Chapter 3 Trials and Tribulations

The light streaming through the curtain window wakes me first in the morning, still held in Remus' arms. Much as I don't want to, I slip out of my warm spot in his bed, and pad down the hall trying to remember the location of the toilet.

After I've relieved myself, I head to the kitchen. I think that perhaps I'll be nice and make some breakfast. The kitchen took less time to locate than the lav had, after all Sirius Black never forgets the location of anywhere that food is kept. Who do you think located the Hogwarts kitchens?

And so it was that when Remus came down stairs, it was not he, the "Housewife" of the two of us in the kitchen cooking eggs, but me, the man who burns water, ruining the eggs. Perhaps it was the smoke which had awakened him. Either way he's rushing into the kitchen, bellowing about a fire.

There's no fire, just me, with a frying pan, one that is, admittedly, smoking a little bit. Remus just sighs, turns off the stove, moves the pan to the next burner, pulls the screaming teakettle off of the stove, and turns off several appliances that have been accidentally switched on.

"Sirius, don't you remember the rules?"

"No cooking without supervision…" I mumble, staring down at the floor.

"Consider that rule still in effect." Remus says. I nod glumly.

The only things that I had not managed to ruin were the coffee, and the coco. These were the two items that I had always made in the past, and the two that I can still 'cook'. The coffee was poured and handed to Remus, and I took a mug of coco in hand to drown my sorrows in.

Though one might think that Remus would be the one to drink the coco, however this was not so. The drinking of these beverages stemmed from a tradition begun in school.

For years Remus would pour himself coco, and pour my coffee, I always took the black coffee and tried to sip at it, but it always tasted bitter, so I would start stealing Remus' coffee to sip from, and begging him to drink mine instead because I didn't want it. After a few months of the two of us switching drinks every meal, Remus just began giving me the coco straight off. Then, once we were both a bit more than half way down with our drinks, we would pour them into the same mug and take turns sipping it. James said it was disgusting, but I always liked it.

So Remus and I now each have a mug, one with coffee one with coco. The only thing to eat is burnt toast, the eggs are beyond repair, the bacon is burnt into dust, and Remus never did keep cold cereal around. The water I had boiled for oatmeal was useless, as Remus apparently ran out of oatmeal a few days ago. So, we're sitting in silence, me sulking, Remus quietly munching his toast and reading the paper.

I only drink half of my coco, he finished his coffee. Somehow, it makes me sad, I feel… forgotten. Like Remus has let go of all memories of me, erased me and our old habits from his brain. I want to cry. But I won't cry, last night was… a unique exception. No, Sirius Black doesn't cry, and so I don't. It's a trivial thing to cry over anyway.

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I was about half way through the sports section when I noticed Sirius staring blankly into his half full mug.

"Aren't you going to finish that?" He looks so upset… but why? Why would he be? I don't think I've done anything to upset him.

"No." He says, his voice soft and husky.

"How come? Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing, no reason." His voice becomes guarded, as does his expression. I wonder if I've done anything, but I don't think that I have…

"You seem upset." Didn't I used to always know what was wrong? I had gotten so used to that insight… and now I don't have it. I've forgotten how to examine him to figure out what's wrong. It's been a long time. Sure, I knew the dream last night, but that was different.

"Nothing is wrong." Oh dear, now he seems angry. He stands up, shoving himself so violently from the table that he knocks his chair over. He throws it upright angrily and storms from the room. I'm not sure if I should follow him or not… I think I ought to.

So I follow him from the room. My house is small, a quant little living room, the kitchen, bedroom and bathroom, and a little closet in the hall. That's about all. There's a tiny nook that was meant to be a dining area, but which I've converted into a library. My house is a cottage really, light and open and airy. There are plenty of windows to show the view of the mountains surrounding the private little valley that I live in. I love my house.

Sirius is in the bedroom, riffling through a drawer. I lean against the door frame, watching him. What on earth is he doing? What's he looked for? There's nothing special about that drawer it just… used to have his stuff in it. It's where I had gotten the pajama's last night. I had only accidentally kept them, I had done an otherwise perfect job of… oh God, of course! I've done a perfect job of erasing him from my life, surely he's noticed. I'd forgotten all about our old coffee coco ritual, in fact, if I had cooked breakfast, I wouldn't even have remembered to make the coco. I've removed all of his cloths from his old drawer, cleared out his side of the closet, emptied the three bathroom drawers that he used to use, thrown out his knickknack collection on the shelves of the library… I've done the best job I could to forget him completely…

"Sirius…" But what can I say?

"Mm." He grunts, without turning around.

"Sirius I… I'm sorry." Now he's turning. Now he's looking at me. All the anger from the kitchen is gone, and it's replaced with that horrible sadness. I've seen it in those beautiful grey eyes before. It's the worst reaction he could have. If he shouted, anything, this would likely be easier… but no, no it wouldn't be.

"You've… forgotten me, Mooney." It wasn't a question.

"I… No, I haven't forgotten you, Padfoot, I've tried, but I couldn't forget you." I'm speaking in earnest, it's true, it really is.

"Padfoot, you know why I wanted to forget, you know." I'm merely whimpering now, I try to pull myself together, but it's hard. I'm remembering why I tried to eradicate him from my life. It's not a pleasant memory.

"I know…" Sirius says. He sits on the edge of the bed. I creep slowly over and sit beside him. Hesitantly a place an arm around his shoulders. He slowly relaxes and leans his head on mine.

"We've missed out on allot of years, Mooney." He says softly to me, wistfully.

"We'll just have to make them up, Padfoot."

"I suppose."

I kiss the top of his head, and lean my cheek against his soft hair. It's warm here, sitting like this, and though the moment isn't happy, I could easily be content this way.