Author's Note: Just saw New Moon and it didn't suck...was actually really good. I felt so bad for poor Jacob Black, that I think I'll have to write him a nice blow job into an upcoming chapter. I can't believe that kid Taylor Lautner pulled it off!

Are you fucking kidding me? My IV was beeping for the last ten minutes. I hit the call button on the wall, again.

"Yes?" said the disembodied voice.

"Could you be a doll and bring me another bag of Morphine and an antihistamine for the itching?"

"I'm sorry, Ms. Swan. You are not due for more pain medication for another fifteen minutes. I'll be there shortly."

Buzz, buzz, buzz!

"Yes?" said the impatient voice.

"Fuck you!"

-({})-

Edward was perched on the side of my bed looking like a statue, like he would crack if I threw something hard at him. I grabbed my bedpan and tossed it at his head.

Nope, there was no crack. He barely even looked surprised.

"I peed in that earlier."

"Yes, I can smell the ammonia."

"I guess nothing about me is gross to you?"

He smiled and said, "no."

"What if I took a crap on you, Edward. Would you enjoy that too?"

His jaw muscles tensed. I think finally, I had elicited an angry response. It would give me great pleasure to force a hostile reaction from him. His composure was grating on me.

"Hand me the bedpan, Edward. I want to see how much shit you're willing to take from me."

"What's your problem?" he yelled, tossing the bedpan against the wall.

"You are! I want you to leave. I'm Team Jacob now."

"I will leave as soon as I'm positive the Dog will not harm you again."

"Jacob would never hurt me...he never would have phased in the first place if you didn't rip me away from him."

"Bella...he raped you."

"Go to Hell, asshole! That's seriously sick." I wanted to jump out of bed and spit on him but my abdomen was stapled together and he would probably get off on the contact with my saliva. Sick fucker!

"Jacob fucked me because I begged him to."

"Right...you did."

Oh, so that's what he was getting at. The me that begged for it wasn't the frigid bitch he loved.

"What did Bella Swan tell you?"

Edward sighed. "She blames herself...and you."

"Who do you blame?"

"Jacob...and myself."

"I hate you, Edward Cullen."

"I love you, Bella Swan."

-({})-

"You need some more Morphine, Love."

I tried to sit up but my mid-section burned in protest.

"No, Edward. I need to keep my mind clear. The pain killers make her come through stronger. You know when it's her and when it's me, right?"

"Of course. I'll make sure to stay close so that you don't- she doesn't indulge in any destructive behaviour again."

Edward rubbed his cool fingers against my feverish back and I sighed. His touch nearly erased the burn.

"What hurts, Bella?"

"I'm fine," I lied terribly.

"Please be honest, Love. I can't help you if you're dishonest about your symptoms."

"I'm sore in...my...I can't say it."

Edward's eyes widened and his lips formed into an "O".

"I don't want to be examined but I'm worried that I need stitches."

"Do you want me to look at it for you?"

"No. Yes. I don't know."

"Bella," Edward said tenderly and pulled the stiff cotton sheet away from my body, "I won't hurt you. Please don't be embarrassed?"

I nodded and met his eyes, trying not to reveal any emotion.

I felt his cold fingers prying my lips apart and I scooted closer to his face.

"I don't smell fresh blood, however I'm going to need to put my finger inside to be certain nothing was ruptured. Are you comfortable with that?"

"Um, sure?"

His cold finger pressed into me slowly and accurately until it hit my cervix. I shuddered and moaned.

"Does it hurt?"

"Nope!"

Edward removed his finger and met my glare cautiously.

"You just finger fucked me because I asked you to do it. Now you're a rapist too."

"Go to Hell, Bella."

"Already there, Edward."

A/N - Um, did I mention I love reviews?