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***NOTICE – IFYOUHAVENOTALREADYREADCHAPTER17,STOPNOW!***

The song for this Outtake is "Falling" by Tyrone Wells

OuttakeforChapter17 – WhatWasHeThinking?

Edward'sPointofView:

As I watched Bella sleeping in my arms in the cab, I wondered how I was ever going to be able to leave her behind the next morning. I knew without a doubt that I wanted to wake up beside her for the rest of my life.

I gazed out the windows at the streets of New York City, wondering if there was a 24 hour jewelry store here. I thought about asking the taxi driver, but I didn't want to wake her and I knew Peter and Garrett were anxious to get back to the hotel. Peter had been telling me that we needed to leave for the past two hours, but I was stuck dealing with the some of the executives from my record label and a few big name reporters. I couldn't exactly tell them all to take a hike. My contract with this record label was up after this European tour and even though I had stopped and talked to a few other record labels on my way across the country, I didn't want to piss them off until I had a better offer.

The taxi driver pulled up in front of the hotel, so we all piled out while Peter paid. Bella was dead on her feet. I had to practically carry her into the building and did have to hold her up in the elevator.

I put her to bed and sat there looking at her beautiful face for a few minutes, trying to figure out how I was going to make it without her and how I could convince her to wait for me. I wanted her to come with me, but she already had tour dates booked for her return trip across the country. I couldn't ask her to walk away from her first tour as a headliner just to accompany me. Even I'm not that selfish.

I decided that my best option to make her mine was to ask her to marry me. That realization floored me. Never in my life did I think I would ever find a woman that I couldn't imagine myself living without. Before Bella came into my life, I had always thought that pussy was pussy. I liked it. It was easy enough to come by. I just got tired of all of the bullshit that was attached to easy pussy. It was like playing Russian roulette with your dick, even if I did wear a condom every time. It also seemed like if I gave a woman an orgasm, she acted like we were mated for life.

I thought it was different with Tanya. She and I had an understanding. We were just friends that used each other for sex. There was nothing emotional between us. At least that's what I thought, until she suddenly decided that she wanted more. Of course she waited until the worst possible time to say something.

She had called and asked if she could come over, which was her way of saying that she wanted to have sex. I told her that I had something else going on later that night, but I didn't have to leave for a few hours, so she was welcome to drop by if she wanted.

She showed up wearing something she would probably be arrested for wearing in public. We didn't waste any time with the small talk, but that wasn't uncommon for us. She knew I had a short window of time, so an hour of bull shit conversation would just cut into fucking time.

We didn't even bother heading into the bedroom either. After we were done, she casually stated, "My apartment lease is coming up for renewal next month."

I didn't understand where she was going with that, so I said, "Okay." I looked at the clock and saw that I had to leave in less than 15 minutes. I was stepping into my pants as I told her, "Sorry Tanya, I have run."

She started getting dressed. "You know, we wouldn't have to rush if I just stayed here."

I still didn't get the hint, so I asked, "Why would you want to hang out here while I'm at dinner with my parents?"

"Why don't you take me with you? I like your parents."

I was getting irritated. "It's a family dinner, Tanya. You're not family."

She stepped into her shoes and huffed, "Let's just cut the shit, Edward. I need to know if I should bother renewing my lease or not. Are we just spinning our wheels here, or are we growing as a couple? I don't want to sign a new lease if I'm going to end up moving in here with you."

"When did we become a couple? That wasn't part of the agreement."

She walked over and tried to kiss me. "Edward, you can't tell me that you don't feel something for me. We have been exclusive for too long for me to believe that you don't like me at least a little."

I backed up to put some space between us. "Don't kid yourself, Tanya. I made it very clear when we started this thing that it was just sex. You agreed to that. We don't date. We don't spend any time together that's not work related. Hell, we don't even really talk. We work together and fuck. That's it. That's all it ever will be. You're not coming to family dinners and you sure as hell aren't moving in with me."

She snatched up her purse and screamed, "You're an asshole, Edward Cullen!"

I grabbed my wallet and keys. "And this asshole is running late."

When she stormed out the door and drove away, I felt nothing. Two days later, when she called to officially end our non-existent relationship and quit the band, I felt nothing. The first time I had to take matters into my own hands, rather than calling her up, I felt no big loss.

But the first time I saw Bella perform on stage, I felt the ice in my veins start to melt. It was an amateur YouTube video that she emailed to me. When I received the email, I initially thought it was just another fan letter so I ignored it, but then I was trying to clean my mail box out later and came across it again. I was getting ready to send back my standard reply of "Thank you for your support," when I noticed that it wasn't a fan letter at all. It was an apology.

When I read the email, I was irritated, but not mad. I remember how difficult it was for me when I was just starting off. She had included a link to the video of her singing my song, so I opened it to see how badly she'd butchered it. I was shocked to see that she actually did the song incredibly well, almost as good as me.

That piqued my interest, so I searched for other videos. I found another one that was filmed from much closer up. In that video I could actually see her face. She looked incredibly familiar to me, but I just couldn't place her.

I found out as much as I could about her and her band, which wasn't much. There was a basic band bio that the radio station posted to help sell tickets to their show. There were five different amateur videos taken of the concert and an autographed picture of the band on eBay. I actually bid on the picture, but someone beat my bid at the last second. That would have really pissed me off, but the person that put the original picture on eBay used such a high resolution scanner when he scanned the photo that I was able to print a pretty good replica without having to own the real thing.

A few days after I printed the picture, Peter stopped by the house to do a security check and replace a faulty window sensor for my house alarm. It kept reading that the window was open when it wasn't. Part of the security check included doing a scan of my computer to make sure no one has penetrated my system and loaded anything on my computer without my knowledge. It may sound paranoid, but it had happened to me four times so I thought it was better to be safe than sorry.

While checking my computer, Peter saw the picture of Bella and her band that I had sitting on my desk. "Swan Dive? I've never heard of them. Are they any good?"

"They're decent. Hey, you wouldn't happen to know where I know the lead singer from, do you?"

He picked up the picture and took a closer look. "Isn't that the girl that nut checked you in Seattle?"

Peter has always had a much better memory than me. After he pointed out where I knew her from, I could recall the brief conversation that I had with her like it had just happened yesterday. For a few weeks that followed, I kept running the conversation through my head over and over. I even started singing "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison in the shower. It was pathetic.

By Christmas, I had convinced myself that I was just horny, so I broke down and called Tanya. She asked me if I loved her. I told her no, so she hung up on me. I contemplated going out and picking up a fan girl, but changed my mind. I really didn't want to deal with that shit.

For Christmas, Peter picked me up Bella's CD as a joke. I laughed, but it was probably the best gift I got that year. I was surprised to see that she had gone solo and was very impressed with her music.

A week later, on New Year's Eve, Tanya showed up at my house completely out of the blue. She was wearing nothing but a trench coat and high heels. When I opened the door, she said, "I know you miss me, Edward, so I figured I would come by and help you ring in the New Years."

Before I could say anything, she launched herself at me and attached her lips to my mouth. When she finally came up for air, I said, "Tanya, you really should have called. Peter and the guys are on their way over to pick me up for a party. They are going to be here any minute."

She made sure to open the coat a little wider, so I could see that she was naked. "I think you can skip the party, Edward. Stay here with me. After all, aren't you're supposed to ring in the New Year doing the thing that you want to be doing the rest of the year?"

Just then, the limo pulled into the driveway. I looked at the limo and then back at Tanya. I really wanted to get laid, but I didn't want her to think I was doing it because I liked her. Besides, some very important people would be at this party. "Sorry, Tanya, I have to go. The guys are waiting for me."

I closed the door behind me and locked it as she stood there with her mouth hanging open. When I turned around, she pulled her coat together and tied the belt. "You're making a big mistake, Edward Cullen. You will not have this opportunity again. If you stay here with me, I'm willing to forgive you for being so insensitive and we can go back to working on our relationship. If you climb in that car and drive off, we are through for good. Do you understand me?"

I kissed her cheek and said, "Thanks, for stopping by. I hope you have a happy New Year, Tanya."

I climbed into the car wondering if I had just made a mistake or not. I really didn't want a relationship with Tanya. I wanted Bella, but that wasn't very likely. I had no idea where she was, if she was married or dating someone, whether or not she would even be slightly interested in me, or if she was really a flaming bitch in real life. All I knew was that I was attracted to her and I liked her music.

I got to see her at the New Year's Eve party on the simulcast feed from Seattle. I couldn't believe my eyes. I wanted to jump through the screen and talk to her, but of course that would have been impossible. The cameraman in Seattle kept scanning the room, so I only got glimpses of her every now and then, but I waited patiently and was eventually rewarded when the asshole reporter stopped to interview her. I was even more taken by the fact that she was so candid. There was nothing fake about her and I found it refreshing.

We had a brief interaction through the miracles of technology which left me floating on a cloud for the following few weeks. Peter accused me of having a crush on her. Maybe he was right.

A couple of days into the new year, I was called into a meeting with my record label. The CEO of the company wanted to speak with me directly. He pointed out that I had not fulfilled my obligation for the required number of public performances that I had committed to do under this contract and time was running out. He offered me a chance to eliminate a few of those obligations by doing a private performance for his daughter's Bat Mitzvah. I was pissed. I'm not a puppet that jumps whenever told to and I sure as hell don't do little girl's parties.

I talked to my mom and decided to do another tour, this time going overseas. This would easily fulfill my contract obligations and give me a chance to help out a few good causes in the process. When we really started planning the tour, mom asked who I wanted for an opening band. Usually you pick a small band from your same record label, but I wanted something different. I wanted Bella. Her music was new and fresh. She had a really popular hit on the radio stations across the country, so I thought she would be a good fit. It didn't hurt that I wanted to get to know her a little better.

The tour was incredible. Bella was incredible. She brought a renewed sense of excitement and wonder to the tour that even Aro noticed. The band loved her. Even Glenn, the bus driver, loved her. How could I not love her too?

She was smart, beautiful, talented, witty, and had a heart of gold. She seemed to be a genuinely good person. We hit it off right away, so it didn't surprise me that we ended up becoming intimate. What did surprise me was how much better it was with her than any other girl I've ever been with. Just holding her hand was better than most blow jobs I've ever had, so you can imagine how much I enjoyed the sex.

The more time I spent with her, the more my feelings changed from a crush with minor stalker tendencies to all out adoration. I was completely smitten by the time we reached New York. If I were being honest with myself, I would say that I had fallen long before that. Probably down in Texas.

That's why I sat staring at the woman sleeping in my bed in this expensive New York City hotel room contemplating how I was going to propose to her and whether or not I had time to go get a ring in the morning.

I figured it would be a good idea to walk down to the concierge's desk to find out what time the jewelry stores opened, so I stepped back into my shoes and headed out the door. Just as I stepped into the hall, Peter opened the door to his room. "Are you packed?"

"Umm, not yet."

"Edward, we don't have time to fuck around. We have to be in a taxi on the road to the airport in ten minutes. I suggest you get your shit together or you're going to have to leave it behind."

"I thought we weren't flying out until late this afternoon."

"No, Edward. The tickets say AM not PM. We leave now. That's why I was pushing you to leave the party. We have to get out of here. I suggest you change clothes and grab your things. You can sleep on the plane."

I felt my heart sink. "What about Bella?"

"Her band was at the show, remember? They're going to pick her up in the morning. She'll be fine sleeping until they come for her."

My emotions were choking up my voice, so I barely managed to squeak out, "I can't leave her, Peter. I was heading out to get a ring..."

Peter put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Edward, you're not seriously thinking about marriage, are you? You've only known her a couple of months. Have you two even said that you love each other yet?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Don't you think you need to cover that part first? What if she doesn't feel the same?" He looked down at his watch. "We don't have time for this emotional shit right now. We have to leave right now."

Just then everyone started coming out of their rooms with their luggage. Garrett told Peter that the limo was waiting downstairs for us, so he started leading everyone down the elevator. Peter looked at his watch and said, "You have two minutes. Go!"

I turned and stepped back into the room. I didn't even bother changing. I could do that on the airplane. I shoved everything into my carry-on. We had shipped all of the rest of our luggage ahead of us. I jotted a quick note for Bella and left it on the bathroom counter. I wanted to tell her how I felt, but I didn't think that was something I should put in a note, so I sat beside her on the bed and said, "Bella, I know you're tired, but can you please listen to me for a minute?"

She nodded her head, but didn't open her eyes.

"Bella, I was wrong about our flight time. I have to leave now, but I didn't want to go without telling you that I'm going to miss you."

She nodded her head again, so I figured she understood what I was saying.

"Good luck on your tour. I love you." I kissed her softly on the lips as Peter knocked on the door.

I got up and slipped quietly out of the room as tears started rolling down my cheek. Peter handed me some tissue that he had stuffed in his pocket and led me to the elevator.

"Don't worry, Edward. She's a tough girl. She's going to be fine. Besides, if you really are meant to be together, she will still be there when you get back. You don't want to rush into something like marriage too fast. It never ends well. Maybe this break is what the two of you need to put things into perspective."

I nodded in agreement, but my heart was still breaking, so I couldn't bring myself to say the words.

Peter led me to the elevator, but when we got inside, he didn't press the button for the ground floor. He turned to me and said, "Edward, I know you don't want to hear this, but it has to be said. You have to get your head straight. You have been so focused on Bella, that you've been neglecting the band. Did you even pay attention when Marcus asked if you would be his best man? You nodded, but you weren't listening. Did you pick up on the fact that Gianna thought she was pregnant for the first month of the tour? Two weeks ago, she got her period, so it turns out that it was a false alarm, but Aro was crushed. He really wants a baby. He tried talking to you about it, but you changed to subject back to what Bella was doing. You have never been this way before, Edward. You have always been focused on your goals, not your girls. That's why you have been such a success."

He was right. I had been a little too preoccupied. I couldn't let this thing between me and Bella ruin my career. I had a tour to focus on. The band needed me. If I fucked everything up, it would affect them as well as me. They weren't just my friends, they were my employees. They were counting on me to support them emotionally as well as financially. If I fucked everything up, I was fucking it up for their entire families. There was a lot riding on my ability to keep my eye on the prize.

"I'm sorry, Peter. I didn't realize how much I was missing. I guess my focus has been a little off lately. Is everything okay with your mom?"

"She's a mean old bitch, Edward. There are other things you may have missed too. Garrett is in love with the waitress from Texas. When we finish the tour, he's going back down there to spend some more time with her. Demetri convinced Caius to come to Europe with us, but he can only stay for three weeks then he has to go back to Australia. Jane apparently got a boob job while she was down in Texas, but no one has said anything about it."

I tried to think back to when I last paid attention to what Jane even looked like. "Really? I didn't even notice."

Peter laughed, "Are you kidding? Those things turn the corner before she does. She went from a B cup to a double D. On her scrawny frame, it looks ridiculous. I think she had her teeth whitened too."

I laughed, "I can't believe I missed that. I guess I really did have my head in the sand. I promise I'm going to be more focused. I'll deal with my emotional issues when I get back."

Peter punched the button for the ground floor. "That sounds like a good plan. Now, let's get out of here."

A/N:OK,nowyouknowwhatEdwardwasuptowhenhewashavingthosemeetingswithoutBella.He'slookingforanewrecordlabel.Hedoesn'tliketheonehe'scurrentlywith.Hedoesn'treallyneedthemoney,buthisrecordlabelhashimcornered,sohedecidedtodoatourtoraisemoneyforcharities.Thisfulfilshisobligations.Heishopingthatoneoftheotherlabelsthathemetwithwillmakehimanofferandhecanleavetherecordlabelheiscurrentlywith.

Onasidenote,Edwardhasneverhadaseriousrelationshipbefore,sohereallydoesn'tknowwhathe'sdoing.HelovesBella,butheisunderalotofpressureandtendstoletotherpeopleinfluencehisdecisionsalittletoomuch.Healsotendstojumpintothingstooquicklyandwithoutmuchthought.Heknowsthisabouthimself.

Do you agree with Peter? Is 2 months to short of time to know someone before you propose? I knew my first husband for 6 months before we got married.