Run and Hide

Disclaimer: Same as usual.

A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing! :) To Guest # 2 - (I can only guess, but maybe I've figured out who you are LOL ;) No, nothing sinister is going on. He just doesn't want his family to live through what he had to go through, and remember that Jake taunted him that he had killed his family and Jamie wondered if perhaps it was true. He's just wants to protect his family. :) Thanks for the question! :)

Okay, we're coming to the peak now - yes, the story is starting to wrap up. Just a little bit more to go.

On a completely random note - don't ever try to kill a mouse with a gun. An Ontario man learned the hard way when he shot himself. He's fine, it just grazed him, but I'm sure the mouse is in a hole somewhere laughing it's ass off. ^_^ The idiot thought he could smack it and kill it, and in his defense, he didn't think the gun was loaded. I guess he's never heard of a mouse trap. ;) And on that rambling note - onward!

Chapter 16

No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude,
without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true. - Nathaniel Hawthorne

"I'm getting so bored doing nothing all the time." Jamie grumbled. "I can go back to work, can't I? It's been over two weeks already…"

Frank sighed. "You can do desk work, son. I cannot allow you back on the street just yet. You need to redo your qualifications, and you need to see the department psychologist first. He needs to clear you for street duty."

Jamie sighed. "I'm okay. We both know that!"

Frank suppressed a sigh. He was starting to feel a little annoyed with his youngest. Jamie had been doing a lot of complaining over the last few days. He knew his son was bored and just wanted to get back to normal, but there were procedures to follow. Jamie seemed to feel he could bypass them. "You might think you're okay, Jamie, and maybe you are, but it's procedure. Dr. Haynes needs to evaluate you to make sure you're fit for street duty. You can't just go back after missing more than a month of work for something other than a vacation." Frank frowned as Jamie started to protest. "Everyone needs to follow these rules, Jamie! You're no exception!"

Jamie's mouth thinned. "I'm not asking you to put me back in just because of my name!"

"Then why won't you just follow procedure?" Frank grumbled.

"Because you know I'm okay! You know I can do it!"

"That's enough, Jamie." Frank told him firmly, leaving no room for argument. He was pulling rank, and Jamie had better listen to him. "You follow procedure, or you do not go back onto the street. It's your choice."

Jamie glared, but his glare lasted only a few seconds before his eyes strayed to his feet. "Yes, Sir." he mumbled, getting up from his chair. "I need to go…"

"Jamie…"

"Really, Dad. I told Sarge I'd meet him at the golf course." Jamie grumbled, making a face. Golf really wasn't his thing, but Renzulli had begged him to go with him. His regular golf buddy had bailed on him, and he was desperate to get a round in while he had some time off. He made up some excuse that he hated to golf alone. "I'm going to be late."

Frank nodded. "Okay, then. Have a good time, son."

Jamie nodded, quickly making his way to the door. "I'll see you later." he called as the door softly snapped shut behind him.

Frank sighed again, putting down his paper. Henry poked his head into the living room. Frank waved him in.

"I thought it was about to go into world war three in here."

Frank nodded, lost in thought. "Do you think he expected me to just put him back in, no questions asked?"

"No." Henry supplied. "He's not selfish like that, he wouldn't use the name just to get his way. I think he's bored and restless, and he's still afraid. "

"He still hasn't said much to me. Or to Danny."

"I know." Henry sighed. "I'm still waiting for him to crack."

"I can't let him back on the streets because of that."

"Exactly." Henry encouraged him. "You did the right thing, Francis. You would do the same for any officer, there's no need to treat your son any different. He knows the rules, now he has to follow them."

"You're right, Pop." Frank sighed. "So why do I feel bad for it?"

"Because he's your son, and you want to see him happy." Henry replied softly.

"But just because he's allowed back onto the streets doesn't mean he'll be happy." Frank mused. "It could be dangerous. The next phone call we get could be the one I dread most."

"Which is why you did the right thing." Henry repeated. "You're the Commissioner, Francis. He's an officer barely out of his rookie days. He needs to follow you, and he knows it. He's just going through a whiny stage right now."

"I wish he'd stop." Frank grumbled.

Henry smiled. "I remember you getting whiny after you'd been stuck inside for a few weeks. You'd been forbidden from working, too, and you hated it. I was ready to strangle you, I have to admit."

Frank glowered. "Thanks a lot, Pops." he grumbled, picking up the paper. He glanced at his father. "Do you suppose it's genetic, then?" Henry could only laugh in response.

~~BB~~

"I know you're not that good at this, but this is ridiculous!" Renzulli called out, annoyed. He was standing by the edge of a water trap, fishing for Jamie's ball. "How many times have you landed in here?"

Jamie glanced at the score card. He was losing badly. "Too many to count." he called back.

Tony sidled up to him. "So why is it always me that has to find your ball? You're the one who keeps losing it, you go fishing!"

"You're better at it…" Jamie tried. "Besides, the mosquito's are worse down there." he finished, smiling innocently.

Tony snorted, shaking his head. He peered at his friend carefully. "You really don't want to do this, do you?"

Jamie sighed. "I'm bored out of my skull, Sir, but I'm not this desperate."

Tony sighed. "Fine. This is the last hole, anyway. I was going to ask if you wanted to go another round, but I won't."

Jamie smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Sarge."

They started walking back to the clubhouse, dragging their golf bags behind them. Jamie's was tattered and well-used looking, merely a rental. Tony had his top-of-the-line bag filled with expensive top-of-the-line clubs to go with it. Tony looked at Jamie, examining him.

"You okay, kid?"

Jamie shrugged. "I'm just bored, Sarge. I want to get back to work, but I can't."

"Why not?" Tony asked, shrugging. "Just do the normal re-entry, then you'll be back with me in no time."

Jamie chewed on his bottom lip. "Sure…" he replied. "I can do that."

Tony shot him a strange look. "What, you don't think you can?"

Jamie shrugged. "I just don't know anymore… what if I freeze up? What if something happens while I'm in the middle of re-qualifying… I'll never get back onto the force!"

Tony regarded him seriously. "Jamie, I know you're bored but if you're still thinking like that, if you still have doubts, then I think you need to take a little more time."

"Sarge…" Jamie started to protest.

Tony held up his hand. "Jamie, I'm serious. If you are unsure," he told him firmly. "Then you are a liability, both to me as your partner and to the citizens of this city. I cannot allow you back on the streets if I feel you may mess up."

Jamie regarded his friend wearily. "I thought you had more faith in me than that, Sarge." he said, his voice quiet and tense.

Tony sighed. "Kid, I do. Don't look at me like that!" he defended himself. "I'm not saying that you can't do it because I know you can! But you need to know one hundred percent that you can do it! If you are the least bit unsure, then that is when a mistake will happen. And in this job, a mistake can be fatal."

Jamie nodded, staring down at the ground. "I know, Sarge. You're right. I'm sorry."

"Don't be ridiculous, Reagan." Tony said, waving him off. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm just looking out for you."

Jamie smiled at him. "Thanks, Sarge."

Tony watched him again. "Do you want to leave?"

"Please, Sarge… I don't want to ruin your night, but I really don't like golf!"

Tony laughed. "Fine, Jamie. Let's go. We can grab something to eat on the way back."

Jamie smiled again. "That sounds fine, Sarge." he replied as the two made their way back to the parking lot.

~~BB~~

"Jamie's agitated." Danny grumbled to his father over coffee. They were sitting in Frank's office.

Frank sighed. "What makes you say that?" he asked, not really intending for it to be a question.

"He snapped at me earlier today. It was over nothing, too." he sighed. "We're okay!" he added quickly, noticing the look his father gave him. "He apologized immediately. It just surprised me, that's all."

"He's bored. He wants to go back to work, but he won't follow the procedure."

"He needs to talk about what happened." Danny said, his tone serious. "The shrink won't let him back in unless he can prove that what happened no longer affects him."

"Exactly." Frank answered. "And I think it still does."

"He hasn't really opened up much."

"No."

"What are we going to do about it?"

"All we can do is wait, son."

Danny sighed. Waiting was the hardest part.

~~BB~~

Jamie stared out the front window of his father's home. He had agreed to help his father repaint the back fence. He knew his father was trying to help alleviate some of the boredom he was feeling. Tony's words kept running through his mind. If he was unsure, he should take more time…

Was that it? Could he do it? Jamie held his breath, letting it out slowly, angrily. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Jamie?"

"Yeah?" Jamie turned, doing his best to keep his face neutral. His father was standing behind him, holding a plate with sandwiches on it. They had finished most of the fence, and Frank decided it was time for a break.

"Hungry?" Frank peered closely at his son. Jamie looked annoyed about something, but he was obviously trying to hide it.

"Yeah, thanks Dad." Jamie answered, offering a smile. He reached for the plate, taking a sandwich. He took a seat on the nearest chair. Frank sat on the chair next to his, reaching for his own sandwich. They ate in silence for a few minutes, each lost in thought. Frank kept glancing at Jamie, noticing the far away look on his face. He sighed, making up his mind.

"Son."

Jamie looked up quickly. "Yeah, Dad?"

"Something's on your mind."

Jamie shrugged. "Nothing important. Don't worry."

"No, Jamie. We're not doing that again."

Jamie glanced at his feet, a small frown on his face. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do, Jamie." Frank intoned softly. "You haven't told us much of what happened to you…"

"I've told Danny." Jamie said defiantly. He didn't know why he felt such a burning anger beneath the surface.

"Maybe." Frank answered. "But even to Danny you've only mentioned some of it…"

"Maybe because it isn't important!" Jamie shot out, standing up. "Maybe because it's in the past…"

"Sit down, Jamie!" Frank demanded.

"Leave it alone, Dad." Jamie muttered, still standing. His hands were shaking.

Frank stood. "I said, sit down." He stared hard at his son. Jamie glared back.

"Boys, I bought more cold drinks…" Henry trailed off. He'd been out shopping for groceries and had just returned. He entered the room where he could hear mumbled voices, stopping short at the ice cloud that hung over his son and grandson. All thoughts died on his lips.

"Why can't you leave me alone?" Jamie muttered coldly.

"Because I've had enough." Frank told him firmly, his own anger bubbling beneath the surface. "It's eating at you and tearing you apart. Don't you dare think that I don't see it! You've never approached me, and I want to know why!"

"Because it's not important anymore!" Jamie cried, voice rising. "All you do is bring it up…"

"It is important, Jamie!" Frank said, his own voice raising. "You don't know how hard it is to watch you suffer alone when you know that all you have to do is approach one of us and just tell us what's going on with you! Just tell us what happened!"

Jamie could feel the walls he'd so carefully built up starting to crack. The tremors in his hands were starting to consume the rest of his body, the pressure tightening in his chest. "You don't want to know what happened!" he shouted. "You don't want to know what he did to me!" Jamie turned suddenly, pushing towards the door. Frank grabbed his arm, pulling him back. "Let go of me."

"No." Frank said, his body shaking just as much as his son's. "I'm not letting you leave like this. You need to tell me! I do want to know…"

"Maybe I don't want you to know!" Jamie shouted coldly, his eyes burning. "Have you ever thought that maybe I don't want anyone to know? That I don't want anyone to have to live through it? To live through the hell that bastard put me through? Caulfield made me less than who I am, maybe I don't want anyone to have to share that!"

Frank stared at him, shaken and stunned. "Jamie, you're not a lesser person because of what he did to you."

Jamie tore his arm from his father's grasp. "You wouldn't understand…" he muttered, pushing again towards the door. "You need to stay out of it."

"Jamie!" Frank called, taking a few steps towards him. He stopped when Jamie turned back towards him, a look of fury on his face. "Please son…"

"Leave me alone!" Jamie cried out, his voice hoarse. "Just leave me! Stop interfering!" He yanked open the door. "Stay out of it!" Jamie rushed out the door. He never noticed his stunned brother standing on the doorstep, having heard the entire fight from behind the closed door.

Danny caught the door before it slammed shut. He stared at his father, who had turned away, before glancing at his shaken grandfather and back towards the street just in time to see Jamie peel off, going much faster than was allowed. He opened his mouth a few times, his voice refusing to work.

"What the hell?" he finally choked out. He turned back towards the now empty room just in time to hear his father's office door slam and see the back of his grandfather's head retreat into the kitchen. Jamie may not have noticed him standing there, but Danny had noticed the look on Jamie's face as he brushed past him. He was barely holding it together.

Danny sighed, torn between attempting to follow his brother, and going to check on his father and grandfather. He turned into the house, knowing that it would be impossible to find Jamie right now as he could be anywhere. He'd try calling him after a while, hopefully after Jamie had cooled down.

"Grandpa?" he called softly as he entered the kitchen. Henry was staring out the kitchen window, his eyes fixed on nothing in particular. He nodded absentmindedly at Danny.

"Do you want something to eat? I just bought more food…"

"No, Grandpa." Danny interrupted. "Are you okay?"

Henry sighed, shrugging. "Are we ever okay?"

Danny nodded. "Right…"

"I came into it after they'd already started fighting." Henry added.

"Maybe I should check on Dad… will you be okay?"

Henry turned to him, giving him a small smile. "I'll live, Danny. I've faced many fights in this family. This isn't the first time."

Danny fought the urge to retort. "This is different, Gramps."

"I know."

Danny nodded again. "I'll just go check on Dad."

"You should, Danny." Henry encouraged. "He looked really upset when he stormed past me."

"Right." Danny mumbled. He headed towards his father's office, turning back just in time to see his grandfather resume staring out the window, his eyes unfocused. He felt a pang in his chest.

He knocked softly on his father's office door.

"Enter."

"Dad…"

"Danny, when did you get here?" Frank asked, attempting to look normal.

"I heard the whole thing." Danny informed him, gently closing the door behind him. Frank's face fell.

"Is it my fault, Danny?" Frank mumbled. "Did I just push him away? Maybe I shouldn't have said anything."

"Dad, don't do this to yourself." Danny told him. "We're all tired of it… but it's clear he's afraid of something. I really think he's afraid of how we'll react, either to what he had to go through, or towards him personally. We're Reagan's, and right now he doesn't feel like he fits in. You heard him…"

"He feels he's a lesser person because of what Caulfield did to him." Frank finished, sighing. Danny nodded.

"He was barely holding it together when he rushed past me." Danny mumbled quietly. "He's going to shatter, Dad… and I don't even know where to find him."

"Try calling him." Frank suggested quietly. "He'll listen to you… he doesn't even realize you're here."

Danny nodded, pulling out his phone. He dialed Jamie's number, listening to the rings, his heart thumping. He shook his head as Jamie's voicemail cut in.

"Jamie, call me. I need to talk to you." Danny said into the phone, before snapping it shut. He turned to his father. "It only rang a few times before the voicemail picked up."

"It must be off, then."

"I'll keep trying, Dad…" Danny told him, startling when his phone rang in his hand. He quickly looked at the caller ID, feeling a stab of disappointment when he saw the name. "It's Jackie. I've got to take this."

"Of course, son. I'll get a hold of you if I hear anything else or if Jamie comes back."

Danny nodded. "I'll keep you informed, too." he said, quickly stepping out of the room while answering his phone. "Jack, what have you got?"

Frank watched his son leave. The only thing he could feel was that he must have screwed up somewhere, that he did something he shouldn't have done, or didn't do something that he should have done. He rested his elbows on his knees and stared at his hands, a hollow feeling in his chest.

Danny hung up the phone. The look on his father's face when he'd entered the room was heartbreaking. He knew his father was beating himself up over Jamie leaving the way he did. Jamie wasn't the only thing that was shattering. So was the fabric that held the family together.

~~BB~~

Jamie leaned on the railing of the pier, staring out over the water. His phone was pressed to his ear as his listened to the voice messages that had collected over the last few hours. Most were from Danny, each one gaining a slightly panicked tone that he was obviously trying to hide, as he begged for Jamie to call him. One was from his grandfather, asking him to come home. The last one made the tears roll down his face.

"Jamie, I'm so sorry… please come home, son. Please, you can tell me anything or nothing at all, it doesn't matter. I just want you safe. I love you, Jamie, no matter how you feel about me. That's one thing that will never change. I'm begging you to come home."

Jamie sunk to the cold stones of the pier, his head in his hands. 'What the hell have I done?'

~~BB~~

Danny knocked on the door to Erin's office before pushing it open. She looked up from the pile of papers on her desk.

"Danny, what do you need this time?"

"Why do I always need something?" Danny grumbled. "Why can't I just stop by to visit my sister?"

Erin shot him a look. "Because you always need something."

Danny sighed. "Whatever, Erin. It's not for me this time. Have you talked to Jamie recently? Has he stopped by here at all?"

Erin looked surprised. "No. I haven't seen him in a few days, and he hasn't called. Why? Is something wrong?"

"You could say that." Danny muttered. "He and Dad had a blowout yesterday afternoon."

"What? What happened?" Erin asked, her pen caught in a death squeeze between her fingers. "Are they okay? How's Dad?"

"Well, it was more of a blowout on Jamie's part, but Dad was angry, at least at first. I heard the whole thing from the doorstep. Jamie nearly ran me down, but I don't even think he noticed me."

"What happened?" Erin asked again, her tone frustrated.

"He's afraid of how we'll view him. I think he's afraid that we won't view him the same once he's told us everything. He said that Caulfield made him a lesser person, and he doesn't want anyone else to have to live through what he had to go through."

"He thinks he's weak. He doesn't think he fits in anymore." Erin mumbled, her eyes filling with tears. "Danny… we have to find him."

"I know Erin." Danny agreed. "I just don't know how. His phone's been off since yesterday. I drove past his apartment last night and this morning. His car wasn't there, but that doesn't mean that he hadn't been home at some point. I saw Dad before I started my shift this morning, and he still hadn't heard anything from him, either. He hadn't slept all night, waiting to hear from Jamie."

Erin turned to stare out the window at the darkening sky. "Storm's coming." she mused.

"I know."

Silence hung thick as they got lost in their worried thoughts.

~~BB~~

"Thank you for coming in, Sergeant."

Tony stood nervously in front of the Commissioner. "Of course, Sir."

"Please, have a seat." Frank motioned to the chair on the other side of his desk. "You don't need to look so nervous, Sergeant."

Tony tried not to flush. "Right… is there anything wrong, Sir?"

"It's not work related." Frank sighed. "Has Jamie talked to you or come to see you recently?"

Tony looked surprised. "No, I haven't seen or heard from him in a few days. Why?"

Frank looked down. "He and I fought yesterday afternoon. I tried to get him to talk about it, and he pushed me away. He's afraid that we'll think he's weak… and I'm certain that he feels that he is weak, too."

"I know, Sir. I got that feeling, too." Tony replied. "He couldn't control what Caulfield did to him, and he's ashamed because of that."

"And now we don't know where he is."

"I'll keep an eye and ear out for him, Sir. I'll let you know if I hear from him."

"Thank you, Sergeant. I appreciate that."

Tony nodded as he got up to leave, worry picking at his mind for his young friend.

Frank watched the tired-looking man leave. He turned to the window, watching as dark clouds started rolling in. 'Where are you, Jamie? I just wish I knew you were alright.'

~~BB~~

Henry looked up as Frank walked through the door. "Evening, Francis."

"Hi, Pop. Have you heard anything from Jamie?"

"Not directly."

Frank shot him a confused look mixed with annoyance. "What's that supposed to mean?" Henry just pointed at the answering machine.

"I wasn't home when he called."

Frank dashed over to the machine, pressing the play button. Relief filled him as he heard his son's voice.

"Dad… I'm sorry… I didn't mean what I said. I just… I'm sorry. I love you. I'll call again later."

Frank quickly picked up the phone, punching in his son's home number. There was no answer except for his machine. He left a message of his own. "Jamie, call me back, okay? I got your message."

He hung up slowly before picking up the receiver again and dialing his cellphone. It went to voicemail. He sighed, leaving another message. "Jamie, I'll try again later. Call me."

"He's still not answering, huh?" Henry grumbled.

"No." Frank sighed, slumping down into his chair. "I don't get it, Pop. He calls here, but won't leave his line open?"

Henry shrugged. "I guess he's making sure this is on his terms."

Frank stared at a point on the ceiling as Henry went back to the paper.

~~BB~~

The rain had started to fall, soaking into his thin shirt and mixing with the tears on his face. He had been walking for hours, unsure of where he even was. He nearly tripped over a rock on the ground. Thunder crashed overhead. He looked up, more tears falling as he recognized where he was.

It was Joe's favourite stomping ground, a small park with lots of hiding spaces. Joe would come here to drink with a few buddies before they were legal. Jamie had it on good authority that he'd even brought a few girls here on occasion. At twenty-three, he'd brought sixteen year old Jamie there to have his first beer; Danny had ripped them both a new one when he'd found out. Surprisingly, their father never knew about it, or at least he'd kept quiet about it.

Lightening flashed as he crawled underneath some tall pine trees for shelter from the wind and rain. He knew it wasn't a smart idea hiding under there, but at the moment he didn't care. He was cold, it was dark, and he was soaked to the bone. He leaned back against the trunk, shivering. He dug around in his pocket, pulling out a rectangular piece of paper. It was a photograph. Three smiling faces stared back at him; Joe and Danny with Jamie squished in the middle. Danny was twenty-eight, Joe twenty-five, and Jamie eighteen. He had graduated high school that same day. Their arms were tossed around each other shoulders, not a care to be seen, and no vision of the horrors that lay ahead.

Jamie clutched the picture, his heart thumping painfully in the hollow cavern where his chest was. He found it much harder to breathe. "I can't do this…" he moaned to himself. "I can't keep doing this…" He fumbled for his phone.

~~BB~~

"His car is here, but he's not." Erin told him. Danny sighed, clutching the phone to his ear. Erin had gone to Jamie's apartment after she finished work. Danny had gone back over to his father's place to wait with him and his grandfather.

"Look, Erin, go home to Nicki. This storm is getting worse. I'm going to go look for him. I'll keep you posted."

"You'd better!" she threatened, sounding tearful.

"It'll be okay, Erin." he told her softly. "I'm not letting him go. He has to be somewhere. I'll find him, I promise you."

"I know you will, Danny. Call me."

Danny hung up. "His car is at his apartment, but he's not there." he informed his father and grandfather, who were sitting side by side in their chairs, watching him expectantly. "I'm going to go look for him. I'll start with the most obvious places first…" He was cut off by his phone ringing. He automatically flipped it open, not even looking at the screen. "Reagan."

"Danny…"

"Jamie!" Danny nearly dropped the phone in surprise. His elders sat up straighter, leaning towards him. "Kid, where are you?"

"Danny, I need you… I can't do this myself…"

"Jamie, calm down and tell me where you are." Danny instructed calmly, his heart beating a hole through his chest. Jamie's voice sounded so fragile and shaky, like he was going to cry.

"Joe's haunt."

"The park." Danny remembered. "I'll be there soon. I'm leaving right now. You stay with me, you hear me?" He nodded at his father, who quickly waved him off. He tore out through the door and jumped into his car. "Jamie, I'm going to keep you on speaker, okay? Just keep talking to me."

"Okay…"

"Jamie, where have you been? We've been phoning you, but you haven't answered."

"I know… I've been everywhere. Nowhere. I've done a lot of thinking."

"I'm sure you have." Danny said, his voice soft.

"Please just get here…" Jamie's voice broke off, a sob cutting off his words.

"It'll be okay, kiddo." Danny said, his heart squeezing again. "I'm pulling up now. Where are you?"

"North side, under the trees."

A flash of lightening lit up the sky. Danny saw a lone figure sitting under a patch of pine trees. He sighed.

"Didn't you ever learn not to sit under a tree when there's lightening around?" he grumbled, snatching up his phone. "I'm going to hang up, okay? I'm only a few feet away from you."

"Okay." Jamie mumbled, hanging up his end. Danny snapped his phone shut, running over towards the patch of trees. He knelt down, peering beneath them. Jamie looked back morosely.

"You had us worried." Danny told him softly.

Jamie looked down. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be sorry, Jamie." Danny sighed, spying the paper clutched in his hand. "What have you got there?"

"It's a picture of us." Jamie told him, turning it towards Danny. Danny smiled in remembrance.

"I remember that day. You'd just graduated from high school. I thought Joe was going to split in two from the pride he felt. He bragged about you nonstop."

Jamie smiled softly before his smiled turned sad. "I wish he was here."

"I know you do, kid." Danny said, sitting next to him. "I do, too." He wrapped an arm around Jamie's shoulders as Jamie stuck the picture back into his pocket. "Jamie… please talk to me." Danny pleaded softly. "I want to know what's going on with you."

"No you don't…" Jamie mumbled, his resolve cracking.

"Jamie, don't do this. Not now." Danny groaned. He could feel Jamie's tensed body shaking under his arm. Another crack of thunder tore through the air as Jamie suddenly took off like a startled rabbit. Danny took off after him. "Jamie, stop!" he hollered, chasing after his brother. He grabbed his arm as he caught up to him. Jamie struggled, trying to pull his arm free.

"You can't possibly understand!" Jamie shouted back over the wind and rain.

"You're not weak!" Danny bellowed. "Don't ever think you're weak! You have nothing to be afraid of, we just want to help you!"

Jamie stared, stunned. He attempted to pull away. "How?"

"How what, Jamie?"

Jamie shook his head, turning away. His walls were breaking further as his chest tightened. "I don't fit in, Danny. I'm not strong like you or Dad… I couldn't fight him off… I really tried, Danny, I did…"

"I know. Believe me, I know. You did the best you could." Danny said, reaching for him again. "Let's get back to Dad's, okay? I don't know about you, but I'm freezing." He moved towards Jamie, placing a hand on his shoulder. Jamie stumbled, his knees giving out as he sank to the soaking wet grass beneath him. Danny immediately knelt down next to him. "Jamie, what is it?"

The fragile walls surrounding him shattered, cold like ice and as sharp as a knife. "I can't do this alone, Danny…" he mumbled, his breath catching in his throat. "I'm so tired…"

Danny throat tightened as he wrapped his arms around his brother. "I know, kid. You're never alone."

Jamie clutched at him, finally breaking. Danny held him, rubbing his back to offer comfort as the rain continued to pour down on them. When Jamie's sobs started to quiet, Danny pulled him gently to his feet.

"Let's get going, okay?" he asked softly. "Dad's probably worried about us out in this weather."

Jamie nodded, automatically following his brother back to the car. He felt spent, and it took everything he had just to put one foot in front of the other. Danny kept on hand protectively on his back, the warmth radiating to his core. Danny unlocked the car and Jamie gratefully crawled inside, glad to be out of the rain. Danny got in the other side and started the car.

"You okay, Jamie?"

Jamie smiled softly. "Thanks, Danny. For being there."

"I'll always be there, Jamie. You know that." Danny smiled back as he pulled away. They drove in silence, Jamie staring out the window at the rainy scenery passing by, and Danny casting concerned glances at his brother. Finally, they pulled up to the house. Danny turned the car off. He noticed Jamie staring nervously up at the house, lightening flashing in behind the brick structure. "You ready, kiddo?"

Jamie swallowed. "Sure…"

Danny reached over, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "It'll be okay, Jamie. Dad doesn't think any less of you. He'll never think any less of you. He doesn't think of you as weak."

Jamie nodded, his jaw tight. "Let's go."

Danny gave him an encouraging smile as they headed back out into the rain. They hurried up the steps and Danny pushed through the front door. "Dad? Grandpa? We're home."

Frank hurried out into the entryway, Henry close on his heels. He took in Danny, dripping onto the floor, and Jamie, who was standing off to the side, his arms crossed tightly over his chest, soaked through to the bone. Both boys had slightly blue tinged skin, and they were shivering. Henry hurried off to grab towels.

"Hot shower, Danny." Frank ordered. "Jamie…"

Jamie's lips quivered. Frank took a step towards him and held out his arms just as Jamie's resolve crumbled. He collapsed against his father, who wrapped his arms tightly around him. Danny quietly stepped around them, hurrying upstairs to the bathroom. Henry was watching from the top of the stairs.

"He's going to be mortified." Danny mumbled.

"Why?"

Danny gestured down towards where his brother and father were standing, Frank's arms still tightly wrapped around his son. "Why not?"

"It's just us here. What happens in this house stays in this house."

Danny looked at his grandfather. He smiled. "Yeah, you're right Gramps." He looked back down the stairs. "I'm going to go have a shower. I'll just be a few minutes."

"Both of you still have some clothes in the drawers of your rooms."

"No we don't…"

"Yeah, you do. Francis made sure of it. Just some basics, but they're there. I'll run the washing machine once Jamie's showered and warmed up. Your clothes will be ready for you later."

Danny shook his head. Trust his father to look after them even as grown men who've moved out. He shut the bathroom door, turning on the water and relishing in the steam. He climbed into the tub, leaning against the wall. A few tears rolled down his face as the anxious energy that had built up over the last twenty-four hours started to leave him. He scrubbed them away, his muscles feeling heavy and weak, and quickly washed. Reluctantly he turned off the water. He quickly dried off, wrapping the towel around his waist as he padded towards his room, nearly bumping into Jamie who was just leaving his own room dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"How'd you shower so fast?"

Jamie smiled slightly. "Just because you rarely use the second bathroom…"

"Right. I forgot about the one by Grandpa's room." Danny smirked. "You heading back down?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Sure." Jamie said. "Danny?"

Danny paused in the doorway of his room. "Yeah?"

"Thanks. I mean it."

Danny smiled. "I know. You're welcome, kid. Anytime."

Jamie nodded, smiling at him again, before descending the stairs. Danny closed the door to his room softly, feeling for the first time that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

~~BB~~

Danny sat on the edge of the bed in his old room, dressed in a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. He held his cellphone to his ear, waiting for Erin to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Hi Erin, it's Danny."

"Danny! Did you find him? Is he okay?" she asked in a rush.

"I found him. He actually called me first, told me where he was. He was at the old park where Joe used to go. He was soaked through." Danny sighed. "He'll be okay, Erin, but he completely shattered before I got him back to Dad's. I've never seen anything like it."

"He had to admit it to himself that he needed help. Once he did, it must have become all too real."

"Yeah." Danny mumbled, rubbing his tired eyes. "Dad made both of us shower and Gramps is insisting on washing our clothes. Jamie doesn't look like he wants to go anywhere. I think he's ready to talk about it."

"Should I come over?"

Danny hesitated. "Would you mind not coming over right now? I'm sure he'll talk to you, too." he added hastily at the sound of her protests. "But there are already three of us here, and that's probably more of an audience than he wants to begin with."

"Alright." Erin sighed. "I get it. I'll check on him tomorrow, then." She paused. "Danny, let me phone Linda for you. You just go and look after him, okay?"

"Thanks, Erin." Danny sighed gratefully. "I'll keep in touch."

"You do that. Goodnight, Danny."

"Goodnight, Erin. Sleep well."

Danny hung up, stretching. He made his way into the hallway and back down the stairs. He entered the living room, spotting Jamie on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. There was a mug of steaming hot chocolate on the table in front of him. His father sat on Jamie's right, and his grandfather sat in his own chair with his feet propped up. Jamie motioned to the spot on the couch that remained empty. Danny immediately sat down, noticing that he, too, had a mug of hot chocolate waiting for him.

Jamie looked at each of them in turn, his fingers fidgeting. He swallowed nervously. "I'm sorry."

"Jamie, you don't have to be sorry…" Frank started.

"No, I do." Jamie interrupted him. "I thought that I could handle it myself, I thought I was better off handling it myself, if only to save you from having to live with the images and memories. I thought that if I kept it hidden away, I could just forget about it. I was angry. Angry at myself, mostly, for getting into that situation in the first place, but also angry with Caulfield for taking control of me… I couldn't stop him, and I thought that there must be something wrong with me. I can't be much of a cop if I can't even stop someone from hurting me. How can I protect anyone else if I can't even protect myself? I've screwed up too many times already, I got a young boy killed because I didn't act in time! I just wanted everything to go away."

Jamie shifted, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "It didn't go away. I hoped that it would just become some easily-forgotten distant memory, but it never did. Even though Caulfield is dead, he still tormented me. And I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want him to torment anyone else, so if no one knew, they'd be safe from him."

Jamie glanced up at Danny, who was gazing at him, concerned, then over at his grandfather, who looked teary. He finally looked up at his father, holding his gaze. "I was too stuck on myself. I never realized that you were tormented, too. I never realized that even though I never spoke about it, Caulfield had a hold over you, and would as long as he had a hold over me. I know it hurt you to watch from the sidelines, unable to do anything because I wouldn't let you."

Jamie glanced back at his hands. His voice was barely above a whisper. "I can't keep it in anymore… I feel like I've broken into pieces and I don't know what to do anymore."

Frank reached over, lightly brushing the back of Jamie's head before grasping his shoulder firmly. Danny rested a hand on his other shoulder.

"We're here, son. All of us."

"You can tell us anything you want." Danny added.

Jamie closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He leaned back against the couch before holding Danny's gaze. "Then I'm ready."

~~TBC~~

A/N 2: Yep, were at that point now. Stay tuned! :)

I also just want to say that my heart goes out to all involved in the Colorado theatre shooting. Pardon my French, but there's been too much of this shit lately. The world needs a shove in a different direction. I hope everyone can find the peace they need at this time and in the future.