A/N - Sorry, life is super busy over here. Longest chapter though so far. And more smut P

KPOV

I didn't think that I would tell him, tell anyone really. Johanna was the only person who knew and that's only because she was with me when it happened. No one except Peeta and I had even known I was pregnant. I was just going into my third month when Peeta died and I lost the baby a couple of weeks later. I guess not wanting to eat and take care of yourself has its tolls. After that, I really couldn't do anything, I was so depressed. Do I tell this to Christian? Tell him that for days at a time, I wouldn't eat, shower, move if I didn't absolutely have to? That for weeks later, I wouldn't talk to anyone, anyone, not even Johanna, my best friend, my only true friend left?

He's just standing here, looking at me with wide grey eyes and I don't know if his wife having died while trying to deliver his child is on his mind or what. I look down at our hands that are still intertwined and ask, "Please, say something."

He blinks, shakes his head and quietly replies, "I'm sorry."

I shrug. "For what? You couldn't have known, no one did except for Peeta and Johanna and she swore she wouldn't tell anyone, anyone."

He turns and pulls my hand, forcing me to follow him. "Let's get back to my apartment; I think we should talk before the doctor gets there."

"Christian." I pause; I don't know what to say to him, I already told him my biggest shame and secret all in one. He stops and looks down at me.

"Let's just get back. I think there's more you need to tell me." He says and pulls me along.

I have no reason to not share this with him. He is only the second man I have ever been with and we seem to have quite a bit of similarities already. Not obvious ones, but deeper ones, unfortunately, it seems to be a lot of painful ones. I want to be with him and he knows this already, so I can grant him entrance to my biggest regret.

When we get back to Christian's apartment, Taylor is waiting for us at the main entrance.

"Dr. Greene is waiting for Miss Everdeen, sir." He informs us as we walk right past him.

"Thank you Taylor. Can you tell Mrs. Jones to have some fruit ready for when Katniss is done? I'll be in my study working until then." Christian orders and he walks me to my examining room. "Dr. Greene is one of the best and she will check you out, make sure you are put on contraception that suits you. Make sure you tell her what you told me after lunch."

"Why would she need to know that?" I ask him, would it really affect what she gives me?

"I just think she would need to be fully informed. She is a doctor after all and all your medical history is needed for her to understand what you may need." He opens the door and a woman with blond hair pulled tight into a bun is sitting, waiting for me. "Come to my study after you're done. Dr. Greene, this is Miss Everdeen, Katniss, Dr. Greene."

With that, Christian leaves me to the good doctor. She wastes no time at all, asking about my medical history and my preference of contraception. She takes a small drawing of blood, storing it in a small flask to be tested at her office. Somehow, even though she's asking questions while checking me out down there, I don't feel as invaded as when I was examined for the Games. She examines my scars, telling me that they have healed well and I should still put a special lotion on them just in case.

"I do." I tell her, but the look she shoots me lets me know she doesn't believe me. I roll my eyes, "Fine, I'll do it more often."

"That's better. No reason to lie to me, Miss Everdeen. So, what kind of birth control were you on before you got pregnant?"

The question is simple enough, but it hurts. In a low voice, I answer, "I was given the shots. The ones that lasted two years, only had them the two times. One before the first Games and then again after the rebellion and we were home. I didn't think to have it done again, hence how I got pregnant."

"It wasn't planned I take it?" She asks, pulling her hands away from the scar tissue on my lower back. I shake my head and she nods. "Well, since the shots work for you, we'll do it again. You must use protection for 72 hours before the shot is really effective. Mr. Grey knows this already, but you need to know too. After that, it will be good for 23 months. Unless you want one that is shorter?"

"No, let's go with the two-year plan again. Then I won't have to worry about it." I answer her and she nods, going to her black bag and pulling out a syringe wrapped in plastic and a small vial with clear liquid. She cleans a spot on my arm with an alcohol pad and gives me the shot quickly.

"Okay, go ahead and get dressed. You are in very good shape, Miss Everdeen. I'm surprised, most people that I've met from 12 are lacking in some essential vitamin, but you seem very healthy. As long as you follow Mr. Grey's exercise plan and keep eating well, I should never have to see you for anything but routine exams."

I'm surprised that she knows what it is that he does, but how much does she really know is the question. "Have women come to you with other problems? Ones that have been with Mr. Grey?"

"Yes, but nothing that you should be afraid of. He takes care of the women he is with, but they don't always take care of themselves. If someone tells him that she is in pain and has used the safe words, then he immediately stops whatever it is that they are doing. It's an extreme lifestyle, Miss Everdeen, that's the truth of the matter and Mr. Grey takes his lifestyle seriously." She tells me without blinking. She knows what he does with the women he's been with and she is still okay being the doctor for them. "I still see the ones who live here. They are regular patients no matter who they have been with. It's the women from other districts that I worry about, as the care is not always as readily available."

I nod as I grab my bra and shirt. "Is there anything else I should know? About him, about this?"

She smiles a warm smile, revealing very white teeth. "Miss Everdeen, enjoy what you can of this. I don't participate in this lifestyle, but it's not to say that it isn't without its fun."

She waits until I'm fully dressed before opening the door and we walk out together. Taylor is waiting for her, to show her out as he points out the way to the study for me. I walk towards the door, hearing Christian's voice.

"I've already told you Ms. Trinket, she is doing just fine. If she needs anything, I am more than capable of taking care of it." There's a pause and then his voice again, annoyed. Then again, he's talking to Effie and she can annoy the most patient of people. "Ms. Trinket, I can assure you, she's not here just for the money, she has plenty of it left herself. Don't worry about Katniss, she and I are doing just fine. Good day, Ms. Trinket."

I hear something tiny hit the desk and gently knock on the door, letting him know I'm there. I walk in before he grants me entrance and he smiles at me. "Dr. Greene didn't scare you then?"

I let out a small laugh. "No, she was fine. I had the two year shot, but we have to use the condoms for three more days."

He nods and frowns, "Yes, I'm aware. I'm done with all my business here. Is there anything you'd like to do at the moment?"

"Why are you talking to Effie?" I didn't think I wanted to know, especially since he mentioned my mother on the last phone call with her, but I'm curious as to what he'll say.

"I thought you heard." He sits down at the desk and instead of sitting at a chair on the other side of it; I sit on the desk directly in front of him. He smiles again and puts his hands on my thighs. "Your mother contacted her. I thought only Johanna knew you were here?"

"Here, as in with you. I contacted Effie to help me get some clothes together. She is a woman who loves to shop. But I don't know how she found out I am with you." I answer him honestly. I put my hands on his and squeeze them. "I don't know why my mother even cares. She came in for Peeta's funeral and then left two days later. Johanna is the only one who stayed, well, and Haymitch, but he was drunk most of the time."

He nods his auburn head. "I see. So you don't know why your mother is interested all of a sudden?"

"Not really. I mean, I guess Effie being Effie, she could find out where anyone is because that's how she is, but my mother? I don't know." I run my hands up his arms and rest them on his broad shoulders. "Do we have to keep talking about this right now?"

Christian's lip curls up on one side, cute, sexy, and devilish. "What did you have in mind?"

"I was rather trusting that you would surprise me." I say, putting one hand on his cheek, my thumb running over his bottom lip. He turns into my palm and kisses it gently.

In one swift motion, he stands up, grabbing my legs and wrapping them around his waist. Giving me a deep kiss, he moans into my mouth as I open it and I slide my tongue over his. Without breaking the kiss and somehow not tripping over anything, he carries me out of his office and up the stairs. He must have done this before, because his step never falters for a second. I have to break the kiss to breathe and he takes the opportunity to fish in his pocket for the key to the playroom. His hand tickles the underside of my leg as he gets it and he pushes me against the door as he unlocks it, letting me feel his very hard member in between my legs.

Finally, I hear the door unlock and he pushes us in, unwrapping my legs from around him. He lets me down slowly, kissing me again, until my feet are planted on the floor. "Get undressed and wait for me by the bed."

His voice is husky and deep with desire and I can feel the wetness gathering in my panties. I quickly undress, watching him walk over to the dresser against the wall. He starts up some music, a beautifully slow number with the piano overshadowing anything else. I go and stand by the bed, trying to not watch him as I hear the drawers open and shut. I'm so curious as to what he's going to do to me and the anticipation is making me my mouth go dry, but having the exact opposite effect on my vagina. I'm already throbbing and all he's done is kiss me. He turns to me finally and takes his shirt off before gathering whatever it is he has pulled out.

"I'm going to blindfold you, Katniss, make sure you can't see what I'll do to you, but it'll heighten the feeling of everything else." He says and I turn around before he asks me to. I'm excited by this. The blindfold is silky against my face and he tightens it. I feel rather than see him waving his hand in front of me. "Okay, kneel up on the bed, keep your legs spread wide."

I do as he asks, placing my hands in front of me to feel where I'm at. I spread my legs wide like he's asked. "Good girl. All ready for me, I see too I like that, Miss Everdeen."

Oh great, apparently in here, we're going to be all formal again. I let my head drop. He tugs on my braid, "Keep your head up, Miss Everdeen."

I feel his hand running across my back, down my spine and then, WHAP! He spanks me hard and quick, and then rubs my butt cheek softly. "I do like how your skin turns pink so quickly, Miss Everdeen. Let's make sure you have a matching set."

WHAP! To the other side. I'm pushed forward a little and he grabs onto one of my legs. "Do try and stay still, otherwise I'll have to put you over my knees again."

I feel him blow a cool breathe over my cheeks before he begins to caress them again. I can feel his legs down by my feet, or at least the fabric of his pants. He hits each cheek three more times, of course rubbing them each time in between. It surprises me when I suddenly feel one of his fingers slide into me and my body jerks involuntarily. He pulls his finger out, and slides it between and up my flaming cheeks. I clench my butt together, this does not get me excited, just makes me think how sticky I'll be.

"Don't like that, Miss Everdeen?" I shake my head, so he instead rubs my bottom again. "Okay, I'll leave that alone then. Maybe some other time I can convince you of how pleasurable it can be."

I turn my head listening for him as he has gotten very quiet. I can hear the music of course and his breathing is a little harder. I hear what seems to be small metal things clank together. "We'll try these then."

I feel his hand come up from around my back, wrapping around to my breasts. He pinches my nipples between his fingers, making sure they are nice and hard. "Perfect."

Then with the other hand, I feel him wrap around and then my nipples are clamped with what feels like a clothespin. The only reason I can guess that this is what he's putting on me is because I did it to the back of my hand once when I was little. It hurt then but this hurts a lot more but oddly enough, it's also making my center throb all the more. I suck in my breath and blow out slowly.

"No yelling out, very nice." He runs his hands down my stomach this time and quickly slides two fingers into me. I throw my head back, moaning and pushing myself back, trying to feel him behind me. With his one unoccupied hand, he pushes my butt forward. "No, now none of that. It will come, trust me on that."

He spanks each cheek two more times, his fingers still in me, making my center clench around them. It seems like it would be an awkward position for him, when I realize that he must be standing off to the side. I feel one side of the bed go down at that moment and know that he has put one knee up onto it because of how his arm shifts underneath my belly. He pulls his fingers out and I whimper, having enjoyed where they were. He rubs my cheeks once more, squeezing them with both hands before his hands leave me altogether.

I hear his pants zipper and smile, but try to hide my face as best I can away from where I think he is. I hear the foil ripping from a condom. "Lean your face down onto the bed and keep your legs spread open for me."

I feel his hands spread my nether lips wide and then his hot breath on me. He takes one long lick against me and I shudder as I feel him stand up behind me and place himself at my entrance. As he slowly enters me, he leans over and whispers into my ear, "You taste so good, Miss Everdeen."