A/N - Lyrics to Losing my Religion are the property of REM. Bella Swan and the Twilight universe belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Isabella Flanagan is me...I think. Maybe?
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around?
Now I've said too much...
REM - Losing my Religion
Edward led me to the piano and I leaned against him for support. Suddenly I was terrified.
"You don't have to do this," he said smoothly. He wasn't being smug, I think he was afraid that I would have a meltdown. I wanted to be haughty and brash but couldn't face the implications of what would happen if I failed.
"I don't want to play Quando Men Vo. Do you have the music for Losing my Religion?" He put his arm around me gently as I continued to stall.
"Alice has the Tori Amos version. Will that suffice?"
I shrugged out of his embrace and tried to imagine my right hand on middle C. "No, I want the REM version."
"Alright, let me write out the music for you." He fetched composition paper from within the piano.
"N-No. Just tell me the chords."
He gave me a sideways glance. "I can tell you the bass and treble clefs at the same time but I doubt you'll be able to keep up. The speed I'll have to speak at would be inhuman."
I sat down at the keyboard and put my thumb at middle C and splayed my fingers, playing a chord. He sat down beside me and started banging out the bass line.
"D, E, D," he said.
I played the first three notes but it didn't sound right.
"That was a C, Bella." He moved my thumb over and coaxed my index finger for the second note. I played the D on my own."
"Do you want to continue?" he asked gently as I glared at the ivories.
I started to tremble but nodded quickly. I played the first three notes again and then stopped, having no clue how to continue. "I- I can picture myself playing this. I can sing this."
My hands formed fists and I pounded on the keys, wracked with a grief so profound I could not name it. "I have to play it..."
"Shh, Bella," Edward whispered and wrapped his arm tentatively around my shoulder. "I'll play it, shall I?"
I watched his fingers move gracefully over the keys, praying for some sort of recognition but every key he hit was a mystery. I sang softly. At least I could still sing. "Life is bigger, it's bigger than you and you are not me. The lengths that I would go to. "
My voice broke from a sob but Edward kept playing the music softly. "Keep singing, my Bella," he pleaded but I lowered my head in defeat. With achingly perfect clarity he sang the next line in parody of himself.
"Every whisper, of every waking hour I'm choosing my confessions. Trying to keep an eye on you; like a hurt, lost and blinded fool. Fool."
I shook my head and brought my fingers to his lips. He kissed them. "I swear, she's real. She has to be real."
"But that was just a dream. That was just a dream."
"Edward." I stood up from the bench. I couldn't listen to the music anymore. It was too beautiful and each note destroyed me. "Edward, stop."
He closed the keys and pressed his chest into my back, leaning down to mutter, "I know who you are." His voice was a cool whisper in my ear. A shudder of breath that broke through every layer of resistance.
"I'm Bella Flanagan..." I explained, "...and Bella Swan. We are the same person. "
"Chicken or egg, love. Who came first?"
A flash of memory hit me like a bolt of electricity.
"The Swan."
-({})-
I was in the woods. Laurent's eyes were virtually afire with thirst as he took slow steps towards me. When we were nearly shoulder to shoulder, I met his curious and ravenous gaze and saw my face reflected in the sanguine pupils. I was smiling.
"No pain," he promised.
"Not anymore," I whispered and closed my eyes. He inhaled my hair and lowered his face to my neck. The pain that I anticipated in my jugular, met me square in my chest instead. I exhaled in a cough as the wind was knocked from my lungs in a burst.
Suddenly I was on my back and a massive wolf was nuzzling my cheek. My breaths came in shallow gasps, but I reached my wrist over to the wolf. "Lunch," I gasped. Shit, this would be much more painful of a death. The reddish-brown wolf lowered his head into his paws and let out a high whine. "Do it," I said more urgently and I swear, he looked sad; like he understood every word I said. I recoiled away from him and dragged myself towards Laurent.
"Kill them already, Laurent. What are you waiting for?"
"No." His voice was pure terror. "It can't be." He backed away from the largest wolf, while the red wolf returned to my side, his head was down in a submissive bow.
"Make it quick, okay?" I begged. He pushed his muzzle against my arm, trying to shepherd me away from the vampire. I let him, there was something sweet and familiar about him and I almost laughed at my own insanity. He exhaled hot puffs of air at my cheek and almost soothed me. The large wolf rumbled a low growl and instantly, all of the wolves lunged after Laurent and, to my utter horror, he ran away.
"No! No, no, no! Give me back my death!" Instantly, I was on my feet again. I chased after the wolves and Laurent, running, tripping, screaming and bleeding. My instincts were backwards.
"This is supposed to be the end," I whimpered when I could run no longer. I collapsed on my side against an uprooted tree and let out a primal scream, begging for it all to be over. All of this time had passed since Edward had left and still, I was lost in the woods, mourning for the ghost a love that should not have been. He wanted me to believe that he never existed. Perhaps he didn't. Perhaps I didn't. Maybe I never left the woods. Maybe Sam never found me after Edward left. Maybe I died here.
I closed my eyes and dreamed of death. When I awoke, the red wolf was back and he was crying. He sat down beside me and morphed into Jacob.
These things don't exist. Vampires, lycanthropes...me.
I closed my eyes and dreamed of waking up.
Author's Note: Are you still with me? Excellent. You're my favourite person in the whole universe. Review me, because I'm really into that shit. Hell, maybe I'll send a preview.