Author's note: Thank you to my wonderful reviewers, you guys have been a breath of fresh air! I'll admit this chapter took forever to get done, but it wasn't easy to write. But believe me when you finish this chapter everything will make sense (I hope).

And a special thanks to Avenger who helped me start this, continued to play a part in the growth of the story and really just stuck by me when I couldn't write to save me life.

Hope you enjoy this instalment! And as always reviews are appreciated.

Disclaimer: Quote used belongs to Harry Herschfield though there are like a million similar ones, I liked his one best. Listened to A LOT of music (nothing new there) and finally decided on All I want by Ahn Trio- it was too perfect for this chapter!

"There are three sides to every story: Your side, his side and the truth"

Today is May 30th, Damon knows it without having to glance over at the calendar, knows it because he spent the whole night tossing and turning unable to sleep. It's still dark out and the promise of rain is heavy just like his mood. He slips out the bed but hesitates when he glances at the sleeping form on the bed. Her hair is all mussed up in that way he loves and she's hogging all the blankets, her one arm stretched to his side as if calling him back to bed.

The problem isn't that he doesn't want to crawl back and pretend today is any other day. The problem is that he wants too, so bad it hurts. The urge to brush her hair back is strong, but Bonnie is a light sleeper and he doesn't want to wake her. So he pulls on his rumbled jeans and leaves the room as silently as he can.

Damon enters his office; well it would be an office if he actually did work there. It's more his own personal space that more often than not he uses to brood in. He closes the door, and habit makes him lock it even though he knows Bonnie won't even go near the door.

She never does.

Sitting in his armchair he pulls out his album of her pictures. It's painful but he feels he has to endure this one day because every other day of the year it's worth it. It's a slow process and every image seems to remind him of his loss. He pauses on one; he thinks it was taken five years ago. She's got her arm hooked over Jeremy's shoulder, a big smile on her face and she's wearing this pink Mickey Mouse tee. He trails a finger over it, her smile, the twinkle in her eyes and it's all too much. He closes the album and rummages around until his fingers touch cool glass. He lifts the bottle, notices his running out of Bourbon before he twists the cap open and takes a long swing.

He hears her as she gets dressed for the day, for her date with Stefan. It's not really a date, but he knows they meet up at the cemetery where Stefan mopes about his lost and the woes of his life. It's a real sad affair. They've invited him to come, but he declined. Why would he want to go to some dreary cemetery that reminds him all too much of what he lost four years ago?

He hears the front door closing, she's gone. He struggles with the urge to get up, pack all his things and leave. And he'd have ample time too; she'll probably head out to Caroline after Stefan then Jeremy.

But he doesn't, he can't. Hasn't been able to do it for three years doubts today will be any different.

Leaning back on his chair, the Bourbon propped on his lap he stares at the ceiling as if somehow it will have an answer for everything that went wrong...

He must have dozed off because his awaken by the insistent ringing of his cell phone, tucked and forgotten in his jeans. Caller ID reveals it's Caroline and he almost doesn't answer it, but then he remembers Blondie wouldn't call him unless...

"Yeah?"

"Hi Damon, is Bonnie home?" she asks hesitantly and Damon pauses a frown on his face.

"Isn't she with you?" he asks sitting up suddenly, almost dropping the bottle on the floor.

Caroline goes quiet on the other line.

"Well?" Damon presses because now his getting anxious and he hates it.

"No, she was supposed to call me but that was like an hour ago," Caroline replies anxiously and he can imagine she's probably biting the ends of her finger tips.

How long was he asleep? Damon wonders as he places the bottle on the table searching for his notebook, technically it's Bonnie's but since she remembers everyone's numbers off by heart she doesn't really use it. So he does.

"She's probably at her shop," Damon lies because he doesn't want an anxious Caroline on his doorstep worrying him more then he already is.

"Oh...I guess," Caroline says then pauses, "Sorry I just over reacted it's just-"

"No problem, bye Caroline," he ends the call surprised in his urgency he even broke his rule of never using Caroline's name. Flipping through the notebook, he scans through the G's until Jeremy's name appears next to Gilbert.

He doesn't want to do it, hates that he has too. But for a moment he can forget his dislike of the other man and make the call. He dials the number, mentally prepping himself to sound civil. It takes Elena's kid brother about a million rings to answer.

"Hello, Jer here?"

Damon can just gag but he forces his voice to sound neutral, "Is Bonnie there?" no phony greetings or asking how the other is feeling from him.

"Oh it's you" and the way Jeremy says it, it sounds like an insult.

"Yeah, Bonnie's husband over here," he retorts because he can and he knows it drives the kid mad when he does.

"What do you want Damon?"

"I thought I made it clear the first time, I'm looking for Bonnie," he repeats in a belittling tone.

"You're just full of it," Jeremy snaps, "Can't you just leave her alone?"

"She's my wife, you know until death do us part?" he says snidely a part of him glad to have someone to vent his anger on.

"Look if you're just going to be an asshole then I'll hang up,"

Damon clenches his jaw, "Is Bonnie there or not, it's not freaking rocket science," he snaps because his patience is running thin and Jeremy is probably his least favourite person in the world next to Katherine of course.

"She was here, but she's gone now," Jeremy replies like his pulling teeth or something.

"Was that so hard?" and Damon is ready to hang up only Jeremy starts speaking again.

"If you love Bonnie you wouldn't make her suffer like this," the kid says with this haughty voice Damon thinks someone as messed up as Jeremy shouldn't be using.

"You know nothing about me and my wife," Damon growls and a smarter person would take the hint, but not Gilbert. The kid is a stellar for idiocy.

"I know she was here near to tears because of you," Jeremy all but accuses.

Damon could laugh at the irony of it all. It seems once you're deemed the bad guy you'll always have that hanging over you even when it's misguided.

"I'm going to give you a word of advice Gilbert, I'm only going to say it once so you better hear it well," He says coldly, gripping the phone to near breaking it, "Stay out of Damon's business," with that said Damon hangs up and leans against the desk. He runs a hand through his hair trying to ease the building frustration.

He just wishes this bloody day over... even when he dreads what still awaits him.

His thoughts are interrupted when he hears the front door open and close, she's back. He strains his ears but she's shuffling around the bedroom so he's not sure what exactly she's doing. Damon considers doing nothing, but he's always been a man of action so he gets up, but before he leaves he opens the album again to that picture.

Bonnie is still smiling, her one arm draped over Jeremy's shoulder wearing that silly Mickey Mouse tee. That's all the convincing he needs before he unlocks the door and stumbles out to find Bonnie, suitcase in hand.

At first he wonders if it's the alcohol but he hardly had that much to drink. Damon blinks glancing between her, the suitcase and back to her face. Is she leaving him? This throws him off, but he decides to play it cool.

"Going somewhere?" he asks dryly running a hand through his devilish hair. Bonnie just stares back at him so he adds, "Leaving me?" his legs feel out of sorts and he stumbles a bit.

"I should be enough," Bonnie says.

Damon's face scrunches up in confusion and he leans against the wall, "What?"

"I should be enough and I'm done competing with a ghost."

He's at a lost. But manages a clipped, "I see."

"No you don't see!" she accuses her eyes, the ones he loves so much, glowing with anger, "You don't see that I'm here alive, loving you even though it hurts! You don't see how I have to carry you and your love for her every day! You don't see even now when I'm leaving you, you still can't fucking see!"

It's like watching a bad horror movie all over again. He knows it's all coming, but it still manages to rattle him and leave him unsettled. He should probably say something, but past experience has taught him that refuting her accusations only sends her over the edge faster so he says nothing and watches the tears fall.

It isn't until she grabs her keys that it hits him that she actually intends to leave him. That's enough for his voice to return, "Bonnie... wait."

For a terrifying moment Damon thinks she won't but she stops and turns back, anguish etched on her face. He stretches out his hand to her because all his ever wanted was to take away her pain. If only she'd let him.

She runs into his arms, clutching on to him. Damon wants to remind her how much he loves her, but the words won't come out so he presses kisses to her lips as he begins peeling off her jacket and carrying her to his bedroom. He hopes his actions can say all the words he can't.

The sex is a whirlwind of passion that lacks any tenderness because he's afraid that any moment from now she'll slip away and maybe today will be different, he'll lose her forever. Afterwards he watches her stumble out the bed, his anxious and by habit grabs a cigarette. He was never much of a smoker until that first night after Elena's death, when everything changed.

She enters the bathroom, closing the door behind her and shutting him out.

He wants to believe nothing will happen. She doesn't have the book with her or those damned candles so he tries to relax. Thinks if he believed in a god, right now would be a good time to send a prayer. He tries to be patient while he waits but then the seconds stretch into minutes and apprehension turns into dread. Getting up he slips into a pair of sweats and walks to the bathroom door.

"You okay?" he asks but silence is his only reply so he presses on, "Bonnie?"

Silence and he thinks it's worse than any scream his ever heard, "Bonnie?!" now he sounds a bit frantic but all calm is ebbing away into a blind panic, "Open the fucking door Bonnie!"

God she's killed herself. He thinks even as he rattles the door. He swears when he realises she's locked it. He pounds against the door but it proves futile angling his shoulder he shoves hard but aside from a creak nothing happens. Damon swears he'll lose it if this damn door doesn't come undone. He shoves again and this time he can hear the hinges snap. With as much force as he can muster, he slams into the door bursting it from its hinges.

He almost crashes from the momentum but manages to keep his stance. His eyes are frantic when they land on the sprawled form. It's all too much, again he's failed her. He sinks to the floor, using his hands to brace himself. It was her leaving, it threw him off, and he let down his guard- couldn't stop it.

A part of him is relieved she's still alive even if his nightmare has returned again.

That's why he dreads this day so much. Why he locks himself in that stuffy room all day hoping the longer he stays in the more he can prolong the inevitable. The moment he loses his wife and in her place a woman they supposedly buried four years ago. Yet every time the transformation seems to shock him and render him numb. He steels himself and even now he's still hoping she hasn't left him yet.

But then she raises her face to him, skin ghostly pale and brown eyes instead of hazel. She stares back at him a teasing smile on her face and it's all wrong because it's not Bonnie. Damon swallows the lump in his throat.

"Elena?" he asks hoping it's not, even when it's so clearly is.

Too many times, I have wanted

To turn around and walk away

Knowing deep inside, you can't provide

What I need from you, anyway

Do you know

Doesn't change

The way I feel about you, at the end of the day

'Cause I know

That all I want is what you got

All I want is what you got

Tell me that I wanna go

But I wanna stay

Tell you that I wanna go

But I wanna stay