Run and Hide
Disclaimer: Same as always, I don't own anything to do with the show.
A/N: Thanks for reading! :) Honestly, I'm not sure if this stuff is getting boring or not now that the action is gone - just because I'm interested in a subject doesn't mean that anyone else is LOL. ;) On another note, if stories were TV shows/movies, I think I've found the theme song for mine. ^_^
Enjoy. :)
Chapter 12
The leftover food had been put away and the dishes cleaned up. Erin and Linda had gone into the living room with cups of coffee. Nicki had taken her laptop into the den to get some studying done. Jack and Sean had gone upstairs. Only the males of the family remained at the kitchen table, Frank and Henry drinking coffee, Danny another beer. Jamie was fiddling with another water bottle. There was an awkward silence as each man tried to come up with something to talk about. They were saved by the arrival of Jack and Sean.
"Uncle Jamie!" Sean puffed, tugging on Jamie's shirt sleeve. "We got a new video game for our NintendoDS! Come play with us!"
"Please Uncle Jamie?" Jack pleaded. "We're really stuck on this next part and you could help us!"
"Boys, leave your uncle alone. He's tired and doesn't want to play your game right now." Danny admonished. Jamie shot him a look.
"And maybe if your father would let your uncle speak for himself, he'd tell his nephews he'd love to join them." Jamie smiled at them before shooting Danny another frustrated look.
"Yay!" The boys took off towards the stairs. Jamie grinned after them, getting up to follow.
"You really don't have to, Jamie…" Danny started.
"And maybe I actually want to, Danny." Jamie said, sighing. "Maybe I'd like to actually spend some much-needed, very-missed time with my nephews."
Danny swallowed. "Right… sorry, kid. I just thought you might be tired. They can be exhausting."
"They're not the only ones." Jamie mumbled, walking out of earshot as he headed towards the stairs.
Danny stared after him. "Did either of you catch that?"
"Nope." Henry sighed. Frank shook his head, his eyes following his youngest son as he walked away.
"He picked at his food." Frank said, mostly to himself.
"He ate everything, plus seconds and dessert." Danny defended his brother.
"He spaced out a lot." Henry said, agreeing with his son. Danny sighed reluctantly, nodding. He'd noticed it, too. Jamie would appear to be involved, then there would be a lull in conversation as everyone concentrated on eating. Jamie would slow down, his eyes often gaining a distant, unfocused quality. Conversation would pick up again, and he'd start focusing, acting as if nothing happened.
"I wish he'd talk to us." Danny mumbled.
"When he's ready." Frank reminded him, his mind wholeheartedly agreeing with his oldest son.
~~BB~~
Jamie had given up on the video game; he figured that it would be easy, as kid's games usually were, but this one turned out to be a lot more confusing than he thought. His brain hurt just thinking about it. His nephews had given up as well, opting to play a short game of basketball instead. They had tried to get him to join them, but he declined the offer. He didn't think his body was up to running and jumping just yet. He wandered past the den where Nicki was working on homework; she managed to rope him into helping her with some math. His brain was really throbbing by the time he left and wandered into the living room where the rest of his family sat. The boys had given up their basketball game in less than half an hour and were sitting on the floor, engrossed in their game again. Jamie sat in the nearest empty chair, only half-listening to the conversation around him. It was barely eight-thirty in the evening and he was already wishing that he could just go back up to his room to rest.
Words and sounds were starting to mix together into one loud buzz. His eyes wanted to close but he forced them to stay open. Finally, he couldn't stand to sit there anymore; it was getting warmer in there as the minutes passed by, and he was starting to feel closed in. He got up as calmly as possible, quietly heading out towards the back door. He slipped out onto the patio.
He leaned on the wall overlooking the yard, breathing in the cool night air. The wind whistled through the trees, teasing his hair. It smelled like rain. He felt his senses start to wake up again now that he was away from the noise and confusion. He heard the back door open and close softly. Another water bottle was placed on the ledge beside him. He glanced at his father.
"Thanks, Dad." he said, reaching for it. He fiddled with the top. He was really starting to hate the sight of bottles.
"You okay, son?" Frank asked, giving Jamie a quick once-over. He looked pale, paler than he had when he first showed up before dinner after his nap.
"Yeah." Jamie smiled stiffly. He was also starting to hate it whenever someone asked him that. "It was just getting warm in there."
Frank nodded in agreement. "I think Erin is getting ready to leave. Danny and Linda are about to gather the boys, too."
"I'll be in soon." Jamie assured him, taking a long drink of water.
Frank hung around, hoping Jamie would open up, but he remained quiet. Frank pursed his lips in disappointment. "Alright, son. Don't be too late. The boys want to say goodnight. Nicki, too."
Jamie nodded at him, watching as his father went back inside. He sighed again, not wanting to leave the cooler air, but his need for an actual water glass was winning out. He went back inside, quietly entering the kitchen to grab a glass. He poured the remaining water into it, tossing the bottle into the recycling bin. He made his way into the living room, where everyone was starting to pack up. Erin and Nicki were already hovering by the door. They smiled at him as he approached. Erin gave him a hug.
"Goodnight, Jamie." she said, smiling at him. "We'll see you later, okay?"
"Definitely." Jamie smiled back. "Night, Nic."
Nicki hugged him. "Goodnight, Uncle Jamie." she replied, waving as they walked outside to Erin's car.
"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Danny said, reaching out a hand to give his brother's shoulder a squeeze. "I could come get you for breakfast, if you'd like."
Jamie smiled. "Make it lunch."
Danny grinned. "Fine. Will you be up by noon?"
Jamie gave him a half-hearted swipe. "You're an idiot, Danny." he grumbled, a small smirk softening the blow. He smiled at Linda, who gave him another hug, her eyes looking suspiciously teary. She hurried outside, leaving room for her sons to hug their uncle.
"Night, Uncle Jamie." they chorused from either side of him. He ruffled their hair.
"Goodnight, Jack, Sean." he replied. "Good game earlier."
"We're stuck again." Sean grumbled. Jack nodded in agreement as they waved and headed out after their parents. Jamie closed the door behind them, automatically locking it. He turned to find empty space behind him. His father and grandfather's voices could be heard talking quietly from the living room, the TV playing another old movie. He entered the room, sitting down on the couch.
Henry smiled at him. "They've left?"
"Yeah." Jamie answered. He pretended that he didn't see his father glance first at the water glass then at him. He focused his attention on the TV.
"Would you like anything?" Henry continued. "More water? Tea?"
Jamie smiled. "No thanks, Grandpa. I think I'm going to just go and get ready for bed."
"Good idea, son." Frank replied. "You look tired."
"I am." Jamie said, getting up. "Goodnight Dad, Grandpa."
"Goodnight, son." Frank replied, watching him out of the corner of his eye.
"I think you've got the right idea." Henry yawned. "Goodnight, kiddo."
They watched as Jamie headed upstairs. They heard the bathroom door close. Henry looked at Frank.
"Is he okay?"
"I don't know, Pop. I think he's hiding a lot from us. I just wish I knew what he was afraid of."
"Me too, Francis." Henry sighed. "I'm going to go to bed, too. It's been a long day."
Frank smiled. "A good one, though."
Henry grinned. "Yeah, that I'll agree with!" He nodded at Frank before going to his own room.
Frank put down the magazine he'd picked up. He listened as Jamie left the bathroom and entered his room, closing the door softly behind him. He had a feeling that he might not be the only one finding it hard to sleep.
~~BB~~
Jamie groaned quietly, staring at his clock. It was nearly one in the morning and he hadn't even dozed off yet. Every time he closed his eyes, he found a different set of images staring back at him. His head still pounded, though not as bad as before. The pain pill he'd taken had started to work, but it was far from relaxing him. He rolled over in the dark onto his side, forcing his eyes closed. He tried to relax each group of muscles. He found himself yawning…
He grimaced in his sleep…
Jake grinned brandishing a taser…
"You ready for some more fun, Reagan?" he taunted.
Jamie rolled over, whimpering…
Jake swung the taser in an arching motion, the electrified prongs changing into a knife point… he laughed evilly…
Jamie's fist clenched, a sweat breaking over his brow…
The whip came crashing down, striking his tender skin… Jamie tried running away, but nothing seemed to move…
A familiar looking house came into view…
The flames grew larger…
Jamie's eyes shot open as his breath left him in a gasp. He tensed, half expecting Jake to jump out at him, but his room was empty, the pale moonlight illuminating the corners. He tried relaxing as his heart thumped back into a normal rhythm. He scrubbed his hands over his face, gazing blearily at the clock. He'd managed to sleep for a few hours. The sun would be rising soon. He rolled over, facing the wall, willing sleep to come back. He didn't notice his door closing noiselessly, or the pair of concerned eyes watching him just moments before.
~~BB~~
Frank was staring down into his cup of coffee when his father walked into the kitchen.
"Jamie up yet?" Henry asked, pouring his own cup of coffee.
"No." Frank replied. Henry gave him an odd look.
"Are you okay, Francis?"
Frank sighed, glancing in the direction of the stairs. He couldn't hear anything indicating that Jamie was up. "I thought I heard something early this morning, around four. I got up to investigate. I could hear Jamie mumbling something, so I peered into his room. It looked like he was in the middle of a nightmare. He woke up, and soon fell asleep again, so I left it alone."
Henry shrugged. "Are you really that surprised that he would have nightmares, Francis?"
"No. I just wish he'd come to me."
"You said it yourself, you can't force him." Henry reminded him, rummaging around in the fridge.
"It'll probably make things worse, I know." Frank finished. He held up a hand to his father, who had turned around, about to say something. "I think he's up. I can hear movement."
"There's no reason why you can't mention something, Francis." Henry muttered quietly. "He has been acting strangely since we got him home. His mind wanders all the time. Did you see him switch his water bottle to a glass last night?"
"Yes." Frank replied. "I did notice that."
"What would he have against water bottles?"
"I don't know. He nearly squeezed that one to death yesterday before supper. He was thinking back on something, that much I do know."
Henry gave him a look. "Then why can't you bring something like that up?"
Frank looked at him nervously. "I just don't want to give him any reason to push us away."
"He already is." Henry told him quietly. "Every time he brushes something off, pretends nothing is wrong and continues as if nothing happened, he's shutting us out. He's got to talk about it."
"I know, Pop. You're right. I just don't think I'm the person to do it."
Henry was interrupted by Jamie's arrival into the kitchen. He smiled at his grandson. "Good morning, Jamie. Sleep well?"
Jamie smiled back. "Morning Gramps, Dad. Yes, I slept fine. It's good to be back in a familiar bed again."
Henry smiled again. "I'm sure it is, kiddo." He replied, giving Frank a look that clearly said 'I-told-you-so.' Frank returned a look of his own, and for the first time since Jamie had been home, he felt unsure of what to do.
~~BB~~
-Earlier-
Jamie opened his eyes slowly, gazing towards the window at the sunlight hitting the other side of the curtain. He could hear some movement downstairs. He rolled over to look at the clock, noticing that it was almost nine. He didn't feel like getting out of bed, but figured that his father or grandfather would probably come up to get him if he didn't get up soon and he didn't want to give Danny any ammunition against him for sleeping late. He sat up, scrubbing his hands over his face. He'd slept fitfully and dreamlessly after falling back asleep.
He shoved back the covers as he stood up and stretched. He peered into the small mirror on the back of his door and ran his hands through his hair, trying to get it to flatten. He gave up quickly; his shower would take care of it. He glanced at his reflection and noticed the dark circles under his eyes, standing out against pale skin. Nothing new. He sighed and opened the door, stepping into the hallway. He wandered downstairs into the kitchen, noticing his father at the table drinking coffee and his grandfather pulling items out of the fridge. They smiled at him. He had a funny feeling that he had interrupted their conversation.
"Good morning, Jamie. Sleep well?" Henry asked.
"Morning Gramps, Dad. Yes, I slept fine. It's good to be back in a familiar bed again." Jamie answered, pretending that he didn't see the look that passed between his father and grandfather. He guessed that the conversation he'd interrupted had been about him. He squashed down his annoyance as his grandfather smiled at him again.
"I'm sure it is, kiddo. Would you like some breakfast? I'm making eggs and bacon and toast."
"That sounds great, Grandpa. Thanks." Jamie said, getting a glass out of the cupboard and pouring himself some orange juice. He sat at the table, ignoring the fact that he could feel his father's eyes on him. "Do you work today, Dad?" he asked, trying to make conversation.
"Yes. My ride will be here soon."
"No breakfast, Francis?"
"It smells great, Pop, but I ate already."
"Couldn't have been much." Henry mumbled.
"It was enough." Frank responded, a smile in his voice. "You need to get up earlier if you want to make breakfast for more than yourself. Haven't I told you that before?"
Henry huffed. "I have Jamie to make breakfast for, right Jamie?"
Jamie smiled. "Yeah."
"See? The kid appreciates me." Henry admonished, brandishing his spatula at his son.
Frank gave a short laugh. "If you just got up earlier…"
Henry grumbled to himself, piling eggs and bacon onto a plate. He added a couple of pieces of toast and placed it down in front of Jamie. "Ketchup? Jam for your toast?"
"I'm good, Grandpa. Thanks." Jamie answered, already cutting up his bacon.
"I've got to get to work." Frank said, getting up and putting his cup in the sink. "Have a good day, Pop. You too, Jamie. Call me if you need anything."
"Sure, Dad. See you tonight."
The front door closed, leaving Henry to fill his own plate and sit down across from his grandson. "This is nice." he said lightly. "I usually have to eat by myself."
Jamie smirked. "Maybe Dad is right, then. Maybe you need to get up earlier."
Henry grumbled again, a small smile on his face. He watched as Jamie finished off his food. "Would you like some more?"
"No thanks, Gramps. It was great. I'm going to go and get cleaned up."
Henry nodded. "Sure. I'll see you in a bit."
Jamie nodded, heading back upstairs, feeling his grandfather's eyes on him as he left the room. Why did everyone have to watch him? It made him feel uncomfortable, as if they expected him to break into pieces. He sighed, wandering into the bathroom to shower.
~~BB~~
"Kid, I can't make it for lunch. Jackie and I picked up a big case a few days ago and it's gotten even bigger. I'm going to be lucky if I get home before midnight."
Jamie sighed inwardly, not wanting his brother to hear it on the other end of the line. "It's okay, Danny. I get it."
"You're disappointed…"
"No! Of course not, the case is more important. That's where you need to be."
"You're important too, and I wanted to spend time with my brother." Danny grumbled in frustration. Jamie had to smile.
"You've been spending a lot of time with me. The citizens of New York are getting jealous." he deadpanned.
Danny gave a short laugh. "Fine. I promise I'll come over if I'm able to get away. Tomorrow for sure."
"That's fine, Danny. Just do what you need to do."
Jamie sighed again as they disconnected. He had been looking forward to getting out for a bit. His grandfather, though he meant well, was starting to get on his nerves by hovering around him when all he wanted was some peace. He stared out the window, getting an idea.
"Grandpa," he called. "I'm going to go for a short walk. I won't be long."
Henry rounded the corner, taking in his grandson hovering by the door, his hand already on the doorknob. "Danny unable to make it for lunch?"
"Yeah, he's picked up a big case." Jamie answered. "I just want to get out for a bit."
Henry hesitated. "Maybe I'll come with you…"
"No!" Jamie quickly cut in. "No, Gramps. I won't be long. I have my cellphone." he added, trying to soften his harsh interruption.
Henry hesitated before nodding. "Alright. Take your time." he added, softening at the pleading look for understanding that Jamie was giving him. He had only gotten home yesterday, yet he looked like he already felt smothered. Henry vowed to himself that he was going to back off a bit and give his grandson a little more room. At least, he'd give a good attempt at stopping his hovering. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"
Jamie smiled his thanks as he opened the door. "I will, Grandpa. I'll be back soon." he repeated, stepping out into the sunshine. He closed the door behind him, trying to ignore the worried look on his grandfather's face.
He breathed in the fresh air, already feeling more awake as he wandered slowly down the street, relishing the fact that there was no one around to bother him. He was already tired of their questions, the looks they gave him when they didn't think he was watching, the hovering. He was fine; they didn't need to walk on eggshells around him. He wasn't going to crumble into irreparable pieces.
He looked up, noticing a small park to his right. He smiled, remembering the times he played here as a boy. The sandbox he and Erin built sandcastles in was still there, though it didn't look like it was used much. He and his siblings quit using it the day they found out that cats liked to use it, too. He guessed most parents kept their kids away from it for that very reason. He cut across the grass, rounded the sandbox, and headed to the swings. He glanced around, slightly embarrassed, before sitting on one. He glanced around again, a small smile making its way to his lips. It was ridiculous, feeling embarrassed. A swing was just another seat, even if it did move. He dug his toes into the dirt, gently rocking back and forth as he stared off into the distance, thinking about nothing.
A figure caught his eye, just over to his left. A man and a small boy of about eight or nine. The sun glinted off of the man's reddish coloured hair as he helped the boy up the steps to the top of the slide.
Jamie's breath caught. His eyes widened as he tried to force air into his lead-filled lungs. He could see the man turning towards him…
Jake smiled at him, his smile evil. Jamie could do nothing but stare, feeling bolted to the swing… a sitting duck.
He wanted to run… he wanted to cry out for help… but he felt frozen, watching as Jake ran towards him…
"You okay, mister?"
Jamie jolted, staring down into the little boy's face as the boy stared up at him. He glanced at the man who was approaching from behind the boy, the man who was very obviously not Jake. He gave him a nervous smile.
"Yeah, I'm fine." he told them. "Just daydreaming, that's all." He stood quickly, his legs still weak.
"Are you sure?" the man asked, looking concerned. Jamie had paled considerably in the few minutes he'd seen him. "Maybe you should sit down again. I could call someone for you."
"No." Jamie waved him off, attempting a reassuring smile. "I'm fine. I just need to get moving. Thank you, though."
"Sure." the man replied, his son turning to him and shrugging. Jamie walked back towards the sidewalk, not even turning to look behind him. If he didn't feel so shaky, he was sure his cheeks would be burning with embarrassment. That man was obviously not Jake. How could he be so stupid? Why would he start behaving like that?
Jamie didn't feel any better by the time he got back home. He wasn't weak and shaky anymore, but he was still upset with himself. He shouldn't have panicked like that.
"I'm home." he called, stepping through the front door. He could hear the TV going in the living room.
"Did you have a nice walk?" Henry called as Jamie walked in. He took in the look on his grandson's face. He looked annoyed about something, and he was sure that he looked paler than before he left the house.
"Yeah." Jamie answered. "I tired myself out, though. I'm going to go have a nap. I'll grab something to eat after, okay?"
"Sure." Henry replied, trying to keep the concerned look off of his face. "I'll have something ready for when you wake up."
"Thanks, Gramps." Jamie smiled, turning and heading towards the stairs. He quickly climbed them, closing his bedroom door softly behind him. He sat down slowly onto his bed. Maybe his grandfather had been right, maybe he should have allowed him to come with him. Maybe he shouldn't have gone out at all.
He lay down, curling onto his side. He felt angry tears leak out of the corners of his eyes. Even in death, Jake was still controlling him.
~~BB~~
"Pops, Jamie!" Frank called out in greeting, stepping through the front door. He could hear movement in the kitchen. He poked his head through the door. "Pops?"
"Francis! You startled me, I didn't even hear you come in." Henry said, taking a quick step backwards.
Frank smirked. "I called out as I walked through the door. You must be going deaf."
Henry glowered. "I was busy making your supper, Francis." he grumbled. "Is paying no attention a crime now?"
Frank just shook his head. "Where's Jamie?" he asked, watching with concern as a cloud passed over his father's face.
"Upstairs." Henry sighed. "Danny couldn't make it for lunch like he'd promised him and I think Jamie was disappointed about that. He went for a walk just to get outside. He was gone for about half an hour and when he got back, I thought he looked a bit paler than he did when he left. He also looked annoyed about something. He went up for a nap, saying he'd tired himself out. He came back down about an hour later to grab some lunch, but then he went back up after he'd finished eating. He's been up there ever since."
Frank glanced towards the stairs. "Do you think he just tired himself out or do you think something happened while he was out?"
Henry shrugged. "I don't know. He definitely looked tired, but something had definitely bothered him, too. I think it might be both."
"You should have called me."
"No, Francis. I'm trying to give him space. It's barely been twenty-four hours and he already looks like he wants to flee. I think that's why he was looking forward to going for lunch with Danny, just to get out for a bit. I'm pretty sure that's why he went for a walk… I'd been hovering around him and he probably wanted to get away from me. I'd offered to walk with him and he immediately refused."
Frank nodded. "Yeah, I've seen it too."
"He's going to want to go back to his own place soon."
"He just got out of the hospital…"
"He was given a clean bill of health… he's not in danger anymore."
"He still moves slowly. Obviously he still hurts."
"Francis…"
"I'd like him to open up to us. He can only do that if he's here… if he leaves, he'll probably keep everything inside." Frank found himself feeling desperate, searching for any excuse for his son to stay. He knew it was ridiculous, as he would have to let him go soon enough, but for now he wanted to keep him close.
"He's keeping everything inside already, Francis." Henry said softly. "I want him to stay, too, but it's hard watching him when I know he'd like to be somewhere else. As long as he takes it easy for the next few days, he really doesn't need to be watched twenty-four-seven."
Frank sighed. "You're right, Pops. I'd still like to give him a chance to open up, though."
"Maybe if we act like everything's normal and let him do his thing, he won't feel smothered and would be less likely to run away from us."
Frank nodded, holding up a hand to his father. He turned towards the sound from behind him. Jamie was making his way down the stairs.
"Hi Jamie." Frank smiled at him.
Jamie gave him a smile in return. "Hi, Dad. How was work?"
"The usual." Frank sighed.
Jamie gave a laugh in response. "That bad?"
Frank shook his head, lightly waving him off. "Nothing to worry about, son. How was your day?"
Jamie sat at the table. "Slow. I went for a walk but that was about it. I miss being active."
"You'll get back to being active soon, son." Frank reassured him. "Just give it some time." Jamie nodded. It looked like he was about to say something, but he hesitated. Frank peered closely at him. "Something on your mind, Jamie?"
"Dad, would you…" Jamie paused. "I noticed my car was back…"
"Well, we weren't going to leave it out there, son." Frank said, offering a smile. Jamie smiled sadly.
"Yeah, I know… would you mind if I went for a drive after supper?"
Frank shared a quick look with his father. "Did you want someone to accompany you?"
"No… I just need something to do. Just in the city… maybe I'll stop by the precinct, see if Sarge is there…"
"I think he will be, he's been doing some overtime these past few days." Frank answered thoughtfully. "Are you sure you want to do that?"
"Yeah… I think it'll be good to see it again, even if I can't go back to work just yet."
Frank nodded. "Okay, if you want to."
"Thanks, Dad." Jamie smiled. "I won't be long, just a few hours to myself."
"Take your time." Frank smiled lightly, his insides squirming nervously in retaliation.
"Dinner's ready." Henry interrupted softly. He understood his son's reluctance. Obviously Jamie hadn't lost the ability to drive, but it was the idea of Jamie getting behind the wheel of the car that he was in before his whole nightmare started, the car that he drove while running from them in the first place, that worried them. What if he froze while behind the wheel?
They filled their plates, sitting back down at the table. They made light conversation about random topics. More often than not, silence filled the air except for the random clinks of forks and knives against dishes. Jamie knew it was an awkward silence, though his father and grandfather appeared to pretend that it was anything but awkward.
Finally finished, Jamie stood to help clean up. He worked amicably beside his grandfather, washing dishes and helping to put them away. Henry smiled at him when the last dish was put back in the cupboard.
"Thanks, Jamie."
"You're welcome, Gramps." Jamie smiled back. "Dad? I'm going to head out, okay? Then I won't be so late coming back."
"Of course, son." Frank replied. "Say hi to Tony for me."
"I will." Jamie told him, heading up to the bathroom. A few minutes later he came back, keys in hand. "See you soon."
"Bye, Jamie." Frank called as Jamie walked outside. Henry watched as the door closed.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?"
"What else can we do, Pop? He's a grown man. He hasn't lost his ability to drive. We don't have the right to tell him he can't go. He's not a child."
"I know that." Henry soothed. "My fear is that something will remind him of something and he'll freeze behind the wheel."
Frank nodded slowly. "I know, I thought the same thing. If we stop him from going because we're scared something will happen to him, it's only going to push him away even more. He's an adult, and this has to be his decision."
Henry sat down with a cup of coffee. "You're right, Francis. It just feels like he's running again."
Frank glanced at his father, in full agreement but unable to voice his concern.
~~BB~~
Jamie smiled, feeling more alive than he had in quite some time. He rolled to a stop at the light, tapping his fingers to the music on the radio that played quietly in the background. He had always loved this car, always felt like he was one with it whenever he got behind the wheel. It responded so easily to his commands, and driving was one thing he found was completely relaxing; he never really had to think about it, he just did it. Of course, he'd always had the best instructors to show him the ins and outs of controlling a vehicle. He probably could have passed the police driving exam by the time he got his driver's license, thanks to Danny's helpful tips. His father wouldn't have approved of Danny's teaching, but he didn't have to know about it. It had made him a better driver, after all.
He pulled up to the precinct, feeling slightly nervous. He knew that a large part of the force had been there the day they'd found him. They had seen him at his weakest, both physically and emotionally. What would they think of him when they saw him now? Would they still consider him good enough to join them? He got out of his car, his stomach in knots. As he walked slowly up the steps to the door, he seriously considered turning around and just driving away. His fist clenched.
'Don't let Jake control you anymore!' he thought harshly to himself. 'He can't hurt you! Just suck it up and get in there!'
He took a deep breath, his jaw tight. He pushed through the door.
Familiar sounds greeted his ears and he glanced around, taking in the familiar faces. Several looked up as they sensed movement or heard a noise. His stomach loosened up as they broke out into smiles. A few even waved in greeting.
"Joining us again, Reagan?" one called, smiling easily.
"Not yet, Sir." Jamie called back, recognizing the older officer. "I'm just visiting right now."
"Well then, welcome back. Renzulli's around here somewhere. Hiding, probably."
Jamie looked at the man with some confusion, but smiled as a few of the other officers who were listening in laughed. Renzulli rounded the corner at that moment.
"Reagan!" he called out happily. "I thought that was your voice I heard!"
Jamie laughed as Renzulli hurried over to him, grabbing him into a hug. He noticed that the hug wasn't as enthusiastic as usual, Renzulli taking care not to aggravate any lasting injuries.
"Why are you hiding, Sarge?" Jamie teased.
"Is that what they said?" Renzulli asked, shooting the other officers a dry look. They quickly turned back to their work. "To be honest… yes, I'm hiding." he continued, his voice lowered. "I've been stuck with nothing but rookies these last few days. I need my experienced and trusty sidekick back!"
Jamie laughed again as Renzulli squeezed his shoulder. To a casual observer, they looked like they were jostling around and having some fun, but to someone who knew them, and to Jamie's trained eye, Renzulli was grateful that his friend and colleague was still able to stand there with him at all. Jamie's mind flashed back to the day he was found… Renzulli had been the one to find him first. He remembered Renzulli talking to him and pleading with him to open his eyes.
"You've got to hang on, kid… you may have started out as a rookie I felt I had to babysit, but you've turned into one of the best officers I've ever worked with. You're probably better than me! And I… I care too much to let you go. You've got to keep fighting…"
Jamie felt his throat tighten as he remembered his friend's words. Renzulli led him into another room, away from any prying eyes.
"You okay, kid?" Renzulli asked softly. He had noticed Jamie's mind wander off, saw the far away look enter his eyes.
"Yeah." Jamie answered. "Just remembering…" he trailed off, shooting a nervous look at his Sergeant. Renzulli nodded in understanding.
"I get it, Jamie. I wasn't in the best of shape myself after we found you… when I learned from your father of how close we came to losing you… well, I'm just glad my wife stayed with me. I would have been in no shape to work, that's for sure. She sends her regards, by the way."
Jamie gave him a small smile. "Tell her I said thank you." He sighed, sitting down on the nearest chair. He stared at his feet. "Sarge… I'm sorry."
"Sorry? What the hell do you have to be sorry for? Don't you dare apologize for what that psycho did to you! I may not know the extent of it, but what I do know is that I would have given up long before you would even start thinking about it. You are one of the strongest people I know… this wasn't your fault and you have nothing to be sorry for!"
Jamie stared at him, dumbfounded. Renzulli had lectured him before, had even spoken to him in anger, but had never been quite this passionate before. He reminded him of Danny.
"I know it's not my fault, Sir." he responded hastily. "I know I couldn't control what Jake did. I'm just sorry for putting you through that… for putting all of you through that…"
Renzulli sat down on the chair next to his. "I know you are, Jamie. That's what I'm getting at. We were worried about you. We care about you… what do you expect? You can't apologize for everything, especially when you had no control over it and that goes for how we react. Some psychopath decided to get revenge on you, and he nearly killed you. We were upset, that much should be obvious. How is any of that your fault? How is any of that something you have to apologize for?"
"I… I guess it isn't…"
"Exactly, kid. Something happens, we respond. It's the way of life." Renzulli said, keeping a straight face. Jamie cracked a smile. Renzulli smiled back, happy to see some life behind Jamie's eyes again. "I don't want you to apologize for something out of your control, got it? I'll stick you behind a desk if I hear 'sorry' come out of your mouth!"
"Got it, Sir." Jamie laughed.
"Do you have any idea when you'll be back?" Renzulli asked, trying to appear casual. "These rookies are going to be the death of me…"
Jamie laughed again. "They can't be that bad."
"Oh, yes they can!"
Jamie shook his head. "It'll be a while yet, Sarge. I'm not allowed any major physical activity for a few weeks at least. Still healing."
"Yeah… I can tell in your movements. Well, I can hold out then. I'll just keep counting the days."
Jamie smirked. "You do that, Sarge." He stood. "I'd better get going…"
"You look tired, kid." Renzulli spoke softly, standing up. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine, Sarge." Jamie assured him, feeling surprised that he didn't feel the same annoyance that he usually felt when someone asked him that. "I still tire easily. Side effect of the pain medication, I think."
"You still on that stuff?"
"Not as much. I have it just in case. I don't even feel a need to take it very often."
"That's a good sign then, isn't it?" Renzulli smiled, leading him towards the door. Jamie waved at a few of the officers who had raised a hand in his direction. He didn't know why he felt so nervous when he got there. They'd accepted him as if nothing was wrong. They stepped outside.
"It is." Jamie smiled back. "I'll keep you posted, Sarge." he called as he headed towards his car.
"You do that, Reagan." Renzulli called back. "I need to know when I can ditch the rookies!"
"Really, Sarge?" Jamie smirked, amused. "Was I that bad, too?"
"Worse!" Renzulli teased. "See you later, Jamie. Take care of yourself."
Jamie waved as he got into his car and started it. He could still see Renzulli standing there, watching him as he drove away.
~~BB~~
"Dad?"
"In the living room, Danny." Frank called.
Danny wandered into the living room; his father was reading and his grandfather was partially watching TV, partially falling asleep. He didn't see Jamie anywhere.
"What brings you here, son?" Frank asked, smirking at Henry who had jolted awake at the sudden intrusion.
"Wrapped up the case." Danny yawned, scrubbing at his bleary eyes. "The case didn't look so big two days ago… it took nearly double overtime to finish." he grumbled.
"Fatter paycheque." Henry muttered.
"Going to start hallucinating with lack of sleep." Danny shot back.
"Boys…" Frank sighed.
Danny smirked. "What's Jamie up to? I was hoping to see him since I couldn't make it for lunch."
Frank glanced nervously at his father before turning back to his son. "He went for a drive, Danny. He wanted to get out for a bit."
Danny stared at his father, not fully comprehending his words. "You let him out?"
Frank gave him a stern look. "He's not a child, Danny." He paused, thinking harder about his son's words. "Or a dog."
"I know, Dad, but what if he freezes behind the wheel?"
"We thought the same thing." Henry supplied.
"So why'd you let him out?" Danny asked again, exasperated.
"Danny, stop it." Frank snapped. "We agreed that it was best to give him some space, let him make his own decisions. Maybe if we keep him from feeling smothered, he'll start opening up to us."
Danny had the decency to look ashamed. "Sorry, Dad. I understand that, I'm just worried that it's too soon. When did he leave?"
"A couple of hours ago. He should be back soon."
The back door opened as if answering Frank's words. Frank gave him an 'I-told-you-so' look.
"Jamie, is that you?"
"Yeah, Dad, it's me." Jamie said, rounding the corner into the living room. "Hi, Danny."
"Hi, kid. Nice drive?"
"Yeah." Jamie smiled, looking more relaxed than he had in the last twenty-four hours. "I stopped by the precinct, visited with Renzulli for a bit."
"The rookies driving him nuts yet?"
"How'd you know?"
"I had to make a couple of stops there over the last few days." Danny laughed in remembrance. "He was about to pull his hair out the last time I was there."
"So that's why he looked bald…" Jamie said thoughtfully, turning to put his jacket away. Danny grinned, happy that his brother was able to crack jokes.
"Hey kid, join me out back for a while?"
Jamie shrugged, pausing in hanging up his coat. "Sure." he replied, following Danny out.
Frank looked at his father, who wore the same look of surprise that he felt. "I guess that was what he needed." Frank said.
"I'll say." Henry replied. "That's the happiest he's looked since he came home."
~~BB~~
"I'm sorry about lunch, kid." Danny sighed. "I ended up swamped. We just wrapped the case up about an hour ago."
"I've told you already, it's not a big deal." Jamie replied, giving him a smile. "You did what you had to do."
Danny glanced at him. Jamie didn't look like he was trying to hide something. His eyes were clear and he was looking at Danny completely unfazed. He shrugged. "Okay, kid. If you say so. I did promise I'd stop by to see you, though."
"You did." Jamie smiled, looking out over the back yard.
Danny thought back to his father's words about not smothering Jamie. Was that what they had been doing? So far no one had asked him if he was okay, or how he was doing, or tried to do everything for him and he seemed almost normal. Danny resisted the urge to try to get Jamie to start talking about what had happened. He didn't want to ruin the good feeling that existed between them.
Jamie smirked as he heard Danny trying to muffle a yawn. "Go home, Danny. You need sleep."
"I'm fine."
"You're nodding off…"
"No I'm not…"
"Yeah, actually you are." Jamie said, a look of concern crossing his features as he watched Danny's eyes close while he was still sitting upright. "Maybe you shouldn't drive…"
Danny blearily opened one eye to glare at Jamie. "I'm fine, kid. Just resting my eyes."
"Right." Jamie snorted, looking back towards the garden. Danny didn't answer. The only response was a soft snore. Jamie looked back towards Danny's sleeping figure, perched uncomfortably in the deck chair he had sat down in. He got up slowly, waving a hand in front of Danny's face. Danny still didn't respond. "Just resting your eyes, are you?" he muttered, heading back into the house. His father looked up.
"Did Danny leave?"
"Nope." Jamie said, smirking. "He's asleep."
Frank smiled. "I thought that might happen. He hasn't slept much over the last couple of days. Linda called before either of you showed up. She told me that if he showed up to visit you, I had to keep him here for the night."
"She knows him well."
Frank nodded. "She does." he replied, fully noticing the wistful tone Jamie's voice had gained.
"Did Grandpa go to bed?"
"Yes, just a few minutes ago."
Jamie nodded. "I'm going to head up, too. Goodnight, Dad."
"Night, son. Sleep well."
Jamie gave him a smile before turning towards the stairs. Frank watched him go. He enjoyed watching his son perk up, looking and acting almost normal, but the disappointment that he hadn't opened up was still very much there.
Frank's thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. He turned, watching his oldest son wander inside, eyes still half closed.
"Why didn't he wake me?" he mumbled.
Frank smiled. "He wanted to let you sleep. You need it."
"Hmm." Danny mumbled again. "I should get going, Dad…"
"No, son. You're to stay here tonight."
"Really, Dad, I'm fine."
"You look dead on your feet, and you have a long drive ahead of you. You know your room is always open to you. Besides, Linda called earlier this evening and told me to keep you here if you showed up. Even she knows you haven't slept much."
Danny sighed. He knew his father was right. Even though their rooms had been turned into guest rooms after they'd moved out, each of them could take them back without question if they found themselves needing to stay overnight. "Okay, you win. I'll stay."
"Good." Frank smiled.
"Which means I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Dad."
"Sleep well, Danny." Frank responded, reaching over to the lamp to turn it off. The living room was bathed in darkness as the men headed for bed. Danny walked upstairs, staying as silent as possible. He walked past Jamie's room, door firmly closed, and entered his old room, the one right next to his brother's. His father continued down to the master bedroom at the end of the hall. Joe had opted to take the attic room once he realized that sharing with Danny was no fun at all, and Erin's old room was on the main floor, down the hall from their grandfather's room.
Danny settled into his old bed, exhausted. He listened to the silent peacefulness of his old family home as he quickly drifted off to sleep.
~~TBC~~
A/N 2: Just a note - it doesn't matter how many times they show the various rooms in that house, I can't piece together the layout for beans... so I've made it up LOL ;)