A/N: I know this chapter is a little on the short side for this story, and I know it took me awhile to finish it... but at least it's done! Hope you like it!

Chapter 5

Comfort

"So let me get this straight," Lanie asked from across the booth at Remy's, where they'd agreed to meet after work. "You and Castle?"

Kate bit her lip as she felt the smile spread across her face. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Look at you! Girl, I'm so happy for you! C'mere." Lanie stepped out of the small booth just far enough so that she could hug her friend without awkwardness, but then she sat back down and gave her a stern look. "How long has this been going on?"

"I don't know, since… Thursday?"

The M.E. raised her eyebrows. "Thursday as in the day you took off work?"

She smiled a little guiltily. "That's the one. It, um… it was the anniversary of my mom's death."

Lanie nodded. "I figured it had to be something like that. Sorry, sweetie."

She shook her head. "It's fine, I don't really need to… think about that right now. Anyway, Castle was just… he was really there for me. A hundred percent. And I just…" she shrugged. She couldn't explain it, not really. She couldn't give Castle the credit he deserved. Couldn't explain why, all of a sudden, being friends, even good friends, didn't seem like enough. He, writer that he was, might've been able to do it, but she didn't have the words. All she could do was smile sheepishly. But Lanie understood.

"Well, it's about time!" she said. "I'm just a little pissed off it took you this long to tell me. Thursday? Really?"

"Sorry, Lanie. It's just… we're not really telling anyone yet. He told his family and I'm telling you, but that's as far as we need it to get for right now."

"Well, why? If you're so happy, why keep it to yourself?"

Beckett rolled her eyes. "Come on. You of all people know it's not that simple. If I recall, you and Esposito never did tell us you were together. We had to figure it out for ourselves."

"Oh now, that was different."

She raised her eyebrows. "Was it?"

"Well… anyway, even if it wasn't, if you guys figured out that we were together, how do you and Castle expect to hide it? Do you really think the boys aren't gonna figure it out? And for that matter, do you really think I'm not gonna say something to Javi?"

"I do think you're not gonna tell him, and here's why. You're not gonna tell him because I'm asking you not to, and you're gonna respect that because you're my best friend, and because we've been friends for a lot longer than you and Javier have been dating."

Lanie sighed. "Fine, I won't say anything for now. But if he figures it out and asks me about it, I won't lie to him. Anyway, what are you afraid of?"

"What makes you think I'm afraid of anything? Maybe it's just not anyone else's business."

"Honey, this is Castle. He's a famous novelist. If you're with him, it's gonna be everybody's business. In the papers, tabloids, web sites—"

"Lanie," she stopped her friend quickly, trying not to look as panicked as she was beginning to feel. She wanted to continue to see her new relationship with Castle as a good thing. She wasn't ready to see the downsides crash in around her. Not just yet.

"Sorry, I'm not trying to freak you out, but I don't want you to be blindsided either. I know you know all this, but you stop thinking about it for a second and then you open a newspaper and your face is all over page six."

"I know, I know. And honestly I think that's part of why I don't want everyone to know yet. I'm not ready for that."

"Will you ever be ready for that?"

She smiled, seeing Lanie's point. "No, probably not. But I… think he's worth it. I'd just like to kind of get through the beginning stages and make sure it's gonna stick before we go telling everyone we know."

Lanie frowned. "Make sure it's gonna stick… so you're not sure it will?"

"No, it's not that, it's just…" she shrugged. "Well, maybe. There are just so many ways it could go wrong. He could do something stupid, I could do something stupid, and then there's the fact that we work together that complicates everything…"

"Honey, honey," Lanie soothed. "Do me a favor."

She arched an eyebrow at her friend but nodded.

"Relax. New relationships are supposed to be fun, not stressful. I can tell you're happy. And you know how I can tell?"

She shrugged.

"Because I'm your best friend. And because every time I say his name, you smile like a junior high school girl."

Kate felt herself grin.

"Yeah, somethin' like that. Sweetie, stop worrying. Just let yourself be happy. You deserve it."

She nodded.

"I am glad you told me, and I won't say anything to anyone. Not even Javi. You can take your time."

"Thanks, Lanie."

"But don't take too much time, okay? We have a pool going over at the precinct, and I need to collect my winnings."

Beckett rolled her eyes. "Lanie!"

"What? Come on. Tell me you didn't know about that. You must've at least guessed."

"I thought you were kidding!"

Lanie smirked. "Nah. Anyway, I'm glad you're okay. Not that I was worried. A little at first, but once you were back at work I was pretty much just pissed off at you for not calling me back."

Beckett suppressed a chuckle. "I'm sorry. I should've called you earlier."

"Damn right, you should've. I knew something had to have happened between you and Castle. You should've seen him that morning. Panicked. I knew he wasn't going to stop trying until he found you, and then I don't hear a word from either one of you for almost a week? I'm not stupid. But I didn't know it would be this… I'm really happy for you, girl."

"I went to his place for dinner last night."

Lanie raised her eyebrows. "Oh?"

"Yeah, Martha cooked… it was good, despite Castle's warnings..." She was just talking, making random conversation, but when she saw her friend's face, she stopped. "Lanie, why are you looking at me like that?"

"I don't know, you went to dinner at his house? With his family? It's just… fast. How'd it go?"

She shrugged. "It went fine, but you know, I already know his family. It's not like I was meeting them for the first time. Why… do you think it's too fast?"

"No," Lanie said firmly. "Not too fast, not with Castle. You're right, it's different. You already know him, you already know his family…" Lanie smiled. "This is gonna be good for you."

"I invited them over for dinner at my place," she said quickly. "I don't know when yet, but they're coming."

Lanie frowned. "All of them?"

"There's three of them, plus me. I can make dinner for four people, how hard can it be?"

"Wait, now… you're gonna cook?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I am. I can cook, I don't know why everyone assumes I can't."

"Maybe because you don't."

"I don't usually have the time or the reason to do it. But I can do it. I like to do it."

Lanie threw up her hands, aware that it was useless to argue with her friend right now. "I'm sure you can. Call me if you need anything though, okay?"

She grinned playfully. "You can't cook, I don't know what good you're gonna do."

Lanie smiled as well. "You do have a point. But not just about that. In general."

She nodded. "Sorry it took me so long to call you back. I've just… had a lot going on." She'd now told her friend about everything new in her life but the writing, and that she had no intention of telling her, or anyone. She could think of no reason that she should.

"It's okay. We should all go out sometime. All four of us, me and Javi and you and Castle, like a double date. Once you tell everyone, of course."

Beckett smiled. "That would be fun. Yeah, we'll do it sometime." She spotted a waiter and flagged him down. "Let's order, I'm starving."

When she got back to her apartment, Kate sat down on her couch with her pretty leather notebook. She'd written enough in it now that she was actually beginning to think of it as her notebook, rather than the notebook that Castle had given her. It might've overwhelmed her at first, but she was actually growing attached to it.

She was trying to get into the habit, now, of writing a little bit every night. She didn't always stick to that, but she was trying. It felt good, being able to incorporate her memories of her mother into her day to day life without pain. It used to be she tried not to think much about her from one moment to the next, and when something came up that reminded her of her, it felt like a knife to the gut. Now though, that was less the case. By making an effort to think about Johanna each day, and carefully selecting memories that didn't hurt, she found she was able to remember the good things without immediately associating them with the bad.

Her forays into the past were also a nice way to put the stress of the workday behind her, if only for a little while. It was a nice distraction. A catharsis. Something she would never have admitted to needing, and maybe something she didn't exactly need, but something that was comforting, nonetheless. Comfort was something she was just beginning to learn to live with. She'd always previously seen accepting comfort as a sign of weakness, but Castle was helping her to see it differently. Sometimes being comforted was just… comfortable. And there was nothing weak about being comfortable. There was nothing weak about being happy.

She opened to her page using her ornate metal bookmark, the one that had once belonged to her mother. The one she'd had in mind for this job ever since Castle had mentioned the word "bookmark," and ninety percent of the reason she'd been so insistent he not buy her one.

Finally, she was beginning to have less trouble figuring out what to write about. The more she wrote, the more she wanted to write, and the easier it was to come up with things to say. Moments to capture. And so she began the evening's reminiscence.

Every Sunday when I was growing up began the same way. I woke up to the scents of coffee, bacon, eggs, and a hot griddle, and I rolled out of bed and met my parents in the kitchen, where my dad would be sitting at the table with a newspaper and my mom would be standing by the stove making breakfast. "Morning, Katie," she'd say. She'd ask me what I wanted for breakfast, and I'd sit down with my dad and we'd all talk a little while she cooked, and then we'd eat.

My whole childhood wasn't this cliché. It was only Sunday mornings. Most other mornings my mom was either gone before I was up or still asleep after working late the night before, and my dad and I would grab a Pop-Tart or a bowl of cereal before heading off to school and work. During the week we were all busy, and we tended to go in three separate directions most of the time. But on Sunday mornings, for a couple hours, mine was pretty close to a stereotypical 1950s sitcom family. And I always liked that.

She smiled, satisfied that she'd written something. It was short and it wasn't earth shattering, but it was something. It was a memory, and it was a big part of her past, and it was something she wouldn't have wanted to forget. She'd show Castle tomorrow. For tonight, her work was done.

Unrelated side note: I think there's something funky going on with my alerts. So if you're supposed to be getting alerts for this story (or any of my other stories) and you're not... could you let me know so that I can figure out what to do about it, if there even is anything I can do about it?

Also. I do have some specific things in mind for this story, as far as what's eventually going to happen and where it's going to go, but in the meantime if you have any ideas for scenes you'd like to see Beckett write about dealing with her mom... feel free to toss them at me. Review, PM, Tumblr (.com/), anywhere you can find me is fine. :) I can't promise I'll use it, but I like the idea of having more ideas to work with (I do occasionally keep blanking on that, although I'm trying not to let it slow me down too much...), and I like the idea of letting my awesome reviewers give me input. So feel free, or not. It's up to you. :)