KPOV

As I'm lying cuddled up in Christian's arms, I think about how afraid I was to meet him and how silly it seems now. Then I remind myself this is only the second day I've been with him. The second day! I know I didn't feel like this so quickly with Peeta. Hell, everyone knew it except him, at first anyways. But, I'm older now and I understand myself better because of everything I've been through. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

I pull myself back a little to look at Christian. He has that good sex glow about him. I'm thinking he's had that glow plenty in his life, though he kept his sex life very secret, so maybe no one knew? Seems a shame that he was so private, but I get that. If I hadn't been reaped, no one would know who I was and I would be fine with that. He turns his handsome face to mine and smiles.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks, sounding like a child almost.

I smile at him and prop myself up on my elbow. "Well, one, I'll have to shower again. Two, and mostly this, I'm trying to figure out why I was so afraid to meet you. You're nothing like I thought you would be. I mean, Johanna was really pretty cryptic about her whole experience with you. Sex and more sex, that's all I got from her."

"Yes, but we have had a lot of sex." Christian says as if he had to remind me.

I feel my face heat up and look down at the corner of the pillow, playing with it. "Well, yeah, but it's been more than that. Hasn't it?"

Uh-oh, I'm not sure if I should have said that, at least not out loud yet. Christian sits up and faces me, looking quite serious. His tone though is soft. "How do you mean?"

Now I'm not sure of myself, not sure if I should say what I've been thinking. I do it anyway; it can't really hurt, can it? I sit up, facing him, gathering the sheet in my hands to work out the nervousness. "Well, I mean, I….well, I was actually sad being away from you, when you had went to work. And then there's the feeling more comfortable with you than I've felt with anyone in a long time. And then the kissing….wow..the kissing…"

His smile is wide and infectious and now his tone really sounds like a happy child. "You were sad when I went to work?"

"That's all you paid attention to?" I retort, though that's a good one to start with. He inches towards me, so that our knees are almost touching. Nothing can keep the smile off his face now it seems.

He puts his hand in my hair, pulling my face close to his, "What about the kissing?" He breathes out, making me shiver. His lips touch mine ever so gently, ever so carefully tender. I could melt, melt right here and make a really messy puddle for Mrs. Jones to clean up.

Christian pulls back, looking into my eyes, into my soul. I only thought that Peeta could do that with his deep ocean blue eyes. It's not lost on me that I'm thinking about him right now while Christian is trying to figure out how I feel about him. I lick my lips, where his touched mine. "Was your wife the only woman you ever loved? I mean, not including family?"

"Yes. Well, she was my first love at least." He answers, keeping his hand on my chin, rubbing his thumb over my bottom lip. "Just as I'm sure your husband was yours."

I nod, "True. Do you think it's possible to fall in love as quickly as…well, like when Peeta fell in love with me? When I had no clue?"

He thinks about it for a moment, his thumb still caressing my lip. I want to bite the tip of it just because I can, but this is not the time. His answer will tell me so much. Finally, he nods, but I think he knew the answer as soon as I asked it. "Yes, I do believe in it. At least now I do. I should warn you though."

I automatically pull my head away, just a reaction, not intentional. "Warn me?"

"I can be a bit on the….obsessed side, if you will. Overprotective, overbearing, a lot of over the top I guess." He says, a shy, embarrassed smile teasing his lips.

"What do you mean? Obsessed?" Should I be scared now? I thought the rumpus room was the thing to be afraid of.

He takes his time, trying to figure out his words and crosses his legs in thought. At least he's very comfortable being naked and talking about this. "Well, I'll give you the back story on my wife. When I decided that I liked her, that I needed to see her again….well, I found out all that I could about her."

"That doesn't sound so bad." I admit, because it seems fair.

"No, not like I talked to some people to find out about her, but found out where she worked, lived, how much money she was making, her lifestyle, what kind of people she hung out with." He's watching for my reaction now. I nod, wanting him to continue. "I did this all without her knowing about it, before I went to see her again, I went looking for her and then ….and this is the really the bad part, I followed her."

I let out a deep breath, not even knowing I had been holding it. I bite my lip; I don't know what to say. He stalked his own wife before they were together. It's creepy, right? Not sweet, not even remotely romantic. And yet, he told me about it. I swallow and look him straight in the eyes, the same colored eyes as mine. "Did she know about it?"

"Not at first, but she figured it out and called me on it. Ana was a lot of things, but dumb was not on that list." He professes, his fingers playing with the sheets now too. Is he nervous about telling me this? "She told me I was overbearing a lot. I never gave her time to think about things, that I was too intense sometimes and she literally had to run away from me to get the time she needed to think. I couldn't even leave her alone to do that though."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Ana was from District 2 but had come here to live with her aunt to get better schooling. It was unheard of really, while Snow was in charge, but somehow they got it to work and I met her by sheer accident. I tried to make her become what you were here for initially but I overwhelmed her with how….how I was back then and she went to visit her mother to get time to think. I ended up making an excuse to go to District 2 and found her. Somehow I convinced her that I was falling head over heels for her, even though I had no idea what that meant."

"Okay…..now should I be afraid? Because no offense, but you're making yourself sound crazy." I state honestly. If he's going to be telling me the truth, it's only fair that I do the same.

He just smiles and nods, "I know I do. And I don't want to go through that again. But kind of unfortunately for you, I already know all about you. Well, except after your husband died. Actually, I guess after the rebellion and you were sent back home, no one really knew anything new pertaining to you except that you got married."

"Well, yeah, it's the unlucky part of being a Victor. Tours, cameras, interviews. It's annoying really and I'm glad it all ended. Honestly, nothing much happened when we went back. Peeta built another bakery, I hunted, and Haymitch raised geese." I don't want to bring up getting pregnant or losing Peeta though. That's a truth he already knows. "So, you're telling me that you literally drove your wife away because you were too…..much?"

"More or less. I really was bad about letting her have her own space and I tried to control practically every aspect of her life. But I didn't share with her like I'm doing with you. She really had to keep asking me questions."

"What wouldn't you share? And why are you doing it with me?" I shift myself so that I'm sitting up straighter, closer somehow and now our knees are touching.

Christian looks down at where we're touching and when I go to move, he looks up at me, "No, it's fine. This, here, I couldn't share that with her so quickly. I held a lot in, had nightmares because of it. I wouldn't let anyone touch me in certain places. You're getting a very different Christian Grey than she had. She called me her Fifty."

"Fifty? But you're what, not even thirty-five?" Just a hunch. Capitol people can look young forever if they wanted to.

"Thirty-three actually. It had nothing to do with age. I told her once that I was fifty shades of fucked up and I was. I am different now, you can ask anyone. Though my family still isn't really aware of my….sexual preferences. In fact until Ana came along, they assumed I was gay."

I burst out laughing. How could anyone think that this man is gay? Though if what he's saying is true and he was so controlling and a perfectionist, yeah, I guess. Not to mention how good-looking he is and how he can fill out any piece of clothing perfectly. I control my laughter, "You were really that bad?"

Christian smiles yet again, making my heart skip a beat this time. "No woman before Ana ever left my apartment with me. I would take my sister or mother to functions if necessary. But until Ana, none were actually ever seen with me. When your friend Finnick ratted out all those people I thought I might be questioned. Luckily, I don't swing that way."

"Yes, but Johanna could have gotten you into, well, not trouble, but she could have told people about your room." I tell him.

"Yes, but unlike the people Finnick spent time with, I didn't talk much and I guarantee even if I did, it had nothing to do with the Capitol." Christian simply states.

Somehow the factual statement makes me shiver and the thought of Johanna having been with Christian bothers me. It shouldn't, I didn't know him when she told me. Heck, I probably didn't even know her when she had been with him.

"So the women you were with after your wife died, you went out with them?" Same topic but yet different. I can't be too jealous of people I don't know.

Christian nods. "Yes, I took them to business dinners and balls. I drew the line at family functions though."

"Didn't want your family to know them?" I pry.

"No, I didn't want them getting attached in any way to women I had no real feelings for. Besides Ana and apparently you, I've never wanted to introduce any of the women that I had sex with to my family." He states putting his hand on my knee. "In fact, at tonight's dinner, you'll meet my brother and his wife. They have met the two women prior to you but also knew it wasn't serious."

I put my hand over his, turning it over and tracing the lines of his palm with my finger. Shyly, but purposefully so, I ask, "So we're serious?"

A very cute almost playful smile comes to Christian's pink lips. "Or just crazy."

I nod in total agreement, smile, and then shrug. "Could go either way."