"Captain?" asked Jim.
Calvin and Hobbes gulped.
"We're…standing in a room…with a DEAD GUY!" screamed Hobbes.
Calvin and Hobbes screamed.
Jim screamed.
Before they ran out screaming, Calvin grabbed the map and tucked it in his pocket.
They ran out of the room in panic, and they ran downstairs.
Just as they passed a window, it burst.
CRASH!
Glass flew everywhere.
Jim, Calvin and Hobbes whirled around in shock.
Windows broke all over the place.
Then the front door burst open.
Jim, Calvin and Hobbes recognized the one at the front.
Blind Wally.
"OH BILLY BONES!" sang Wally. "TRICK OR TREAT!"
Jim ran in one direction.
Calvin and Hobbes ran in another.
"Don't try to hide, Billy!" shouted another pirate. "You know what we want!"
Calvin and Hobbes ran into the powder room and locked the door.
Then they started to run around in circles, screaming their heads off.
Jim ran upstairs and started running towards the end of the hall.
"Where are ya, Billy?" shouted a pirate.
Jim made it to the door and started pounding.
"Mrs. Bluberidge!" he shouted.
Mrs. Bluberidge woke up, growled, and struggled to get up. She waddled over to the door.
"Can't a woman get her beauty sleep anymore?" she grumbled.
She opened the door and Jim burst inside.
Once inside, he locked the door.
Blind Wally was swinging his sword all over the place.
He nearly sliced and diced some of the crew.
Then he ran right into a grandfather clock.
CLANG!
He fell to the ground.
In the powder room, Calvin and Hobbes had finally gotten their heads together and started to try and fight back.
"Okay, I found the gun," said Hobbes.
"Good," said Calvin. "I found the gunpowder."
"Fill 'er up!"
Calvin poured gun powder into the gun.
"Okay, now where does Mrs. Bluberidge keep the bullets?" asked Calvin.
But as Calvin ran, he forgot to put the cork back into the hole in the barrel, and now gunpowder was spilling everywhere.
Meanwhile, the pirates had found Billy.
"HE'S DEAD!" shouted a pirate. "And he hasn't got the bloody map!"
Blind Wally growled.
"Those little girls must have it! Get them!"
And they went back downstairs.
As Calvin continued to spill gunpowder everywhere, Hobbes climbed the shelf.
"CALVIN! CALVIN! I FOUND THE BULLETS!"
Calvin ran over.
"Where are they?"
"In this bag!"
Hobbes held up the bag, but then the whole shelf came loose and fell to the ground.
When Hobbes emerged, the bag was torn and empty.
"Whoops," said Hobbes sheepishly.
Calvin glared at him.
Hobbes grinned weakly.
Some of the pirates ran to Mrs. Bluberidge's door and started to beat at it.
"OPEN UP IN THERE!" one shouted. "We want the map, and we'll scour anyone who gets in the way!"
"Quick, Jim, the backstairs!"
Mrs. Bluberidge opened another door.
Jim ran out.
As soon as she closed the door, there was an explosion, and the pirates made it inside.
Mrs. Bluberidge growled at them.
She waddled towards and rammed into them hard with her giant stomach, knocking them over like bowling pins.
"Get out of my inn, you tattooed miseries!" she shouted. "Can't a woman get a good night's sleep alone?"
She beat, smacked and kicked them all.
Calvin and Hobbes had cleared away the wreckage of the shelves and were now searching for the bullets.
"This gun is useless!" Calvin complained. "You lost the bullets all because you couldn't just get the stepladder!"
"Stepladders are dumb!" said Hobbes. "A real cat of the wild will climb any surface! Besides, you're the one who's losing the powder!"
Calvin glanced at the barrel.
"Why am I still holding this thing?" he asked himself.
Just then, the door burst open, and in stormed five pirates.
"The map!" shouted a pirate. "Tell us where it is, or die!"
Calvin and Hobbes lingered for a second.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" they screamed.
They ran off.
Hobbes dropped the candle he was holding.
"GET THEM!" shouted Blind Wally.
They ran past the spilt gunpowder.
Calvin and Hobbes ran around a corner.
"RUN, RUN, RUN!" screamed Hobbes.
The pirates ran towards the corner, but before they rounded it, they saw Hobbes' candle land on the floor.
The fire struck the gunpowder.
Too bad this was a century without electricity, huh?
Suddenly, the ball of flame started to follow the trail of gunpowder, and it headed straight for the pirates!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" screamed the pirates.
They all started running.
Calvin and Hobbes ran from the pirates.
And the pirates ran from the fire!
Then the fire got in front of Calvin and Hobbes, and soon they were all running from the fire.
"OUTTA MY WAY! OUTTA MY WAY!" screamed Calvin.
"HELP! JIM! HELP!" Hobbes wailed.
"MOMMY!" yelled the pirates.
After a lot of running, one the pirates finally yelled, "STOP!"
Everyone froze.
Then they saw that the one pirate was standing over the gunpowder barrel.
And the fire was coming up fast.
Calvin and Hobbes got out of the room fast and ducked behind the bar.
Uh oh.
KAAAAAAAAAAAABLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMM!!
Pirates shot out of the roof of the inn like rockets.
"Owww!" they moaned.
Jim ran out the back way with explosions of fire going off all around him.
Soon he was out of range from the fire.
"Calvin? Hobbes?" he shouted.
KABOOM!
CRASH!
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" screamed Calvin.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!" screamed Hobbes.
Calvin and Hobbes, who were both slightly singed and covered in soot, landed at his feet.
"WOW!" Calvin cheered. "What an exit! Straight through a brick wall! Top that, Gallagher!"
"Ow!" moaned Hobbes. "I'll be grooming myself for days!"
"Come on!" Jim shouted.
The trio ran for safety.
Inside the burning building, Blind Wally was just finding the powder room.
"I think…I smell something burning! Who's the moron who started a fire?"
KAAAAAABOOOOOOOM!
Jim, Calvin and Hobbes were finally a safe distance away from the flaming building.
"What do we do now?" asked Hobbes.
Jim thought.
"We can't go home, so…?"
Calvin pulled out the treasure map.
"Let's have an adventure!" he finished.
Hobbes glared at them.
"Oh no," he said. "I'm not going on a death trap mission! I am staying right here!"
"Good idea, Hobbes," said Jim. "Then you can see what half-burnt vicious pirates look like!"
Hobbes glanced at the building.
KABLAM!
CRASH!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" screamed Blind Wally, who was soaring through the air.
Hobbes gulped.
"What are we waiting for?" he said nervously. "Let's go!"
They were about to leave when Jim stopped them.
"Wait a second! What about Mrs. Bluberidge?"
Just then a window smashed and a hand popped out.
Then the whale-sized Mrs. Bluberidge climbed out of the flaming building.
"I'LL BE FINE, BOYS!" she hollered. "RUN FOR IT!"
Calvin, Hobbes and Jim all stared at each other.
"How does she do that?" they all asked.
Shrugging, Jim, Calvin and Hobbes hurried off into the night.
Mrs. Bluberidge watched them leave, and then growled at the pirates who lay on the ground.
"NOW WHICH OF YOU IS GONNA CLEAN THIS MESS UP?!" she growled.
The next day, Jim, Calvin and Hobbes were riding through town.
They were covered in soot and were exhausted.
"What a night," groaned Hobbes, rubbing his eyes.
Jim was keeping an eye out for a shop.
"There it is!" he said excitedly.
They climbed down from the buggy and ran to the door of the building.
Jim read the gold sign on the brick wall.
"Trelawney and Son: Master Ship Builders," he read.
"This is it," said Calvin, who looked excited.
Jim knocked on the door and waited.
"Whoa, hold on," said Hobbes. "Do you honestly think we're gonna be able to get this guy to build us a boat? All we have is a piece of paper with writing on it!"
"It's worth a try, Hobbes," said Jim.
The door suddenly opened.
An old man wearing one of those George Washington wigs came out.
"May I help you?" he asked in a creaky old voice.
"Yes, thank you," said Jim. "We wish to speak with Squire Trelawney the ship builder. We need a ship."
"I'm sorry," said the old man. "The Squire is out. He will return on the Feast of Saint Lulu."
Jim, Calvin and Hobbes groaned.
"Thanks anyway," sighed Jim.
They started to leave.
"However," said the old man. "His rich half-wit son, Young Squire Satchel is here." He let out a wheezy laugh.
Calvin and Hobbes sighed.
Jim perked up.
"We'll see him then."
Young Squire Satchel was a mutt that sat on a bench staring through a magnifying glass at Billy Bones' map.
"Well, gentlemen," he said in a dopey sweet voice. "This is definitely a genuine bonafyed treasure map!"
Jim, Calvin and Hobbes were ecstatic!
"Really?!" asked Jim happily.
"Sure! Mr Bimbo told me so!"
The three figures before him stared.
Squire Satchel stared back.
"Oh! Mr Bimbo lives in my finger!" Squire Satchel explained. "He's very smart. He's been to the moon!"
Satchel held his ear up to this paw.
"Oh! I'm sorry! Twice!"
Calvin and Hobbes groaned.
"Bozo the clown is in the house," Calvin whispered.
Hobbes nodded.
Suddenly, there was a loud explosion.
KABLAM!
"Bark!"
Suddenly, a yellow mutt with brown ears and a large red tongue flew across room from another room. He was wearing a velvet red jacket and had on brown shoes.
The dog got his head stuck in the wall.
Then a fat orange tabby wearing a velvet green outfit came out from the room that the dog had flown from. He was wearing a gray wig on his head.
"Phew!" he coughed. "Nice one, Odie. Too much gunpowder! Check!"
Then the cat pulled the dog out of the wall.
"Good dog."
"Bark!" said the dog, who slurped the cat.
Jim, Calvin and Hobbes stared at them.
"Oh, hey guys!" said Squire Satchel. "Boys, this is Dr Garfield and his assistant, Odie. They do experimentations, research and other weird stuff for me and my pop!"
"Hey, boys," said Dr Garfield, shaking paws with Hobbes.
"Arf!" said Odie.
Calvin and Hobbes smiled in return.
"Actually, Squire, we were hoping to meet with your father," said Jim. "We need a ship for an ocean voyage."
Squire Satchel stared.
"Ocean?" he asked. "Ocean." He looked at the finger where Mr Bimbo lived. "Ocean?"
"Ocean!" interrupted Hobbes. "The big blue wet thing!"
The gears in Squire Satchel's head turned until he figured it out.
"Oh! The big blue wet thing! Yes."
Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes.
Dr Garfield spoke up.
"Say! I know what's happening here!" he said. "You guys are headed for this island, aren't you? You're gonna find this treasure, right?"
"Yep," said Calvin. "Why? You wanna come?"
"You bet!" Dr Garfield replied. "You know how much lasagna and pastrami that'd buy?"
"Woof!" agreed Odie.
"Yes, but we must be quiet about it," said Jim. "There are pirates looking for this map."
Squire Satchel, Dr Garfield and Odie gasped.
"Yeah!" said Calvin. "They wanna kill us for it! Pretty cool, huh?"
"Right," said Hobbes. "Bloodthirsty pirates who are out to murder us for a couple of pounds of gold and jewels."
"Disgusting," said Dr Garfield.
But Squire Satchel was excited.
"Pirates, huh?" he said. "Well, that's good enough for me! We'll use one of my dad's boats, and I will personally finance the voyage myself!"
Jim, Calvin and Hobbes grinned widely.
"You'd do that?!" Jim asked happily.
"Sure, why not? What are rich halfwit sons for?"
Calvin and Hobbes cheered.
And they hurried onwards.