Twas the night before Christmas and all over town, every villain was miserable and feeling so down. Every year it was the same thing, the Christmas season had the supervillains and mega crooks of Townsville in the lowest of spirits. And so every December 24 saw the march of the evil doers, trekking through snow and sleet, all making their way to the one bar open on Christmas Eve.
The door flew open and in strode the simian scientist, Mojo Jojo, covered in snow and blowing into his hands, shuddering violently.
"Of all the wretched nights for it to be so cold, so frigid, so downright chilly it would have to be this very night. That is to say this night is far too cold, as is ironically appropriate for being such a wretched, terrible, and utterly deplorable night!" The owner rolled his eyes and nodded at Mojo as he strolled to his usual seat.
"Banana dacari, Jojo?" Mojo sulked and nodded, resting his cheek on his hand.
"It would be advisable to make it two, Jim. Tonight is feeling especially disgusting, sickening...you get the picture," Jim nodded, stopping only to wave to the newcomers. The Gangreen Gang sighed in unison, plopping down in a booth on the nearest side, talking amongst themselves. Jim handed Mojo his first drink, looking up again and nodding to each of the newcomers. The night was coming to life, Jim thought wryly. He could already feel the gloom setting in.
Mojo looked around, noticing someone sitting in the back, someone he hadn't seen come in. The monkey tapped the counter, getting Jim's attention and gesturing to the person in the back.
"Jim, who is that in the back who showed up before me? I am always the first to arrive, the most punctual, the one who is always on time!" Jim looked back and tapped his chin, trying to remember her name. She'd already gone through a few drinks, he had to slow her down a bit.
"Um...name is...right the slutty broad, you know her Jojo?" Mojo blinked and rubbed his chin. He snapped his fingers and went back to his banana dacari.
"Oh right, Sedusa...she has been very quiet, inactive lately. She's done absolute nothing since that," He was cut off as Ace came up to the counter, throwing some money at Jim.
"Hey Jim! Five beers! You talkin' bout da slut? Yeah, dat bitch tried to cheat me and da boys," Mojo blinked and jerked a thumb back at Sedusa.
"She worked with you? Why would she not seek out the help of someone far more resourceful, intelligent, powerful and downright debonair!" Ace rolled his eyes and grabbed the drinks.
"I don't care Mojo, dat bitch tried to cheat us and got what she had comin'!" Jim jerked his thumb, narrowing his eyes at Ace. The Gangreen leader took the hint and returned to his seat. The barkeep just shook his head and went back to getting drinks ready. The whole crew was almost in, with any luck it would be a peaceful evening.
"Why hello everyone! It's that time again!" Jim and just about everyone in the bar groaned and turned to the door, watching the walking bundle of coats walk in. The second the door closed they vanished, revealing his infernal majesty himself, the demon Him. Him strolled up to the counter, wearing far too broad a grin to fit in with the crowd.
"Hello there Jim, old boy! Preying on the misery of others I see? Why don't you fix me up with a delicious appletini!" Jim sighed and everyone else returned to their moping. Him showed up every year, always far, far too jolly for the mourning villains. Him whistled 'Jingle Bells' as he surveyed the scene, waving to the few people who looked at him. Most returned the gesture with a rude one of their own, which only made the demon giggle. Him caught sight of a tangled mess of writhing black hair in the back turning back to Jim to offer a devious smile as he snatched up his tini.
"Why thank you Jim!" Jim sighed and crossed his arms, glaring at Him.
"You aren't going to pay me are you?" Him cackled and began to walk off, waving his claw dismissively.
"Oh Jimmy Boy! You know the game, just put it on my tab!" Jim rolled his eyes and went over to a calculator, adding up the amount and adding it to Him's tab. In the forty years Jim had been running the bar, Him had shown up every Christmas Eve. He still hadn't paid for a single appletini.
"Why hello there!" Him sat down in the booth across from Sedusa, who just cast a glare his way before returning to her brooding, staring out the window. Him was completely unfazed by the look and daintily sipped his appletini while joining Sedusa in looking out the window.
"Terribly cold night isn't it? I've heard the snow is supposed to get up to almost eight inches!" Sedusa didn't respond. Him took a moment to look over the four empty mugs on the table. He chuckled and began to hum 'Here Comes Santa Claus'. It only took a few bars before Sedusa was openly glaring at him. Him trailed off, slowly turning to look innocently at Sedusa.
"Is something the matter?" Sedusa just shook her head and resumed looking out the window. Him sighed and rested his chin on his claws. Finally Sedusa spoke, her voice a little slurred.
"What do you want with me, Fruit Cup?" Him chuckled and took another sip of his appletini.
"Why it's the most miserable night of the year and you, darling, are the most miserable patron out! I was just curious..." Sedusa rolled her eyes, regretting the action as it made her dizzy. She rubbed her head and laid down, resting her head on her arms.
"A whole year's gone by...my life is a waste," Him took a sip, smacking his lips and resting his cheek on his claw, smiling at Sedusa.
"Oh honey, that's how everyone feels tonight!" Him lifted up his glass speaking in a loud voice that caught everyone's attention, "Here's to another year of being complete and utter failures! While we weep and gnash our teeth the city of Townsville, nay the world sleeps soundly!" Everyone yelled at him to shut up, a few even throwing things at the demon. Him took a long sip of his appletini and grinned at Sedusa.
"So what's your story? Talk to me, I'm a very good listener," Sedusa moaned and sat up, casting a bloodshot eyed leer at Him.
"Will it make you leave me alone?" Him tittered and flapped his claws.
"Oh it might," He replied singingly. Sedusa took a deep breath and slouched in her seat, pushing one of the empty mugs.
"I'm awful at this whole supervillain thing..." Sedusa looked out the window again while a lock of her hair angrily pointed at the Gangreen Gang on the other side of the bar. "They've been closer to beating the Powerpuff Brats than me..." Him whistled and shook his head.
"My, my, that's tough stuff," He finished off his appletini, pushing the glass away. He noticed Sedusa's head drop again, the corners of her eyes looking moist.
"I finally had a real plan...and it all blew up on me...I lost my hair again, do you have any idea how much that hurts?" Sedusa stroked one lock of her hair like a pet snake, sighing sleepily, "Not to mention I look completely hideous bald..." Him tutted and patted her hand, gesturing around the bar again.
"Once again, my dear, this isn't exactly a supermodel convention," The demon stood up and gestured to himself, putting his claws behind his head and jutting out his hip, "Other than yours truly of course," Sedusa stared at him, blinking several times before bursting into giggles. Him chuckled and sat back down, ignoring the stares he was getting from the other bar rats.
"There! Oh you have a lovely laugh my dear," Sedusa blushed and shook her head, keeping her eyes on the table.
"Stop lying..." Him waved his claws, leaning across the table with a grin.
"Lying? My dear you positively glow compared to the rest of these hideous little people. Why, I was a big fan of that little game you played with the Powerpuff Girls' father," Sedusa blushed and snickered, shaking her head.
"He was so easy...just had to wink just right..." Him cupped her hand, drawing Sedusa's dizzy green eyes up to his.
"That's the spirit! You're so very, very good at what you do!" Sedusa giggled again, blinking when another mug of beer appeared on the table. Him smirked and took a sip of his new appletini. "Ah that hits the spot, do enjoy darling," Sedusa shook her head and took a long drink from the mug, sighing contentedly.
"Why are you doing this?" She hiccuped and quickly covered her mouth, wiping her mouth as daintily as she could. Him continued to gracefully sip his tini.
"Simple preservation of evil in my lovely little city. It simply wouldn't do for a gorgeous young thing with such potential to give up!" Sedusa took another drink, hardly noticing that her mug had filled itself up once again.
"I'm thirty-two...I don't have any potential...never did..." She mumbled, her mug filling up again after another long drink. Him sipped his appletini and shook his head, tutting and waving a claw chidingly.
"No, no, no! Oh that simply isn't true! My dear you have such potential! You're simply going through a rough time, it's something that happens to us all!" Sedusa took another drink, her head getting increasingly fuzzy.
"Doesn't happen to you...evilest of evil..." Him twirled his claw, sighing.
"I've been through my rough stretch, you don't live as long as I do without having a few. That magical chalk thing? Dreadful! And those nightmares, oh I planned it so horribly! And don't even get me started on that blasted gnome! Ugh, worst partner I've ever had!" By the end of his rambling Sedusa was snorting and laughing wildly, mostly due to Him's wild gestures and flamboyant emotion. The demon sat back down and joined her, laughing as he drank the rest of his appletini.
"You're funny..." Sedusa slurred out, cheek resting on her hand as she stared across the table at Him. The devil refilled his glass again and set it down on the table. The dead jukebox in the corner suddenly came to life and began playing a corny slow song. Him clapped his claws and stood up.
"Oh my favorite song! Come on honey, let's dance!" Him took Sedusa's hand and pulled her to her feet, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting his claws on her hips. Sedusa, feeling tipsier than she had expected, held onto Him tighter, resting her head on his chest. The two swayed back and forth, the devil dancing with expected grace while his partner barely moved her feet, more focused on standing up.
"You dance exquisitely, Sedusa! Have you taken lessons?" Sedusa giggled and tightened her hold on his neck, rolling her head back to look up at his face.
"You're so tall..." Him grinned, twirling her around. Sedusa stumbled drunkenly, falling back into his arms. Him held her hips steady, swaying them both back and forth, back and forth. Sedusa's eyes started growing heavy, she held him tighter, listening to the sound of his irregular heart beat. Dudiddlydee dah, dum diddle deedoodah.
She giggled breathlessly and looked up at him again. In the dim light, her vision blurred by alcohol...his eyes glowing soft green, wearing a goblin's grin on his lips, black lipstick glimmering just a little. She cocked her head, smiling softly. His blush was a little fancier...or at least looked that way through her beer goggles.
"You look nice tonight..." She whispered, her voice heavy and husky. Him smiled, a charming, handsome grin. Sedusa felt her cheeks heating up, her knees wobbling. Though again...it could just be the liquor.
"Why thank you...I always try to look my best for such festive occasions. I have to say, you look positively darling yourself," Sedusa blushed darker, pursing her lips. She stopped dancing, lightly caressing Him's cheek. The demon's claws moved from her hips, slowly wrapping around her waist. He leaned in closer, whispering in her ear.
"Is there something you want?" Sedusa shuddered and quickly turned to Him, pressing her lips fiercely against his. The patrons all groaned and began throwing things at them once again. When the kiss ended, Him smiled and returned to holding Sedusa's hips.
"You can barely stand honey, I think your partying time is over," He draped his arm around her shoulders and led the stumbling, inebriated thief to the door, waving his claw high in the air as he went.
"Good night everyone! Good luck in the new year!" Another chorus of bitter moaning and thrown bottles followed them, crashing against the door the moment it closed behind the two.
The trip, one that would have taken almost an hour by foot, took less than a second riding on the gust of red mist Him summoned up once they had exited. Sedusa gripped Him's fluffy boa, repeatedly planting sloppy kisses on his neck and chin. Him just smiled and laid her down in her bed, waving his claw over her eyes, sending her over the edge to sleep. He chuckled, pulling the thin sheets over her body, brushing her hair away from her face.
"Sweet dreams little Sedusa, there's always next year," Him stood up and with a twinkle of his eye and a flick of his claw, vanished in a puff of red mist.
Before it vanished, the mist trailed around the room, leaving behind a new cat suit—one with built in retractable diamond claws in the gloves—a container of Sedusa's favorite oatmeal raisin cookies on the stove, and finally a heavy red comforter that now draped over the slumbering thief. Sleeping soundly, Sedusa smiled and pulled the blanket tighter around her, snuggling away from the cold outside.