Authors Note

Thanks to theluckyshot for the speedy review, they are great to see. This is the last re-written chapter so anything after this is entirely new. Bloody good thing too since I'm not even up to the main events. Final note: I've thrown around a few ideas for a Stargate (future) and Creeper World (directly after number 1's ending) crossover. Its a serious one, perhaps hard to believe after this fic lol. I'd love to hear some thoughts.

Disclaimer

I don't own really anything especially Warhammer 40000 or Blood Ravens, only my original storyline and characters that aren't worth anything anyway. This goes to Games Workshop and Relic.

Trouble Among the Emperor's Chosen

Chapter – 5 Surprise, Ownage and Epicness

Where we left off – Brother Sergeant Arovian Peral had his first taste of unblessed rations and caused a chain soiling in the entire mess. Morkit and Gik got introduced to Flames (Quite a standard greeting actually.) and the back of her lasgun. A small incursion of Ork's were defeated/owned outside the base and the General has a huge headache. Will Arovian get answers? What's moving behind that pot plant? What time is it? Lets find out.

The room was dank and poorly lit, you know the torture dungeon feeling? Yeah that one. Although it was in a Guardsmen base so it was actually kind of pleasant in comparison to most. Also the company was good and the bindings nice and soft.

"What are your plans!" yelled Fireworks.

"Plans?" said Morkit.

"What are those?" asked Gik.

Fireworks approached the tied-up Ork's and gave them a slap, hitting both with the single shot. After several questions and a hearty double-hit slap later, Silver entered the room.

"What was that?" he asked.

"My double-hit slap," she said with a grin.

"That's not a slap, this is a slap."

Silver walked up to them, centimetres away. He pulled out a lighter and turned it on holding it in front of his face.

"Did you know that on average, a Tau warrior says the phrase; "For the greater good." More than fifteen times a day?"

The Ork's were terrified and confused. Silver used the opportunity to light his glove on fire (While his hand was still in it.) and swing a jaw breaking flaming slap, hitting both. The Ork's quickly passed out from awesomeness, mental and physical trauma all at once. The epic factor of the room was raised by several orders of magnitude and a million worlds crumbled in the aftermath (ok maybe not quite that awesome, but still pretty cool).

Arovian decided to try to get answers out of the General again. His previous attempts had been miserable failures to say the least. On his way to her he saw no less than ten different groups of Guardsman playing cards, quite a feat since he only walked in a straight line for 75 metres.

"Brother Arovian, this had better be good," grumbled the General.

"I wish to ask some questionatus again."

"Of course, what do you want to know?" she said smiling, frown mysteriously gone.

Before Arovian could respond, an ornately dressed man stepped out from behind a large pot plant only a metre away.

"I would like to know about the battle that took place one year, two months and five days ago," demanded the man.

"Are you from the Inquisitionatum?" asked Arovian, not noticing the Inquisition logo's all over him. "And how long were you there listening to us for?"

"Yes, and several days," he replied without emotion. "Answer my question General."

One year, two months and five days ago.

In the broken lands of Gerada two armies stared each other down, one man and one beast. To say the Guardsmen forces were outnumbered would be an understatement. As with all battles the first casualty was language and decency. Both sides launching taunts and rude gestures, no mercy was shown. The Ork's threw the severed heads of the Guardsmen scouting party back to the humans and laughed. It wasn't over however. The Guardsmen returned fire with barbecued mushrooms, much to the horror of the Ork's. Remember the scene in Braveheart? Yeah you know the one just imagine that magnified many times and a lot less civilised.

The Warboss was pissed off, so he pulled out a daring move. He started to smash his weapon on the ground and soon, the entire Ork army did the same. The ground trembled at the onslaught. Nobody knows who started it, but among the human ranks a pattern began to form. Slap, slap, clap. It slowly grew louder as more and more Guardsmen joined in. soon it was even louder than the Ork's. Commissar Barrick climbed on top of a Chimera with a vox-caster and began the greatest military move in history.

"Buddy you're a boy make a big noise, Playin in street gonna be big man some day. You got blood on your face, you big disgrace, kickin your can all over the place. We will, we will, rock you!"

The Guardsmen replaced the slap, slap, clap with stomp, stomp clash (Lasgun on the flak jacket.) Just when they thought it couldn't get more epic, Three Valkyries arrived and hovered in arrow formation over the army. The outer two lowered capital ship-scale amps and the middle one lowered a platform. Lights turned on and lit it up. In the centre was the General with an electric guitar. Until now the Ork's were confused, but then came the guitar and upgraded beat. Their jaws dropped and their eyes couldn't move away. Then the chorus came again and every man and woman joined in, clouds parted, the sun rose and light enveloped them. The very ground beneath them rose several metres.

The General began an epic solo, so perfect that the God-Emperor of Man himself reached out from the warp. He soiled the pants of every Ork, guided the soldiers movements and voice. Wept tears of destruction, destroying a thousand Chaos worlds. Farted in the face of every Eldar Farseer. He even rose his physical body from the life preserving throne, taking his first breath in lifetimes. Then grew so powerful he broke the fourth wall(His first act was to punch the Author in the eye for writing this shit.)

The Guardsmen began an eternally legendary conclusion, every second row raised their hands in the air, they all sang in time and lasguns lit up the area like disco lights. The unworthy eyes and ears of the Orks bled rivers of pure incomprehension. By the end of the song the entire, millions-strong Ork army was dead... Awesome.

Present time

Both the Inquisitor and Arovian looked at each other, both raising a questioning eyebrow,(Arovian was wearing a helmet so he drew one on.) She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"We have a recording."

Somewhere elsewhere

"What's this?" Lucky said to himself, picking up a small object.

"Hello I'm the Imperial read helper, hmm now that I'm sentient I need a name" It said. "I've searched my database and have chosen a name that seems quite popular."

"What is it?" asked Lucky.

"Call me Horus."

End of Chapter 5

Emperor's comments

The first true test is coming, be prepared.

Review! For the Emperor!

Of course "We Will Rock You" is not my song, it is the work of "Queen" I didn't put it in the disclaimer so I wouldn't ruin the surprise. Cya