A/N: Thanks for taking the time to read this fic! I appreciate each and every one of you!
Sirius hesitated before opening the gate and walking towards the two headstones. He knelt down by Lily and James' first, not making eye contact with the newer, less faded one next to theirs.
"I miss you both so much. I know I haven't been to visit in a while, and I'm sure you both already know I'm married and I fucked that one up royally…no surprise there huh Prongs?" Sirius laughed to try and hold back tears as he places his thin, tattooed hand on the weathered stone.
"But you are with your son now and I know you are all so happy…" he couldn't hold back the tears as his voice broke over "son". They didn't flow readily, but they were enough to wet his cheeks. Remus held Teddy's hand tightly at the edge of the cemetery as they watched. Sirius moved over to Harry's grave and fell into a sob.
There were fresh flowers lying on top of the dirt, from Ginny most likely, and Sirius' body was wracked with the most painful cries he had ever emitted.
"Fuck this and fuck everything!" Sirius said, gasping for breath between the words, he was so angry that Harry had been taken from his world and the lives of everyone he cared for. It wasn't fair. It would never be fair. "I'm so fucking angry at you Harry I really am…"
Remus was behind Sirius a few seconds later, holding his shoulders as the man cried over the grave. Sirius wasn't usually full of emotion, and the way he was expressing it told Remus that he was hurting more than they all realized, and with good reason. Little Teddy stood next to the pair of men, looking on with a sadness that no little boy should ever have to experience.
"Just tell him…" Remus pushed and Sirius slammed his hand on the marker violently before pulling back into another fit of tears.
"You left me…I loved you so much, you were the son I never had and I promised James I would take care of you and I wasn't even there! You were gone and I never got to say goodbye!"
Remus clenched his best friend's shoulder tightly to show he was there for him. It hurt Moony just as bad to see the pain etched on the ex-convicts face. It was more pain than twelve years of Azkaban brought, or his holding in the Veil. It was a soul-destroying pain. It was love.
"Say goodbye to him now Sirius…I know you said it at the funeral, but let it go…"
"Harry forgive me please…I've treated your best friend and my wife so horribly…she's never going to forgive me and you won't either but I just missed you so damn much. My life is so empty without you…you are the perfect man, the man I wished I was and it was too soon…"
"Much too soon," Remus echoed. Teddy reached up and held Sirius' other hand and the marauder picked up the little boy in a fierce hug, crying on his little pea coat. Remus let the sweet moment happen, with Teddy clutching tightly to his Uncle's shirt before he picked his son out of Sirius' arms and urged him to lay it all to rest.
"I need to move on with my life Harry…I need to let this go and it is so damn hard, but bloody Remus thinks it will be good for me," Sirius tried to laugh at it, "I love you and you will always be missed by me."
Sirius leaned over and kissed the gravestone lightly before standing up and brushing the dirt off the knees of his jeans. Remus gave his friend a small, approving smile as they all said a final farewell to the Potter family and walked out of the cemetery.
"Feel better?"
"I feel like shit…"
"You know what I mean Pads," Remus arched an eyebrow and Sirius sighed.
"I feel lighter, I do."
"Then let's go see your wife," Remus smiled, and although Sirius looked quite apprehensive, he walked with Remus and Teddy down the small road of Godric's Hollow until they reached Ginny Potter's house at the end. Remus had to nearly drag Sirius to the door before he knocked lightly on it.
It took a few minutes, but Ginny came to the door wearing a grey t-shirt and some jeans. She looked exhausted and she beckoned the men and Teddy in.
"I'm more than happy to see you Remus," she said, leaning up to give him a kiss on the cheek before bending to her knees to envelop Teddy in a hug. The little boy squealed in delight, "But I am not happy that you are here Sirius…"
"Understandable," he said humbly as she stood up and squared her shoulders at him. She was rather intimidating at times for such a tiny woman and her look nearly brought him to her knees.
"You can't see her…" Ginny said finally.
"Let him, please…" Remus urged her and she gave the werewolf a scathing look.
"Do you know what she has been through? She turned up here in the middle of the night sobbing because of you! You have no idea…"
"Don't crucify the man, alright…he's trying to save his marriage.." Remus whispered. He hated all this fighting in front of his son, and he wished sometimes that Tonks didn't have to work.
"Then save it somewhere else, not in my house…" Ginny said, really worked up about it, mostly because she had rocked Hermione to sleep herself.
"Please let me see her…" Sirius all but begged. His eyes were hollowed and sad and after some heavy sighing and hands on her hips, she agreed.
"I gave her a mild sleeping draught so she could rest, so she probably won't wake…but she's in the guest room," she waved him towards the hallway and he went instantly, passing by the room Ginny and Harry used to share as a sad pang hit him and then baby James' room. He finally made his way into the guest bedroom where he saw Hermione in a mess of tangled blankets snoring ever so slightly from the draught.
He gingerly walked over to the bedside, and after realizing she was really under, he crawled into bed next to her and held her close to him. It was the first time he had held her in months, and it set off another wave of emotions. He couldn't believe he was letting himself be such a prat about everything, but he couldn't help it. He was sober for once and emotions were hard to handle when they came barreling at him like a rogue bludger.
He nuzzled into her hair, which was a little messy from sleep and took a deep breath of her earthy scent that he had missed. He rubbed his hands up and down her arms slightly and she fidgeted in her dreamless sleep but didn't awaken.
"I'm so sorry 'Mione, I wish I could take everything back and you would forgive me," he told her, knowing that this could very well be the last time he held her like this. He knew that even an apology couldn't fix the six months of fights and harsh words and lack of anything resembling the love that was currently surging through his body for her. He had to admit that Remus was right; he didn't even know his wife anymore. What if she had fallen out of love?—it didn't seem like she had after Remus had told him she had cut it off with George – but what if he couldn't be the man for her anymore.
His stomach hurt and he groaned, feeling like complete crap from the crying and the lack of a hard beverage. He kissed her softly on the cheek and rolled off the bed before returning to Ginny and Remus who were talking amiably in the living room. Teddy was bouncing on her knee happily.
"Well?" she asked, her pissy voice coming back and Sirius took a seat next to the fiery red-head. But she wasn't as harsh this time around.
"I just said hello to her, I didn't do anything that you wouldn't approve of," he winked at her, but sadness filled his voice.
"When she wakes up, I'll tell her to go home, if that's what you want?"
"It is, thank you Gin," Sirius smiled.
"Would you like to see James?"
Sirius' face lit up in the same way it had when he held Teddy once again. Teddy was excited too, loving the little baby and feeling like a big brother in his own right. Ginny moved to get him and Remus patted Padfoot on the knee, "Proud of you mate…"
"It's only day one…don't say anything yet…"
Ginny came back with the happy little James, who was clapping his hands at the sight of Remus and Teddy. But instead, she tentatively handed him to Sirius who held James at arm's length and almost lost it again at the sight of his eyes. They were Lily's…it was so fitting. Sirius finally hugged the baby boy close to him, rubbing his back affectionately.
James was a happy baby, and though he hadn't spent the last sixth months around Sirius at all, he felt comfortable with him again right away, and Ginny looked on happily, knowing that Harry would be so proud to see their son and Sirius reunited.
"This has been the best day I've had in a long while," Sirius admitted. He hadn't felt any semblance of happiness in months…but now he was in a house with all of the people he cared about, with the rest of the Potter's just down the street, looking after them all. He felt a will to live again, to be the man he knew he could be for Hermione, and for the two young boys in the room.
"Welcome back, Padfoot," Remus grinned.
A/N: Hope you guys liked this chapter. Reviews are loved and cherished!