Raum

A Good Liar

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Chapter 5: "Welcome Home"

A wide smile appeared on Bella's face as she read the text she had just received on her phone. Saturday at 10, crossroad between 101 and 113. Sounds good?

No signature – no need for it, as with the other texts Edward had sent her over the last few days.

I'll be there, she rushed to answer.

Within a few seconds, the cell phone chirped again with a new message. This time it contained the picture of a deep blue sedan. Another Volvo? Jake would know... right down to the model and year. She quickly dismissed the thought.

The school bell signaled that lunch break was over. Unusually mild weather had allowed Bella to stay outside reading, but it was time to get back to class.

Angela and Ben waved to her on their way toward gym. Bella remembered the months when she had walked with Edward along those same corridors. For once, the memories didn't make her sad. That past was lost, but Edward wasn't. We will figure it out, he had reassured her – we being the operative word.

According to his schedule, Charlie was going to be at the police station by the time she would go to her meeting with Edward. At least she didn't have to lie to her father again. But avoiding the questions occupying her mind wasn't as easy as avoiding Charlie.

On Saturday morning, as she headed toward the meeting point and the road seemed endlessly long, she knew she hadn't yet found the certainties she was looking for. Where am I going? she kept asking herself, not referring to the road.

In a small parking lot on the left, where the 101 met the 113, there was only one car – the one Bella had seen on her phone. But there was a significant difference from the picture: Edward was standing beside the car. He greeted her with the lopsided smile she had missed most during their time apart; before she could finish parking her truck, he had already opened her door and enclosed her in his arms. Her heart was going so fast that it had enough beats to make up for Edward's as well.

His eyes shone in excitement as he led her toward his car. "Ready to go?"

Bella wished she had a photographic memory – just to remember Edward the way he looked in that moment. It wasn't just the perfection of his features, or even the way his unruly hair strayed over his forehead – its hue reminding her of the desert afternoons around Phoenix. It was his eyes that held her spellbound. In their intensity she thought she could see the boy he had been almost a century ago – a brilliant young man eager to dive into what life would offer him.

He opened the car door for her and in a blur moved to her side. Then he started the engine.

"New car?" she observed, relaxing in the leather seat.

He pushed on the accelerator, speeding on the 113. "A belated Christmas gift from my family. Rose picked the model, while I chose the color."

"Deep blue?" None of the cars Edward used to drive in Forks had been that color. But after all, what did she know about all the cars he had owned through nine decades?

He glanced at her. "It reminded me of the dress you wore for the prom."

"You chose a car because of a dress I wore?" she blurted.

His eyes stayed focused on the road. "I'm partial to that color with your skin," he admitted, his voice almost shy.

Bella felt her cheeks warming up but couldn't allow herself to believe his compliment. On the day he had left, he had told her something much different. "I thought you wanted to be distracted, not to–" She stopped herself as Edward tightened his grip on the steering wheel, shaking his head.

"No," he stated.

She glanced at him sidelong. It seemed he was struggling to find the right words, and it wasn't typical of him.

"I wish you could read my mind," he went on. "There wasn't any distraction. But if you don't believe my words – and you have every reason not to – I'll do whatever it takes to convince you." He reached for her hand and caressed it. They remained silent until he pointed to a road sign. Neah Bay. "We're almost there," he announced.

There's a place I'd like to show you in a few days, she recalled he had told her in Seattle.

The thick woods on both sides of the road thinned out, until the sea came into view.

Edward drove more slowly, giving Bella some time to look at the landscape. The coast was high, with the sheerest cliffs she had ever seen. She leaned against the car window and took a sharp breath as she realized how close the car was to the road's edge. Gusts of wind were making the waves crash against the cliffs. With every blow on the sharp rocks, the wave was shattered into a sprinkling cloud of drops. The howl of the wind made Bella want to scoot closer to Edward; compared to nature's forces fighting in front of them, she felt small and insignificant. But in Edward's arms, she would have felt safe.

A broad smile lit up his face as he saw how the panorama had fascinated her, making her blind to anything else. "I gather you like it?" he asked in a playful tone.

"I love it," she confirmed, still captured by the view.

I love you, he thought, not daring to say the words out loud. Many times, in the months when he had put thousands of miles between Bella and himself, he had longed to be as close as they were in this moment, with the opportunity to tell her how much he loved her. But he realized there was something he desired even more: he wanted her to believe his words and trust him.

Edward left the main road and turned on a minor lane. Before Bella could voice her question, he pointed to a wooded area. Among the trees, they spotted the dark gray roof of a cottage, almost at the top of a cliff; it was a white wooden cottage, circled by rocks and a sheer drop to the sea. He parked the car close to the little building.

Her eyes widened as she saw him retrieving a key from his pocket and opening the door.

"May I give you a tour?" he offered.

They entered, and Bella looked around the small living room. In the square space there were just a few pieces of furniture: a blue couch, with a coffee table in front of it; a square table, made of knotty pine wood; a couple of matching chairs; a long sideboard. The ceilings were high, and the space had been divided with a mezzanine, where she supposed there was a bedroom. The wooden facing of the walls made the room cozy and warm, and the trusses with exposed beams gave it a rustic atmosphere.

Edward led her across the living room and opened the French window that overlooked the sea. The salty scent of the ocean enveloped them. Bella pulled up the zipper of her jacket and stepped onto the wide porch.

She pointed to a high cliff that towered over the other ones. "Look over there," she exclaimed. "I bet guys don't go jumping off that." She brought a hand to her mouth, realizing her faux pas, but it was too late. Her words had piqued Edward's curiosity.

"Guys jumping off a cliff?" he asked. "What are you talking about?"

The thought that she could change the topic crossed her mind but didn't last long, since she didn't want to hide anything from him. "In the last few weeks I spent some time at La Push, and Jake showed me a bunch of guys going cliff diving at the reservation."

"Jacob Black?" Edward seethed. "I don't like the idea of you hanging with the Quileutes."

"Because they consider you an enemy?"

"Because they're dangerous," he retorted.

"Jake and I have known each other since we were kids," Bella pointed out defensively. "He helped me hold myself together. If it hadn't been for his friendship..." she added quietly.

Edward wondered if she was struggling with her words because she was trying not to hurt him. But he was sure he didn't deserve to have his feelings spared after the sorrow he had caused her. "He was there for you when I wasn't," he acknowledged.

"Are you angry? I shouldn't have mentioned it."

"That isn't the point," he rushed to clarify. "It was my fault, not his. I appreciate that you told me about it. I hope we won't keep things from each other just because we're afraid that they might be upsetting."

"I promise I won't."

"I promise, too," he affirmed, sealing his words with a lingering kiss on her lips. He held her close to his chest, basking in the silence that was surrounding them.

"So, are you going to tell me what brought us here?" she asked.

He smirked at her. "Welcome home."

"Home?"

He nodded. "I thought talking would be more comfortable here than in a public place. I want you to know I'm really back, if you want me. I won't leave you. Not again."

She gaped at him. "And so you bought a house?"

He let out a small chuckle. "Actually, I only rented it. I was going to show it to you first." He motioned around himself. "But I can buy it, if you like it. We would be able to meet here whenever you want."

"You know I want you back more than anything else," she told him, but the uncertainty in her voice didn't go unnoticed.

He closed his arms around her. "But there's a but, isn't there?"

She sighed. "When you left, you said that you were tired of pretending to be something you weren't, because you aren't human." She tightened her embrace around him, aware that the memory was no less painful for him than for herself. But she had to go on and ask, "Was that a lie, too?"

Edward felt lost, and for a moment the limit between truth and lies blurred even in his memories. Had he lied about this as well? He didn't have a straight answer but wanted to open up and share his thoughts, not only for Bella but also for his own benefit.

"Come here," he told her softly, moving toward the couch and pulling Bella into his lap. Eyes closed, he brushed her hair, until he calmed down enough to allow himself to recall what his existence had been so far. "After my change, for years I struggled with what I had become. At a certain point, I was so tired of pretending to be what I wasn't that I followed my predatory instincts. You already know how that choice didn't bring me any relief or peace. I spent decades with my family after that time – mingling with humans – and sometimes the temptation to give up and renounce the masquerade was strong. Would I have run in some wilderness and lost myself in it, or, God forbid, would I have given free rein to my instincts? I hope not, but I don't know. Then I met you."

He sought out her gaze and remembered what he had felt the first time he had seen her. "When I left, Bella, and I told you that it was because I was tired of pretending, I was lying. But at the same time I was revealing something about myself I hadn't had the guts to admit so far. When our paths crossed, you took away any shreds of humanity I'd managed to cloak myself in. I was a predator and you were my prey, and there was nothing else in the whole world but that truth. But you, the same person who made me risk destroying my human façade, you are the one who resurrected the human instincts I'd thought were lost. You made me discover my humanity, and the man I was behind the façade. A man who didn't have to pretend."

Bella's eyes glistened with unshed tears as she sensed the sincerity he was putting into his words. "I'd like to know him better," she whispered, caressing his cheek with a light touch. Behind the marble, icy texture of his skin, she saw someone who had struggled for almost a century to find his way between two kinds of being.

"Sometimes I wonder if even I know him," he confessed. "I'm aware of the way people see me – of the way I make them see me. I pose as a college student for some years, and then, in another city, I'm attending high school again. It's the same for the rest of my family, to the point that even our relationships are prone to change. I can pretend to be Esme's or Carlisle's younger brother. Sometimes it's just overwhelming, while on other occasions it becomes maddening."

"How do you cope, then?"

"Carlisle has always helped me, and I have my family. Do you remember what I told you when you first came to my house?" He smiled, recalling the myths and her fears. "When you were expecting coffins and cobwebs?"

She nodded. "You said it was the only place where you never had to hide."

"Exactly. In that moment, I had everything. A family and a home." He cupped her face in his hands. "And more than that, I was with the person who was best able to see through my pretenses. Being with you was like being in front of a mirror. I got to understand more about myself in a few months with you than in over a century without." He averted his eyes and distanced himself from her. "No wonder that when I lied to you, nothing else made sense anymore," he muttered. "I just wandered. It didn't take long before every moment with my family became unbearable. I lost myself, too."

Every day in the last months she had thought about where he was and what he was doing. But she had never considered that he could be as broken as she was. In her eyes, Edward was the stronger of the two of them – the one who would move on, since he didn't need her. He was the one who had left. She realized now, that behind his lies, he had hidden not only his love for her but also his pain. Don't hide anymore, she silently pleaded. The tears she had kept at bay so far brimmed over her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to her. "I never wanted to make you cry."

"It's okay. Thank you for sharing these memories with me."

"There isn't anything I wouldn't share with you. But at the same time there isn't anything I wouldn't do to keep you from suffering."

She looked up at him, her eyes wide. A pang of fear hit her. "Even if it means lying to me?" she asked. "Or leaving again?"

"No," he reassured her. "Not anymore." His gaze softened. "Will you trust me on this?"

"I'm afraid to hope," she confessed. "I have a thousand questions piling up in my mind."

He lightly tapped her temple. "I'm sorry, but I can't be of any help with your silent mind." He smiled at her in encouragement. "Would you share your thoughts, perhaps?"

"Sometimes I make plans...or better, they're just daydreams." She paused, and the soft blush on her cheeks made him even more curious to know what those dreams were about. "I imagine that we could move to another state where nobody knows you or me, go to the college together, and start over."

His smile widened. "This is a good idea." He had considered that plan and was pleased that she seemed to be on the same page. "And then, what do you think about?"

"I think about time," she mumbled, her voice suddenly cold. "What would happen after college?"

Edward stilled. How many times had he seen his schoolmates becoming adults? He hadn't had any human friend – another human experience that was denied to him – but he'd listened to their thoughts. They could dream about a family, children, a career. They could hope. He brushed Bella's cheek with his lips, feeling how her skin reacted to his touch, and wished she would succeed in all the dreams she had. "If you outgrew me – if you wanted something more – I would understand that, Bella." He was hesitant but went on. "I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."

"I don't want to leave you!" she almost yelled.

He marveled hearing how fast her heart began to beat.

"What I feel for you hasn't changed. Can't you believe that?" she urged. "Can't you trust me on this?"

"Of course I believe you," he confirmed. "I don't deserve it, but I'm not going to fight against it anymore. When I took your choices away from you, it only hurt both of us."

"So you know that I've already made my choice. You are my choice, Edward."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

When the afternoon had passed and they had to leave the cottage, Bella let out a wistful sigh, feeling as if she were actually leaving a place where she could be at home.

"We can come back whenever you want," Edward told her softly, aware of her longing.

"Are you staying here tonight?" She imagined him on the porch, looking at the horizon in the darkness, maybe recalling all the times he'd been sitting by the sea. How many views had he admired before she was even born? What were his desires?

He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I'll go for a hunt, or I'll play the piano."

"The piano? Where will you go to play?"

"Where do you think I should go?" he asked with a mischievous grin.

She gaped at him. "Have you gone back to your house in Forks?"

"Not yet." The smile faded from his face. "As I told you, I wanted to give you some time and space to think. If I had stayed in Forks, I wouldn't have been strong enough to keep my distance, and I didn't want to put pressure on you."

She recalled the nights she had spent sleeping in his arms. Since he had come back, she had left her window open at night, like a silent invitation. She pondered talking about it with him, but she stopped herself. One step at a time, she reminded herself. The words of The Little Prince came back to her. First you will sit down at a little distance from me. The delicate process of taming her lion again, and being tamed by him as well, couldn't be rushed.

"But now, would you consider coming back?" she asked.

"Definitely."

Bella's eyes shone in excitement at the idea of having Edward so close. They could be together every free moment she had...

But her enthusiasm lessened as she imagined him in his old house, without his family. What could she offer him? Long days waiting for the moment when she would go and visit him? She voiced her concerns. "What would you do all day?"

He let out a soft laugh. "Believe me, in ninety years I've found some good ways to spend my time. I don't mind waiting, as long as I get to see you."

"Is the Cullen house ghost going to show, tomorrow?" she teased him.

"Only one way to find out," he teased back. "Come and see."

Thanks for reading!

I'll be traveling over the next weeks, but I'll do my best to reply to your comments. Why don't you tell me where are you writing from?

Thank you! to my wonderful friends Camilla10, Miaokuancha, Marlena580, and Jmolly.

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The next chapter of A Good Liar is due to be posted in two weeks, while An Italian Winter is due to be updated (and completed) on the next weekend.

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