Chapter 2
I wasn't certain what to say when I approached Remus' door this morning, I almost walked away, almost ignored Dumbledore's instructions, "Lay low at Lupin's." I'll admit, I was shaking at the door. I mean, sure I'd seen Remus at the shrieking shack, and sure he'd forgiven me but.. I could vividly remember the last time I'd stood at this door. When he had told me to run, run and not come back…
Now I'm glad I showed up here. Remus is snoring quietly, and I am bundled in his arms, wearing a pair of pajamas that I gave him a long time ago. I am warm and safe under the quilt, with Remus' arms wrapped tightly around me, holding my face close to him, so that each time I breath I can smell the Remus-y scent of him. I'm clean, and full of food as I haven't been in a while. Comes from hanging around in a cave for so long, living on the local rats.
But Remus has fed me, he even washed me up, as he used to in days long past, when I would refuse to shower unless he joined me. Remus is a sucker for a good ploy, and he never seemed to mind much. So now I'm happy. I like being clean, being dirty reminded me too much of being in Azkaban.
Remus' snoring is keeping me awake, but not in that unpleasant way that implies that I actually want to sleep. I am staying awake to listen to the snoring. His snoring is comforting to me, and it's been so long since I've heard it. It took me years to be able to sleep well without it. I spent years at school complaining about it, and then when I no longer was around to hear it, I missed it. Amazing, really, how things like that work. Now, however, the sound is there lulling me, along with the gentle beat of his heart.
This moment will stay with me forever, just like all the others. Laying here is like heaven. It's hard to believe that I'm still alive, and that I'm not yet dreaming.
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The large, warm, human shape in my arms is shifting, I can fell it twist slightly. That, however is not what is waking me. A soft whimpering is resounding in my ears, breaking through the fuzz of sleep. I shift into a sitting position. Sirius, still held in my arms, is tossing and thrashing against me, whimpering and crying in his sleep. Though I see no tears on his face, I can tell that these sounds are sobs.
"Sirius," I try to rouse him softly. "Sirius, wake up." More urgently now, I shake him gently. He cries out again, pushing his arms straight out, trying to knock me away.
"Sirius!"
"Stop, no, stop, please!"
Sirius' eyes fly open, and he looks wildly around the room, eyes visibly dilating. After a minute or so, he seems to calm down. He looks up into my face, eyes full of unshed tears and relief.
"Just a nightmare, Padfoot, it was just a nightmare." I whisper to him softly, trying to calm him.
Sirius continues to whimper softly, burrowing his face into my chest. My arms encircle him, and I try to calm him down, rubbing his back gently.
"It was just a bad dream, you're all right." I murmured into his hair, kissing his head, like a mother reassuring a small child.
"That's the-the problem, Mooney, it's not." He whimpers against me.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what the dream must have been. In times past, my first guess may have been his family, but Sirius had long since denounced his family, taking the Marauders to be his surrogates, a replacement. No, that wasn't the dream. Azkaban, was the nightmare. Had to be. There isn't much I can do for such nightmares. All I can do is hold him.
This reuniting is going to be harder than I thought, it appears. Sirius is… more delicate, than before. Azkaban has effected him, and in no good ways.
"Not a dream, Mooney." He murmurs again, cutting off my train of thoughts.
"Just a dream, Paddy, you're here, at my house, you're safe." I say, using his old pet name, one which only I have ever been allowed to call him.
"Safe?" His tone is so questioning, like a small child, unsure during a storm.
"Safe."