I own none of the characters of Angel
The next morning Cordy woke up and got dressed for the first time in two days and she took her children to school. It was bittersweet. Angel always tried to ride with them in the mornings and all three of them felt his loss. After lots of kisses and hugs, Cordelia finally let her children go into the building, with tears running down her face. Just as Chase got to the entrance, he turned around and ran back to his mother, who quickly picked him.
"Mama…are you going to die like daddy?"
"Oh baby boy, I'm not going to die."
"Daddy did." He sobbed into her shoulder.
"Yes he did little man, but I'm not going to die. Okay?" He nodded. "You're going to be stuck with mommy for a very long time."
"I miss him."
"I do too baby. Do you want to go to school today or come home with mommy?"
"I want to stay with you." Cordy carried him into the office and vaguely explained that Chase's father passed away and she would be keeping him home today. The secretary was very understanding and told her to keep him home as long as he needed. Before leaving she stopped by Catherine's classroom and spoke with her teacher. Cordy decided to give Catherine the option of coming home but she wanted to stay at school with her friends. Her teacher promised to call if there were any problems.
Everyone was very surprised when Cordy and Chase walked into the lobby. Cordy had left them a note telling them that she had taken the kids to school so they were surprised when she walked into the lobby with Chase.
"He wasn't ready yet." She said simply as she set him up at Angel's desk with a coloring book and crayons. She then asked for all of them to meet her in the waiting area so she could keep an eye on Chase.
"Thank you all so much for these past couple of days."
"Cordy, we are your friends. That's our job."
"You guys are my best friends, my family. I wouldn't have made it through without you. Now, that being said remember whatever comes out of my mouth next, please know that I have not lost my mind." They looked at her expentantly. "Angel came to me last night."
"Cordelia…"
"He's gone."
"That's your grief talking."
"He dead sweetie."
"You must have been dreaming,"
"Guys, please listen to me." They all stopped talking. "You all know what kind of world we live in, a world with demons, monsters and ghosts. The Powers sent Doyle back for Ciara's wedding so why is it so impossible to believe that they would send Angel back to me?"
"Why would they Cordelia?" Connor asked.
"Because I got three visions yesterday and I ignored them."
"You ignored your visions plum pie?" Lorne asked and she nodded. "Why?"
"I was hurt and angry."
"Cordy, you shouldn't have done that." Fred said
"I know that now. When Angel died, I got so lost so The Powers sent him to me one last time so he could help me find my way back."
"So he was really there when I came to check on you?" Wesley asked
'Yes he was but I was the only one who could see him." Cordy allowed her friends to process this information before continuing. "He showed me that just because he was gone didn't mean that I can't fight anymore."
"So are you going to continue to fight?" Ciara asked
"In my own way. Right now my main concern is my children. They're young and they lost their father and they need me. If I get a vision then I will share it with you guys but I'm sorry, I can't go out there right now, not without him."
"I think that I speak for all of us when I say whatever you need is fine with all of us." Fred said and everyone agreed.
"Thank you all so much for your support." They all exchanged hugs. "Now let's talk business. The money that Angel and I took from Wolfram & Hart has been placed into accounts for all of you. All of you have been very well compensated for your employment. It's up to all of you now if you want to keep the agency open since Angel is gone."
"I want to keep it open." Connor said. "I want to keep fighting dad's mission."
"I think we all do." Gunn said and everyone nodded.
"Mama?" Came Chase's voice.
"I need to be with Chase right now, I'll let you know if I get a vision." She said as headed into Angel's office.
"Hey Chase."
"Look mama, I made a picture for daddy." Tears filled Cordy's eyes.
"It's beautiful honey."
"Can daddy see it from heaven?" The tears started falling. There was no way that she telling her five year old son that his father was in hell.
"As long as we hang it on the fridge then he will be able to see it." Chase's eyes shined with happiness. "Hey bud, let's go to the park? What do you say?"
"Yeah mama, let's go the park." Cordy smiled. She took her son's hand and walked into the bright sunlight.
--
Things slowly got better but without Angel, life would never be perfect. Ciara and Connor were following Angel's farewell instructions and she was pregnant again. It was bittersweet because they felt guilty for being so happy. Catherine and Chase were adjusting in their own way. Catherine had slowly become sullen. She was picking fights with her mother and brother and she hardly ever smiled. Meanwhile Chase had attached himself to his mother's hip. It was as if he was afraid that he was going to lose her as well. Getting him back to school was a real chore. The first day that she sent him back he screamed, cried and attached his arms around her neck, which with his father's strength that he inherited, made it very difficult to extract him from her neck. Cordy stood outside of his classroom door, that first day, sobbing until he calmed down. She struggled to be brave for her children and she only let her tears fall at night when she was alone in the king sized bed that she and Angel had shared.
She continued to work at the hotel, answering the phones, assisting Wesley with research and sharing her visions, but her heart wasn't in it anymore. Everything she looked at in the hotel reminded her of Angel and she knew that her children felt the same way. After a lot of soul searching she decided to leave Angel Investigations and the hotel for a fresh start. It practically broke her heart when she told Ciara and Connor.
"So what's going on Cordy?" Connor asked
"I'm leaving." Ciara's eyes filled with tears and Connor's mouth dropped open.
"I don't understand." Ciara said. Cordy reached over and took her hand.
"Sweetheart, I can't stay here anymore. It's too hard. This place is so full of memories and it's hurts too much."
"What about the agency?" Connor asked
"My heart isn't in it anymore Connor. I will still call if I have a vision."
"What will you do?" Ciara asked
"I still have the money from Wolfram and Hart so for awhile I'm going to do nothing except spend time with my babies and enjoy life,"
"What about Catherine and Chase? Will we still see them?" Connor asked with tears in his eyes.
"Oh Connor, of course you will. Just because we are leaving that doesn't change the fact that you are their brother and sister. I would never take them away from you. And besides, you are a link to their father…your father Connor. I want you to share stories with them as only a sibling can do. I need you in their and in my life, both of you." She stood up and pulled both of them into her arms and hugged them tightly. "And besides I can't my kids away from their niece or nephew both old and new." They all laughed.
"Speaking of new babies we wanted to run a couple of names by you." Ciara said nervously
"Tell me."
"If it's another boy we want to name him Liam." Connor said proudly.
"And if it's a girl we want to name her Angela. We want to name our baby after his or her grandfather and Angela was the closest that we could come up with." Ciara said tearfully. "Connor is concerned that Angela Angel sounds like a stripper name." Cordy burst out laughing.
"I might have to agree with him."
"Well so do I but I really want the name Angela so we have decided to call her Angela Doyle, if it's a girl."
"It's perfect Ciara. Absolutley perfect. Angel would love it."
--
Cordy bought another house on the beach. She couldn't go back to the old one because it, like the hotel, carried too many painful memories, like the last night that had spent together there. Using her Wolfram & Hart money she purchased a nice house on the ocean. It had a bedroom for each of them plus an extra room so their cousins could stay the night whenever they wanted, which was often. The kids seemed to like it, especially having their own rooms. She bought all new furniture because the old stuff was too painful to have around. She kept all of his drawings and some of his shirts with the hopes that maybe Chase would want them when he got older and she kept some for herself to sleep in. Her friends from Angel Investigations came over for a Friday night dinner every week to catch up and just spend time together remembering the good times. Whenever she got a vision she did as she promised and called Wesley or Fred, so in her own small way she was still helping the helpless.
After two months of just enjoying her life with her children, she became restless. Cordelia was never the kind of woman who was content just sitting around. She loved being with her children, but she needed to do something with her life besides walking on the beach, waiting for her children to come home from school. Being alone gave her too much time with her thoughts of Angel so she decided to give acting another go round. She knew she was good, after all she convinced her best friends that she hated her husband, so how hard could it be to do it for real? To her surprise she was offered the first part that she auditioned for. It was a small role on a soap opera. She wanted something small so that she would still be able to be home with her children in the evenings and this soap opera would offer her exactly that.
--
On the one year anniversiy of Angel's death, all of the friends got together to celebrate the opening of Lorne's club, again. and to have a night to remember Angel.
"Pumpkin Muffin, you made it." Lorne greeted as soon as she entered.
"Caritos again Lorne? Aren't you testing faith?" She said laughing.
"It really will be a sanctuary now. The spell is more powerful now. Nothing can roll in from the street and firebomb us."
"Good to know. Lorne, you did a wonderful job."
"Thank you sugar plum. Come on, the gang is over here." He took her hand and led her to the table that held all of her friends.
"The Diva has arrived and now the party can begin." Said Gunn with a smirk on his face and Cordy flicked him off.
"As much as I hate to admit it Cordelia, we all have become addicted to your soap opera." Wesley said and Cordy burst out laughing.
"No really, everyday at two o'clock we are all piled in the office watching it." Fred confirmed. "Of course we started watching it because you were on it, but it has become very addicting."
"Yeah, who is your daddy?" Ciara asked with a grin.
"I have no idea yet. I don't even think the writers know." A demon waiter brought the table a tray of shots, compliments of Lorne.
"To new beginnings" Fred said as she held up her glass.
"To friends." Gunn said
"To Family." Connor said
"To Angel." Cordy added softly.
They all clinked their glasses together and drank. They spent the next couple of hours, drinking, laughing, talking and remembering their friend, father, and husband. Tears were shed, but they were happy tears.
"Cordy is that you?" Came a deep male voice. Everyone stopped talking and looked at the visitor to their table.
"Hey Jacob, I must admit that I am very surprised to see you here." Cordy said with a smile.
"Because it's a demon bar?" Cordy nodded. "I've lived in LA my whole life. I know all about demons and vampires."
"Well let me introduce you to my family who seem to have become quite rude." She said gesturing to the dropped jaws around her. "This is the owner of this joint Lorne, this is Fred, Wesley, Gunn, Justine, Connor and Ciara. Guys, this is Jacob Miller. He works with me."
"You're Steven on the show." Fred said
"Yep, that's me."
"He is an ass." Justine commented.
"And Jacob isn't." Cordy said. "Would you like to join us?" He agreed and pulled a chair up next to Cordy.
"Interesting family you have here Cordy."
"They are my family by choice. They are really my best friends."
"Oh God, I think that I'm going to need more to drink with the way that guy sounds." Connor said and everyone laughed. The current singer was really horrible.
"Well it's not as bad as the first time that…" Wesley didn't finish his sentence. They all knew what he was trying to say, but Cordy finished it for him.
"Nothing will ever be as bad as when Angel sang." She said laughing and everyone joined with her. It was nice to see her smile when she spoke of Angel instead of cry.
"Who is Angel?" Jacob asked.
"My husband." She said softly.
"I had no idea that you were married Cordy. I apologize if I'm intruding."
"You're not intruding and I'm not married anymore. Angel is dead."
"Open mouth, insert foot. I just keep getting it wrong."
"You didn't know."
"So your last name…Angel? I'm confused." Her friends watched her with concern, but she smiled to let them know that she was okay so they continued their conversation while Cordy and Jacob had their own. It was the first time she had really talked about Angel with someone who didn't know him.
"Angel was a vampire." Jacob's jaw dropped.
"Aren't they evil? How can you be married to one and still be alive?"
"He was evil at one point but he was given a soul which made him a good man. His soul made him feel guilt over everything he had ever done. He fought evil." She said proudly.
"Wow. Didn't you tell me that you have kids?" She nodded. "With the vampire?" Again she nodded her confirmation. "How? They can't have kids either."
"Angel was special and together we worked for The Powers That Be and they made it possible for us to have Catherine and Chase. Connor over there is also Angel's son with a vampire."
"Wow." He said simply.
"I know that it's a lot to take in at once, but be forewarned, if you tell anyone at work I will have to kill you. I am part demon."
"Part demon?" He stuttered
"Yep. The Powers That Be send me visions of people that are in trouble. They were very painful and frankly, they were killing me but I refused to give them up, so the powers made me part demon so I could continue to get the visions and stay alive."
"Wow." He repeated
"I meant what I said, you can't tell anyone at work." She said firmly.
"You have my word."
"Thank you. I appreciate that."
"So tell me about Catherine and Chase." He requested and they spent the evening talking about her kids and their job.
An hour later everyone was getting ready to leave.
"Cordy we are heading out." Fred interrupted and Cordy immediately jumped out of her seat and hugged her.
"I'm so sorry. We were supposed to hang out tonight and I have totally ignored you guys." She said
"Don't worry about it. It was nice to see you smiling and having fun again." Cordy smiled at her friend. "You know, he is pretty cute."
"Fred!" Cordy gasped.
"Well he is."
"Yeah, he his."
"Do you think…maybe?"
"It's too soon to even think about dating."
"Honey, it's only too soon if you're not ready. There is no time line. Besides Angel wanted you too move on."
"I don't think I'm ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to love someone like I love Angel."
"You will never love anyone like you love Angel. That is a one of a kind love, but our hearts have lots of room for all kinds of love." Fred told her.
"Thanks Fred. I'll keep that in mind." They hugged again.
"Keep me posted." Soon everyone hugged and went their separate ways, leaving Cordy and Jacob alone.
"I'm so sorry that I monopolized your time tonight." He apoligezed
"Don't be. It's fine."
"I had a really nice time tonight." He said softly as he took her hand.
"I did too."
"I would like to see you again."
"You'll see me at work." She said nervously.
"That's not what I mean."
"I know."
"So what do you say?" She didn't answer right away. Instead she remembered Angel's words to her the last time they spoke. He wanted her to move on with her life. She couldn't grieve forever.
"I would like that." She said softly.
--
"What the hell?" Angel yelled. One second he was in hell and the next second he was standing in the middle of the endless white room, where he spent the first few days after his death.
"Vampire." Came the annoying voice.
"What now? Can't I atone in peace?" He snapped
"Your family is in trouble." Angel was furious. He didn't want to know about things that he could do nothing about.
"Why are you telling me? Is this another form of torment? Allow me to stand back helpless while they need me?"
"They need your help."
"I can't help them. I'M DEAD." He roared.
"We can send you back to save them." Angel felt a glimmer of hope, but it was quickly replaced by sadness because he knew that he couldn't stay and it would destroy them all.
"What's going on?"
"The Seer is involved with a man." Even though that's what he wanted for her, it hurt him to hear the actually words.
"That's not bad."
"Your children are destined to become pivitol figures in the fight against evil and this man is going to kill your children."
"NOOOOOOO."
"Enough vampire."
"Can't you send her a vision?" He asked despertley.
"We have tried but this demon has put a spell on her, blocking all visions from us regarding him."
"What can I do to save my family?"
"We want to send you back."
"Then do it." He demanded.
"It cannot be done. You were killed. We cannot reinstate your life as it was."
"Then why the hell are you telling me this if there isn't a damn thing that I can do?"
"You need to listen vampire. We said your life as it was."
"Speak English please."
"If Angelus was no longer a part of you then you can return because your life would not be as it once was."
"Then do it already."
"You must do this."
"I can't get rid of him."
"We can help with that problem."
"I'm listening."
"We can release Angelus."
"And then what happens?"
"If Angelus is released, you must destroy him. If that is accomplished you will be sent back to earth with a permanent soul. You will be able to achieve perfect happiness and keep your soul."
"And if he destroys me?"
"Then it's over. Your children will die and Angelus will be sent to hell." Angel knew he had no choice. He did not want his children dying. He had to save them.
"I'll do it. How long have I been gone?"
"One year." It felt like much longer to him and he knew that right now, at this point he could not beat Angelus.
"I need to train if I have any hope in defeating Angelus. Do I have time?"
"We will send you to a different hell dimension to train with demons for six months."
"That should work."
"It shall be done." And Angel was sent to begin his training.