Author's note: Pink Elephant is a euphemism for a drunken hallucination.

"Edward," I said incredulously.

"Oh! Carlisle didn't think you recognized us."

"Dr. Cullen is...Carlisle? Is he even real?" The pin prick in my arm certainly was. But was that administered by Dr. Cullen or a random White Coat?

"Bella," Edward said solemnly, bowing his head. He cradled his face in his hands as if he were going to sob. What was the protocol here? Does one comfort a hallucination? It seemed rude not to.

"Don't beat yourself up there, Edward. You only left because you thought that Bella would be better off...what book are we in, anyway? Is this New Moon? If it is, you're not supposed to come back yet. We still need to establish a love triangle with Jacob Black...he's going to be a werewolf you know."

Edward looked at me with pity. "If I live another hundred years, I'll never atone for this."

"I'm tired, Edward. And apparently, I can no longer smoke, so I'm also nic fitting. The thing is, if Bella were me, I would have stopped you from leaving. I would have called you out on it. Please don't shoulder all of the blame."

An idea suddenly occurred to me. I approached my lovely apparition cautiously and reached out to touch his face. My fingers made contact with his skin and my jaw dropped in wonderment. I stroked his cool flesh with greedy fingers. The skin was smooth and rough at the same time, like polished stone. I added pressure and found that despite the unbreakable quality there was still a softness there. I moved my hands down his neck and cupped his shoulders into my palms.

Since he offered no argument, I became more brazen. I lowered my head to his neck and tasted him, trailing kisses from his throat to his collarbone. His flesh heated up under my tongue.

I was rewarded with a shudder and a moan.

"Bella, this is torture for me."

"Oh, I love my brooding vampire hallucination! This is fun."

"I shouldn't have come, this was a mistake."

"No worries, they're upping my Haloperidol tomorrow, so you probably won't appear again."

-({})-

Who the fuck invented group therapy? Seriously, who was the fucking genius who said, "Let's take ten crazy people and put them in a small room together to hash things out."

Here's what was seriously wrong with the premise: crazy begets crazier. I was referring to mob mentality hallucinations and panic attacks.

The morning after my first Edward hallucination, I was sitting in an Eames-wannabe-plastic-orange-chair, in a happy little semi-circle with my fucked up peers waiting for the day's session to start.

Turning to the woman on my left I asked, "Do you know about pink elephants?"

She shook her head so I continued, "It's a phenomenon among crazy fuckers like us; At the best of times, a healthy mind cannot differentiate a fantasy from a reality. Don't get me wrong, on a conscious level, a sane mind gets that what it imagines is not real, but still makes the body react to the fabricated stimuli. I submit this example for your consideration: Imagine four crazy fuckers like us sitting in a square. Patient One, let's call her Joan, says, 'Do you see that big fucking pink elephant in the corner of the room?' Patient Two then replies, 'Well, now that you mention it, I mean, I didn't before however now that you've pointed her out she's fucking clear as day.'"

The asshole to my right swallowed nervously. "Well, Patient Three starts screaming, having just recognized that the elephant is, in fact, her dead grandmother climbing up her leg. Patient Four, on the other hand, is pissed off at Patient One, Joan, for stealing his fucking elephant!"

Dr. Banner entered the room, having overheard my little rant and admonished, "That's enough, Isabella."

"The story may not be eloquent, Dr. Banner, but it is indeed apt."

Dr. Banner was the ring leader of this particular circus. "Who would like to go first today?" he asked the group, but he was looking quite pointedly at me. "Any accomplishments or setbacks?"

What the hell. I raised my hand.

"Yes, Bella?"

"I've had a setback, a rather nice one."

"Explain, please."

"Well, anyone here ever read Twilight?"

I was met with blank stares... "Great book, shitty movie?" ...more blank stares.

"Anyhoo, it seems that I've been transformed into the protagonist from the book."

"What do you mean, Bella?" Dr. Banner inquired patiently.

"I'm now an eighteen-year-old girl named Bella Swan who has fallen in love with a one hundred-year-old vampire."

"I see...Does this vampire have a name?"

"Edward Cullen."

Dr. Banner's eyes widened.

"So, you believe that Dr. Cullen's son is a vampire?"

"Guh?"

I looked around the room, from troubled face to troubled face. Was this real? Were these people real?

"Are you real?"

"Bella?"

"Dr. Cullen is not real. He's a character in the book, too. If you think that he's real, Dr. Banner, then there's a serious problem. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you are a hallucination."

The man on my right looked distraught. "You're a figment of my imagination," I explained gently and patted his hand.

I turned to the woman on my left. "Do you feel like you may disappear?" She started screaming.

The White Coats entered the room.

"See what I mean? Pink fucking elephant."

Author's Note: If you review me there may be a Pink Elephant in it for you.