I own none of the characters. They are owned by Joss Whedon

"Angel, NO!!" His friends shouted.

Conner rushed over to his father and began to wrestle the stake out of his hands. As they fought for it the stake ended up in Angel's side.

"God Dammit Conner." Angel roared as he pulled the stake out of his side. Luckily, he was distracted enough by the pain, that Conner was able to get the stake away from him.

Suddenly, hearing all of the noise coming from Cordy's room a nurse rushed in.

"What is going on in here?"

"Sorry." Fred mumbled.

"That's it, everyone out of here now. Come back in the morning." She snapped.

The gang slowly filed out of the room except Angel who hung back.

"You too, out." She said to him.

"May I say goodbye?"

"You have 1 minute." She said and walked out of the room.

"Cordy, you have to wake up soon. I need you to talk me through this. I need you. Please, come back to me. I love you." He slowly kissed her lips and left the room.

The car ride back to the hotel was silent. No one was ready to talk about what had happened in Cordy's hospital room. They were scared. They were scared that Cordy wouldn't wake up and they were scared that Angel would try to kill himself again. Buffy finally broke the silence.

"Wes, can you drop me at the airport? My flight leaves in a couple of hours."

"Sure, no problem." He stated. They again rode in silence until they arrived at the airport. Buffy hopped out of the car.

"Buffy, thanks for everything." Fred said

Buffy leaned over to speak with Angel quietly.

"Don't give up champ. She will be ok." She whispered as she hugged him. He didn't respond. He just stared passed her. "Call if you need anything." She said to the gang and ran into the airport.

When they arrived at the hotel Angel went to his office.

"What do we do about him?" Gunn asked

"I'll talk to him." Wes said

"Good luck." Lorne said as Wes walked into Angel's office.

"Go away Wes." Angel said as he stared at the cup of blood in his hands that he hasn't drank yet.

"Not this time."

"Not in the mood."

"Why, what the hell were you thinking.?"

Angel sighed. He realized that Wes wasn't going to let this go.

'Dammit Wesley, Can't you see? Just being associated with me puts everyone's lives at risk."

"We all are were and still are aware of the risks involved in our business and it's our choice to stay, not yours."

"It's never been this hard before." Angel said with tears in his eyes.

"What?"

"Having a life. Having friends."

"Angel, having a life and friends is a great thing. It shouldn't be hard."

"If I was human it would be great, but I'm not."

"What does being human have to do with anything?"

"I have lived for over 200 years. The first 100 reigning terror and the second 100 plus making amends for my reign of terror, but do you know what the one constant was between all of these years, until recently?"

Wesley shook his head.

"I was a loner. I didn't make or want friends and that worked for me. It worked great in fact."

"But, Angel having friends is ok. It's actually normal."

"Yeah, for someone who won't outlive all of them." Wesley finally beginning to understand.

"Is that what this about?"

"I don't know…. maybe…. yeah."

"Angel…I.." Angel interrupted Wesley

"I moved to LA to be alone, but did it work? Of course not. First, Cordy wormed her way into my life and then my heart, what there is of it anyway." Angel said and laughed bitterly. "I tried to push her away, but you know how damn stubborn she is, it was impossible. Then the PTB sent Doyle to me with the visions. That was fine, as long as he was just my seer, but we became friends. But of course he died. The grief that I felt was horrible. I never wanted to feel that again. But, I know now one day I feel that grief again because of my relationships with my friends and Cordy. And when the inevitable happens, which it will, I will be the only one left standing grieving alone. I may be selfish, but I don't want to go through that. I don't want to be alone."

"Angel, it's not selfish."

"I have done horrible things in my long life. I have been cursed with a soul to repent for all the evil that I have done. I don't deserve friends, happiness or love but God help me, I love Cordy. Wesley, I love her so damn much that I would give my life so that she can be safe."

"She wouldn't want that."

"I know, and that is what has stopped me from walking out into the sunlight today. But, she deserves so much better than me."

"I don't think that Cordelia would agree with you. She loves you Angel."

"I know, but I can't give her what she deserves. I can't hold her hand and walk along the beach collecting shells if she wants. I can't give her a child. I can't even make love to her."

"Angel, your love can be enough."

"Can it?" Angel asked his friend with tears in his eyes. Suddenly Angel jumped.

"Angel what is it?" Wesley asked concerned and Angel pulled his vibrating cell phone out of his jacket pocket.

"God Dammit. I hate this damn thing." He snarled. Cordy made him carry it around and every time that it rang it scared the shit out of him. It was a pain in the ass.

"Hello…this is he… yes that's right…when did it happen…no, definitely…I'm on my way…thank you for calling." Angel turned around and faced Wesley with a smile on his face.

"Cordy is awake."