Author's note: As always, I own nothing but my own sick fantasies. No copyright infringement is intended. Also, please do not picture Taylor Lautner in this scene...for my own peace of mind. However, if you must, please at least picture him a year older. Have you checked out his birthdate on IMDB? I have...he's seventeen. Repeat, only seventeen. Sigh.

Holy mother of God, I was fucking horny. Whatever pharmacological cocktail I took this morning was making me crave friction like a Mississippi Leg Hound. Poor Jacob Black; I was going to break him in two.

But I'm Team Edward, I reminded myself coyly. Jacob was nothing more than a literary device for me: the necessary obstacle blocking the way for the course of true love to run smoothly. Bella's reactions to him were always so fucking frustrating, though. As a reader immersed into the first person point-of-view, I had no choice but to experience New Moon through Bella's flawed perspective.

I never took the time to flesh out his character in my mind's eye. Oh shit, I was way off. In no way did I come close to doing him justice.

Through her grief, Bella described Jacob as sunlight, which was misleading to the reader, like he had a sunny disposition or some shit. That wasn't it at all though. His smile-holy fuck. It warmed my face by its pure, enthusiastic and innocent beauty. His easy demeanor and sincere affection for me-Bella-made me nearly forget that I was trapped in a hallucination and possibly catatonic by now. His expression...so fucking eager.

He was very tall, about 6'7", with shoulder-length black hair that fell into his eyes in an effortlessly sexy way. His muscles rippled through the thin material of his t-shirt as he took long strides toward me. Each step he took exposed the flesh of his abdomen because his shirt seemed too small, like the length had shrunk in the laundry. I wanted him to take slower and longer steps so that I could get a better look at the top of his happy trail.

He looked dangerous and innocent at the same time. Oooh, I felt like a kid on Christmas morning!

"I'm going to speak with your doctors, Bells. Why don't you take Jacob for a tour."

"Sure, Dad."

"Hey, Bells," Jacob said and pulled me into a bear hug.

"Hey, Jake."

I'm not sure why, but suddenly I doubted my ability to keep cool. My thoughts were making a slow descent down his exposed happy trail, looking forward to finding the gold at the end. Shit, I was getting wet just thinking about it. My pussy literally hurt in desperation to be touched. I started to attempt a finite equation in my head to keep my newly acquired teenage hormones in check. I would have to handle my shit...Jacob might find it out of character for Bella if she jumped him.

I probably would have reacted the same way to my Edward hallucination if it weren't for the benzodiazepines in my system that night.

"Watcha thinking about, Bells?" he said with that easy smile, pinching the pucker of worry that was forming on my forehead.

"Wanna see my room?" I blurted.

"S-sure," he stammered, swallowing thickly.

He was nervous and it was so fucking adorable. I put my tiny hand in his huge one and tugged him enthusiastically through the ward.

"So this is the two-cent tour. The ward is divided into four sections. Ward One over there houses mostly drug seekers, bulimics and generalized anxiety freak shows. I like to swallow Percocets and eat cupcakes in front of them."

Jacob laughed as I snickered meanly.

"Ward Two is for the pain seekers...cutters, dermatillomaniacs and garden variety masochists. Some of the pain seekers are actually drug seekers too, but the classification system here is inherently flawed."

Jacob nodded soberly and I smirked.

"My friend Jessica just got downgraded to Ward Three...depressives, manic depressives, borderlines, OCD's...mostly harmless textbook crap."

We turned the corner to Ward Four. "Le Voila! Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

"This is your ward?"

"Yeppers. Only the most well-adjusted psychopaths get to live in Ward Four. You are a very lucky man, young Jacob Black. Ward Four is the ninth circle of Hell, home to the sickest minds of all...and I am their queen. Here is my chamber."

Jacob looked me over seriously after my brief rant. "How are you doing really, Bells? You can tell me, you know?" He pulled me into his arms.

"I'm lonely," I snuffed into his chest.

"I'm here, Bella. I'll come every weekend to see you if you want. I'll even skip school a bunch to keep you company."

"Don't skip school!"

"K."

I wriggled out of his tight embrace and he jumped back, worried that he had offended me.

"Sit down, Jake."

Obediently, he lowered his body to my bed and sat on the edge awkwardly.

"You like me, right?"

"Of course I like you, Bells."

"Good...I'm lonely, Jake. I need to be touched. Will you touch me?"

But he didn't understand. He rubbed the length of my arm and tried to pull me into another clumsy embrace. I shook my head and he stopped.

"Have you ever touched a girl, Jake...down there?" I lowered my eyes to my crotch to give him a hint.

He exhaled a shaky breath and his eyes widened beseechingly, trying to make sense of my unusual innuendo.

"I-you want-I...Bells, what are you asking me to do?"

Sigh. "Finger me."

He jumped a foot in the air. "No, Bella! Not while you're in the hospital."

"Um, we could go outside if you prefer."

"That's not what I meant."

"Don't you want to make me happy?" I taunted childishly.

"Of course, Bells. But I refuse to take advantage of you."

Such a fucking gentleman. Apparently I would have to be more direct. I grabbed his hand and pressed it against my heated crotch and said, "No, sweet Jake. The pleasure will be all mine."

He moaned and pushed me back down on the bed, rubbing me over my clothes. It happened so quickly my head was spinning. He took in shocked, rough gasps of air while his hips bucked automatically toward me. I could feel my heat and moisture start to seep through the denim, so I undid the fly of my jeans and kicked them down.

"Fuck!" he swore enthusiastically, and brought his fingers to my underwear; his eyes were all pupils.

"Under the panties," I moaned. "Please, Jake...I need to be touched so badly."

He seemed unsure of himself for a moment. Tentatively he pushed the material of my underwear aside and stroked the outside lips reverently. As soon as he touched my skin he whimpered like a puppy dog.

"The clit," I coached. "It's the nub that-"

"Bell, I know what a clit is...I'm just nervous."

"You've never done this before?" Oh shit, suddenly I felt really guilty.

But then he rolled his eyes at me, putting on a show of manly confidence. "Of course I have...but never with you, Bella"

"So what's the big deal?"

He responded by plunging two fingers inside of me and I cried out. He increased the friction and lowered his face to my clit, offering long licks before taking it into his mouth and sucking.

I think I responded with something like, "Oh, Jesus, God and...fuck!" but I couldn't really be sure. The heat of his tongue as it entered me was indescribable. I cried out in surprise as much as pleasure. He pulsed it into me rhythmically, and I groped my hands down to clutch his fists.

"Can I kiss you, Bella?"

"Isn't that what you're doing?"

He stopped his ministrations and brought his lips to mine. His breath smelled like chocolate and pussy. Instead of diving his tongue into my mouth like I had expected, he pulled my lips gently between his. The kiss was impossibly soft and tender, giving me pause.

Enough of that; I wanted happy trails into the sunset! I growled and kissed my way down his chest, past the bulging muscles of his six-pack, to the concave spot beneath his hip bones. He offered no argument when I undid his belt and pulled his jeans down to his knees.

I looked up and met his dark eyes, seeking permission. He nodded. I reached my hand underneath the elastic of his boxer shorts and pulled out what I daresay was the biggest cock I had ever seen in person.

"Shit! This is a dark secret that wasn't revealed in the book."

Jake didn't hear, or try, to understand my comment. I brought my lips to kiss the tip just as he exploded on my face.

"Fuck, Jake...a little warning would be nice. I think you got my eye!"

Jacob looked horrified. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

He jumped off my bed and tried to stuff himself back into his pants.

"It's okay, Jake. Let me get you a towel." I pulled my lavender robe on and retrieved an institutional gray hand towel from the bathroom. When I returned, Jake was sobbing.

"Shit, Jake...don't cry. I'm sorry."

"I fucked this up, Bell. I always dreamed that the first time we...that I would...I'm so embarrassed."

"Don't be embarrassed, Jake. Let's just wait a few minutes and try again."

"I love you, Bella."

Oh...right. Silly me. This was a selfish and terrible act. Which, of course, could only be rightfully followed by the worse thing a girl could ever say to a boy who just had a premature ejaculation on her bed.

"This was a mistake, Jake. You shouldn't have come."

Author's note: Reviews prolong the pleasure!