The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Eight: Don't Sass Me, Reid!

A/N: I was walking to the music store to get a capo and this chapter just came to me. Seriously, it flowed like the rivers of ancient Babylon.

-Blue Eggs and Ham

Morgan's voice perked up over the phone, "Spencer! Hey!"

Although, he battled quietly with the comfort his coworker's voice gave, Reid replied with a quick and curt, "Yeah, hey."

"Did you get my messages?"

Reid sighed and smirked, "All seven of them."

"Wow. Oh, God. I sent seven? Really?"

He nodded even though he knew that Morgan couldn't see it, "That you did. But, somehow after all of that talking, you still didn't get your point across."

"What do you mean by that?"

Biting his lip and leaning his head back on the wall behind him, Reid replied, "Your messages were unclear and inconsistent. There were points and theses everywhere. You'd start a sentence and not finish it! I mean, there were several different kinds of—"

"Reid, go out with me."

Reid made a face, "Technically that wasn't a question, it was a demand in which I can choose to disobey."

"Will you go out with me?"

He pulled his knees up to his chest and sighed, "No."

"What if I say please and bat my eyelashes?"

Reid rolled his eyes, "No."

"Dr. Spencer Reid, you handsome, brilliant, cryptic-ass mother fucker. Will you please grace me with your presence at dinner tomorrow night?"

He laughed, "Cryptic?"

"Is that a yes or no, Spence?" Morgan said through a chuckle muffled through the phone.

Reid sighed and paused for several moments before finally replying, "Since you asked so nicely, and added an underhanded insult, count me in."

"Yes!"

Quickly, Reid hissed through the phone, "This means nothing. It's a friendly get-together. Not a date."

"Not a date. Got it."

He ran his hand through his hair, "I mean it, Derek."

"So, do I."

Reid paused again, listening to the quiet breathing on the other end of the phone and not allowing himself to dwell on why he was doing so, "I guess I'll see you later."

"Yeah. I guess so. Pick you up at seven?"

His mismatched socked toes curled in their confines, "Sounds nice. I mean, well, not too nice. Just really nice in a friendly sort of way that friends think is nice. Friendly nice."

"If we happen to have sex at the end of the night, at least I'll know that we're just friends since you felt the need to state that six times."

Reid chastised, "Morgan."

Morgan laughed, "Fine no jokes! If you want us to be just friends going to dinner, then that's what we'll be. Hell, if it makes you feel better, we can go to like… McDonalds. Is that platonic enough for you?"

Letting out small chuckle, the doctor replied, "Fine. McDonalds it is."

"Seven?"

"Seven."

"Okay, doc. Talk to you later."

"Bye."

"You're so hot."

"What?"

"See you later, Spence."

Reid stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. Sleep hadn't come easy, so to tire himself out, he finished organizing the huge pile in his room, and scrubbed it clean. He even vacuumed. Around three in the morning, he told himself that if he got no rest, he'd not only be running on empty during his not-date with Morgan, but he'd also look like hell… while on… this not-date. Reid ran a hand down his tired looking face. He hadn't taken his own advice.

But none of that matters now! Morgan will be here at seven and it's… Reid glanced at the large wrist watch hanging from his arm… six forty nine. Shit. Please, don't be early. Please, don't be early. Reid stared harder into the mirror. He was dressed. He was showered. His hair was easily manageable ever since he'd cut it. He'd chosen a simple blue button up with a darker blue tie, and since he'd learned his lesson yesterday, he's wearing looser, more comfortable black slacks instead of confining corduroys. I guess, what he was wearing was okay. He wore this type of stuff every day, so it would be normal. Right? Maybe he should add a cardigan. Would that make him look more relaxed? It might. If it does, he probably should—

DING DONG!

Fuck, he's early. One last glance in the mirror, hoping the dark circles and bags would disappear from under his eyes. Not the case. He took off toward the door, repeating the mantra "This is not a date" in his head as he checked his pocket for his house keys and grabbed his satchel from the table, slinging it around his thin shoulders. Then Reid stopped at the door. He should probably open it. It makes sense to open it. Why for the love of God can't he open it? Reid stared at it longer, starting a silent argument with the wood. Screw you, door. His grain runs straight, unlike your curvy pattern. Fuck your random behavior! Reid likes only men—he means women! Reid likes women. And sex. With women. Yeah. Take that, door.

DING DONG!

Answer the door, dude. Answer the door! Reid opened it quickly before he could change his own mind, "Hi… wow." Morgan looked amazing. Great. There goes his self-confidence for the rest of the night. He bit his own lip and held in a sigh, nodding for lack of anything to say. Morgan asked with a shrug of confusion, "Wow, what?"

"Uh… well, I just… uhm… uh…" Reid mumbled under his breath, not finding words that sounded as intelligent as he swears he is.

Morgan raised an eyebrow probingly, "Is it okay to be lost?"

"Let's just forget about it! McDonalds, right? My place or yours?" Reid asked.

"What?"

Reid gasped and shook his head, "I meant my car or yours! Because we're driving. To McDonalds."

Morgan laughed, "Yeah, that's why I stopped by. What are you thinking about?"

Coolly raising his hand to lean on his door post, Reid lied, "Not sex. With you. Because we're both guys. And we're friends. And sex would be…"

Morgan supplied as Reid trailed off, "Weird?"

"Considerably," Reid shrugged.

Morgan asked with a smile that never preceded good, "Do you mean, you're considering it?"

"No! I mean, it would be considerably weird! Like, the amount of weirdness having sex with you would create is a considerable one. 'Consider' meaning huge."

"Having sex with me would be huge?" Morgan began to laugh.

Reid sighed, exasperated, "No, not the sex!"

"Are you talking about my dick? Because I appreciate the compliment, but let's be serious, you haven't seen it yet."

"Of course not!" Reid groaned, hiding his blushing face with his hands and turning to close his front door. He turned to Morgan and headed down the steps, "Let's go to dinner and just… not breathe a word about this. Ever again."

Morgan snickered and followed him to Reid's car, "Why not stay and chat? We were having such a nice conversation about the uh, how do you put it, 'considerable' size of my penis. Weren't we?"

"Morgan, I mean it. Not a word!" Reid groaned, walking around to the front seat of the car and wrenching open the door. He sat in the worn down seat and pulled the seat belt across his thin chest and waited for Morgan to do so beside him before he jammed the key in the ignition and stepped on the gas a little harder than he should have, sending them lurching forward and stopping quickly as he stomped on the breaks. Morgan paused, "…I'm totally uncomfortable with letting you drive."

Reid shrugged and pulled out of the parking space, driving ahead anyway. The next McDonalds is a few blocks over, so he disregarded Morgan's comment and drove anyway. This was in fact the quickest he had ever driven.

"Spencer?" Morgan spoke.

He stopped the car with a screech in the middle of the road at the sound of his first name and apologized quickly, starting forward again. To be honest, he wasn't yet used to all of this informality.

"You seem a bit on edge today." Morgan observed.

Reid mumbled, "I'm fine."

"Okay. You're fine," he nodded, raising his palms in defense, "It's cool. I'm Switzerland."

Reid sighed, "Technically, Switzerland leaned toward Allied forces in World War Two. The country was just too weak to fight and didn't want Germany or Russia on its ass, because come on, Italy's not a threat."

That got a chuckle out of Morgan, "It isn't any more. I bet if you'd met Mussolini, you would jump out of your little blue tie."

"I bet I wouldn't. Fascists don't scare me," Reid joked, "But Commies… they give me a run for my money."

"Really?" Morgan asked.

Reid nodded, "Yeah. Ever argue with a Communist about politics?"

"…no."

Seeing the golden arches, Reid eased into the parking lot, "Yeah, well… don't."

Morgan's shoulders lowered a bit as Reid took the key out of the ignition and he leaned over and snatched the keys despite Reid's protests. He asserted the point that he was driving from now on. Reid complained a bit, but by the time they were in the fast food establishment, he had resorted to counting nutrition value in his head.

"I can almost hear you thinking, Spence," Morgan replied as they stepped behind an older, brown skinned woman with three children whom couldn't be older than six years of age.

"Do you know how many calories are in a Quarter Pounder?" Reid asked with a pained expression on his face.

Morgan shrugged, "I don't know. A shit ton?"

Reid gasped and pointed warily to the children, buzzing around their mother, "Derek!"

"What, it's not like they heard me." Morgan shrugged, "And you know what? You should consider ordering one of those Pounder things. It'll be good for you."

"Good for me? Those things are bigger than my head!" Reid argued.

Morgan laid a hand his coworker's rear and whispered into his ear, "You need to eat more anyway, boy. Besides, more cushion for the pushin'."

Reid turned around and hissed with a glare, "Did you just grab my ass?"

Morgan licked his lips and grinned, "Language, Spencer. I can't believe you talk like that around children."

Reid grabbed Morgan's hand as it was on its way to his backside again, "Derek, behave."

One of the smaller children, a girl with long braids and big brown eyes, looked up at them and giggled, tugging her mother's dress. Her mother looked down, "Yes, Charlotte?" The little girl, Charlotte her name was, pointed at the two of them. Reid and Morgan looked back at her. She asked her mother, "Are they married?" Her mother began to laugh and patted her daughter's head. Reid's cheeks tinged pink as she replied to her daughter, "Why don't you ask them, honey?"

Charlotte walked over to Morgan, her little green dress brushing across her thin ankles as she stopped and tugged on Reid's black slacks. Reid looked down and smiled awkwardly, "H-hello." She looked up at him and backed away slowly, her eyes growing large. Great. The Reid Effect was taking manifest in the girl. For some strange reason, children and animals don't take well to him. Morgan saved the day and bent down, flashing his kindest smile at her, "Hello, little girl."

"Hi, mister," she smiled back and shuffled her feet as she asked him, "Are you two married?"

Morgan replied, "No, we're not."

Charlotte scrunched up her face and asked, "Is he your girlfriend?"

Morgan began to laugh, "No! He's not my girlfriend either."

She scrunched up her face again in what looks like confusion, "Then why are you holding hands?"

"We're not…" Morgan started, glancing up at the hand that was somehow threaded with Reid's. They were totally holding hands. Reid pulled his hand from Morgan's and scratched behind his neck, his blush getting deeper as the hand he'd gripped Morgan's with grew sweaty, "That was an accident."

Charlotte put her hands on her hips and gave Reid a face, "That wasn't an accident. I saw you hold his hand. Don't you lie to me, boy."

Reid was in way over his head with the girl, "Oh, my God."

Morgan replied to Charlotte, "Well, I asked him to uh… be my girlfriend, and he said no. So, we're just here eating dinner for no reason."

"Like a date?" she asked with a grin.

Morgan looked up at Reid and smirked, "Not exactly. He says it's not a date."

Reid rolled his eyes, "Because it's not a date, Derek."

Charlotte raised her index finger, "Are you sassing him?"

"No, I—"

"Good! He likes you. You're just being a meanie to him," Charlotte replied, "You hurt his feelings."

Morgan smiled up at Reid, "My heart is shattered."

Reid mumbled, "Oh, please. As if."

Morgan turned to Charlotte, "You see, he's been sassing me all night long."

"Don't be sassy," Charlotte ordered. Her mother leaned down and took her daughter's hand gently, pulling her away and thanking them for entertaining her daughter. Morgan looked up at Reid. Reid looked down at Morgan. Morgan stood and let out a chuckle, "Marry me, Spence?"

Reid glared at him and warned, "I'll sass you."

"God forbid," he laughed.

The pimply teenager at the front of the counter turned to him and asked the two men, "Hey, are you going to order or…"

Morgan rolled his eyes, "Hold your freaking horses, kid. We're getting there."

Reid stepped up to the cashier, "Hi, I'll take a garden salad—"

"Oh, come on. Live a little, Spence!" Morgan laughed and leaned over Reid's shoulder, "He'll take a Quarter Pounder."

The teenager asked Reid with a bored expression, "You want fries with that?"

Reid glared at Morgan, "Well, I don't know. Do I want fries with that?"

Morgan smiled at the kid, "He'll take fries and the largest milkshake you've got."

The cashier sighed and blinked, "What flavor? Chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry?"

Reid smiled at the thought of sugar, "Chocolate!"

Morgan and the cashier paused and stared at him. The cashier glanced at Morgan and then looked back at Reid with a fleeting amused look on his face at the sudden outburst, but continued to retain his composure. "Somebody sure is happy to be here," the kid remarked monotonously, "That'll be twelve fifty four. Anything for you, sir?"

Morgan shrugged with a smile, "I'll take a garden salad and a water."

"Fifteen ninety five," he replied.

Reid stared at Morgan, "You've got to be kidding me."

The pimply cashier replied, "Nope. Wanna see the receipt?"

"Did you see his face!" Morgan laughed as he walked Reid to the door, "Dude was so mad at you!"

Reid snickered, "To be fair, I shouldn't have dropped your salad dressing on his shoes. Apparently they were brand new. Truth be told, I felt really bad."

"Oh, don't. Dude was a dick. He called you, uh… what were his words?" Morgan asked with a laugh as they reached the top step.

"A skinny bitch," Reid laughed, pulling out his keys, "I mean, really? He could have done better than that. I take hits harder in my sleep."

Morgan shrugged, "To tell you the truth, he was the bitch. You're perfect the way you are, Spence."

"Oh, come on, Derek, we know that's not true," Reid sighed, jingling his keys at his side even though he didn't really want to use them.

Morgan placed his hand on Reid's shoulder, "Seriously. I jibe and I joke, but… dude, you're amazing. Really, you are. No matter what bitchy McDonalds guy says, don't doubt that for a second."

Reid sighed, "Yeah, right. Him and all the other unstable unsubs…"

"Well, fine. Believe them over your coworker of nine years. But to me, you'll always be my Pretty Boy," Morgan said with a wink. Wow, he really knew how to make a guy go weak in the knees. Reid wasn't used to all of this attention, and especially not from Morgan. These little heart-to-heart conversations usually only last a minute or so, but this… this was more than a "hey, Reid, you don't suck at life". It was Morgan telling him he was beautiful. He could just tell things were different this time. It wasn't just a ploy to get in his pants. He seemed serious as fuck. Morgan really thought he was perfect.

Reid didn't know what to do with all of this information swimming around in his head. He paced inside his mind. He panicked! He couldn't believe it. Was his brain deceiving him? Reid heard Morgan ask quietly if he was okay, and before he could convince himself otherwise, he threw his arms around Morgan. Morgan paused, clearly not used to such a display of affection from Reid, seeing as the boy isn't the type to just up and hug people. He felt Morgan's arms wrap around him, holding him close and tight into his warm embrace. Even when surrounded by a room full of FBI agents, he's never felt so safe before in his life. Right here in Morgan's arms felt like the best place on Earth. The world could be crashing down around him and he wouldn't feel a thing. Morgan's fingers looped through his short hair as he held him closer and Reid breathed in that scent. Something in him hoped to God that some would be left on his shirt when he went inside.

He heard somebody clear their throat and he looked up, still wrapped in Morgan's strong arms. Even though he saw it was his neighbor Mrs. Shirley, he somehow felt that beside her was little Charlotte from the McDonalds, folding her arms and asking him with her big brown eyes what he was doing with his life in the same probing way she did in the cash line. Mrs. Shirley rolled her eyes and walked back into her house, but he could swear to God, he saw Charlotte winking at him as she trailed in behind her, pushing him along with her eyes. She mouthed to him, "Go." before scampering into the house.

Reid pulled out of Morgan's hug as he received a moment of clarity. What else was there to do? Lie to himself? Wait? Give himself more and more time to become the man he knew he wanted to be? Because, right now. He feels like that guy isn't Morgan. That guy he's been looking up to his whole life has been right here the whole time. He asked Morgan, "Could you close your eyes?"

Morgan teased, "You gonna steal my wallet?"

Reid laughed anxiously, "No."

"Fine," Morgan replied, closing his eyes and waiting for whatever Reid was going to do. Licking his lips in nervous energy, Reid leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Morgan's neck, holding him close. He nuzzled into the warmth of his chest and felt Morgan place his hands at the base of his hips, holding him there with a soft touch. Reid smiled as Morgan murmured, "You should hug me more often."

He laughed in response, "That's not what I wanted to show you."

Morgan asked, looking down at him with amusement, "Well, what was it?"

"Ssh," Reid leaned back and pressed a finger against Morgan's lips, "Quiet. And eyes closed."

Morgan obliged, "Yes, oh, fearless leader."

Looking over Morgan's calm and serene face, Reid let himself go. He was okay with leaving his doctorate behind. He was okay with feeling so much for his coworker. And, finally, he was okay with Agent Morgan truly becoming Derek. Spencer smiled to himself and leaned forward, pulling his arms around Derek's neck before sliding home. At lips' touch, Derek let out a quiet, "hmm…" and countered Spencer's action with another, and pulled him closer. This kiss was not drunken, or harried, or ladled with sex. This kiss was something else entirely. It was hope. It was faith. It was a new beginning. This kiss made history for Spencer. It was the moment he literally fell in love with Derek Morgan. No, seriously. He fell.

Weight shifted as his legs grew light and he felt himself falling to the side, only to be caught by Derek. Derek looked him in the eyes and asked, "Spencer, you okay?"

Spencer replied, "I'm perfect."

"Okay, you sure? You need to sit down or anything?" Derek asked.

"Just… kiss me again," Spencer laughed.

Derek replied with a chuckle, "I can do that."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yep," Derek said, scooping Spencer up in his arms again for another mind-blowing kiss. This was more than the last. Power, grace, longing, and maybe a bit of love scooped in there around the edges. This was so much more than Spencer had ever imagined. This was better than the hope of drunken forgetfulness or the promise of sex. This was… this was a 'hey, want to be mine'. And, somehow, Spencer couldn't find himself saying 'no'.

Derek broke the kiss and pushed a lock of Spencer's hair out of his face, "Spencer. Do you want to go out with me? Maybe on a real date. You know, one with expensive wine, dressy clothes, and food that tastes like shit."

"Derek…" Spencer felt himself smile, "I would love to go out with you."

"On a real date?"

"On a real date," Spencer confirmed.

"Wow, really?" Derek began to chuckle, "Third time's a charm. Well, third kiss anyway."

Spencer smirked, "What do you mean 'third time'? You don't even remember the first time."

Derek paused and looked Spencer in his eyes, taking Spencer's delicate hands in his large ones before asking, "Don't hate me."

"No," Spencer hissed, shaking his head, "No, no, no."

"Don't jump the shark, Spence, just let me go to my car and get something," Derek ordered, leaving his post at the doorstep and Spencer tried so hard not to blame Derek. But, come on. Seriously? Spencer had just come to trust him again. He had knocked down all of his walls and fell in love with Derek. He can't honestly have… no. Reid refuses to think about it. It can't be. It just can't.

Derek jogged back up the steps, something bulky in his hands. He looked Spencer in the eyes and handed it over to him. It was a large, thick book with chalky lettering and goofy 'modern' spacing. As Spencer reads the cover, he notes that it was titled The Essentials of Sociology, actually. The first thing that came to mind was, what in God's name was Derek doing with his Socio textbook? The second thing that came to mind was… oh. Oh, no. This was the book he was reading when they first kissed. Where did Derek find this?

A/N: Wow! I was gonna take this in a whole 'nother direction and end it in the next chapter, but something said, "Blue. Da fuck you doing? Prolong dis shit!"

So, I did.

Blueberries and Cream