The Essentials of Sociology

Chapter Thirteen: Derek Morgan Must Die

A/N: I'm writing so much that it's getting a tad cray cray, so I decided to give y'all two chapters two days in a row. One Sunday afternoon, and one Monday afternoon.

-Kung Blue (get it, like kung fu? hahahahaa, okay, I'm gonna go die in a hole now)

Ah, what a wonderful weekend. Spencer spent the entirety of it snuggled up in bed with Derek. Nothing was rushed, nothing was hastened. One spent the most of the time teasing the other, and it's a shock they hadn't had sex, but they didn't seem to really want to. They watched old movies, ate their weight in popcorn, and made out like teenagers during the commercials. At the end of Saturday, Derek kissed Spencer goodnight and headed home. He did the same on Sunday. There was a little linger in Sunday's goodbye gesture, and Spencer paused in the shower with a head full of shampoo Monday morning remembering it.

Derek stood by Spencer's apartment door, holding him tightly in his arms. Spencer breathed him in and smiled, enveloped in the closeness with Derek, the man he's loved for years. He could feel Derek burying his nose into Spencer's hair, feeling the same thing… thinking the same thing. Spencer heard Derek whisper softly that he had to go. His dog was going to be upset with him when he got home, and probably thanked Derek for his absence by peeing on the living room rug. He whispered to Spencer for the seventh time that night that the stubbly weekend beard looked "downright erotic". After receiving a heatless glare and a "it's not even a beard, it's a lazy fuzz" from Spencer, he whispered that he might call before the night is up, just to hear his voice before he goes to sleep. Then, they kissed. Derek held his hand through all of it.

Spencer sighed and rinsed his short hair out under the current with a big smile on his face. He glanced down under the rain of warm water to see his morning friend up, awake, and demanding attention that he gleefully gave. There were few moments in his life has he thought of himself as lucky. This was one of them. Stepping out of the shower and shaving the (as Derek calls it) "sexy homeless man beard" off of his face, Spencer brushed his teeth. He glanced into the mirror after he spit and raised an eyebrow. Those dark circles were gone. So were most of the heavy bags. His cheeks were rosier, and smiles came easier. His eyebrows danced more often, and his expressionless face finally dropped from that clenched half smirk. He was actually glowing in a strange, healthy sort of way. Did he have sex recently? No. He couldn't have. Well, he just… let off a little morning steam in the shower, but… no! He didn't. Spencer was just... happy.

Taking a little more time to dress today, Spencer chose a black tie, a navy shirt, and a black sweater vest. According to Garcia, dark colors bring out his caramel features. Whatever that means. He ran his hands through his hair over and over again so that it looked bedded, but not really. Hopefully the tousled hair was enough to remind Derek of sex, but no one else.

Mussing in the mirror again, Spencer stopped himself before he was going to be late and exited the door as a tall, slender boy of at least seventeen stood beside the door lit a cigarette. Spencer paid him no mind and pulled his keys out of his satchel, heading down the steps. The kid called out, "Hey. You."

Spencer turned and asked, "Me?"

"Yeah, you," the boy said with a smirk on his face, "Are you that guy on the third floor?"

Spencer shifted and replied, "One of a few, yes."

The kid let out a teasing grin, "3C?"

Spencer paused, "…that's the one."

The boy grinned and gave him a thumbs up, "Dude, good job tearing that ass up Friday night. Was she hot?"

"Was who hot?" Spencer asked with confusion on his face.

"You know, the girl that was crying for you! Oh, Derek, Derek," the boy replied with a laugh, "She seemed a bit clingy, but that sex sounded totally worth it."

Spencer's eyebrow twitched as he breathed out, "Son. Of. A. Bitch."

The boy smirked, "I thought it was awesome, but my mom got uncool and yelled at you guys, I'm sorry. Said she was gonna call the cops, but no worries, I talked her out of it."

"Would have been pointless," Spencer sighed.

The boy asked, "How come?"

Spencer pointed to the small, golden badge that he was required to wear on his hip, "Me and… uh, the girl. We are the cops. Now, excuse me, I have to kill someone."

"Who?"

Spencer growled, "Derek."

Spencer marched out of the elevator and down the hall, looking no one in the eye as he stormed into the BAU door and into the bullpen. He heard Prentiss say with a chipper smile, "Morning, Reid. Don't you look nice today?" Spencer growled a reply at sat down at his desk to find a pile of paperwork. He grimaced at the files and snatched one open. Rossi walked by and gave him a casual greeting. Spencer hissed, "What's so good about this morning that everyone feels the need to comment on it?" Rossi and Prentiss gave him worried looks, but didn't ask. Smart agents. They knew not to poke a bear with a stick when it's angry. He furiously scratched out the file and waited. The minute Derek gets in here, boy, is Spencer going to tear him a new one! As he finished the file, he slammed it closed and noticed the smell of fresh coffee wafting above his desk as Derek stood over it, "Hey, Reid. They messed up my order at Starbucks and put too much sugar in it, so I thought that you could—" Spencer snatched the cup out of Derek's hands, tore open the lid, and tossed the hot contents into his face.

"Holy…" Rossi's voice trailed off as he watched the hot liquid splash over Derek.

Prentiss snickered, "I told you he was in a bad mood…"

Derek reeled back with a startled jump and flicked the coffee off from underneath his eyes, "Fuck, man, what was that?"

"What was that? I'll tell you what it was!" Spencer growled, "You are a cheap, lousy bastard! That's what!"

Derek took a step back, clearly confused, "Reid, what are you—"

"Don't you Reid me! And don't even ask me what I'm talking about. You don't have the right to ask me about anything anymore. I trusted you," Spencer shook his head, standing and shoving his chair away from him, "I won't make that mistake again."

Derek's eyebrows grew contorted with confusion, "This would make a lot more sense if you told me what I did to make you this pissed!"

Spencer pelted the empty cup at Derek's chest and stalked toward the break room, yelling, "If anyone follows me, I will personally end them."

Entering the room, he slammed the door shut and stalked over to the pantry closet, slamming the door of that before sitting angrily on the floor of it and curling up into a little ball. He couldn't believe Derek had done that to him. He trusted Derek to start an honest relationship with him. He trusted Derek to handle him with as much care as he does when he's sober. Most of all, he trusted Derek to drive him home and (at the very least) treat him with respect. They were friends above all else, and Spencer confided one of his utmost secrets with Derek: his virginity. So, when Spencer was drunk, loose, and forgetful, Derek took it from him. One of the most valuable, sacred… God. The saddest of all was the fact that he wanted Derek to have it anyway. He wanted to have that moment of sharing this gift with Derek. He wanted to personally hand himself over to his boyfriend and first love. But Derek just took Spencer for his own when he was vulnerable and defenseless. Spencer could not feel more disgusted. Not only in Derek, but in himself. He wasn't there to give proper consent and put himself in a situation of weakness, for all he knew, he was raped. Spencer knows that Derek is not that kind of guy, especially since he was taken advantage of as a child, but dammit, there was a big blank space where Friday night was supposed to be. And somewhere in that big blank space, he'd had sex with Derek. According to that kid, it was awesome too. And he missed it.

There was a knocking sound on the door. It was soft and hesitant, female. She knocked twice instead of thrice which means it was either JJ or Garcia. Spencer guesses either one was okay for now. He reached up and opened the door to see Garcia leaning against the doorframe, hair up in pigtails and pink dress aglow. She asked with a knowing smile, "Trouble in paradise?"

Spencer crouched deeper into the pantry, his back squishing into a roll of paper towels, "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, please. I know all about your little 'Romeo and Julius' epic tale of forbidden love. What makes you think I don't?" Garcia scoffed.

Spencer's head snapped up, "You do?"

"Of course. You guys don't call me the All Seeing/All Knowing Goddess for no reason," Garcia giggled, "Plus, Morgan tells me everything."

Spencer fought a blush and glanced away from her, "By everything… do you mean everything?"

"Oh, yeah. Especially North Philadelphia," she giggled and wagged her finger deprecatingly with a wink, "Getting frisky on a case? Young Capulet, I thought you knew better."

"Come on! I don't even get to be Romeo?" Spencer argued.

Garcia chuckled, "The way Morgan described you between the sheets? Not a chance."

Spencer grimaced, "Here, I thought we were both the men in this relationship. I guess Derek doesn't seem to share that open knowledge."

Garcia clapped her hands and kneeled beside Spencer, "Ooh, so he's Derek now?"

He replied hastily, "Not really, just on the weekends." Spencer could feel his ears going red and guiding Garcia as a beacon of light, shining down to how awkward this news made him. Why, oh, why did he cut his hair?

Garcia let out a grin, "I kind of noticed something was different between you and Morgan. Just a little, though, I mean the sexual tension between you two has always been thicker than the earth's crust itself, but it kind of dissipated over the weeks. Maybe because you've been…" she nudged Spencer's arm, "burning it off?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Spencer sighed.

She nodded, "Yeah, I know. Making you uncomfortable is half of the reason I came in here. The other half I heard through the grapevine. Prentiss says you threw coffee on my Chocolate God. Why is that?"

Spencer growled under his breath, "Because he's a dick."

"You knew that before you started dating him," Garcia scoffed, "What did he do this time? Did he cheat?"

Spencer sighed, "No."

Garcia raised an eyebrow, "Did he flirt with someone else?"

Spencer shook his head, "No."

Garcia asked, "Did he sleep with Olan Rodgers and leave two cents for the boatman?"

He groaned and leaned his head back onto the paper towel rolls, "What?"

"Christ, Reid, what did he do?" Garcia probed impatiently, "Prentiss said it looked like you wanted to kill him."

Spencer buried his face in his hands and whimpered, "We had sex."

"Holy smokes, Batman! Good for you!" she clapped with a large grin and wiggle of joy.

Spencer mumbled into his fingers, "Yeah, I know."

"And you don't have a permanent smile on your face because…" Garcia blinked and replied hastily, "Oh, my God. You used protection, right? Did that son of a bitch say 'it feels better without one', because that's complete and total bullshit."

"Honestly, I don't know," Spencer shrugged.

She patted his back, "Honey, how do you not know? You had sex with Derek Fucking Morgan. Seems like a landmark event to me."

Spencer took a deep breath, "Well… we had sex Friday night."

Garcia paused, "Shit."

"And I blacked out at the party several hours before it happened."

She hissed, "Double shit."

Spencer replied, "I woke up the next day, he brought me breakfast in bed, and we spent the entire weekend together. I swear, it was right out of a Katherine Heigel movie. And he didn't say anything about the fact that we had sex. I mean, he knew that night was a blank spot for me. I told him the second I woke up, but he acted like it didn't even happen. I found out this morning when some kid told me he heard us, and it apparently sounded 'awesome'."

"Something doesn't add up," Garcia shook his head, "Morgan would do a lot of stuff, but that doesn't sound anything like him."

"Maybe the thought of finally doing it overtook him. I mean, I wasn't exactly putting out," Spencer sighed, openly crestfallen, "I've been making him wait, and maybe… we waited too long."

Garcia waved her palms in refute, "No way! It's only been like a week!"

"Two and a half weeks actually," Spencer sighed, "We're guys, Garcia. To us, that's like three months."

Garcia nodded, "Fine, two and a half weeks, three months, whatever. None of that should matter! If he likes you the way I know he does, he'd wait years for you. Reid, he already has."

Spencer said timidly, "But… I looked into the mirror today, and I was glowing. I just felt so happy that I could almost feel the endorphins. Something told me that I must have done something to offset the coloring of my skin and the brightness of my eyes, and the kid outside just confirmed it. I'm almost positive we had sex that night."

"I hate to ask you this, but were you feeling achy Saturday?" Garcia asked plainly.

Spencer raised an eyebrow in confusion, "What do you mean?"

She gave him a look and her eyes traveled down his back suggestively, "You know what I mean."

Spencer yelped, "Do you mean, my…"

"Yeah!" Garcia chuckled.

"No!" he shrieked.

Garcia nodded and asked, "Was Morgan looking… pinched?"

"No."

"Were any parts of you oddly dry?"

"No."

"Oddly wet?"

"Garcia—"

"Answer me, Reid."

He blushed furiously, "No!"

"Was there a strange taste in your mouth?"

Spencer answered, clearly uncomfortable, "Other than old alcohol, no."

"Reid."

"Yes?"

Garcia sighed, bumping her palm against his forehead, "You didn't have sex with him."

Spencer rubbed his forehead and mumbled, "Ow."

"That thing you saw when you looked in the mirror, wasn't any scientific or biological phenomena at work," Garcia sighed, "You're in love. It does a lot for a person, and I highly recommend another strong dose of it."

Spencer paused and looked up, "Really?"

She rolled her eyes at him, "I can't believe you thought you fucked him. Dimwit."

Spencer growled, "I'm not that dumb."

"Right about now you are," Garcia folded her arms, "Now go out there and apologize to him, young man. March."

Spencer whined and looked toward the break room door, "Do I have to?"

"So help me, Reid, I will ground you for a month," she said sternly.

Spencer walked casually out of the break room ten minutes later beside Garcia. The tension in the room was so thick, one could cut it with a knife. He could feel everyone looking at him like he was some kind of ticking time bomb, ready to flip out and pour more coffee on unsuspecting victims. Derek glanced up and offered a forgiving smile, he was wearing a spare tee shirt that he kept in his go bag, and his eyes looked dim with worry. Garcia left a pat on his upper back and pushed lightly toward Derek, whispering for him to, 'go'.

He aimed for his boyfriend's desk as everyone put their heads down and sat quietly, grabbing a file and beginning to work. Spencer leaned over the divider, whispering with an awkward smile, "…hey."

Derek looked up at him and flinched, "You're unarmed, right?"

"As far as you know," Spencer joked to try and lighten the mood.

Derek gave Spencer a worried look.

Spencer sighed and replied with a roll of his eyes, "I don't have a gun on me."

His boyfriend's shoulders seemed to deflate a little, "Okay… what do you want?"

"To say I'm sorry," Spencer replied, rocking back on his heels, "I was a real dick back there and Garcia promised hell to pay if I didn't apologize."

"I'm over it," Derek shrugged, "I just want to know what it was all about."

"Well…" Spencer replied, throwing a quick glance around to room to see every eavesdropping head in the bullpen hastily fall back to their desks, "I can't really say…"

Derek nodded with an understanding smirk, "Does it have to do with uh… Operation Cobra?"

Spencer raised his eyebrows, "Operation what? Is that from Once Upon a Time? Should I be concerned?"

"No," Derek leaned over and whispered under his breath, "You know, our Covert Affairs."

Spencer began to laugh, "If you use one more modern television reference I don't understand, I'm going to have to break—"

Derek gave Spencer a stern look.

"… your kneecaps. Like in the mob," Spencer covered quickly.

"Go back to your desk before you get us fired."

Spencer nodded and obeyed, "Okay. Yep. Sounds like a good idea."

A few moments later, a balled up piece of paper hit him on the top of the head. Glancing over his divider, Derek sat working diligently. Spencer picked up the paper and saw a little picture drawn.

('_ ')I don't know what I did, but could you please forgive me?

|/ \ | I bought tickets for a criminology lecture this Tuesday.

It would be awesome if they didn't go to waste.

P.S. Ignore my shitty drawing.

P.P.S. I swear I tried. It's just plain bad. Sorry.

P.P.P.S. Is it so bad that you will agree to a pity date?

Always,

Derek

Spencer suppressed a chuckle and looked around his divider again to see Derek looking over with a hopeful face. Spencer rolled his eyes and mouthed the word 'yes'. Grinning, Spencer grabbed a piece of paper out of the printer and scribbled out this…

O_o Sounds like a fun time. Especially since I know how much you hate lectures. But, Derek, I should be the one apologizing. You see, for some strange reason, I thought that you and I had sex Friday night while I was blacked out. But, I talked to Garcia, and I know that you would never do anything like that to me. I'm sorry I dumped coffee on you.

Very strongly like,

Spencer

He balled it up and tossed it with as much aim as he could muster at Derek whom raised a hand and caught it before it was seen. Nervous, Spencer peeked around his divider and watched Derek read it. His facial expressions were very blank as he did, and Derek glanced his way before scratching something on the paper and tossing it his way. Spencer grabbed at it and ripped it open, eager to read what was inside.

We need to talk.

-derek

Spencer looked up quickly and met Derek's eyes. He gave him a wary half smile, but his eyes looked almost crestfallen. What did they have to talk about? Was it sex? Did they do it? Was Derek upset with what happened? Was there something he was hiding about that night? Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Things were loads less complicated before New Year's.

A/N: The next chapter is coming up tomorrow because of reasons.

-Blue's Paw Print