Run and Hide

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything.

A/N: The uploader's being a pain in the butt. -_- Anyway, here's the first chapter. I was going to have this up earlier, but... well, see the 'pain in the butt' comment. LOL Things start moving a bit more, but it's still going to be a bit slow. Thanks for the reviews (and alerts!) for the first part; I'm happy that people didn't think it was boring. :)

Enjoy! :)

Chapter 1

Jamie finished his packing. He'd packed as light as possible, only carrying his hiking backpack with a couple of changes of clothes, a few toiletries, and a small lunch cooler with sandwiches, water, fruit, and some granola bars. He could always walk back to the main office if he felt he needed more food. There was a sandwich shop next door. His one-person tent and sleeping mat were attached to the sides of the pack, and his sleeping bag was hooked to the bottom. He grabbed his keys, shoved his feet into his hiking shoes, and grabbed his jacket on the way out the door. He nodded to the doorman as he left.

"Have a good weekend, Mr. Reagan." The doorman smiled at him. Jamie smiled back.

"Thank you. Please, call me Jamie. Mr. Reagan makes me sound like my father."

"Of course, Mr… Jamie."

Jamie laughed, then headed out to the parking lot. He placed his backpack into the backseat of his car. He had to make a couple of stops first before he could hit the road. He had to let his family know he was going to be away for the weekend.

Pulling out onto the main road, he drove to his father's house. He knew Frank was working a short shift today, so he'd likely be home, or at least he would be soon. He pulled up next to the familiar house and came to a stop. He walked to the front door, pulling his keys and fiddling with them to find the house key he always kept on his key ring. He quickly unlocked the door, stepping inside and closing it behind him.

"Who's there?" called a voice. "Are you home, Francis?"

"No Grandpa, it's Jamie." Jamie called.

"Jamie! Come in my boy!" Henry hurried towards his youngest grandson. "Can I get you some lunch? I was just putting on some soup. Your father should be here any minute."

"No thank you, Grandpa. I already ate."

"Well, come sit down then. Can I get you something to drink at least?"

Jamie had to laugh. His grandfather was always trying to play host, forgetting this was the house his grandchildren grew up in. They were capable of getting their own food and drinks. "No, Grandpa, I can't stay long. I'm just waiting for Dad."

"Everything okay, Jamie?" Henry asked in concern.

"Yeah, everything's fine." Jamie smiled in reassurance. "I'm going away for the weekend, and I'd like Dad to know that. That's all."

Henry looked surprised. "Okay. Who are you going with?"

Jamie gave a short pause. He never thought of the reaction he might get when he said he was going camping alone. In the Reagan family, solitude usually meant something wasn't right, and Jamie wasn't comfortable telling them everything that bothered him. Thankfully, he was saved by the arrival of his father.

"Pops, Jamie!" he called out in greeting, having seen Jamie's car out front.

"Hi, Francis. I've got soup on the stove."

"Smells great, Pop. Hi Jamie." Frank rounded the corner, taking off his coat as he went. He smiled at his youngest.

"Hey Dad." Jamie smiled in greeting.

"What brings you here? Going to stay for lunch?"

"No, I can't stay long. Dad, I'm going away for the weekend. Camping trip."

"Sounds fun. Who are you going with?" Frank asked, sitting down in his chair.

Jamie gave another short pause. "Actually… I'm going by myself." He braced himself for the surprise, followed by the concern he could practically see building up in both his father and grandfather.

"Camping? By yourself?" Henry asked incredulously.

"Pop…" Frank admonished. He looked at Jamie carefully, concern radiating from him. "Son, what brought this on?"

Jamie frowned slightly, trying to make it seem like it was no big deal. "Dad, it's nothing. I'm just going to go out to Angels Retreat for the weekend…"

"That solitude place? You know, you don't have to go there alone. Small groups go out there, too." Henry piped up. He was concerned for his grandson, but felt that going alone was a bit much. Jamie wasn't the type of person who wanted to do things alone… was he?

"Grandpa, it isn't a big deal. I just feel that I need some time alone…"

"We're Reagan's… we stick together, there's no need to..."

"Pop!" Frank interrupted his father. "Really, that's enough. Jamie… please talk to me. What's wrong?"

Jamie could feel anger starting to build up, but he pushed it down. "Dad… why does anything have to be wrong?" he argued. "I just want some time to myself. That's all."

"Alright, Jamie." Frank placated softly. "I'll go with you on that. You're a quiet person, you always have been. You do okay with people, and you're fine by yourself. I'm not questioning that."

"Then what?" Jamie asked, sounding slightly exasperated.

"Jamie… people don't just go out there on a whim, just to go camping. There are other places for that. It's called a retreat for a reason. People go there to find themselves. People go to find inner peace. That's the only reason why I question anything. Is there something wrong?" he finished point blank.

Jamie stared briefly at his father, not sure whether he should feel upset or not, before looking at his feet. He opened his mouth, then quickly shut it again. He glanced over at his grandfather who was looking at him in concern.

"Jamie." Frank prompted. "If it's the job, you know I'm not going to be disappointed if…."

"No!" Jamie interrupted quickly. "No Dad, I'm not getting cold feet. I still wouldn't change my decision for anything." That much was true. He felt truly connected to his police work; he loved helping people. He loved to make a difference, and he really did feel that he was making a difference, even if it was only minor such as helping a lost tourist.

"Then what?" Frank prompted again. He always worried about his children, and this time was no different. Especially when Jamie looked like he could break any second. He knew something was bothering his youngest, he could see it radiating from his eyes, read it on his face. He also knew he'd probably only get a half truth. Jamie may be one of the kindest people he had the pleasure of knowing, but he could also be the most stubborn. The thought that something bothered his son enough to send him into solitude, to give him a need to find that peace within himself, scared him. If Jamie needed to run, what could possibly be going through that mind of his? This was one of the times that Frank wished he could change the policy on off-duty guns… just in case. For the safety of all officers, of course, he told himself. Not just his own son.

Jamie glanced at his father again. He sighed. "I still love the job, I love making a difference… I don't love the other side of the job. The bad side. Personally seeing everything that I always knew was there, knowing what people are capable of… undercover work…" he trailed off, glancing at his feet again. "I don't like what the bad side does to me. I don't like how it makes me feel… what I'm afraid of turning into…" he trailed off again, afraid he'd said too much. He wasn't ready to go that far into his occasional nightly activities! He didn't want his father, and especially his grandfather, to even guess at them.

"Son…."

"I just need some time, Dad." Jamie interrupted. "Please." he said quietly, his face practically begging his father to understand. "Some time alone would be good for me. Away from the city. Away from work."

Frank nodded, caving in. "Alright, Jamie. I'll leave it for now." He emphasized 'for now' with a look. A look that clearly said 'this isn't over.'

Jamie gave a nod of understanding. He'd definitely said too much! He'd have to cross that bridge when he came to it. He stood up to leave. "Thanks Dad, grandpa. I'll be back in time for Sunday dinner."

Frank nodded. "Hey, Jamie?"

Jamie stopped walking towards the front door, turning to face his father. "Yeah?"

Concern continued to radiate from Frank's tensed body. "You know you can come to me for anything, right? It doesn't matter the time of day, you come to me. Any issue, any time." Frank glanced at his own father, who tossed him a knowing, understanding look.

Jamie felt his throat tighten. "I know, Dad." he choked out around the forming lump. "Thanks."

"And Jamie?"

"Yeah?"

"If you ever, ever find yourself staring at your gun in the darkness of your apartment… you get yourself over here. Don't stop to think about it. You come to me." Frank felt his own throat tighten at the words he wished he never had to say. He had said them to Danny, too, and it hadn't been any easier. He had been hoping to avoid them with his youngest. Unfortunately, luck was against him.

Jamie had to look away and swallow a few times before he could answer. Did his father really think he'd do that? That it was bad enough he'd even think about killing himself? Was it that bad? No, he assured himself, not fully convinced. It wasn't that bad. It couldn't be. "Yeah… I… I promise, Dad, but it's not that bad. That's not why I want to leave for a couple of days…"

"Glad to hear it." Frank said, sounding somewhat relieved, but not feeling the same. He still had an odd feeling in his gut, something telling him that there was something seriously wrong, but he just couldn't figure it out. He looked at Jamie. "Be careful, son." he murmured gently.

Jamie nodded. "I will, Dad. Bye, Grandpa."

"Bye, Jamie." Henry replied, looking like he wanted to say something else but had changed his mind. He just gave a weak smile to his grandson, squeezing his shoulder as he passed by. He had the same feeling as Frank, something inside him that wanted to pull Jamie back into the house, sit him down and never let him go. There was silence as they heard Jamie close the front door. "He'll be okay, Francis. He's strong. Whatever it is, he'll get through it."

"I know, Pops." Frank replied, still fighting the lump in his throat. He rubbed his hands together, fidgeting.

"And… maybe it's nothing. Maybe we're just being old fogies. Maybe he just wants a nice weekend to himself. He'll arrive at Sunday dinner refreshed and acting like himself again." Henry continued hopefully, the words sounding hollow to his ears.

"Sure." Frank replied, trying to sound cheerful. In reality, he remained unconvinced of his father words, and very convinced that his son was in a rather dark place. A place he should not be in alone.

~~TBC~~