Disclaimer: I Do not own FF7, it's characters, or anything dealing with Square Enix. This is a work of literary fiction and I do not gain anything from it other than personal pleasure.
A/N: Alright boys and girls, in this chapter, as I said, there is an insult shooting contest... of a sort. I am not even going to attempt to take credit for ANY of them. Yes, I put them together, and yes, I reworded some of them to make them more practical. But they are all from movies. Just putting that out there so that no one gets pissed thinking I'm trying to take credit. I'm not. I really got into the story telling part with Keela and Yume, and i think i might continue that in the next chapter, we shall see. Well, enjoy my lovilies!
"Umm... Baby, maybe it's best if you don't know." Keela said, trying to delay the subject.
"Akeela." He said, slowly.
Tseng chose then to excuse himself, knowing it was private.
"OK, fine. From what I gathered from Angeal's thoughts," Turning to Angeal, "Sorry about that, by the way, but it was kinda yelling at me." She said, waving her hands around excitedly. "Anyway, Yume cast a spell to release his inhibitions, I assume so that he wasn't such a stick in the mud. And that spell is what lead to the um, 'escapade', that got you all hot under the collar." She ended with a sigh.
Reno turned on his sister with a look of pure authority, the way he used to when they were young. "Yume Ambrosia Fair."
"What?!" She said, innocently.
"Don't you 'what' me. You know better than to use your power like that. What if it had backfired?" He gave his sternest lecture face, as he waited for her to respond.
"Fine! I won't do it again, but I'm not sorry." She said, winking at Angeal, before remembering her brother was there.
"Yume." Reno said, warningly.
"Nope, that's final. I'm a big girl now, I can take care of myself." She shot back.
Angeal piped up, before he could think. "Can she ever."
"Geal, you aren't helping." Keela warned.
Reno started to get up from the chair, but Rude held him down.
"Well, it's the truth." Angeal retorted. "She almost beat my ass in the little 'fight' we had."
That did it. "You fought with my sister?!"
"Yeah, but that wasn't until after the whole 'thundercunt' thing." Angeal said, again, not thinking.
"Fuck it." Was all you heard before Reno lunged for him again. This time, Rude tackled him before he got a punch in.
"OK, family reunion is over. Yume, Angeal, why don't you two come with me. Yume, you can meet your niece, and then we'll head back to the apartment. Rude, I suspect the two of you have somewhere else to be. Reno, I expect you to be cooled down by the time you come home, otherwise I suggest you stay the night at my brother's place. Do I make myself clear?" Keela said, switching back into TURK mode. All she got in response from Reno, was him pulling out of Rude's hold and storming out.
~! #$%^&*
It had been hours since the 'reunion'. Keela had taken Yume and Angeal to get Dreya from Rufus' office. Where she filled him in on what happened. Yume was a nervous wreck the whole time, unsure what to think of the new President ShinRa. Afterward, they went to Reno and Keela's apartment. Keela's insisted that they both stay there.
When they protested, mostly due to the fiasco earlier, Keela said,"Psh, please. If Reno doesn't like it he can kiss my ass. This is my house too. Besides, being pregnant, I tend to get what I want. You just have to know how to work him, I remember this one time... never mind."
Yume looked interested. "No, tell me. Please, I promise I won't tell Reno."
Keela laughed, "It wouldn't matter if you did or not. He knows, he just hates to admit that it happened." She paused for a second before continuing, "OK, fine. After I left the company, they needed a Second in Command. They went along for awhile without one, but eventually Tseng decided that Reno had the right stuff to do it. He offered him the job but Reno turned him down. Well, knowing I had ways to persuade him, even if he didn't know exactly what those ways were, Tseng called me and asked for my help. So when Reno came home, I laid it on pretty thick. We had just found out I was pregnant, and we hadn't told anybody yet. I 'suggested' to him that if I was pregnant with twins, we'd need the extra money, and I told him that if he didn't take Tseng's offer, I would tell Rude that I was pregnant. Not that we didn't want him to know, Reno just knew we needed to tell my mom first, else she'd kill him. So, needless to say, with that genius double whammy I pulled, he accepted the job. I of course told him afterward what I had done, but by that time he was so happy in his work that it didn't matter. In fact, I think after that, he realized how conniving I can be. And, obviously, there's only Dreya so there was no need to worry. It was kinda funny though when we found out. He was a wreck, still thinking it could be twins. When the doctor told us it was only one, I swear he almost fainted, he was so relieved."
Yume was laughing by the end of the story, "Oh gods, I can totally picture Reno doing that. And kudos, by the way, I can be just as conniving, but that... that was pure genius. I think we are going to get along perfectly."
Shortly after that, Angeal excused himself. He needed some time to think. He didn't think the girls would mind if he wasn't there, they were wrapped up in stories. They said goodbye and to be careful. He agreed he would, but never the less, when Reno came home with Rude in tow, she sent them out to find him.
~! #$%^&*
Angeal was sitting at the bar, just thinking about all the shit that had happened, when some drunk guy came up behind him.
"Excuse me, is that a nose or did a bus park on your face?" The drunk man asked.
At first Angeal thought he heard him wrong."What?" He asked.
"You know, if I had a dog with a face like yours, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk back wards." The man retorted back, giving his friends a laugh.
A little stunned, Angeal asked."I'm sorry, did you just say my face looks like an ass?"
The man laughed."Yeah, I did. You stuck- up, half- witted, Scruffy looking, Chocobo herder."
"Of the two of us, you seem to be the half- witted one. Were you always this stupid, or did you take lessons?" Angeal said.
The man began to get upset, "I took lessons, from you. I fart in your general direction, your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries."
Angeal looked at him, shocked by his stupidity, "What you just said, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it."
Now the man was getting pissed,"Why you shit kicking, stinky Chocobo manure smelling, mother fucker, you."
Angeal laughed , "You are literally too stupid to insult."
"You son of a motherless Chocobo." He spat.
Angeal thought he had given the drunk enough chances to back off, but apparently not, "Oh, you wanna play that way do you? Alright... You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor, and you smell. You are about as useful as a cock flavored lollipop, and from what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a fucking boat. You are somewhere between a cockroach, and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you're thirsty. You can always tell when you've been at somebodies house, because the toilet is never flushed, and the cat is pregnant. You are the type of club- toting, raw meat eating, 'me Tarzan, you Jane', big balled, bubble head, that can only count to ten if he's barefoot or wearing sandals. You are in more dire need of a blow job than any white man in history. I find it hard to believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm, you were the fastest. I'm sure when you were born, the doctor turned around and slapped your mother. Aside from the fact that you smell like a bong's nut sack, I suggest you shut your anorexic, malnutritioned, tape worm havin', over dosed, Wutaian diet drinkin' ass up."
Reno and Rude had showed up during Angeal's rant, seeing the two TURKS in uniform the man became scared. "I think we got off on the wrong foot here."
Angeal wasn't done yet, "That's all you've got pal, two wrong feet in fucking ugly shoes." A laugh sounded behind him and Angeal turned to look. Rude was biting back a laugh, while Reno was letting it out shamelessly.
Getting some of his gall back, the drunk tried to foolishly stand up to the TURKS. "You want a piece too?"
"Shut up, you long streak of paralyzed piss." Reno yelled. "You must be full blown insane to think you could take on a TURK."
The man backed off into the crowd, as Reno and Rude walked up to Angeal. "Come here to finish what you started?" Angeal asked Reno.
Reno laughed a little, before answering, "Naw man, I gotta give you mad props for that just now. Fucker would have been knocked out, if it had been me he tried that shit on. And... I know Yume is a big girl, it just took me some time to get used to the idea of her doin' a dead guy. If you're what she really wants, I ain't gonna stand in the way, yo. And unless you give me a really good reason, I ain't gonna try to kill you." He reached out a hand to Angeal, "Truce?"
Angeal took it and gave it a firm shake, "Truce." Then he added, "Mad props, huh?"
Rude piped in, "Yeah, you were awesome. Takes a lot to impress Red."
Angeal looked a bit stunned by the big man's comment. "Really, you aren't just saying that?"
Reno laughed,"You're so fabulous 'Geal, I'll bet you piss glitter. Here, let me buy you a drink."
Angeal laughed at his comment, but then added, "You are just as persistent as your sister. She only cast on me because I wouldn't drink with her."
Reno looked at him weird for a second, then laughed, "That's my Yume, I taught her everything she knows, yo."
"Oh, Gaia help us." Angeal murmured. He guessed Rude had heard him, because there was a deep snort from behind him.
Reno was apparently still replaying the insults in his head. He shook his head and laughed out loud, "Cock flavored lollipop. Fuckin' awesome."
Angeal just shook his head in disbelief, he was sure he would never understand Reno. Just after he had that thought, he almost spit out his drink because of Reno.
"Yo, I wonder if they sell those..." He asked, seriously. Oh gods, Reno.