Author's note: My apologies in advance to Team Jacob girls. Most of you know, I play for both teams. Don't be hating. Also, please note that I've been a bad girl. I've posted without a beta. I'll fix all of the mistakes Jess finds tomorrow. It's way past my bedtime.
He looked so broken and dejected. I suspected that he was even more messed-up than me. "Cruelty is not my intention here, Edward." I wrapped my fingers around his hand again. "Don't cry, or whatever it is that you're doing to make that god awful sound." He rested his head against my shoulder and nodded lightly.
"How can I atone for what happened between us?" His eyes were so sincere.
"I want to know the truth." I didn't let go of his hand but was careful to keep my eyes hardened as I spoke. He needed to know that I would not waver on this. "You've lied from day one about what was going through your thick skull on the afternoon you left."
"Bella, I've told you everything. Why are you doing this to yourself, love? To torture me? I guarantee you that I suffer worse torments in my own mind. There are more important memories you must work on uncovering-"
"Fuck a duck!" I screeched. "Stop it! Stop being so goddamn melodramatic. Unless I'm mistaken, this isn't an episode of Dark Shadows. Let's have a real fucking conversation here, Edward. I'm going to ask you to be truthful and you are to answer me plainly."
He looked astounded. His bottom lip had dropped, being torn away from its mate by his jaw. With raised eyebrows, I patted the underside of his chin and he obliged by closing his mouth.
"Edward," I sighed. "For every truthful answer you give me I will remove an article of clothing. You get to choose what I am to remove. Agreed?"
"No. I'll give you your truth but you- you owe me nothing."
"As you wish. The offer still stands." Edward took several steps away from me and collapsed on his couch in a very human posture. "Why did you leave me?"
"I was afraid that you would die an untimely death, living a life with vampires. I wanted you to have a chance at-"
"Stop! I want all of the answers you haven't already given me. Not that I'm accusing you of lying, Edward. I'm accusing you of not telling me the truth. What are you omitting?"
"You told me I lied..." He was confused.
"You lied about telling me the truth about everything. You didn't. You never actually spoke lies, though. No. Are you confused?"
"Yes."
"Did you edit or omit any of your thoughts to me at any time when I asked you about why you left?"
"I did not."
I nodded. "Shall I remove an item of clothing?"
"No, Bella. What else do you want to know?" His eyes were fixed on my stomach.
"Why did you tell me that I was not good for you."
"I- You were. Good. I said that because I wanted you to hate me."
"You're omitting the truth again. Remove your shirt."
He appeared affronted by my request. "I never agreed to remove my clothes."
I rolled my eyes (sorry but I really needed to roll my eyes here) and demanded, "Really? Are you in any position to deny me anything? Consider it an act of attrition."
"Do you mean contrition?"
"Um, I don't know. What does attrition mean again?"
"Wearing down by friction." A smile nearly played on his lips.
"Hm, I think I meant attrition then. Give me your shirt, pansy-ass." I reached my hand out just as he tore his shirt off of his torso, sending buttons flying everywhere. He was nearly hairless and defined by lean muscle. I wanted to press my skin against his suddenly, but the need wasn't completely driven by lust. Swan was ever-present in me now. These were her questions, her demands, not mine. She needed me to be the interrogator though as she didn't have the strength for this confrontation. "Edward," Bella whispered through my lips and my mouth curled up into a smile. "I love you. Answer our questions, okay? I don't mind taking my clothes off for you either. I've lusted after you long before Flanagan ever came along."
His answering smile was dazzling (sorry, sorry, sorry, but it really was dazzling) and he pushed my hair away from my face, cupping my chin is his hand. "As you wish."
"Why was I not good for you?"
"My love for you makes me weak. I've never felt so frail, not even when I was dying in Chicago or when I suffered the change into vampire; I've never been so vulnerable or terrified as I felt when I thought James would kill you before I had a chance to save you." He gasped for air needlessly and continued, "Again, I was terrorized when Jasper lost control. Thoughts of suicide play in my head every day now, because I know that I can't live without you. I hate feeling this way."
My eyes filled with moisture. "Do you regret ever meeting me?"
"No, Bella." He pulled me tightly against his chest and leaned into my ear to whisper, "Not for a second." His cool tongue darted out against the pulse point on my neck and drew a line to my collar bone. "I want this shirt off. Now."
I nodded, my entire body shivering with need. I stepped back and pulled the shirt over my head.
"What else do you want to know? I'm desperate to get that bra off of you."
"Why did you want me to forget you ever existed?"
"Because I never should have existed. I should have been stronger and left you alone. I took great pride in your want of me when you denied all others. It made me feel like less of a monster, when in truth, I was by far the worst threat to you. If my love for you was truly as selfless as I thought, I would have been strong enough to leave you alone. I'm not strong at all."
"You were pretty upfront all along about 'being a selfish creature' or whatever. The bra is coming off now. Would you like to keep it?"
"Yes please," he whimpered.
My nipples were so erect they practically hurt. I was desperate for his touch but he would have to wait just a little bit longer.
He grasped my bra into his fist and inhaled. "You smell like Jacob Black."
"Um, yeah. These are my questions right now." Crap. I totally did smell like Jacob Black. Oops. "Why did you look at me with hatred? Just before you turned away and left, your gaze shifted from indifference to hate. You told me back in the hospital that it was because you hated yourself. Please be honest with me this time, Edward. Did you harbour any of that hatred towards me?"
He looked positively ashamed. "Yes," he admitted in a small voice.
I nodded. "Thank you for giving me the truth. Should I take my pants off now?"
"Won't you allow me to explain?"
"You don't need to, Edward. I understand already. I am the only person in the world with any real power to hurt you. You're more afraid of me than even the Volturi."
"Only of losing you. I couldn't help being angry, feeling ill towards you in that singular moment. I'm not infallible, Bella. I directed my anger outwardly toward you. I lashed out. I'd never quite felt pain so intense in my life as the day I forced myself to leave you and I didn't know what to do with the excess of emotion. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I expect you to have noticed a microsecond of misdirected anger. Is there any way in heaven or hell you could forgive me?"
"That depends. I kind of fucked Jacob Black again."
He flinched. "I know.
"Do you forgive me?"
"Yes, Bella. He's human. I understand that there are things that he can do for you that I may not be able to. As long as he didn't hurt you, I will not object to your relationship with him."
"Um, okay?" I didn't see that one coming.
"Bella. Do you forgive me?"
"Yes, Edward. All I ever wanted was the truth. I think I can work through this mess now that I have it. Thank you." I threw myself into his arms, probably bruising my sternum from the impact.
"Let's take a shower, love. I want to get the smell of dog off of you."
"Yeah, I'm tired of smelling like werewolf. I'd like to smell like vampire for a while."
Author's Note: The first person who names the vampire from Dark Shadows gets to choose a sexual position for an upcoming chapter. Any position you wish, and I'll have to write it. Meh, even the second or third person to name him can throw a position my way.
Shameless Pimping: I read one of the best fanfics ever. It's called The Deluded by FantasyMother. The author is uber-talented and super-responsive to reviews.
Speaking of which, won't you review me? Please?