CPOV
What is she doing to me? I want her like I need to have her, be with her. Her mouth on me is intoxicating to say the least. How is it that I had never crossed paths with her before? Oh yeah, she was only sixteen when she came to the Capitol the first time and still not old enough even during the rebellion. After that she stayed in District 12, married.
She is a powerful force, seemingly driven by love. I mean, she hunted when it was illegal, volunteered for her sister's reaping, almost died for the boy she loved at least twice! Yet, I get the feeling that she doesn't see it that way. She has done so much for everyone around her and I wonder if even this is for herself. It has to be, who comes to the Capitol to have sex with people they don't know for anyone else? As far as I'm told, her mother more or less abandoned her after the sister died; her husband is gone and her mentor is hardly father material. The only person she seems to have any real contact with is Johanna Mason.
When I touch her, I feel alive again. Yes, I've been with two women since my Ana died, but there was no spark or any true interest on my part. The sex was okay, the punishing I dealt, tolerable but I just didn't really enjoy it like I had before Ana. Before Ana, I could be so ruthless. With Ana, there was more fun to be had because we were in love. After Ana, it was just something to fall back into and I do it well but not with any heart. Now there's Katniss and the sex is hot again and spanking her was fun. I knew it turned her on by how wet she was and she hadn't said no to me. She even asked for more sex!
She's been on her own for a year now and my sources say she hasn't left District 12 since her husband died. She's known more death of loved ones than I have and she's so much younger. Of course, she didn't turn into a sexual deviate or sadist like me. She learned how to take care of her family and herself. Why couldn't I have been like that? No, I fought with everyone if they even looked at me wrong; let no one touch me for years and years. I didn't even know real love until I was in my late twenties and she has had her first love taken away by the age of twenty-one!
When she undressed me and looked into my eyes, I could see the wonder, excitement and lust there. I also saw something else, maybe fear? I don't know what she would be afraid of; she's no innocent like my Ana was. No, she is something more than my Ana was but not necessarily better. At least not yet. I don't want to change her; I like the fire within her. She is a fighter if I ever met one and she knows what she likes, sort of. I think I can open her mind and to be honest, her legs, to welcome things she's never thought of. She hasn't fought me on anything and I wonder what she will let me do to her. I have a feeling spanking and tying her up is the most she'll let me get away with. Which is fine, I can tease, taunt, and make her come like that a thousand different ways.
Now, cleaning her, I see how young she is, how frail she can be. These scars she has are from someone who was tortured, but not like me. So many were hurt by the same bombing she was in. I had heard that Snow had her husband pumped full of tracker venom and tortured. That would be something I could relate to, physical pain, mental abuse. Hers, hers was physical, but more emotional. The love she had for the people that died had grown from knowing them for years and I had only known my mother for four before she died. I had only known that burning for a couple of years and forget about it when I'm happy. Katniss is always surrounded by the memories of those she loved. Why do I care about that?