About a week later, the voyage was ready to start
Captain Snoopy, Calvin and Hobbes walked through the jungle near the beach.
Snoopy was carrying a lantern and Calvin brandished a machete to clear a path.
"Well, it's too dark to do anything now," Snoopy said, stopping in a clearing. "We'll catch some shuteye here and start again in the morning."
And removing his hat, Snoopy lay on his back on a log, settling in.
Hobbes whimpered as he settled in for the night.
"Hobbes, what's with you?" Calvin asked as he buried the machete in the sand. "We're out in the jungle! We're in your element!"
"My element doesn't include a bunch of pirates waiting to kill us," Hobbes replied, trying to get comfortable while he shivered.
"Good night, boys," Snoopy said, turning out the lantern, engulfing them in complete darkness.
"Good night, Captain. Good night, Hobbes," Calvin said, getting comfortable and going to sleep.
"Yeah, good night," said Hobbes, who had no intentions of going to sleep just yet. He had a long night of being nervous ahead of him.
There was a pause for five minutes.
Then Hobbes heard a heavy breathing. It was accompanied by grunting.
"C-C-Calvin?" Hobbes stuttered. "Is…is that you?"
The grunting got louder, followed by a slight growl.
Hobbes was getting more and more nervous, but he was in a state of denial.
"Boy, Calvin, it sounds like you've got a little cold there. Either that, or you're having a bowel movement."
The grunting and growling got even louder.
"Uh, you know what? I think I'm gonna light a match. Just for fun, you know what I mean?"
The growling continued.
"It's perfectly natural to light a match," Hobbes continued, still fumbling. "I just want to light one before bed. It's kind of a hobby of mine."
And Hobbes frantically pulled out a match and struck it against a rock.
With the newfound light, he saw a tribe of savage natives.
There was no point in being brave now, so he immediately started screaming.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" he wailed.
Calvin and Snoopy woke up and started screaming too.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" they hollered.
The natives descended upon them.
A tree up ahead had four skeletons hanging from it. There were nooses around their necks.
"Long John! Look!" Hagar cried.
Long John chuckled when he saw them.
"Flint hung 'em up there after he gullied 'em," he chuckled, "to mark the trail to the treasure."
The pirates groaned nervously.
"Wicked sense of humor, ol' Flinty had," he grinned.
Zero gulped.
"This is a sign!" he cried. "This is a cursed place!"
Long John grinned.
"Well, there's an informed opinion," he said sarcastically.
Zero looked shrunk under the weight of the insult.
Long John rolled his eyes and looked at Jim.
"Alright, Jim, lad!" he called. "Where to from here?"
With a knife near his neck, Jim read from the map.
"On a heading of one hundred seventy-nine degrees, walk three hundred twelve paces from where the dead men hang high."
The crew groaned.
"Oh, that is sick!" Bucky grimaced.
Long John checked the compass and turned in the appropriate direction.
"That way!" he ordered, leading the way.
"Oh, mommy," Zero groaned.
"I always thought I'd die in a bar," Hagar grumbled.
The leader of the savages stood over Captain Snoopy, Calvin and Hobbes.
"Howdy, vous, beagle leader and friends," he grunted.
Snoopy, Calvin and Hobbes were tied to three stakes.
"I am Spa'am, High Priest of the Boars! You mucho wickedness go trespass on island! Now you suffer the wrath of our queen, Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal."
Hobbes gulped.
"You know, when I thought about my own personal demise, being sacrificed by a bunch of wild savages before their queen never really came up," he said.
"Meh, life's full of surprises," Calvin replied, looking quite bored.
"Silence, smelly sailor mans!" Spa'am ordered. "You have violated sacred island!"
Snoopy thought it time to speak up.
"Pardon me, sir, but I am Captain Snoopy," he said calmly. "We don't mean any harm. We're just three good men who want to rescue our friend, and maybe a quick bite to eat at your local gas station, but that's it."
"SILENCE!"
"…is golden," Snoopy finished.
"Bring forth…Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal."
And he turned away from him.
"Ooh, this is gonna be fun," Calvin muttered.
A loud gong was heard crashing nearby.
GONG!
"Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal," the tribe chanted. "Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal."
The chanting went on and on.
Snoopy, Calvin and Hobbes kept getting more and more nervous.
"Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal-a-Kal."
Up above, a bunch of cat tourists were watching from their outdoor restaurant with interest.
"These floor shows are so exotic!" one said.
"Yeah, and the food is to die for!" said another.
"Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal-a-Kal. Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal-a-Kal."
The chanting continued for several minutes as the entire tribe marched in circles, and they began for patterns. They carried torches, played drums, and threw flowers.
An elephant carrying a carriage marched through the alignment of natives. It was covered in flowers.
Singing could be heard.
Snoopy, Calvin and Hobbes were released near the end of the song, forced down onto their knees.
"Boom! Sha-Kal-a-Ka-a-a-a-a-l…"
The elephant had stopped at the top of a tall stairway.
From within the flowered carriage, a young girl wearing flowers turned around to face them. She was plain-looking, with freckles, brown hair, and (get this) a pair of green sandals.
"Hello, boys," she said coyly.
Snoopy looked up at the sound of her voice, and he gasped when he saw her.
"Come on, Flaubert," she said to her pet anteater.
The anteater got up as she did, causing her to stumble and fall down the stairs.
Everyone watched in surprise as she tumbled down.
"AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHH!!" she shrieked.
And she landed on her back near the bottom of the stairs, followed by her anteater.
Flaubert began to lick her face.
"Get off of me, you stupid anteater!" she shrieked. "You ruined the whole entrance! We spent weeks preparing for that!"
The tribe began to chant again.
"Boom! Sha-Kal-a-Kal. Boom! Sha-Kal-a-Kal."
"TAKE FIVE!" she shouted.
There was an incredibly awkward pause as she regained her composure.
She finally noticed Snoopy, Calvin and Hobbes.
"Hey," she said. "I'm Benjamina Gunn, resident maroonee, temptress and queen of the…"
She trailed off when she finally focused on Snoopy.
Calvin and Hobbes glanced at him, noticing how startled he looked.
Snoopy got up and approached her.
They both stared at each other.
"Snoop?" she gasped. "Is…is it you?"
"Benjamina…," Snoopy said, a smile taking over.
After a brief moment of gawking…
POW!
Benjamina's fist connected with Snoopy's big nose and sent him hurtling backwards through the air, crashing into the gong.
GONG!
The cat tourists cheered.
Calvin and Hobbes stared in shock.
Snoopy managed to get up for moment.
"Old girlfriend," he said weakly, before passing out again.
Benjamina then glared at Calvin and Hobbes.
"Tie 'em back up!" she grunted.
The pirates continued to trudge through the jungle.
Jim was counting.
"…306…307…308…309…310…311…312," he sighed, finally looking back up at Long John, who'd been pushing him along.
They'd arrived at the mouth of a cave that had weeds hung over the entrance.
"This is it," Long John breathed, staring at it.
Bucky, who was holding a pickaxe, was shivering.
"Not that I'd buy into that, but just what do we do if Zero was right?" he asked, trying to be brave. "What if it is…cursed?"
Long John glared at him.
"I'll show you what I think of your curse," he grumbled, drawing his sword. With each word, he hacked at the weeds. "You mewling little lily-livered toffee-hearted little wuss of a feline!"
With the mouth of the cave opened a little more, Long John hobbled his way inside, followed by Jim and the other pirates.
Finally, they came to a spot in the ground.
Jim saw the red X on the map.
"The treasure's buried here," he announced.
But when he lowered the map, he saw that the treasure wasn't buried, but merely in a hole in the ground.
The pirates all gathered around the chests in shock. They all chattered amongst themselves.
"Oy! We don't even have to dig it up!" one of them cried.
Long John looked a bit shifty now.
"All right, boys! Let's get that treasure!" Bucky crowed.
They all dove into the hole and started to smash open the chests.
Long John and Jim watched.
One of the chests was opened, followed by two more.
They were all empty.
The cheering turned into confused mumbling.
Long John had a hand at his gun.
Bucky glared up at him.
"There's no treasure, you fibber!" he shouted. "You brought me away from my nice warm bed for nothing! And now we'll get tried for mutiny!"
The pirates angrily growled in agreement.
"I say…," Hagar said, "…we kill him!"
All the pirates drew their swords and started towards him.
Long John pulled his guns out.
"Run, lad!" he shouted. "Save yourself!"
Jim immediately ran a few feet before he realized what had just happened.
"Why are you doing this for me?" he demanded.
"Because I like you, boy! I hope ye don't think I was lyin' about that!"
There was a pause as they smiled at each other.
The shouting suddenly got louder as the pirates began to attack Long John.
"Run!"
And Jim ran out of the cave just as two gunshots rang out.
And he ran onwards.