Chapter 9: Chasing Pavements
i.
He's lying on his bed in the darkness of the room – the light outside barely reaches where he's at. He can see the outline of the objects in front of him. That is the study desk Rachel once sat on while reading her books though he had insisted her not to – she stuck her tongue out at him and hopped on the desk, showing her perfectly smooth skin when her skirt hike up. The carpet still holds the shape of her graceful feet. Oh yes, and he remembers on this bed, she laid next to him, sang him to sleep, and her touches, soft as those of angels.
His phone vibrates and he's surprised to hear her voice on the other side of the line when he picks up.
"Rachel?"
"Hi, Finn." – She says, almost like a whisper.
"Where are you?"
"I'm at my house, I'm grounded. My dads won't let me go out unless they come with me, and they've taken away my phone. I borrowed this from a friend."
"I miss you."
Silence.
"When can I see you again?" – Finn sits up, holds his phone closer to his ear. Maybe by doing that, he can feel her closer, as if she were with him still.
"I don't know. I haven't talked to my Dads."
"Rachel?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you, please, remember that."
"I'll see you soon."
The familiar beeping sound replaces her sweet voice suddenly.
And all that's left is emptiness.
ii.
He starts smoking again days after that the phone call.
He finds himself captivated by the way the white smoke floats around him, embracing him before vanishing into thin air.
He tries not to think about her too much. He begins reading his French novels again, and sometimes he would stop to get out of the apartment and walks.
Just walks.
Walks.
Walks and everywhere, he sees her. She's in the wind caressing his face, she's in the joyous chattering of school girls on their bikes when they ride pass him, and she's in the reflection of the sunshine on the glass window of the coffee shop at the corner – the same reflection he sees in her brown eyes. He misses her eyes. He misses her everything.
He goes out drinking one night, with the hope that wine – sweet, sweet invention of Dionysus – will help him forget, even just a little bit.
It scares him, because he grows more sober with each shot he takes. Even the strongest drugs won't ease his mind, he knows that now. He brings the empty glass up and stares into it – seeing his face gets all twisted and blurred. It maybe because of the tears that are swelling up in his eyes and there's nothing he could do about it.
iii.
He's sleeping when the doorbell rings and he rushes to open it, his heart wildly beating and for a moment, he thinks he'll see her face today.
"Rachel?"
Instead of the lovely face of his dear lover, he sees the cold, expressionless face of one Leroy Berry.
"Mister Hudson, we need to talk."
iv.
Two men are sitting across each other – still as statues. Finn watches and studies the man in front of him – dark skin, strong jaw line, deep eyes. His suit is definitely not just another suit – by the look of it, this could very well be one of those Italian tailored suits he gets to see on movie actors. He has one hand holding the glass of wine, the other tapping his chin in a steady rhythm.
After a moment, Leroy puts the glass down on the table – the sound of glass hitting the wooden surface echoes and penetrates through the suffocating silence.
"How much do you want?"
"Excuse me?"
"For leaving Rachel."
Finn chuckles – "I'm sorry, Mister Berry, but as strange as it may sound to you, money can't solve everything. Besides, that also depends on Rachel, doesn't it?"
He's taken by surprise when the dark man lets out a laugh.
"You think you're smart, don't you? Oh, what are you, a writer? That explains so much."
He pulls out a cigarette in his pocket and offers to Finn, while lighting up a cigarette for himself.
"You love her, boy?"
"Yes" – Finn answers with no hesitation, then takes the cigarette from Leroy's hand.
"How?"
"I take care of her; I make sure to put her own happiness above my own."
"And you're sure that's what you have been doing?"
"Ask Rachel yourself. She's happy when she's with me."
"Does she tell you that?"
"She doesn't have to. She always finds me; she always comes back to me."
"Did she ever tell you about her doll, Marley?"
"No."
"When I first met Hiram, Rachel was just a little girl, about 10 years old, as I remember. She didn't like me at first – she made that very clear to both Hiram and I. She'd yell at me, hide in her room and refuse to come see me; she'd tell her friends in class and make up stories about me. One time, we were walking down the street and she saw a doll behind a glass window; she asked Hiram to buy it for her. It was a beautiful doll – made in Italy – with blonde hair and a fluffy pink dress with glitter on it. It was also very expensive. I didn't want her to have such an expensive toy at a young age – I didn't want to spoil her – so I convinced Hiram not to buy the doll. You know what she did? She spent 1 hour every day after wards to stand in front of the shop and look at the doll, even if it rained. Eventually I myself gave in and bought her the doll."
Leroy takes a sip of wine and both men continue enjoying their cigarettes for a while before he speaks up again.
"She threw the doll away a day after." – Leroy looks at Finn while blowing white circles into the air – "You see, she never wanted the doll, she wanted to fight me, she wanted to prove a point: she wins, every time. You think she's been trying to hide this little affair between you and her? She could have been with you for as long as we live and we wouldn't find out; but she wants us to find out, so she could take a stand against us. That's what she's been doing. You've been the fire she needs. She knows she has a power over you and she uses it. This isn't the first time, my dear Finn. I've seen her done this before."
The cigarettes have all burned out. From here, they can hear the sounds of New York afternoon so clearly and vividly; he can almost taste it.
"Think about it, Finn. Think about it. I'll let you meet her, and then you can find out the answers yourself." – The man stands up and walks to the door while Finn remains a statue in his seat – "Love bites, Finn. There ain't nothing sweet about it."
v.
Leroy keeps his words – days later, he finds Rachel standing at his front door. She throws herself into his arms – he breathes in the warmth of her hair; he basks in the heat radiating from her lively body, with her soft chest pressed on his strong one. He has tried – God knows he has – to stop needing her so much, needing her with every nerve of this body of his; loving her with the purest love – loving her enough for both of them. He tilts her head aside and starts planting kisses along her neck – he pays extra attention to the lovely hollow space at her collar bone as she pulls his paper thin tee up and runs her hands on his broad chest. When their tongues meet a slow - agonizingly so – kiss, he feels his love running through his veins. As the sounds of their ragged breathing fill the humid air around them, he takes her blouse off and kneads her breasts gently before removing the bra. Finn takes a nipple into his mouth and tugs at it, then sucks and sucks – clinging as a child. He wants all of her today. She mewls and thrashes against the wooden door, rubbing her hot pussy against his loin. She starts thrusting her hips and he knows she's being impatient again. With her soft legs like silky strings around his waist, Finn carries her to his bed and puts her down gently. She bows her back and moans, thrashing from side to side, "Lick me, baby. Fuck me with your tongue. Come on, baby, do it." She licks her lips while his tender fingers run along her inner thighs before pressing at the wet spot. She rubs herself against his fingers – their eyes never leave each other. Finally, when his tongue's inside her wet, hot, lovely pussy – she screams – a smile on her face – her eyes shut, she runs her fingers in his hair then she brings them up to caress her breasts. Suddenly, she feels the familiar sensation of having his cock inside of her. He's standing, thrusting into her, changing the rhythm every time. Realizing it may be over too soon, he pulls out and bends down to kiss her – then licks the sweats off her skin.
He's taking his time to study the curves of her body, the graceful movements of the bones inside her tiny body, the heavenly state of being inside of her like this. Loving her like this.
But he's tired – of waiting and chasing, of uncertainty. He needs to know. He'll know, he'll be free.
It's wet and dirty and messy when they come – but seeing the white liquid coming out of her pussy makes his heart swell with such a twisted pride he never knows existed.
He holds her in his arms – their skin brushing against each other and soon she wants to have sex again. She sits up, her brown hair falling in his face – tickling him; he sees the sun on her skin.
"Why are you here, Rachel?"
She's moving her head lower, licking at his abs.
"Rachel, stop."
She's kissing the tip of his cock.
"Rachel."
"Uh" – She sits up again, annoyance written on her face. "What?"
"Rachel. I love you, and you know it. But I need to know, Rachel, I need to know if you feel the same for me. I need to know."
"What is it with you and love? It's a ridiculous obsession!"
"Why are you here? Why do you always come back to me?"
She stands up and puts her underwear on, but he's not going to give in this time. He pulls his pants up and catches her wrist.
"Why do you need me? Is it because of your Dads? Or because you love me?"
He holds her hand in his and kneels in front of her, he kisses her taunt stomach.
"Because if you love me, I'll give you my life. I'll never ask for anything else but your love. I'll never lie to you, unless you want me to. I'll love you, oh baby, I'll love you."
He stands up and stares into her deep brown eyes – he's trying to see her soul.
"But if you don't, you can never see me again. I'll leave New York."
The silence is too intoxicating for him. He's holding his breath, and his body goes numb. The only thing he knows right now is the words that are slipping from her lips.
"Then I guess this is goodbye."
tbc
A/N:
Thank you for your support to this ff! I never thought I'd go this far.
However, I feel like I'm letting you down. See, I have this weird feeling that some of you have given up on me : ( Please don't! I'm trying to write better and better for you! So please, please leave me reviews and tell me what you think! Just a few words would do!
Just two more chapters and we'll reach the end :(
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Til next time my dearies!