Run and Hide
Disclaimer: After 16 entries, do you really think this would have changed? ;) I have no connections to the show, this is purely for fun.
A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading! :) Glad you're still enjoying the story.
Chapter 15
Thoughts shut up want air, and spoil, like bales unopen'd to the sun.
- Edward Young, "Night Thoughts"
~~BB~~
Jamie's heart thumped against his ribcage, practically beating a hole through his chest. Jake laughed at him, holding up a knife dripping with blood.
"Leave him alone!" Jamie screamed, tears streaming down his face. "He's done nothing to you, leave him alone!"
Danny lay on his back, blood flowing. Jamie struggled to get to him, but he could never get close enough…
Jamie sat up in bed, catapulting himself over the side. He landed with a thump on the floor, his knees aching from where they smacked into the hardwood, but he hardly noticed. His eyes were glazed and beads of sweat rolled down the back of his neck. His cellphone was clutched in his hand.
He squeezed his eyes shut, his mind finally coming back to reality. He pried his fingers loose from his phone, pushing down the urge to phone his brother. 'Don't be ridiculous.' he thought to himself. 'It was just a dream. Danny's fine and at home… he'll kill me if I wake him up.'
He got up from the floor, slumping down onto his bed. He ran a hand over the back of his neck, breathing deeply. He was starting to think Danny was right; he was starting to think he couldn't do it alone.
~~BB~~
Danny grumbled to himself, staring at the paperwork in front of him. He hated this part of the job. He'd never enjoyed forms and papers and, unfortunately, it was mandatory to fill out a report after every case. Jackie smirked at him from her desk.
"Just finish it, Reagan. The harder you work, the sooner it'll be done."
"Easy for you to say." Danny shot back. "When exactly did you finish yours?"
"Two hours ago." Jackie said smugly.
"Then you can do mine." Danny replied hopefully.
"I don't think so, slacker."
Danny glowered at her, turning back to his paperwork.
"Danny."
Danny's head shot up again. Jamie was shuffling up to his desk, looking awkward. "Hey, kid. What's up?"
Jamie glanced around, his eyes landing on Jackie. "Hi, Jack. Danny, could I speak to you? Alone?"
Jackie smiled at him. "Hi, Jamie. I'll go get some coffee."
"Alone?" Jamie stressed again, looking pointedly at his brother. Danny nodded.
"Of course, kid. Come with me." Danny replied, getting up. He shrugged slightly at Jackie's confused look, but led his brother down the hall towards a small conference room. He let Jamie enter first before stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. He turned, noticing Jamie still standing with his back to him. He was hunched over slightly, staring out the window across the room, his hands clutching the back of a chair. Danny frowned. "Jamie? You okay?"
Jamie didn't answer at first, continuing to stare out the window. Then his head lowered. "No…"
Danny took a couple of steps forward, hesitant to say anything. He still remembered their last encounter. He reached forward, gently grasping Jamie's shoulder. He tried to turn him around so he could see his face, but Jamie wasn't the scrawny kid that he used to be. Giving up, he stepped closer, leaning forward in an attempt to see his face. Jamie's eyes were closed.
"Danny…" he mumbled, his voice catching.
"I'm here, kid." Danny replied softly. He wasn't expecting Jamie to suddenly turn towards him. He took a startled step back.
Jamie caught him in a hug. Danny's eyebrows raised in surprise. It took only milliseconds for him to wrap his arms around his little brother as Jamie clutched at him desperately. Within seconds, it was over. Jamie took an awkward step back, unable to meet Danny's eyes. Danny stood there, stunned, before reaching forwards to tilt Jamie's chin. Jamie's eyes were watery.
"Jamie, what's this about?" he asked, softly.
Jamie struggled to find the words. Finally he sighed, nodding absentmindedly. He glanced at Danny. "Thank you."
Danny gave him a small smile. "For what, kid?"
Jamie shrugged. "For being there." He sat down slowly, running a hand through his hair. Danny sat down next to him, waiting patiently. "If I were you, I would have given up on me by now." Jamie continued, smirking.
Danny shook his head. "I'd never give up, Jamie. I've told you that already." He leaned forward, grasping Jamie's arm. "I'm always going to be there, kid. Nothing you can do will ever make me leave you alone. We're in this together."
Jamie looked at him, his eyes watery again. He stared at the table, his finger slowly tracing random patterns. "Jake said you were dead."
Danny looked at him in surprise. "Me?"
Jamie shook his head. "All of you." He paused, his throat tight. "He used you to get to me… to make me think I was alone and had no one left…"
Danny leaned towards him. "You knew he was lying to you, didn't you?"
Jamie shrugged again. "I don't know, Danny. I didn't believe him at first, and I told him that even though it…" Jamie trailed off.
"It what, kid? What did it do?" Danny prompted softly.
Jamie chewed his lip nervously. "It made my punishment worse…" he mumbled.
Danny's fist clenched. He took a few steadying breaths to calm himself down. There was no point in getting angry. He glanced back at Jamie, who was nervously sending glances his way. "What did he say about it?"
"He said there was an explosion… the others laughed about it and agreed with him… I started thinking it could be true after all…"
Danny's heart squeezed as a few tears rolled down Jamie's cheeks. "Well, obviously it wasn't true, kid. We're still here."
"I had no way of knowing that, Danny!" Jamie shot out, more tears rolling down his face. "I dream about it, I dream about the house exploding with all of you in it! Last night, he'd stabbed you and I couldn't get to you in time! He won't leave me alone!"
Danny had stared at him as he ranted, watching as Jamie stood up and started to pace. Danny quickly stood, catching Jamie on one of his passes. He pulled him into a hug, quickly releasing him to hold him at arm's length. "He doesn't control you, Jamie. You stood up to him before. You fought back, and you can still fight back."
Jamie shook his head. "How, Danny?" he whined. "How am I supposed to do that?"
"Just let us in, Jamie. We want to help you." Danny pleaded gently. "Please kid, I hate watching you like this. Let me help you."
"I can't even help myself…" Jamie whispered, trying to pull away. Danny tightened his grip.
"Just keep fighting back, Jamie." Danny whispered back. "Tell yourself that you're in control, because you are, kid. You wouldn't be here if you weren't. You defied him. You've proved that you're better than him. I know that you are better than him. You come to me anytime, Jamie. Go to Dad, Grandpa… even Erin though she'll probably mother-hen you up the wall."
Jamie smirked slightly. "She's tried that already."
Danny laughed. "See? Seriously though, kid… come to any of us if you feel a need to, okay? We're all here."
Jamie nodded, wiping at his eyes. "Thanks, Danny…" He looked up, smiling slightly. "You know, if this police thing doesn't work out for you, you could coach a cheerleading team. Pep talks and all that…"
Danny grinned, taking a playful swipe at Jamie's head. "Yeah, and maybe I could get one of those little outfits they call uniforms…" he trailed off, laughing at the disturbed shudder Jamie let out as he walked quickly to the door.
"Damn… that can't be unseen… forget I mentioned it!" he gagged teasingly. Danny laughed, slinging an arm around his brother as they made their way back out towards Danny's desk. Jackie was sitting there, looking bored. She glanced up as she heard their laughter.
"I should get moving." Jamie said, nodding at Danny. "I'll see you later, okay?"
"Of course, kid. Anytime." Danny replied, looking at him pointedly. Jamie smiled at him before giving Jackie a nod.
"See you, Jackie."
"Bye, Jamie." Jackie smiled back. She watched at Jamie made his way out of the precinct. "Is he okay?"
Danny sighed. He sat down behind his desk, glaring again at his unfinished paperwork. He turned his glare onto his partner, who had let out a rude snort. "Shut it, Jack. I still say you could finish this for me."
"If you hadn't put it off, you'd be done by now, too." Jackie retorted. "Again, is Jamie okay?"
Danny nodded. "He will be. It's going to take time, but he'll be alright." He was still afraid of what Jamie was hiding, but in his heart he believed his brother was okay. His confession was only a tiny step forward, but it was a step, and Danny would take anything he could get.
~~BB~~
Jamie stood on the bridge, looking out across the city. He'd felt better over the last week after his talk with Danny. Even his nightmares had reduced in quantity, though they still lingered on occasion. However, he still felt that he was fighting something, though he couldn't put his finger on what it was.
"Hey, you okay? You're not going to jump or anything, are you?"
Jamie startled, quickly turning around. A female stranger stood behind him, her face amused but her eyes concerned. "Um… sorry, what?"
"I asked you if you were going to jump." she repeated, finally deciding that he was probably safe. She dropped her cellphone back into her bag. "Someone jumped the other day. I was worried that there was a trend starting."
"Oh." Jamie mumbled. "No, I wasn't going to jump. I'm just thinking."
She walked closer, leaning against the railing. "Nice view."
"It is." Jamie agreed.
She peered at him. "What were you thinking about?"
He shrugged, smiling slightly. "Nothing important." He glanced at her. She was pretty; her shoulder length blondish hair contained red streaks. Her eyes were the color of the green leaves below them. He could get lost in her eyes… he blushed slightly, glancing away. "Sorry…" he mumbled.
She laughed. "Whatever." She glanced back out over the water before shyly looking back at him. "Hey, maybe we could go grab something to eat…"
Jamie's heart thumped. For some reason, panic was starting to flood his chest. 'This is ridiculous!' he told himself. She looked at him again, concerned.
"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked. "You've gone really pale…" She reached towards him, gently placing her hand on his chest, trying to get him to face her. She jumped, startled, when he jerked away from her.
"I'm fine…" Jamie choked out. "I've really got to go… I'm sorry…" Jamie stuttered, quickly turning and jogging away. He could hear her calling out to him, but he ignored her. His heart thundered as he raced towards his apartment. He nearly collapsed on the front step, his breath coming in painful gasps. He grabbed at his side, trying to rub away the stitch that had formed. He felt hands on his arm. He gasped again, jerking his arm away from the surprised doorman, who had seen him stumble and rushed out to help.
"I didn't mean to startle you, Mr. Reagan." the doorman apologized, looking rattled. "Are you okay? Should I call your brother? Maybe your father?"
"No! I'm okay. I'm sorry I scared you." Jamie waved him off, standing upright. He hurried up the steps and into the building. He turned to the doorman who was still watching him with some concern. "Thank you, though." he added before heading to the stairs.
He closed the door to his apartment, leaning against it. "What the hell have you done?" he mumbled angrily to himself. "You're an idiot… you could have gotten to know her…"
'But you're afraid…'
Jamie slid down the door. He landed with a thump on the floor, holding his head in his hands.
~~BB~~
Danny grumbled as his phone rang. He pulled it out, answering without looking at the caller ID. "Reagan." he barked.
"Danny, can you come over?"
"Jamie?" Danny asked, surprised, sharing a look with Jackie. "I'm kind of busy, kid…" he said, ignoring the swat Jackie gave him. He quickly brushed her off.
"Please Danny. I… I really need you…"
Danny heart constricted at Jamie's halted words. "Yeah, sure Jamie. I'll be over as soon as I can. Can you hold on until I get there?" he asked fearfully, confused as to what was bothering his brother.
"Where else am I going to go?" Jamie muttered.
"Right." Danny answered, motioning to Jackie that he was leaving. She shot him a look as she waved him away. "I'm on my way, kid. I'll be there soon."
He hung up, grabbing his coat. "I don't know what's wrong, Jack. I'm going to go to him."
"I could have told you that, Reagan." Jackie sighed. "Just go. He needs you or else he wouldn't have phoned you."
Danny nodded. "That's what I'm afraid of." he mumbled, quickly heading out the door. He nearly ran to his car, jumping in and peeling off. He fought the urge to speed, reminding himself that he really didn't need a speeding ticket right now. After what seemed like hours, he finally pulled into the visitor parking lot. He jumped out of his car, hurrying into the building. He nodded at the doorman as he waited impatiently for the elevator to arrive. The doorman fidgeted nervously. Danny gave him an odd look, but the elevator doors opened at that moment. He darted inside without giving the man a chance to speak. He practically ran down the hallway on Jamie's floor. He skid to a halt in front of the door and took a calming breath. He tested the knob, surprised when it turned. Jamie was usually vigilant about locking it behind him. He swallowed nervously, stepping through the door.
He closed the door behind him, stepping through the short hallway into the living room. He spied Jamie sitting on the couch, a bottle of beer on the coffee table in front of him. Squinting at it, he noticed the liquid still filled the bottle more than halfway. He cautiously made his way towards the couch.
"I hope that's only your first bottle."
"It is."
"And I hope you're not on any pain meds."
"I'm not."
Danny sat down next to him. "So what's this about?"
Jamie sighed and leaned forward, resting his head on his fists. "I panicked today."
"About what?" Danny asked. He wanted to reach towards him, but was afraid Jamie might spook.
"I met someone."
Danny frowned at the sudden subject change. "Okay…"
"I met someone… and I just panicked."
Danny sighed. "Do you want to start at the beginning, kid? My brain's gone into dimwit mode."
Jamie smirked, briefly glancing at him. "No surprise there." he remarked.
"Shut up." Danny grumbled, smiling. "Seriously, kid, please? Start over."
Jamie sighed again, slumping back onto the couch. "I went for a walk over the bridge today, since it's not far from here. I love the view. I was just thinking about random things when a woman came up behind me. I think she was worried I was going to jump."
"But you weren't." Danny stated, looking for confirmation.
Jamie snorted. "Of course not." he grumbled, shooting Danny an annoyed look. He stared off into space. "She was really pretty… she seemed really nice…"
Danny grinned. "Okay. We've all established that you're working just fine in that area."
Jamie reddened. "If you're not going to be serious…"
"I'm sorry, kid." Danny soothed. "I'm just nervous. You phoned me all upset, and I really started to worry about you. I'm just happy this is over a girl."
"It's not."
"What?"
"Well, it is… but it isn't."
Danny sighed again. "Dimwit mode, remember?"
Jamie shook his head. "She asked me if I wanted to grab something to eat… she seemed to want to get to know me. And I panicked." Jamie shrugged, looking frustrated.
"Do you know why?"
Jamie's lips thinned. "I'm afraid."
"Of what?" Danny prompted softly. Jamie looked at him, his eyes angry and pleading with him to help.
"I really wanted to take her up on it… I want that so bad… ever since Sydney left me…" Jamie's voice trailed off as he closed his eyes. "I miss it. Companionship. Love. Everything you've got I want…"
"Jamie…"
"I must have paled when I started panicking… she touched me, just trying to get me to face her… I realized that I can't do it."
Danny gently squeezed his shoulder, his heart thumping in sympathy. "Can't do what, kid?"
Jamie stood up suddenly, pacing over to the window, leaving Danny feeling stunned… again. "I can't even look at myself, Danny. All it does is remind me… how can I let someone look at me when I can't even look at myself… I don't want their pity… I've got too much baggage… and I don't want to relive it by having to explain it."
Danny stood behind his brother. "You'll find someone who won't care about that." he soothed. "They'll love you, baggage and all. Maybe she's that person."
Jamie's shoulders slumped. "I took off like a scared rabbit before I could even get her name."
"She didn't leave a number with you?" Danny asked, feeling sorry for him. Jamie shook his head.
"We didn't get that far, Danny." Jamie grumbled. "Eight million people and I run from one who cares... and I'm never going to be able to find her again. I feel like an idiot…"
"You're not an idiot, Jamie." Danny admonished softly. "You're working through something that's changed you. Maybe a relationship right now isn't what you need. You'll find someone when you're ready. Trust me."
Jamie nodded again. "Thanks, Danny." he mumbled, turning to him. He gave him a smile. "I'm sorry I called you when you were in the middle of work…"
"It's not important, Jamie. Jackie practically shoved me out the door." Danny smirked. "You going to be okay?"
Jamie nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay."
"Phone's open anytime." Danny reminded him, slowly making his way towards the door. Jamie waved him off.
"I know, thanks. I'll see you later. Are you going to make it to the house for supper tomorrow night?"
"I wouldn't miss it." Danny smiled. "This case won't take that long. Probably be done with it tonight."
Jamie smiled again. "Good. I'll see you tomorrow night, then."
"You can bet on it." Danny waved, heading back out into the hallway. He closed the door softly behind him.
~~BB~~
"Danny, follow me."
Danny turned, throwing his father an odd look. He had arrived for the family dinner less than half an hour previous and had just sat down with a beer. "Okay… what did I do this time?"
Frank smiled. "Just follow me, Danny."
Danny sighed, getting up to follow his father. Erin had just called to say she and Nikki were running late but were on their way and Jamie hadn't shown up yet. Linda and Henry were arguing over something in the kitchen and the boys were outside, running around the backyard. "What's up, Dad? Is something wrong?"
Frank led him into his study, closing the door behind them. "Nothing's wrong, son. I just want to know how you and Jamie are."
Danny sat down on the chair by the window. His father perched on the edge of the desk. "We're okay, Dad. He's opened up to me a bit…"
"And you didn't think to tell me this… why?" Frank asked, disappointment clear in his voice.
"He expects it to be just between us, Dad. I can't ruin what has started rebuilding between us. He'd probably clam up again if I ran to you every time and spilled what he told me."
Frank sighed, nodding. "I don't want to say that you're right, son, but I'm sure you are. Can you at least tell me if what he's told you has anything to do with what happened?"
"Yeah, some of it… you were right, Jake used us to get to him."
Frank squashed down the anger. Jake was gone, there was no use in getting angry at this point. "Has he said anything else?"
"No, not much." Danny sighed. "He knows my phone's always open, though. I'm pretty sure he'll use it."
"Good."
"Haven't you seen him lately?"
Frank shrugged. "Yeah, he was over for lunch a few times this week, and he came back to help with some yard work. He didn't open up, but he seemed better. He looked more relaxed and everything seemed to be more natural with him. His smile seemed real for once, and there was life behind his eyes."
"Then that's good." Danny praised. "It's a step at least, isn't it?"
"It is." Frank agreed, smiling. He stood up. "I think I hear more voices. It sounds like everyone else has arrived."
Danny followed him out of the room; the chaos had definitely increased. Erin had joined in on the arguing in the kitchen, Nikki had gone out to watch the boys, and Jamie stood awkwardly in the kitchen doorway. He turned when he heard Danny and Frank come up behind him.
"Hey kid, what's going on?"
Jamie shrugged. "I think they're arguing over gravy."
Danny laughed. "So why are you standing here?"
Jamie frowned, annoyed. "All I wanted was a glass of water, but Linda keeps pushing me back out. Erin stuffed a carrot in my mouth because I interrupted her. I still don't have my water."
Danny laughed again as his father chuckled, patting Jamie on the shoulder. "I'll deal with Linda, kid. Get your water."
Jamie sighed, stepping back into the kitchen. He pushed past Erin and his grandfather. He was only steps away from the cupboard when Linda bumped into him.
"Jamie, I've told you, you're in the way!" she grumbled, trying to push him out.
"Relax, Linda." Danny muttered, sighing.
"So you think you can just wander around in here too, do you?" Linda asked, swatting her husband.
He grinned. "I know I can, and you can't stop me!" he answered smugly, planting a kiss on her lips. The others laughed. Jamie smirked gleefully as he finally reached his destination, filling a glass with water. He snuck back out, hearing the laughter behind him. He smiled at his father as he made his way into the living room.
"Hi, Dad."
"Jamie." Frank greeted, sitting down in his chair. Jamie sat on the couch, listening to the zoo in the kitchen. A few squeals from happy kids could be heard coming from the backyard. Frank watched as Jamie eased back, looking completely relaxed. He loved seeing his son like this; it felt like everything was as it should be and he was back to normal.
Danny wandered into the room, looking wounded. "Linda kicked me out." He glowered at his father and brother as they laughed.
Henry walked into the room right behind Danny, grumbling the entire time. "If you hadn't tried to add more salt, Danny, I'd still be making the gravy!"
"It's so bland, though!" Danny protested. "Just a little more would have been nice."
Henry puffed out a lungful of air as he slouched down in his chair. "Heart diet, Danny."
Danny snorted as he sat next to Jamie. "As if you pay attention to that, Gramps." he scoffed. Jamie shared a look with his father. When it came to Danny, everything always ended up back at food.
"Danny, get your boys in the house to clean up!" Linda hollered from the kitchen. "Dinner's almost ready."
Danny grumbled again. "Yes, Ma'am." He muttered, getting back up and poking his head out the back door. "Jack, Sean! Dinner's almost on the table. Come get cleaned up."
"Sure, Dad!" they hollered back, racing each other to the house. Nicki got up from her spot on the patio, smiling at her uncle as she passed by. She flopped back down next to Jamie, who smiled at her in greeting.
"Dinner's on!" Linda called, causing the herd to stampede. Everyone immediately found their place.
"Jamie? Would you like to say grace?" Frank asked. Jamie smiled.
"Sure." he replied, falling back into his familiar role. Erin grasped his hand, smiling encouragingly. The rest joined hands as Jamie started the familiar prayer.
~~BB~~
Jamie sat on the steps of the patio watching his nephews chase each other around, laughing. They'd finished dinner two hours ago and had cleaned up in record time. Everyone was inside, enjoying coffee or beer. He smiled as the boys tackled each other, bouncing up to chase each other again.
He jumped up as Sean suddenly tripped over his own feet, landing hard on his stomach and hands. He got to his knees, a small frown on his face as he picked dirt off of his palms. Jack stood beside him, leaning over, asking if he was okay. Jamie jogged over to them, carefully hauling Sean to his feet.
"You okay, Sean?" he asked, quickly checking him over. He examined Sean's hands, brushing off the dirt. There didn't appear to be any scratches or cuts. "Your mom won't be happy about your pants, kiddo."
"I'm fine, Uncle Jamie." Sean replied, looking sadly at his grass-and-dirt stained knees. "This comes out, right?"
Jamie laughed. "She'll work her magic, Sean. Don't worry." Sean nodded, bouncing back onto his feet.
"Come play with us, Uncle Jamie!" Jack said, grabbing at Jamie's hand. Sean grabbed the other.
"Yeah, please Uncle Jamie?" Sean pleaded, giving him sad eyes. "Please?"
Jamie laughed. "Fine, boys. What do you want to play?"
"Um…" the boys looked at each other. They were happy enough chasing each other around, but didn't know what adults liked.
Jamie smirked, grabbing Sean and lifting him. Sean squealed, laughing, as Jamie tickled him.
"I'm going to pee my pants, Uncle Jamie!" Sean whined, still laughing. Jamie put him back on his feet.
"Don't do that, kiddo." Jamie begged. "Your mom will kill me!"
"Sean, look what I found!" Jack called from the corner of the yard. He held up two stringy looking objects, obviously destined for the garbage bin. Jamie recognized the rope that he'd used to mark off part of the garden earlier in the week.
"Careful guys." he called. "You could get slivers from that."
"We're fine." Jack called back, gleefully smacking Sean with his piece. Sean growled, smacking him back. He had the shorter piece, so the effect wasn't nearly as satisfying. They started chasing each other around the yard. Jamie shook his head, smiling. He started to make his way back to the patio.
The boys turned suddenly, cutting in front of him. The tip of Jack's rope hit Jamie's stomach before smacking Sean on the shoulder. Sean squealed, preparing to tackle his brother, when Jack forced him to stop. He was staring at Jamie. Both kids dropped their pieces of rope.
Jamie had stumbled backwards as the rope grazed him. He tripped over the edge of a stone marking the path to the garden, landing hard. The breath caught in his throat, both from the sudden fall and the sudden flood of panic in his chest. He scrubbed his arm across his eyes as he could hear Jake's evil laughter echo through his head.
"Uncle Jamie?" Sean squeaked, timidly approaching him. "Are you okay?"
Jamie tried to get his breathing under control, knowing he was scaring his nephews. He gently brushed Sean's arm. "I'm okay, Sean. Just give me a minute."
Jack kept looking between his uncle and the back door. He tugged on Sean's arm, pointing to the door. Sean understood, taking off towards the patio. Jamie didn't even notice. Jack hovered around him, not knowing what was going on and yet feeling guilty for Jamie's discomfort. It was his rope that had touched his uncle, after all. He felt relief as he heard adult voices spilling out onto the patio.
Jamie's heart thumped as he heard the voices of his family becoming clearer. They sounded rushed, fearful… he quickly got to his feet, trying to make a wide berth around them, heading for the gate.
"Jamie!" Danny called, immediately rushing after his brother. Frank jogged down the patio stairs, intending on following his son. Erin halted them both.
"Leave him!" she called out, pushing past her startled father and annoyed brother. "Let me deal with it."
"Erin, don't be ridiculous! I'm not going to just let him go right now…"
"Yeah, and while you're standing here arguing, he's getting away!" Erin snarled. "Let me deal with it!" she repeated, immediately following after Jamie. She left her brother and father staring after her incredulously. Linda had gathered her boys, both of whom were crying, and Nicki, who was trying to keep her limbs from shaking with nerves. Henry stood, stunned, at the top of the patio stairs.
"What the hell just happened?" he mumbled. No one answered. He was pretty sure they hadn't even heard him.
"Jack, Sean, can you tell me what happened?" Linda asked, gently wiping their faces.
"We were chasing each other with old pieces of rope, and mine hit Uncle Jamie." Jack sniffed. "Not hard! Just touched him."
"Yeah." Sean agreed. "Then he just got this scared look on his face and tripped over backwards."
"What did I do?" Jack whined tearfully.
Danny sat on the step next to his son. "You didn't do anything wrong, Jack. Your uncle went through a very hard time a while ago."
"That's why he was in the hospital." Jack said, remembering.
"Exactly." Danny answered. "Sometimes things happen that remind him of that time and it scares him. He'll be okay, though." he reassured them. "He's already better, he just needs more time. It's not your fault, okay kiddo?"
Jack sniffed again, wiping his eyes. "Okay."
"Come on, let's get back inside." Linda said, ushering her boys and Nicki ahead of her. Henry glanced at his son and grandson.
"I'll let you deal with it this time, okay? I need a drink…"
"I think we all do, Pop." Frank mumbled. Things had seemed so much better just a short time ago. He sighed, sitting down on the step below his son.
"I hate him." Danny mumbled. Frank looked at him in surprise.
"Who?"
"Caulfield. Who else?" Danny snarled. "If he hadn't taken me by surprise that night, I would have beaten him senseless…"
"You still got some good hits in." Frank reminded him.
"Not nearly enough."
Frank nodded in agreement. "You and me both, son."
~~BB~~
"Jamie, wait!" Erin called. Jamie had just dashed out of the yard through the gate. She caught up with him, grabbing his arm and gently pushing him against the side of the house. He kept his face turned away from her, refusing to meet her eyes. "What happened back there?"
Jamie glanced towards the street, his eyes glassy. "I just… he was there, Erin… I still hear him…"
Erin squeezed his arm gently before turning her eyes towards the gate. She sighed, annoyed, as she heard a scuffling from the other side of the fence. "Come, Jamie. This way." she mumbled quietly, pulling him around the front of the house. She didn't see Danny's annoyed face peer around the gate. She guided Jamie to the front step, pushing him down onto the top step. She sat next to him, placing an arm around his shoulders.
"They're spying, aren't they?" Jamie asked, sounding slightly amused.
"They're just worried." she told him. "What did you mean when you said you could still hear him?"
"Exactly that, Erin! I don't blame Jack, he was just having fun and didn't realize I was right there… but as soon as the rope touched me I remembered Jake and the… pleasure… he got out of hurting me… I was remembering his laugh. Just like back at the farmhouse, I couldn't catch my breath…" Jamie looked up suddenly. "Jack and Sean… how badly did I scare them?"
"You scared all of us, Jamie, but we're okay. We're worried about you. The boys wanted to help you but didn't know how. They'll be okay, Jamie." she added, seeing the annoyed look cross his face as she avoided his question.
Jamie glared at his feet. "I thought I was over it… I thought I had finally gotten control over that bastard…"
"You do have control, Jamie." Erin told him gently, brushing her fingers through his hair to offer comfort. He leaned slightly towards her.
"Mom used to do that…" he trailed off. Erin smiled.
"I know. She did this to me when I broke up with my first boyfriend."
Jamie snorted. "You were fourteen and barely knew what "boyfriend" even meant. I'm surprised Dad even let you out of the house."
"As if you knew what it was, either." Erin grumbled teasingly.
"I had a girlfriend." Jamie said indignantly.
"What, that little six year old? What was her name again? Posie?"
Jamie glared. "Polly. And she loved me." he grinned.
"She loved the cookies Mom put in your lunch bag. You, however, had cooties."
"Whatever." Jamie grumbled, a small grin on his face. He sighed again, burying his face in his hands. "I feel like such an idiot."
"Well, you're not an idiot, Jamie. You're my smart, amazing little brother who just needs some time. It won't happen overnight, but you're getting better already." She said, smiling at him. "Are you still having nightmares?"
"Not as much, and not so vivid anymore. Most nights I don't even remember them."
"Then that's a good start."
"I guess." Jamie muttered. "I should go… "
"Jamie, I don't think you should drive like this." Erin told him, placing her hand over his, feeling light tremors. "It could be dangerous."
"I just can't face them…" he mumbled.
"You can't shut them out, Jamie. They just want to help."
"I know, Erin… I just… I shouldn't have reacted like that. I feel horrible…"
"Then don't you want to say something to them to make it right?"
Jamie glanced at her before nodding. "I guess I should."
Erin stood up, holding out her hands to him. "Come on, then. Let's get back there." Jamie took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. He nervously grabbed Erin's hands, letting himself be pulled into a standing position. She gave him a quick hug before taking his arm and leading him back towards the gate.
Both Danny and Frank looked up as Erin and Jamie walked through the gate into the backyard. Danny stood up quickly, shooting Erin an annoyed look before turning a concerned gaze onto Jamie.
"You okay, kid?" he asked, hesitating before reaching out to him. Jamie moved past him, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm okay, Danny." he told him as he walked over to his father. "I'm sorry, Dad. I messed up the evening…"
"You didn't mess up anything, Jamie." Frank said, gently squeezing his shoulder. "We just want to know you're okay."
"I am." Jamie smiled. "I really should apologize to Jack and Sean, though. I probably scared them."
"I'll bring them out." Danny said, moving into the house. Seconds later, Jack ran out with Sean on his heels. Both boys flew towards Jamie.
"Uncle Jamie, are you okay? I didn't mean to hurt you!" Jack said, looking like he was going to cry. Jamie gathered both into a hug.
"You didn't hurt me, Jack. Neither of you are at fault, okay? You didn't do anything wrong, I'm just working through something right now."
"That's what Dad said." Sean mumbled. "Will you be okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine, kiddo." Jamie smiled. "I'll play a game with you next week, okay?" Both boys nodded their agreement.
"Goodnight, Uncle Jamie." they chorused.
"Goodnight boys." he replied, giving them another hug. "Sleep well."
Danny ushered them back inside. "Jamie, don't leave yet okay? Wait for me."
"Sure." Jamie said, sitting on a patio chair. Frank sat next to him as Erin went inside to talk to Danny and Linda. Jamie looked at him. "I'm okay, Dad. Really."
"I know, son. I'm just worried about you… when I got out here and saw you on the ground, you looked pale and terrified… you looked like you were going to pass out. I started wishing again that… if I could only have taken your place…"
"Dad, don't! Please don't say that! You don't want to know what he…" Jamie stalled. He glanced painfully at his father. "Just don't say that."
"Alright, son." Frank said, placing a gentle hand on Jamie's back. "He used us, didn't he?"
"What?"
"Jake." Frank answered. "He used us to get to you, didn't he?"
"I… how did you…" Jamie stuttered. "What did Danny say to you?"
"He didn't, Jamie." Frank admonished. "I've been in the police force for as long as you've been alive. I'm pretty good at deducing clues, son."
Jamie glanced at his feet. "I know, Dad. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything." He took a deep breath. "Yes, he said he'd caused an explosion that killed all of you. I didn't want to believe him, but I couldn't help it." Jamie's breath caught in his throat. "I started thinking it was true… I started to think that I really didn't have anyone left to come home to…"
Frank rubbed comforting circles on his back as Jamie did his best to regain control. Finally, Jamie looked up.
"I'm okay, Dad. Thanks." Jamie said, giving him a small smile. Frank smiled back, about to say something when he was interrupted by the door opening. Erin stepped out with Danny right behind her.
"Dad, I think I'm going to drive Jamie home. Danny will follow in Jamie's car." Erin told him, holding up her hand to stop Jamie's protests. "We just want to be safe, Jamie. That's all." She turned back to her father. "I'll drive Danny back afterwards so that he and Linda can take the boys home and I'll pick up Nicki."
"That sounds fine, Erin." Frank answered.
"Keys, kid?" Danny asked, holding out his hand. Jamie reluctantly gave him the keys.
"I want it in one piece when we get there, Danny." Jamie warned him.
Danny glowered. "You're so overprotective of that thing." he grumbled.
"She's my baby." Jamie told him, wounded. "She isn't a thing!"
"She." Danny snorted. "Whatever, kid. Are you two ready?"
"Yes." Erin said. Jamie nodded, standing.
"Goodnight, Dad." Jamie said, nodding awkwardly at his father.
"Goodnight, son. Sleep well." Frank answered, wanting to give him a hug. He stopped himself, knowing that it would only embarrass him. Jamie nodded again, turning to follow his siblings. Frank sat outside for a long time after he heard their engines start up and drive away. He sat there, alone on the patio, doing something he'd neglected, something he should have done a long time ago.
He prayed.
~~TBC~~
A/N 2: It's all starting to bubble out now... stay tuned! :)