Author's Note: Some dialogue is taken from New Moon and Eclipse. This dialogue has been perverted in this chapter and taken out of context. No Copyright infringement is intended.

I want your love and I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
-Lady Gaga

"Tell me your demands again?"

"There is only one. I want to be a vampire like you."

"I won't do it."

"Then I'll be braying on all fours for Jacob Black."

"You're a bitch."

"Bite me."

-({})-

"Bella? Bella?"

I opened my eyes and was inches away from Edward's face. He had no pores.

"You have no pores," I told him.

He looked disappointed.

"Was I gone?"

"No," Edward said sullenly. "You didn't go anywhere."

"Did you call me a bitch?"

"Absolutely not," Edward seethed, looking frazzled. "You were talking to yourself."

"Will you make me a vampire? It's the only thing I really want. I'll give you anything in return."

He let out a slow puff of air and shot me his best, tortured-demon-with-a-soul, baleful glare. "Is this what you dream about, being a monster?"

Oh shit, what's my line?

"Um..." There was something that I was suppose to say. "No, I dream about being with you forever."

His eyes were suddenly full of longing. "I wish that I believed you," he muttered pathetically.

"Please? It's the only thing I want. Please?"

"So many things I wanted to give you and this is what you demand? How can I live with myself, Bella? I can't damn your soul."

"Oh, see that's not a problem. I'm not a Christian. I don't have a soul."

Again, his eyes were tortured. I was getting more than a little annoyed. "Edward," I said tenderly, pushing his hair out of his eyes - weird, his hair felt like wire, not soft at all - "must you always look like someone is shoving thumbtacks under your nails? Can you lighten the fuck up for a second? You're channeling Luke Perry."

"My demand is matrimony. Marry me and I'll change you."

"Marriage is a stretch for me. I won't do it unless I get something in return."

"I didn't realize there was anything else you wanted."

"Fuck me?"

Finally, Edward cracked a fucking smile! "I offered you that only moments ago and you rejected me."

"Oh, right. Yeah, that was a reflexive response. I was trying to stick to the script. Nope, I just want to be a vampire. I'll marry you in exchange for your venom."

Edward frowned. "This won't work."

"Sure it will. Give me the fucking ring, already."

"No, Bella. I need both of you to agree to marry me." He was wrestling demons again, wearing that expression of severe and painful constipation.

"You're so Dylan Mckay, it's not even funny."

"I need to think things through. This isn't a good plan. I'll be under the bed."

"K. I'm calling Charlie." My contacts window on my cell was populated again...good thing. "Hey, Dad. It's Bella. Could you please call me? No one's been by to see me in a few days and I need you to bring Jaco-"

Suddenly my precious iPhone was flying across the room. Edward's face, inches from mine again, contorted as he struggled against some violent response. He grabbed my wrists with his hands and blood pooled instantly beneath the skin.

"Ow."

"I won't allow you to see him. You belong to me."

"Possessive much? I told you I'd marry you and will live up to my promise, however I have to see Jacob first."

"That's a deal breaker," he said sharply.

"That's not very Edwardly of you. Here are your options: marry me, fuck me and change me; or leave now and never come back."

"You forgot about option number three," Edward growled, his eyes now a bottomless black. He grabbed me and held me against his chest, inhaling the skin under my ear.

"What are you doing?" Suddenly I was terrified.

"Uncorking the wine. Tasting the bouquet." His tongue drew a minty cold line down my neck to my breast. It was erotic and disconcerting at once.

"I've already been uncorked." I suffered from foot in mouth disease. Certainly I had a death wish. Shit, I think he was going to kill me.

"Mmm, you smell so good. I just want a little taste."

-({})-

Edward was kissing my neck and it was heaven. I let out a contented sigh and said, "I love you. Please don't stop?" My hands became fists in his hair and I pulled him away from my neck to kiss his mouth. My lips formed around his at first, but soon, I couldn't resist pouting my lower lip which he caught and sucked.

"I was thinking," he managed between kisses. "There's something that I want to try."

"Anything," I said and he pulled away. "Anything but that!"

He smiled and explained, "I want to taste you."

"Ooh-kaayee," I drawled, not quite understanding his intent. "Um, a blade might be hard to come by in here. Is there a way you can bite me without injecting venom? I can try biting myself." I bit into the white flesh of my forearm but couldn't summon the will to draw blood. "It's no good."

"Bella," Edward said smoothly, pulling my arm away from my teeth. "It's not your blood I crave."

Carefully, so as not to irritate my scars, Edward moved his hand down my navel to the fly of my jeans. With one hand on my face, he deftly undid the button and lowered the zipper slowly, tooth by agonizing tooth. My breathing hitched and I couldn't help but tremble in anticipation, still unsure if I fully understood exactly what he craved. Surely he didn't mean what I thought he did? The speed he employed was agony. I was desperate to know what he was thinking but was afraid of breaking whatever spell he was under.

"You're too desirable for your own good," he whispered and lowered his face to my tummy. His kisses started as gentle feathery caresses over my freshly healed scars. "I'm so sorry...so sorry he hurt you. I'll never let him hurt you again."

He lowered the jeans over my hips and I wriggled, overtaken by lust.

"Please, Edward?"

"What do you want, Love?"

"I want you to taste me. Just like you said."

I lifted my legs in the air so that he could pull the jeans off. To my embarrassment, fluid started leaking out of me, soaking my white panties.

Edward's nostrils flared as the scent of my arousal registered with him. In a flash, he was at my crotch, groaning, "You're so wet."

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Of all the ridiculous things to apologize for!"

I closed my eyes, having absolutely no idea what to do. My involvement would likely only end in an injury so I remained passive, enjoying the torturous ecstasy of Edward's cool breath near my clit. I nearly squealed when I felt something cold and wet press into me through my underwear. Was that his tongue?

A moan escaped my lips and Edward responded by ripping the panties open at the seams. I practically liquefied.

"Please, Edward. Don't stop?"

"I wasn't planning on it, Love." He pushed against the sensitive virgin skin of my inner thighs to expose my core to him. My thighs started to tremble as he said, "Just a little taste. I'll be very careful."

At first I wasn't quite sure if his tongue actually made contact with me, it was so light. But then he darted it out against my clit and I just about screamed. My legs encircled his head and without realizing it, I was pushing his head into me with my heels.

"What do you crave more, my body or my blood?"

Edward pulled away from me suddenly and his eyes narrowed. "Bella?"

"Why did you stop? Did I do something wrong?"

He held my head between his hands and said, "I thought Isabella Flanagan had taken over for a minute, I apologize, Sweetheart. I fully intend to finish what I started. I need to ask you a question first."

"What is it?" Suddenly I was alarmed by the serious expression on his face.

"Isabella Swan," he whispered taking my hand. He crouched beside my bed on his knee and continued, "will you marry me?"

For a moment I didn't move. I was overcome with an emotion I didn't understand: Rage.

He left me. It was so easy for him because I wasn't good enough. I'd never be good enough.

"Why are you asking this now?"

"Because I love you, Bella. I want to be with you forever."

"I don't believe you," I said with a conviction that was staggering. Edward Cullen did not love me...and I no longer trusted him.

Author's Note: Are you more confused than ever? Reviews are better than Edward's tongue. I wouldn't want venom near Mrs. Sphincter's Next Door Neighbour anyway.