HOLY CRAP.
Split Personality: What? You need a diaper change again?
...Why the hell are you still here?! It's been over a year since I stopped writing, and yet...
Split Personality: Why do you think people read these bits? Because of YOU?
Well, no. I mean, it's essentially the dynamic between you an-
Split Personality: Remember, the story?
Oh, right! My return to this website is about to commence! After a humongous hiatus, I am back-
Split Personality: Still as stupid and contrived as ever!
...On with the story!
Chapter one; Effective efficiency
Alright, we'll start with the basics. Your part bird, correct?
Max: Wow, your quick. It's only been on every new station in America for a couple of months, but I guess you don't get cable under a rock.
...Point taken. I'll skip the pleasantries then as well. So, Max, what type of education have you had?
Max: I've been taught the meaning or PAIN several times. Does that count?
...I'll take note of that. Knows... what... pain... is... Got it. So, what puts you above the rest?
Max: ...Do I have to clarify this again? I have super human strength, raptor sight, I can run the mile faster than a cheetah on speed, and, oh yeah, did I mention I had WINGS?
I believe you did, yes.
Max: Good. Cuz I do.
And I believe you. So, have you had any experience with-
Max: Don't finish that sentence. I've fought things that'd make Mr. T wet his pants.
What about Chuck Norris?
Max: NOTHING frightens Chuck Norris. Remember that, it might save your life one day. Any way, getting back to bragging, I've defeated the most gruesome creatures imaginable, broken countless world records (I don't qualify for Guinness, though. They said no mutants allowed) and astounded millions of people with my amazing-ness. Are you taking notes?
Yep. I've got all that down.
Max: Good. Also, write down that I'm two percent bird, forty eight percent human, and fifty percent pure awesome. Got it?
Got it all. Any social skills?
Max: Well, I-
Wait, don't answer that. I'm supposed to write down the quality of you social skills, but I'll just save us both time and just write 'no'.
Max: ...Whatever.
Any family?
Max: Yep. The greatest family in the world.
Do you constantly interrupt and contradict them too?
Max: Nope. Just people I don't like.
Alright, well, I'll get back to you in about a week, but in the mean time, we have to decide if your fit to work at Kohl's.
Thanks, and good bye.
Oooh, bet you didn't see that coming, did you?
Split Personality: Honestly, nope. Still sucked, though.
Remember to comment! Every time you comment, a kitten and puppy become life long friends, and eventually inspire an animated Disney movie!
Split Personality: Really?
...No.