Ah, the little Shepard is back. Welcome to hell.
This could not be happening.
Not again.
Oh, this is happening. This is definitely happening. And now you know, little Shepard, that I'm not a dream. I'm real. And I love you, little Shepard, even if you are a DIRTY FUCKING TRAITOR.
Everything was dark, she felt like she was swimming in unimaginably deep waters. She couldn't see him, but his voice echoed through her head. She could tell now the difference in their voices. Was she a traitor like he had said? What had she done?
I'm right, you know. I told you Cerberus brainwashed you. Don't you remember Admiral Kahoku? The rachni? Corporal Toombs?
Images before her followed her as she swam. The spider-like creatures crawling over Kahoku's body, Toombs being tortured by scientists with Cerberus patches.
Why was he showing her this? They were ugly, horrifying; but they didn't scare her. They made her remember. The shock on Kaidan's face when they found Kahoku; the disbelief at finding Toombs alive. The memories of a life she'd had before the Normandy. Growing up on Earth, learning how to shoot a gun by the older boys in the gang she ran with. The faces of her team on Akuze. The thresher maw. These were things Cerberus hadn't thought to mention; things that if not for this, she would've forgotten forever.
I will NOT be made a fool of, by you or anyone else. You will remember me and you will come back and live with me forever, little Shepard. THIS is not who I am.
The face of the man from Horizon was before her; Kaidan Alenko. He was smiling, laughing without a voice. He disappeared.
Kaidan Alenko is the Staff Lieutenant of the SSV Normandy. He is a biotic with L2 implants that on occasion give him severe migraines. He fell in love with you and has moved on with his life in the Alliance military since your death. I've asked contact with this man to be restricted due to a potential threat to your well-being.
Kaidan Alenko was in love with her? He'd been right about Cerberus' selective recollection, but Shepard without a memory knew better than to trust anyone who didn't trust an alien.
They're jerks and saints, just like us.
Don't forget that.
Goodnight, little Shepard.
Shepard awoke suddenly, gasping for air like she'd really been under water this whole time. The sudden commotion awoke Garrus, who'd finally lost his battle against sleep in the chair next to her cot. The med bay was cold and reminded him of a prison cell when it was only him, but he wasn't able to leave Shepard's side. After Miranda had carried her onto the shuttle, she'd gone dark in the eyes and refused to move. Miranda had tried desperately to snap her out of it, telling Garrus over and over she'd advised the Illusive Man against contact with Alenko; that she's known this was going to happen. Then the screaming started, screaming to help her; that she was drowning and stuck and she couldn't escape. She struck out suddenly and uncontrollably, hitting Miranda and kicking her in the shoulder. Garrus had to push her down, hold her arms and legs to the ground and fight against her thrashing. Her eyes had been dilated to the point that they were filled with blackness. She was clearly not conscious. When they'd gotten her on board, Mordin had stuck her with a large amount of sedative, dropping her immediately.
"Garrus?" she said, feeling heavy as she tried to sit up and assess a dark room nervously. Garrus felt like he'd been slipped a sedative as well, everything seemed to move slowly.
"I'm here, Kait," he said, reaching out and touching her hand. She relaxed a little.
"I'm sorry for not telling you about… you know," she said, leaning back into her pillow. Garrus was worried he was going to get too used to seeing Shepard so vulnerable.
"I was ashamed of it, and I was hoping it would come back to me sooner or later. Little bits and pieces do, all the time. I'm just waiting on the big picture."
"You're in the big picture, Kait," Garrus replied, thinking of what Miranda had said to him before they touched down on Horizon "This is who you are now, and-"
The med bay doors opened, and a messy-haired Kelly Chambers stepped through. She was in a matching pajama set with little clouds on them, and she looked nervous.
"I'm sorry to burst in, I know you said no one had better bother you or the Commander, but… there's someone on comm looking for you, Garrus. Jacob's been trying to tell him you're not available but he says he's… not interested in lies and he's causing a commotion," she said, attempting to smooth out her hair a little. Garrus sighed. He knew this was coming. He stood, letting Shepard's hand go. She frowned a little.
"I'll be back in a moment, Kait," he said simply.
"This is the first time he's left your side since they brought you in, Commander," Kelly added, in an attempt to offer support.
"Then he's seen enough of my face for a while. I'd like to be in my cabin, if you'd be kind enough to lend me hand, Ms. Chambers," Shepard said, smiling a little at Garrus. He nodded, taking leave of the room as Kelly helped Shepard to her feet.
"With all due respect, sir, I can't help you. I've told you, Chief Gunnery Officer Garrus Vakarian is not available to take a comm chat with you. If you would like me to let him know you're seeking to speak with him, I can do that."
Garrus stood outside the door of the comm room, listening carefully to the conversation at hand. Jacob sounded like he was straining to keep himself professional, probably a first in his book.
"And with all due respect to you, you little Cerberus punk, I know you're lying to me and if you continue to do so, I will not hesitate to use my power to bring the hammer of the Alliance navy down on you and your insignificant little renegade organization. Give me Vakarian. Now."
Kaidan was a persistent bastard; Garrus had to give him that.
"Look, I don't know who you are and I frankly don't care; but you're not going to speak to anyone acting like a complete-"
Garrus stepped into the room. Jacob turned back to him, Kaidan smirked. He'd gotten his way; the spoiled little brat.
"I'll take this from here, Mr. Taylor; thank you for attempting to spare me this inevitable conversation. Dismissed."
Jacob was more than grateful to leave. Garrus took his place, folding his arms and staring at Kaidan's holographic form. He had the advantage here; Garrus couldn't shoot him if he said anything too stupid.
"Tell me," Kaidan stated, stepping back a little. He seemed to be preparing for something. Garrus wasn't sure what.
"I've already told you what you need to know, Alenko. Why are you clogging the comm line and harassing the crew? What is it you want?"
"Why did she react to me that way? Why didn't they tell her who I am? Do they make it a habit to omit vital information? Perhaps that they're responsible for a lot of evil things?"
"Your first mistake," Garrus said, scratching the side of his face "is thinking you are vital information. Secondly, I don't know why. I didn't know she was alive until she found me fighting for my own life on Omega. And no, they didn't tell her about the things we saw them do. But she doesn't trust them of her own accord. Just because she doesn't remember her life doesn't mean she isn't Shepard."
"It means she's easily molded," he added, mirroring Garrus by folding his arms. Garrus was trying his best not to get angry. How could a man who claimed he loved Shepard act like she was some kind of gullible idiot?
"I'm not letting her be 'molded' by anyone," Garrus replied shortly.
"What exactly is your interest in all this, Vakarian? I know you've always admired the Commander, but she… well, she never paid that much attention to you."
Snap.
"You don't know anything. And my interest in Kaitlyn or her interest in me is absolutely none of your fucking business, Alenko. I think we're done here." Garrus turned his back to Kaidan ,who smirked a little; knowing he'd gotten a rise out of Garrus meant he had won. Garrus held off from hitting the End button.
"And for the record, she said I was better."
Whether that ever got back to Shepard or not, it was worth it. Kaidan looked in a mix of shock and excruciating anger. Who'd really won?
End.
Garrus Vakarian is on his way up to your cabin, Commander. Shall I let him in?
Shepard pulled her nightgown over her head, wincing slightly in pain. There was something about wearing lacey silk that made her feel feminine. Maybe it was because she spent the other 99% of her life in armor. Maybe it was because it just felt soft, and living a life as hard as Shepard's was; she deserved a little softness every once in a while.
"Let him in, EDI," she replied. The door opened, and Garrus stepped through.
"How're you feeling, Commander?" he asked, sounding pre-occupied.
"It's Kaitlyn, Garrus. And I'm fine. How about you? You seem bothered," she wanted to move closer to him, but he willed the distance between them.
"That was Kaidan demanding to speak to me on comm," he said, meeting eyes with her.
"Right. So, tell me. This Kaidan Alenko, he used to like me or something?"
Garrus couldn't help but laugh at that. It was amusing, ironic; he would be the one to tell her how in love she used to be with Kaidan; and how it made him feel then was nothing compared to how it made him feel now.
"Please tell me, Garrus. Cerberus put things in my head I needed to know. But there are things I want to know too."
Her voice was serious. She deserved to know. And who on this ship could tell her better than Garrus? She took a seat on her bed, and he took the chair across from it.
"Well," he began, rubbing the back of his neck "You didn't like him at first, you thought he was pretty uptight. Then you met me, and realized he wasn't so bad in comparison. I think for him it was… what do you humans call it? 'Love at first sight'. Williams used to make fun of him for it when you weren't around. I think she was always a little envious on that front. I guess Alenko wasn't a bad looking human. He was just afraid to act on his feelings, since you were his commanding officer and all. But eventually, he got bolder; and you liked his attention, I suppose. You… spent a night with him. I'm not sure what you did, but I'm sure you can guess."
She didn't need to guess. She remembered. His stern face when she gave him orders, his smile at her playful flirtations. A sharp pain in her head staggered her for a moment. She wasn't supposed to remember him. The figure that haunted her took his form because he was the most important figure in her life. The one that could hurt her the most.
"He was sitting beside me on the shuttle, broke his hand hitting the harness that held us in. He cried. We all did. Except for Wrex, you know Krogans don't have tear-ducts. But I'm sure he would have. Well, maybe not…" Garrus trailed off awkwardly; it must've been hard for him to remember these things.
"The explosion dislodged my oxygen tank. It's funny to think about. I thought I'd die on the field, fighting for my fellow soldiers in some moment of glory, or even just return fire I couldn't avoid. But I died in darkness, choking for breath. I remembered it. It was all I remembered. Why would I only remember how I died? Was it more important than my entire life? More important than remembering someone who loved me? More important than my life on Earth, my tours with the Alliance, anything you've told me? Now, what's in front of me is the most important thing in my life. Saving the colonies, defeating the Collectors, and you."
Garrus looked up at her. He was important? Top three, even. Last night had seemed like forever ago in his head, and she'd been uninterested in even thinking about it until now.
"I don't know how I was before, Garrus. But this is who I am now. And I don't know where I'd be without you. Thank you for taking care of me and keeping my head clear. With you covering my six, I'm confident we can defeat anyone in our path. I want you by my side, Garrus Vakarian."
She got up, moved over until she was only centimeters from him. All of her before him, again tonight. If he was getting another moment, he wasn't letting her get away this time.