Later in the afternoon, as Lisa pored over Chapter 23 of Unnerving Darkness while on a bench near the playground, a trio of toughs confronted her. "Hey, Bart's sister," said Dolph with a haughty air. "We saw you talking to that African kid in the cafeteria."

"He's not African," said the girl coolly. "He's from Asia."

"Whatever country he's from," said Jimbo, "I'd stay away from him if I were you. I mean, who knows what diseases he brought with him? Hepatitis, tuberculosis, genital herpes…"

Lisa inserted a Malibu Stacy bookmark between the pages before carefully closing her book. "I'm not the least bit worried," she told the youth. "After all, I'm obviously immune to everything you carry."

Jimbo made the expression of a deer gaping at a UFO. "She just dissed you, man," said Kearney to his long-haired friend. "Are you gonna let that stand?"

"No way, dude," said Jimbo with resolve. "Let's teach her a lesson."

"Yeah," said Dolph, nodding. "And when we're done, let's beat her up."

"Ga-hoy," said Lisa, tugging at her collar. "You wouldn't hurt a girl, would you?"

The three boys looked at each other. "She's got us, dudes," said Kearney. "How are we gonna justify this to the Bullies' Union?"

"There's nothing in the charter that forbids attacking a girl psychologically," Dolph pointed out.

"Dude, you're right," said Jimbo. Aiming a wicked smirk towards Lisa, he snarled, "Your face looks like the mutant offspring of Ron Perlman and a warthog, your boobs will never get any bigger than they are, and nobody will ever, ever want to marry you, except for Milhouse!"

"Stop it!" cried Lisa, squirming in agony. "For God's sake, stop!"

"Let me have a shot," Kearney chimed in. "You could've saved the whales, Lisa. The pandas, too. Now they're all gone, and it's your fault, because nobody will listen to a horse-faced little girl whose breath smells like a landfill after it rains!"

Lisa's anguished protests caught the attention of the kids on the jungle gym, including Vladimir, who hopped to the ground and hurried in her direction. "You will kindly stop tormenting Miss Lisa Simpson," he demanded of the three bullies.

"Looky there," said Dolph petulantly. "It's the boy who was kicked out of his own country for not flushing."

"Let's rip him to pieces," said Jimbo.

"Dibs on the drumsticks!" said Kearney.

They approached Vladimir with greedy hands, but he simply stared at them, his blue pupils seeming to hang in the air independently of his eyes. "You have to go to the little girls' room," he said in an eerie tone.

"Funky, man," said Jimbo, slowly backing away. "How's he doing that?"

"I dunno," said Kearney, "but I…I gotta powder my nose."

"Me, too," said Dolph. "Last one to the girls' room is a rotten egg!"

They scurried away, leaving Lisa alone with Vladimir and greatly astonished. "You…how'd you…" she struggled to say.

The Karjakistani lad grinned, his canines reflecting the sun. "The power of suggestion is an effective weapon against the weak-minded," he told Lisa.

"I don't believe it," said the girl, shaking her head.

"Allow me to demonstrate," said Vladimir. Peering strangely at her, he intoned, "You will stand up, you will come to me, and you will kiss me on the lips."

The words startled Lisa. "I'll do no such thing," she stated firmly. "Maybe in Karjakistan you can ask a girl you hardly know to kiss you, but in our country there's a little thing called courtship."

"You will come to me, and you will kiss me," the boy repeated.

"Hmph," said Lisa, folding her arms.

"Remarkable," said Vladimir, his expression softening. "Never before have I met a girl with so strong a will."

He turned on his heel, only to see Bart's face advancing toward him. The two boys' lips pressed together awkwardly.

"What the…" Lisa blurted out in horror.

The kiss ended as quickly as it had begun. Bart blinked a few times and strained to keep his jaw from falling. "I, uh, have no idea why I didn't do the thing I didn't just do," he said, bewildered.

To be continued