NEVER knocked. He always just let himself in. This was not a good sign. I opened the door. There he was. He was wearing his usual black, but slacks and a jacket. His hair was in a short pony tail. His face was blank. His eyes were empty. I think I heard my heart break.

"Um, come on in. Do you want something to drink?" I wanted to run away. I wanted to jump him and kiss and make him better. I wanted to get through this in one piece.

"No."

Wow. Ok, I can do this. Even if he isn't talking. I can do this. I can get to the bottom of this. I can help him. I will help him. "Alright, well, why don't we go sit down?" I started towards the couch, but I noticed he wasn't moving.

"Stephanie." Uh oh. My whole name. I hate it when he uses my whole name. It's never a good sign.

"What do you want? I can't stay. I have plans." Cold. Cold. Cold. The apartment was suddenly freezing. My stomach lurched. Oh no. He has plans with Deborah Fairbanks. Oh God! Maybe she's in the car waiting right now. Oh, I won't go there.

I looked up, and saw Ranger was watching me with his cold, empty eyes. Suddenly I didn't think I could do this. He wouldn't let me in. My eyes started to fill.

"Ranger, I just want you to know that I'm here for you. I don't know what's wrong, but if you need me for anything, I'm here. Let me help you." I could barely get the words out, but I was going to have my say.

"Why would you think I need your help?" he asked.

"Well, um, you know, because we're friends and all, and uh, we ARE friends still, aren't we?" I stammered.

The blank face cracked just a little. The voice softened, and even the eyes looked a little warmer. "Yeah, Steph, we're friends. I hope that will never change. I just meant, why do you think I need help?"

Oh, thank you Jesus! He looked and sounded a little more like the Ranger I remembered. I gathered my courage and forged ahead.

"Well, I don't know exactly. You just don't seem like yourself. You seem, well, sad, maybe. I haven't had a chance to talk to you at all since you've been back, but other people have noticed too, and I just want to make sure you're ok."

"So, you've been talking about me, Babe? With whom?" his voice held just a touch of danger. He said 'Babe' with just a little sarcasm.

Shit. "Well, Connie had noticed. And Lula. And Tank said you didn't seem to be yourself. We're all just concerned, really." I forced myself to meet his eyes. They made me shiver.

Ranger didn't say anything for a minute. He just watched me. It was uncomfortable. Finally, he asked, "Is this because of Deb?" Ouch, a blow straight to the heart.

I wasn't sure how to respond without giving too much away. Finally, I decided on a version of the truth. "I was surprised to see you with her at the party. I didn't know you were seeing someone. But that should be making you happy, and you seem far from happy." There. That wasn't so hard.

"Jealousy doesn't suit you." WHAT? He did not just say that! I must have imagined it. Right???

"I'm not jealous. I'm concerned about you. I'm concerned about my friend." My voice was getting higher pitched. Pretty soon I'd break glass.

"Ok, so you're not jealous. That's why you've been avoiding me. Why you're talking about me with your friends. Why you arranged this meeting?" His voice gave nothing away. I didn't know what he was feeling.

I decided to just lay it on the line. Go for broke. Risk it all. What did I have to lose? "I won't pretend I wasn't hurt, Ranger. I thought maybe we had something. I know you never promised anything, but I didn't know there was someone else. I was pissed, even, at first. But now, I'm only concerned. I wanted to offer to help. If you don't need my help, or want it, then there's nothing more for me to say." I stared at the floor in front of my feet. I couldn't meet his eyes. I couldn't bear to.

"Alright then." I thought he was going to say something else, but he didn't. I fought back tears. I wouldn't let him see me cry. I was concentrating so hard on not crying that the sound of my front door closing caught me off guard. I couldn't believe it.

Ranger was gone.