Run and Hide

Disclaimer: And still nothing has changed...

A/N: Sorry this seemed to take a long time - I usually try to do weekly updates, but this time not only had I caught up to myself and ran into an unfinished chapter, I couldn't get the drive back to complete it, either. And since when has "vacation time" meant "busier than when you are working"? Blech. Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for taking time to review the previous chapter! Appreciate it. :)

This one seems a bit rushed to me, so I apologise in advance if it seems to jump around.

Enjoy. :)

Chapter 17

If you just set people in motion, they'll heal themselves. - Gabrielle Roth

Jamie fidgeted nervously. "Everything started a while ago, before the campground. Everything just piled up… I was making too many mistakes, and I just didn't handle it right." Jamie shot a look at Danny, who nodded in understanding. "I thought that if I left I could sort through it all, just take some time to myself and figure it all out. When I came back, I could start over."

Jamie shifted, pulling the blanket tighter around him. "The night of the shooting… I shouldn't have even been in that part of the city, Dad. I don't know what I was thinking!"

Frank squeezed his shoulder gently. "The report said you were on a break and buying a birthday gift for Nicki. There's nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't punished for being somewhere else in the city when you're on a break. Just keep your ear on your radio at all times."

"I know… but I should have just walked away. I never should have stopped…" Jamie stared down at his hands. Danny nudged his shoulder.

"It's also not against the law to stop, or try to stop, something in progress, no matter what area of the city you're in."

"I didn't stop it, Danny." Jamie replied softly. "I was too late… only when I saw the boy come around the corner did I act…"

Danny looked confused. "From the way the report's written, it sounds like you just came across the incident at the last second and didn't have the time to catch the shooter."

Jamie shook his head, his lips pressed tight together. "No… I was hiding in the closest alley, scared of what I should do next. I completely froze… I pulled my gun when I saw the shooter pull his and the kid round the corner… I was too late. He fired, and I didn't… the kid died because of me."

"No, the kid died because someone shot him." Danny told him firmly. "It's horrible, I agree, but it's not your fault. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time and the shooter obviously cared about no one."

Jamie sighed. "I was torn between chasing the shooter and staying with the boy. I knew I couldn't catch the shooter by that time, so I tried to help the boy. His brother… Jake… kept yelling at me to save him." Jamie swallowed. "I called for help. That's when the chaos started… the cops who were supposed to be there showed up and the ambulance arrived… I knew it was too late for the boy, but I kept hoping. Jake and the others had scattered." Jamie took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "As he ran, he told me I was a dead man…"

Danny's fist clenched. "We figured it was revenge." he muttered. "Jamie… why wasn't that in the report?"

Jamie looked down. "Because I didn't mention it to anyone."

Frank sighed. "Son, I'm sure you knew that it was a crucial piece of information."

Jamie nodded. "I just thought that, in a city this large, it would be tough for him to find me anyway. He was obviously dealing in drugs, I figured he'd be arrested soon enough." He looked down. "I was wrong, Dad… I'm sorry. I should have mentioned it."

"Now you know."

Jamie looked up at his father. Frank didn't look angry, just concerned. He nodded again. "What's going to happen to him, Dad? The Sergeant that created the report?"

"I'll deal with that, Jamie. Don't worry about it."

"He was just trying to help, and I let him. I should be punished because of it, too."

"He's the one who glossed over details, son." Frank told him. "Don't focus on that. Besides… I think you've had enough to deal with."

Jamie's gaze slid back to the floor. He nodded. Frank rested a hand on his arm, causing him to look up. Frank was looking at him seriously. "Dad?" he questioned.

"All I ask that in any situation, in any report you have to fill out, you give all information. I know that you know I'll see it, but that means nothing. I ask this of every officer… for everyone's safety, we need every piece of information."

Jamie held his gaze. "Yes, Sir. Believe me, I get it."

Frank smiled softly. "I know you do, son."

Danny cleared his throat. "Why did you leave, kid? After the shooting?"

Jamie looked at him. "I guess I was afraid you'd be disappointed in me. I just wanted to get some solitude and think everything over, start over again." He looked seriously at his brother. "I have some big shoes to fill, Danny. I have a lot riding on me. You, Dad, Gramps… Joe…"

"You're afraid that you don't measure up…" Danny trailed off. It was his turn to look at his feet.

"No, I don't."

"You do, son. Believe me, I couldn't be more proud of you. Of all of you." Frank smiled again, earning looks from both of his sons. "I never expect more out of any one person in this family, and I never expect any less. All I ask of anyone in this family is to be hard-working, upstanding citizens and hard-working members of this family. Everyone here exceeds that. I'm proud of all of you."

"Thanks, Dad." Jamie murmured, shooting him a smile. He looked back down at his hands. "I expected to get up to the retreat, spend a couple of days thinking, and come back. I never thought… of all the bad luck…"

"The information we got out of others explained why they were there." Danny mumbled. Jamie looked at him questioningly. "Jake liked to hide evidence. The retreat, being relatively quiet, was a good place to hide. Shoot the guy… and yes, it was the same guy who shot the boy… leave no evidence, bail, and get off without anyone noticing."

"Except that he did leave evidence behind."

"Yes. The guy fought back before they tied him up… there were markings on his fists and defensive wounds on his arms. Jake spilled some of his own blood before it all ended." Danny paused, looking at his brother proudly. "You put up a good fight, too. There was blood left from one of the other brutes."

Jamie couldn't help but smirk. "I punched the ugly one. Twice." he mumbled, causing the others to laugh.

"I'm glad you did, kiddo." Danny praised. "That was the main piece of evidence that led us to their names."

"And insider information."

"That, too." Danny smiled.

Jamie sighed. "I was afraid… I fought for my life out there, and I still lost… they got the upper hand. There was nothing I could do." Jamie's voice grew softer. "I was sure I'd be killed before they even dragged me over to the van. I didn't realize at the time who Jake actually was, and I know he didn't recognize me at first. I just knew that he didn't want me spilling on the execution I witnessed."

"That was the other thing we got out of the others. Jake hid in a nearby alley. He overheard the Sergeant talking to you, that's how he knew your name." Danny mumbled again. He glanced at Jamie. "What happened next, kid?"

"Jake had clocked me… I woke up in the van. We were moving, but I had no idea where we were. I must have passed out again."

The three listening Reagan men squashed down their anger at Jake. Jamie had a far away look in his eyes, and they didn't want him thinking their anger was directed at him. They waited patiently for him to continue.

"I woke up again in this dark, musty room with only a tiny window high up on the wall. I was dizzy, but I was able to move enough even with my hands and feet tied to check on the door, which was locked. I left it alone. By the time I woke up again, the ties were gone. And Jake had figured out who I was."

Danny glanced discreetly at his father and grandfather over Jamie's head. They wore the same look as he did… fear that they so desperately tried to hide.

"He'd seen the picture that we took several months ago, of just us that day in the backyard. That's what I had as my background image… at that moment, I was more afraid for all of you than I was for myself. He knew you, recognized you… he could go after you and I wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it."

"But he didn't." Frank soothed, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. "He never let on, he didn't touch any of us." Jamie nodded, still lost in thought.

"I still didn't know who I was dealing with… he eventually told me, before he tried choking me…" Jamie trailed off, absentmindedly rubbing at his throat and pretending that he hadn't noticed Danny's hand clench into a fist, or the short intake of breath from his father. He glanced quickly at his grandfather, whose face was impassive, but his eyes burned with anger. Once again, Jamie focused on his hands. "It took hours for them to come back. I was already starting to wonder how long it would take before I started wishing it would just end…"

Danny stood abruptly, startling everyone and causing Jamie to look up. "I'm sorry, kid… continue, I just need to move around…"

"Danny…"

"Really, Jamie… please continue." Danny said softly. "I'm sorry…"

Jamie waved him off, taking another breath. "By the time they came back, Jake had already gone insane… he had a taser with him. It was nothing like during training… I didn't think he'd stop… I was sure he intended on killing me. It felt like I was on fire…" he trailed off, realizing only at that moment that he had leaned forward and that his father was rubbing comforting circles on his back. His cheeks were wet. He wiped his hands across his eyes quickly, feeling Danny sit back down next to him. "He wanted me to confess that I was responsible for his brother's death… I still defied him. He kicked me in the ribs because of it." He paused again, leaning back against the couch. "They left after that." He glanced again at Danny. "I thought that was it, Danny… I thought that I was about to just become a toy for them to play with when they were bored… I didn't know what was going on out here and I thought I'd never be found… the electricity stopped my watch and I had no idea how long it had been…"

Danny lightly grasped his hand. "We never stopped looking, Jamie." he told him softly. "Not once did we give up."

Jamie nodded again. "I know that now." he replied. He took another steadying breath. "They injected me with something… it must have been a muscle relaxant… I couldn't move anything and I couldn't catch my breath. They stuck me in a really small box… it felt like the walls were closing in on me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move… all I felt was panic. Finally, I was able to start moving after what felt like hours. I begged them to let me out… Jake expected me to give in and tell him what he wanted to hear… I still didn't." Jamie paused again, his hands trembling as his mind forced him back to that day. Only the warmth of his father's hand on his arm kept him grounded. "He beat me… I felt ribs cracking… they tied me to a chair, making sure I couldn't move."

Danny fought down an angry curse, his hands trembling as much as Jamie's. Frank shifted closer to Jamie so he could reach around him to place a warm hand on Danny's shoulder. Henry sat unmoving in his chair, afraid to make a sound. He stared intently at Jamie, the entire time wishing that he could kill Jake many times over.

Jamie stood up, nervously pacing over to the window. His hands shook. "He used a knife… that's where all the cuts came from… he liked watching me squirm…" Jamie breath caught. He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder. He turned slightly, his grandfather coming into view. Henry gently took his left arm, turning it to view the tiny pink scar just above his wrist.

"Is that were you got this?"

Jamie nodded. "Later on… he thought I was close to death and decided to get one last jab in. It was right before everyone arrived on scene." He turned back to the window. "He used my family to get to me… he said that he'd killed all of you in an explosion. I refused to believe him at first, and he just beat me more because of it. It didn't take long before I started to believe him. He was capable of anything…"

Henry stood behind his grandson, one hand continuously on his shoulder. He wanted to scream and cry over the injustice that had befallen his grandson, and the unfairness that he was powerless to do anything about it. The images ran across his brain, and he knew that his imagination couldn't come up with images nearly as bad as what Jamie had to deal with.

Danny was staring at the floor, discreetly casting glances at his father, whose fists were clenched. Both men wanted to cry, but fought back their emotions; they wanted to show strength and be the rocks that Jamie needed them to be.

Jamie wandered back to the couch. He felt exhausted and just wanted to sleep but, at the same time, he felt wired. He sat back down in between his father and brother. "He left me alone for hours. I wanted to sleep, but the pain kept me awake. The next time I saw anyone, it was Cole… Colby, I mean. He'd been sent in to finish me off…"

Danny grunted. "Colby told us that. He also said he didn't touch you because he certainly didn't feel that way."

Jamie nodded. "That's what he told me while he was there." He sighed. "I couldn't make sense of him. I didn't know what he wanted most of the time. I felt like he was warning me, but then he'd change and become blank and impassive… I wanted to hate him as much as I did the others."

"He couldn't blow his cover, at least not right away, but he did his best to keep you alive."

"Yeah, he stopped them quite often." Jamie glanced back at his hands. "He was the one who untied me, then I was alone for hours again. When Jake came back… he had a whip with him. An old one, like the ones you'd hear about being used in schools a long time ago."

Frank "humphed" but didn't say anything. Henry raised an eyebrow.

"We called them straps, not whips." he grumbled.

"Same basic idea." Jamie grumbled back while Danny snickered beside him. Jamie sighed again. "Jake got real pleasure out of using that. I always tried to stay as silent as possible when he beat on me. I never wanted to give him the satisfaction that he was getting to me… but I couldn't, not when I could feel the stinging, painful sensation of wounds developing on other wounds… I don't remember when he stopped. I think I passed out before then." He looked at Danny who was staring at his hands, his face sad and angry at the same time. "I hoped that it was over at that point… I wanted to stay unconscious… but I remember later hearing him talking to you. I knew he was talking to someone, but I didn't know it was you until I heard him mention your name. I tried to make you stay away…"

"I heard." Danny replied softly. "We heard what he was doing to you… I think you know by now that nothing would have kept me away. Even if I knew I was walking right into the middle of a trap, I still would have shown up."

"That goes for all of us." Frank quietly interrupted. "We wouldn't leave you. Not for anything."

Jamie nodded. "I know that." he replied softly. His tired eyes were watery. "Thank you… for everything."

"There's no need to thank us, Jamie." Danny replied, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "You would have done the same for any of us. We don't leave each other behind."

Jamie smiled softly. "You're right, Danny." He looked down at his hands. "But I wouldn't want any of you to have to go through that… I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want any of you to have to live it. You're my family… I was protecting you, yet I know I was hurting you at the same time." He looked back up, meeting each of their eyes in turn. "I'm sorry… and I mean it. I should have talked to you before."

Danny looked ready to argue, then he thought better of it. "Then we forgive you." he replied instead.

"And we understand." Frank added, lightly grasping his son's arm.

Jamie smiled, looking sleepy. "I also felt that I had so much to live up to, that my mistakes and my lack of control would just be a source of disappointment for you. To admit any of that would be admitting to failure… I thought that you'd be ashamed of me. I thought that you'd think I was weak." He frowned. "But I think I was… am… disappointed and angry with myself, and I just projected that on to you because that's what my mind told me was happening. It was what I wanted to believe, so I did." He looked back at his hands. "I know it's not true, but I'm still afraid."

"Well, you're right. It's not true." Danny stated. "You're not a failure, and you're not weak. I've never thought of you as that. None of us have."

"You need to believe in yourself, son." Frank told him softly, gently squeezing his arm.

Jamie nodded. "I know. It's just hard to do when you feel like you've screwed up so much."

Danny looked thoughtful. "Jamie, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What is it with you and water bottles? Whenever you have water, either you get it from the tap or you pour water from a bottle into a glass. I still remember that night when you were squeezing that bottle until it nearly popped. What were you thinking?"

Jamie looked at him oddly before a sad looked crossed his face. "That's all I got while I was there. Colby was the one to bring me small amounts of food and he always brought a water bottle with him, too. Jake decided one day that he'd dump the rest of the water that I was saving… I guess he thought I'd confess to him that I was the one who killed his brother if I got desperate enough… he said he'd bring more once I told him what he wanted to hear. I remained silent. I was dehydrated, and I knew it… I felt sick, and it felt like I was on fire. But I still refused to say anything. Colby snuck water back into the room for me… by that time, Jake didn't notice much of anything anymore."

Danny nodded, but couldn't find the words. His brother's strength, even when he knew it might kill him, amazed him. He was pretty sure that, had he been in Jamie's place, he would have caved by that point.

"Jamie." Frank said, his voice soft. "Come on son, let's get you upstairs, okay?"

Danny quickly looked over at his brother. Jamie's eyes were half closed. He looked completely worn out. Danny stood, helping Jamie to his feet. Frank stood protectively on his other side, one hand always hovering. Henry hurried over, gently pulling Jamie into a hug. He didn't say anything, but Jamie wrapped his arms tightly around him. He pulled away, a look of understanding on his face. Henry gently patted his shoulder before taking his seat.

"I'll see you in the morning, kiddo." he mumbled softly. Jamie smiled at him.

"Love you, Gramps." he said, before turning towards the stairs. He stopped at the bottom, looking dismayed. The stairs seemed to stretch for miles ahead of him. He heard Danny snort.

"Come on, Jamie. Let's get you started, at least. One foot in front of the other." Danny said, gently pushing on him. "Unless you want to sleep at the bottom of the stairs…"

"Shut up, Danny." Jamie mumbled, tiredly stepping up on the first step. "I'm so tired…"

"I know." Danny replied, his voice soft and concerned. "I'll help you." He added, grasping his arm. He lightly pulled on him, easing Jamie up the next few steps. Frank stayed right behind his sons. By the time Danny reached the top of the stairs, Jamie was leaning heavily on him and Danny was practically dragging him. "How much have you slept over the last few days?" he puffed, leading him towards his room.

"A few hours." Jamie answered, his voice muffled. He allowed Danny to lead him into his room, where he sat gratefully on the soft mattress of his bed. "I didn't sleep at all last night…"

Danny's pressed his lips together, but kept his words to himself. The fight between him and his father had not been Jamie's fault, but he knew his brother felt horrible about it and the guilt would have kept him awake. It was a trait that plagued both brothers. Even if they hadn't done something wrong, they felt guilty anyway. He helped Jamie lay down, pulling the covers over him. Jamie's eyes were already closing. Danny gently brushed his fingers through his brother's hair. "Sleep well, kid."

"Dad?" Jamie mumbled sleepily.

"Yes, son?" Frank asked from the doorway.

"Can you stay in here for a bit? I need to talk to you."

"Of course, son." Frank answered, stepping into the room. Danny stood to leave.

"Danny?"

"Yeah, Jamie?"

"Thank you."

Danny looked down at this brother. Jamie had forced his eyes open and was staring unwaveringly at him. He nodded, smiling. "Anytime. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

"Goodnight, Danny."

"Night, Jamie. Sleep well."

Danny made his way back out into the hallway, pausing in the doorway. He looked back inside the room. Frank had taken a seat where Danny had sat just moments ago. He sighed, turning and heading down the stairs to the living room where his grandfather waited.

Frank ran a hand softly over Jamie's hair. "Are you okay, Jamie?"

"I'll be fine, Dad." Jamie answered. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry…"

"Yeah, I do." Jamie interrupted. "I was wrong. I acted so horribly the other day… I yelled at you even though I knew you were just trying to help. I pushed you away. And when I left, I didn't know what I was doing. It's like my brain was just one big foggy mess… I could have gotten myself killed when I took off like that… I could have injured or killed someone else… but I wasn't even thinking of that. I was just thinking of how angry I was… and that anger wasn't even directed at you."

Frank could tell he was getting upset again. He squeezed his shoulder. He didn't blame him one bit, but he knew what his son needed to hear. "I forgive you, Jamie. I was angry at first, but mostly worried about you and about where you had gone. I forgive you for the fight and for taking off. If I was in your place, I probably would have done the same thing."

Jamie nodded, his eyes closing again. "I just drove around while cooling off… I scared myself when I nearly rear-ended someone. That's when I stopped at Central Park and just sat there for hours until I felt I could drive again… I turned my phone off."

"I know, I tried phoning you." Frank said, watching Jamie's breathing slowly even out. "Sleep, son. We can talk in the morning if you'd like."

"Hmm… I was at the Pier when I realized what I was doing…" Jamie mumbled, already half asleep. "Love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, Jamie." Frank whispered, his son's soft snore filling the room. "Nothing will ever change that." He sat there a few minutes longer, watching his son get the sleep he so desperately needed. Finally, he got up slowly, careful not to jostle him, and made his way out of the room. He gently closed the door behind him, the soft click of the door going unnoticed by the sleeping figure on the bed.

Henry and Danny both looked up as he entered the living room, looking tired and weary. Danny stood abruptly, looking anxious.

"Is he okay, Dad? Is there anything wrong?"

Frank waved him off. "No, son, there's nothing wrong. He's just emotionally drained, and tired from the lack of sleep over the last few days. He'd fallen asleep before I'd even stood up."

"Oh, that's good… he was getting heavier and heavier as I practically carried him up the stairs…" Danny mumbled. "I thought there was something wrong."

Frank shook his head, lightly squeezing his son close as he passed by him. "No, don't worry, Danny. It was just exhaustion kicking in. He'll be fine once he gets some rest."

Danny nodded, feeling just as tired. His body was sore, partly from the lack of adrenaline and partly from being out in the cold and rainy weather earlier that day. "I need some sleep, too." he mumbled. "Though I think I'll be dreaming of tasers and whips tonight…" he sighed, his body wavering. "Goodnight, Dad. Night, Gramps."

"Goodnight, Danny." Henry answered.

"Night, son." Frank answered, watching as Danny wearily made his way back up the stairs. He heard his bedroom door close quietly.

"I'm going to bed too, Francis." Henry said, getting up from his chair. "Though I think Danny might be right about the dreams…"

"I don't doubt it, Pop." Frank sighed. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Francis." Henry called from the hallway leading to his room. His door closed behind him.

Frank reached up to turn out the light. He sat for a long time in the dark until exhaustion finally caught up to him, too. He hadn't slept at all the night before, and his body was begging for some rest. He tottered off towards the stairs, pausing first at Jamie's door. All he heard was silence, broken by the occasional soft snore. He paused again at Danny's door, hearing more silence before a louder, more rattling snore broke through. He smirked tiredly. No wonder Linda complained.

He quietly entered his own room, quickly changing. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

~~BB~~

Jamie grunted sleepily, light hitting him in the face. He cracked open an eye; sunlight was peeking through his curtains. He stretched, his muscles stiff. He rolled over to glance at the clock. It was ten-thirty. Rolling again, he stared up at the ceiling. He assumed that he must have stayed in the same position all night. He wanted to stay put where he was comfortable, but figured that he might as well get up before someone came looking for him.

~~BB~~

Danny hacked awake. He'd slept solidly most of the night, waking for a few seconds only a couple of times before falling asleep again. He glared at the clock. Ten-thirty. Even though he felt more awake, he was too sore to move. Groaning, he forced himself up, ignoring the pounding in his head. Maybe another shower would work.

~~BB~~

Frank stepped into the hallway, refreshed and dressed, just as his sons exited their rooms. Jamie looked perky, but Danny looked… odd.

"You okay, Danny?"

Danny sniffed. "I feel like crap."

"The rain." Frank stated. "You've probably caught a cold."

"Damn." Danny grumbled before turning his glare on to Jamie. "Why aren't you sick, then?"

Jamie shrugged. "Don't know. I feel fine."

"Figures." Danny groused. "Your immune system is something else. I'm going to shower."

Jamie sighed. "Fine, I'll use the downstairs bathroom."

Danny huffed and shuffled into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. The water turned on.

Jamie smirked and headed downstairs, Frank right behind him. Frank reached out to stop him before he got to the bottom.

"Jamie, how did you sleep?"

"Slept fine." Jamie answered. "I don't think I moved at all."

"No dreams?"

"None that I can remember." Jamie smiled slightly. "I don't even think I woke up."

Frank smiled back before moving down the stairs. "Glad to hear it."

It was Jamie's turn to stop him. Frank looked at him questioningly.

"What's wrong, son?"

"Nothing… but how did you sleep?"

Frank smiled softly. "I'm fine, Jamie. I barely woke up, and if I did it was only for a short time." Jamie nodded, relief on his face.

"That's good." he answered.

"You don't have to worry about us, Jamie. Just concentrate on yourself."

"I know, Dad." Jamie said. "You might want to check on Danny, though…"

"Why?"

"He might fall asleep and drown in the shower." Jamie quipped, shooting a smirk at his father before hurrying to the second bathroom. Frank looked quizzically after him, then peered at the bathroom door. He hesitated before continuing on downstairs. With his sons, anything was possible.

~~BB~~

Jamie sat on the patio, awkwardly patting Erin's shoulder as she hugged him and sniffled into his shoulder. He had just finished giving her an explanation of events, similar to the evening before.

"Please Erin, you don't need to cry…"

"I'm sorry, Jamie." Erin said, wiping her face. "It's just so unfair!"

"I know." Jamie mumbled, hugging her. It was hard to keep a lid on his own emotions with his sister soaking his shirt, but he did his best. "It's hard, but I'll be okay, Erin. Really."

"I know, Jamie." Erin mumbled. "The proof of that is that you're sitting here beside me." She pulled away to look at him seriously. "I just can't even begin to imagine how it must have felt being there, having to go through that."

Jamie shrugged, looking down. "It was a nightmare, Erin. It was the worst experience of my life… but I got through it. I survived."

"You did." Erin agreed, hugging him again.

"Don't drown him, Erin."

"Shut up, Danny." Erin grumbled, wiping her face once more before sitting up straight. Danny stepped out on to the patio. He had gone back to bed after breakfast, sleeping for a few more hours in attempt to clear his foggy head.

"How do you feel?" Jamie asked, unsticking the soggy shirt from his shoulder and smiling at Erin's huff of impatience.

"Much better." Danny said, still sounding stuffed up. "I'm going to go. I want to catch Linda and the boys. I'll see you later, Erin. Jamie, I'll call you tonight, okay?"

"Sure, Danny. Drive safe."

"Always." Danny smiled, waving at his siblings before disappearing back into the house.

"Are you staying here or are you going back home?" Erin asked, still resting a hand on Jamie's arm.

"I'm going to stay for a couple of days, then I'll head back to my place." Jamie answered.

"Are you going to be around for Sunday dinner?"

"That's tomorrow, Erin. I'm pretty sure that falls within a couple of days." Jamie answered dryly, giving her a look. She made a face.

"Shut up, Jamie." she replied, giving him a smirk. "I can't keep track of the days anymore."

"I know the feeling." Jamie sighed. He looked at his watch. "Erin, didn't you have a date with Nicki?"

Erin looked startled, before jumping to her feet. "Soccer practice, I forgot! I'm going to be late!" She leaned down, hastily dropping a kiss on to Jamie's forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jamie. Call me later if you feel up to it."

"Thanks, Erin." Jamie smiled. "See you later. Wish Nicki luck for me, will you?"

"Sure. Bye, Jamie."

Jamie watched as Erin hurried back into the house. He sat outside for a long time afterwards, just thinking. Finally, he made up his mind.

~~BB~~

It was Monday morning. Jamie had left his father's place the night before as everyone else was leaving after dinner. He was anxious to get back to his own apartment. Now, he hurried around, cleaning up after himself as he got ready to leave.

Moments before he stepped out into the hallway, the phone rang. Groaning, he hurried over to his phone, lifting the receiver without even looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Jamie? You sound rushed."

"Oh hi, Dad." Jamie answered. "I was just on my way out. What's up?"

"I thought that maybe you'd like to come over for a while today, maybe help me out with some yard work?"

"You must have today off."

"I do." Frank answered. "There's a lot to do around here and your grandfather's looking pouty already."

Jamie laughed. "I would, Dad, but I can't right now. Like I said, I was just on my way out."

"Right." Frank answered, doing his best to hide his disappointment. While he did want some help around the house, he also wanted to see his son just to confirm to himself, once again, that he was alive and well and doing okay. Even though he wanted his son to move forward and live his life, he was having trouble letting go.

Jamie could sense his father's disappointment. He smiled. "Look, Dad. I'll come by later this afternoon, okay? I could stay and help you make dinner if you'd like."

Frank smiled. "Sure, Jamie. That sounds good. I'll see you later."

"Bye, Dad." Jamie hung up, once again picking up his jacket and hurrying out the door.

~~BB~~

Jamie walked into the room, looking around nervously. He was sure that his emotions and insecurities were displayed for all to see, but there were only a few people in the room and none of them looked up. He walked over to the nearby desk.

"Jamie Reagan." he said, giving the woman behind the desk a smile. She smiled back, checking her log book.

"Okay, if you'd like to take a seat. It shouldn't be too long."

He nodded, taking a chair closest to the desk. His leg twitched nervously. After what seemed like hours, the woman finally stood up.

"Jamie?" she said, making eye contact with him. "Dr. Avery will see you now."

Jamie nodded, taking a deep breath. He stood, glancing at the remaining few in the room. Still no one bothered to look up. Feeling a slightly more confident, he walked towards the door the woman was motioning to. He smiled at her as he walked through.

~~BB~~

"Hi, Dad."

"Hi, Jamie." Frank smiled, watching his son walk through the front door.

Jamie smiled at him, turning a wondering glance on to his grandfather, who was fast asleep on the couch. "Is he okay?"

Frank tossed his father a withering look. "He says he tired himself out. He raked up barely a quarter of the backyard, and that was it."

Jamie laughed. "Forgive him, he's getting old."

"Who you calling old?" Henry muttered, cracking open an eye. He sat up stiffly, scratching the top of his head. "I can still outwork you, apparently."

"Hi, Gramps." Jamie greeted, giving his grandfather his own annoyed look. "I had plans, otherwise I would have helped."

"Hot date?"

Jamie just shook his head as he took a seat on the nearest chair. "Hey, Grandpa?"

"Yes?"

"Try going back to sleep and waking up on the other side of the bed, okay?" Jamie smirked. Henry glowered as Frank laughed.

"Smartass." Henry grumbled, cracking his own smile.

"What did you do today, Jamie?" Frank asked.

Jamie glanced at him, feeling nervous again. "I made an appointment with Dr. Avery. That's where I was heading when you phoned."

Frank raised an eyebrow. "That's good, Jamie. I hear she's one of the better ones. Did it go okay?"

"Yeah, better than expected. She's really easy to talk to, and she actually listens. I'm going back at the end of the week for another appointment. I've set up two a week for the next couple of weeks… and then I'm going to try to get back into work." Jamie let out the breath that he had been holding. "Following procedure, of course."

Frank smiled. "I know, Jamie." He looked over at Henry, not missing the faint look of relief that washed over his features. He felt exactly the same way. "I'm proud of you, son."

Jamie smiled slightly. "Thanks, Dad." He glanced at each of his elders. "It's not easy, you know, walking in there. I think I'm more afraid of her digging up a part of me that even I didn't know about than I am about having to talk about the kidnapping and torture…"

Frank sighed, nodding absentmindedly. "That's normal, Jamie. Most of us are afraid to talk to professionals because we're afraid to admit out loud our weaknesses and insecurities. We're afraid to say anything because someone is going to dig that up and dissect it… we're afraid it'll change us, even though we already think that we've changed."

Jamie looked at him in wonder. "Yeah…"

Frank smiled slightly at the look on his son's face. "I'm the same way, Jamie."

"You?"

"Yeah." Frank shrugged. "The first time I went to talk to the department psychologist because of an incident at work, I hated it. It was the weakest I'd felt in a long time, and I was afraid that no one would view me the same way if I voiced my insecurities out loud." He looked at Jamie seriously. "But over time I realized that it wasn't a weakness, and no one viewed me differently. No one else knew about it in the first place, and those that did didn't care that I was talking to someone, or they encouraged me to continue. There's no need to worry, son."

Jamie nodded. "Yeah, I know… it's just getting over that first step." He looked thoughtful. "Do you still get nervous about it?"

"All the time." Frank smiled. "Sometimes, I'm still afraid that something's going to change, that I'll weaken somehow. I've had trouble sleeping on occasion, so I've been offered another prescription of pills, much like the ones I've already tried. I've refused, partly because I don't like the effects, but also because I tend to feel that accepting them is to accept weakness."

Jamie frowned. "I'm sure it isn't Dad… you take a pain pill for a headache, and it doesn't mean that you're accepting that you're not strong enough to tolerate pain."

"You're right, Jamie." Frank smiled again. "But like you said, it's getting over that first step."

Jamie nodded, finally starting to realize what his father was telling him. "I'm not alone…"

"You're never alone, Jamie. You can reach out to anyone, and they'll help you. Connections are not a weakness."

Jamie smiled. "I get it, Dad. Thanks."

Frank nodded. "So… dinner?"

"Right. What were you thinking of?" Jamie asked, his stomach starting to rumble.

"Chinese food." Henry quickly answered, passing over the phone. Jamie shook his head.

"Really?" he grumbled. "I'd offered to help you prepare dinner and everything, and you decide to order in?"

"You are helping." Henry pointed out, motioning towards the phone. "You can call it in." he finished, looking smug. Frank laughed.

Jamie smirked, knowing he'd walked right into that one. "Funny, Gramps." he replied, reaching for the phone book. "Have it your way." he said, smiling and opening the book.

"Just make sure there's no shrimp." Henry ordered.

"And none of those dry ribs… I'm looking for Chinese food, not Greek." Frank added.

"Dry is different from Greek, Dad. And too bad." Jamie replied. "I've had a craving for both of those for a while now. "

"Jamie!" Henry grumbled. Frank smirked. Jamie just looked gleeful.

"What?" he asked innocently. "You wanted me to help, and I'm helping. I should have a say, too."

Henry scowled. "You don't even like shrimp."

"Nope."

"So don't order it!"

"You gave me the phone, Gramps." Jamie smirked, waving it. Henry scowled again. Jamie went back to looking at the menus in the phone book, fully intending on ordering the usual, which included no shrimp. He just liked watching the look on his grandfather's face, which went from annoyed, to slightly worried, and back to annoyed again. He was sure that his grandfather regretted giving Jamie the phone in the first place.

"Jamie…"

"Relax, Grandpa." Jamie sighed, letting out a laugh. "I'll get the usual."

"Right." Henry relaxed, still looking slightly huffy. "Don't give an old man a heart attack, kiddo."

"I thought you weren't old." Jamie reminded him sarcastically.

"Jamie!"

Jamie laughed, thoroughly enjoying poking at his grandfather. He looked at his father, seeing the pride in his eyes and the contentment on his face. They shared another smile. He phoned in the order, shooting a look at his grandfather who was also looking at him proudly.

He could feel the shattered pieces of himself starting to mend as he felt the warmth of his family around him.

~~TBC~~

A/N 2: Never push buttons when you don't know what it is... I made the system proofread my writing... then promptly spent most of my editing time going over the mistakes and determining if they were even "mistakes" at all. It's late and vacation or not, I should be getting up early. Anyway, one more to go. :) Stay tuned!