About a week later, the voyage was ready to start
The crew of the ship sat on the deck of the ship. There was no breeze today.
Calvin and Hobbes were sprawled across the deck.
Dr Garfield was getting a tan. Odie was panting heavily.
Squire Satchel was making paper dolls.
The sun was pouring down upon them.
Long John and Jim were roasting in the galley down below.
Everyone was on edge.
"It's been six weeks since we left England," one of them moaned.
"Five days since we had a breeze," said another.
Beetle Bailey was sweating like mad at the helm.
"Oh no," a crewmember cried, getting up. "I've got the madness! I GOT CABIN FEVER!!"
Another one jumped up.
"I GOT IT TOO!" he shouted.
"CABIN FEVER!" everyone shouted.
Suddenly, music began to play. It was a conga!
BEETLE BAILEY: I got cabin fever! It's blowing in my brain!
DR GARFIELD: I got cabin fever! It's driving me insane!
CREWMEMBERS: We got cabin fever! We're flipping our bandanas! We've been stuck at sea so long that we have simply gone bananas!
Lights flashed and the ships became a ship of insane people doing congas with fruit on their heads. It was a much tripped out Mexican thing, you know?
CREWMEMBERS: We got cabin fever! We lost what sense we had. We got cabin fever. We're all going mad!
Then it became a western.
JEREMY DUNCAN: Swing your partner by the ears and tie him to the wheel. Dozy doe, step on his toe and listen to him squeal! Allemande left! Allemande right! It's time to sail or sink! Throw your partner over the side, toss him in the drink!
Then it became a mambo.
CREWMEMBER: We've got cabin fever.
CREWMEMBER: No ifs, ands or buts.
CREWMEMBERS: We're disorientated and demented and quite a little nuts.
Then it became a yodel.
CREWMEMBERS: Ach du liebe Volkswagen Car. Sauerbraten, Wiener schnitzel und wunderbar! We were sailing, sailing, the wind was on our side.
REAL OLD TOM: And then it died!
The conga came back.
CREWMEMBER: I've got cabin fever! I think I lost my grip!
CREWMEMBER: I'd like to get my hands on whoever wrote this script.
Then it became a big Broadway number.
ALL: CABIN FEVER HAS GRABBED US ALL ABOARD! THIS ONCE PROUD VESSEL HAS BECOME A FOATING PSYCHO BOARD! WE WERE SAILING, SAILING, TO WHEREVER KNOWS WHERE, AND NOW THOUGH WE ARE ALL, WE'RE NOT ALL THERE!!
And the insanity continued for a moment until someone shouted something.
"Look! The wind is back!"
The minute that wind hit those sails, everything and everyone snapped back to normal with no memory of what they just did.
Down below in the brig, Bucky and Hagar were running cups against the bars of their cell while Zero was looking around curiously.
"Let us out of here!" Bucky shouted angrily.
"ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA!" Hagar added.
As they shouted pathetically, the door to the brig swung open, and Long John appeared. He wore a rather neutral expression as he stared at them.
Bucky was the first to notice him.
"Hey, Long John!" he shouted. "Get us out of here!"
Zero finally snapped out of his daze.
"Hey, Bucky?" he asked.
"What?"
"What was that song that we just heard?"
Bucky stared at him incredulously.
"WHAT ARE YOU YAMMERING ABOUT?!" he demanded.
"You know that whole… Cabin Fever, ha, cha, cha, cha! …That."
There was a bit of a pause as they stared at him, confused.
"You see, John?!" Bucky cried. "You gotta get us out of here! Zero's gone crackers! Bananas! Flipped his wig! Left his lights on! Help us!"
Before Long John could reply, Jim entered the room with a tray of food. He cleared the way so that Jim could set it down on a barrel in front of the cell where they could get it.
"There you go," Jim said. "Your bread and water for today."
They stared at it with disgust.
"But…," Hagar whined. "But I ordered Shrimp Scampi."
"IT'S MORE THAN YE DESERVE, YE VILLIANOUS DOLTS!" Long John roared.
Bucky, Zero and Hagar leapt back into the cell in terror.
Long John pulled Jim aside.
"Oh, Jim," he said sadly. "By rights, I should be locked up too for lettin' thieves like them aboard this ship. Oh, it chills me that they almost killed yer little friends lookin' fer some daft treasure map."
Jim nodded.
"None of this would've happened if I had let Captain Snoopy have the—"
His speech grinded to a halt as he realized what he was saying.
Long John's ears perked up.
"Er, I mean…," Jim stuttered, trying to cover, but it was too late.
Bucky, Hagar and Zero listened intently.
"What, lad?" Long John asked.
Jim sighed. "I'm not sure I should be talking about this with you or anyone."
"You mean…you've really got a treasure map?"
"Not anymore. Sergeant Arrow took it and locked it up in the Captain's Cabin. You must promise to keep it a secret."
Long John grinned reassuringly.
"Oh, don't bother yer head about that. Ye only told ol' Long John," he chuckled, patting Jim's shoulder. "Now ye run along and do yer chores. Go on."
Jim smiled and started to leave the brig, and he checked Long John.
Long John responded by grinning and flashing a thumbs up.
Jim left, feeling better.
Once he was gone, Long John began to formulate the next part of his plan.
Late that night, a thick fog came down. The ship looked ghostly as it sailed through it.
"Ooooooooooh." A ghostly howl rang out.
Sarge was inspecting the ship.
"Safely," he said. "Safely now."
"Ooooooooooh."
Sarge walked along the deck near the helm, and found Angel Marie at work at the wheel.
"Ooooooooooh," Angel said.
Sarge rolled his eyes.
"Don't crash," he ordered, and he continued along the ship.
As he stopped to watch the fog, he heard someone approach him. He turned to look.
"Oh, Mr Silver," he said. "Good evening."
Long John settled down at Sarge's side.
"Wicked fog tonight, Sarge," he commented.
"You could cut it with a knife," Sarge replied.
"Reminds me of the night we ran aground off the pampas. Half the crew drowned in leaky lifeboats. Ah, t'were a terrible shame."
Sarge's his head slowly turned towards Long John as fear began to settle in.
"Leaky lifeboats, you say?" he asked slowly.
Long John struggled to hide a smirk.
"Oh, a common occurrence, sir," he said. "A little-used piece of equipment falls into disrepair and becomes, shall we say…?"
"Unsafe?" Sarge asked nervously.
Long John allowed the smirk to show itself.
"Oh, I'm not sayin' our lifeboats are unsafe, sir," he grinned. "I'm not sayin' we got problems…"
Sarge tried to appear assured.
"You're right," he said. "We're probably fine."
There was a pause.
Finally, he snapped.
"I think I'm just gonna check anyway," he said, finally scurrying down the stairs towards the lifeboats.
Long John smirked and followed him down.
Minutes later, he was lowering the Sarge down in the lifeboat, just low enough that it skimmed the water, but it wasn't released.
Sarge began to inspect the small wooden boat.
"Hmmm," he commented. "The caulking appears tight. No dampness under the gunwale. This one seems seaworthy!"
Long John continued to be the only one keeping Sarge from drifting away.
"Oh well, sir, they do, of course, until you get them out into the open ocean," he said, planting more thoughts into the Sarge's head.
Sarge seemed to consider this.
"Cast me off, Mr Silver!" he ordered.
"Oh, yes, sir," Long John replied. Then a thought seemed to occur to him. "Oh, sir, is there anything I can hold for you for safekeeping? Your hat? Your coat? Your…keys?"
Sarge looked up in surprise.
"My keys!" he gasped. "Of course! If they were to fall overboard, it would be disastrous."
And with that, he removed his hat and placed the keys inside, handing them to Long John.
"Very good, sir."
Sarge got himself settled and pulled the oars out.
"Cast me off, Mr Silver!" he ordered again.
"Aye, aye, sir!" Long John replied, and he released the rope.
The lifeboat fell to the water, and Sarge began to row it away.
"Thank you, Mr Silver!" he called.
Long John smirked as he pulled the keys out of the hat.
"Just doin' my duty, sir!" he replied, saluting.
And he began to cackle to himself proudly.
"Oh, yes, John," he grinned.
The sun came up the next morning, which was only natural, right?
A rooster crowed, which on a ship wasn't very natural.
A shout rang out.
"MAN OVERBOARD!!"
Captain Snoopy sleepily got down from on top of his doghouse that he'd had installed in his cabin, and he grumbled to himself.
"Somebody better be dying," he muttered grumpily.
When he opened the door, he saw one of his crewmates. He was holding the Sarge's hat.
Snoopy's eyes burst open.
"Uh-oh," he muttered.
The entire ship gathered at a podium.
Captain Snoopy stood behind said podium, and he solemnly removed his hat.
"And so, my friends," he said sadly, "the sea has claimed another victim."
While this was going on, Zero was struggling to unlock the cell door with the keys they'd smuggled.
"Come on, come on," he muttered.
He was satisfied by a click that caused the cell door to swing open.
"Okay, after you Hagar," he said politely.
"No, no, after you," Hagar replied.
"No, I insist, after—"
"WILL YOU TWO DEMOCRATIC WUSSIES GET GOING?!" Bucky shouted, shuffling past them.
"Sergeant Arrow, a wonderful man who believed that if you chased a man long enough and beat him to a pulp, he'd actually learn to respect you."
They snuck into the Captain's Cabin and started to search.
"Okay, now spread out and find the map," Bucky ordered.
They all nodded and started to search the doghouse in the middle of the room.
"May the wind be ever at your back, Sarge," Snoopy said, saluting the sea. "Rest in peace, my friend. Amen."
"Amen," the crew murmured.
Using the keys, they managed to unlock the cabinet and found the map inside.
"BWA-HA-HA!!" Bucky suddenly exploded.
"Sshh!" Hagar hissed.
"Sorry, had a spasm."
They grabbed the map and relocked the cabinet.
"Ooh! Ooh! Lemme see! I wanna look!" Zero cried, reaching for it.
"No, no! We gotta take it to Long John!" Bucky replied.
And they scuttled out of the room.
And the ship sailed onwards.