Author's Note: Ahoy-hoy to you crazy bitches who followed me over here from Twilighted. BTW, according to Urban Dictionary, Pink Cookie is indeed a pussy word. Just saying. Thanks to my beta and my apologies in advance to Jacob girls. I adore Jacob but Edward's been hanging out under my bed, just begging for his own lemon.

The Dark Shadows vamp is Barnabas Collins. Sexual position provided by AngelinaBallerina17 with runner up creds going to my favourite Zombie girl Raven Jadewolf. Edward shares your imagination. untraceabel chose one too and although she was way late, I just can't say no to her.

"You're sure, Bella." Edward's voice was strained, and so were his pants.

"Of absolutely nothing." I undid my jeans and left them in a heap on the living room floor. "You said something about a shower?" Oops, I wasn't wearing underwear. It's hard to keep track of undergarments when one is busy have a breakdown. Dr. Shapiro doesn't believe breakdowns exist.

"Oh, fuck." He approached me cautiously, his eyes dipping lower. "You're not wearing clothes. Not a stitch."

"Sorry," I muttered and flushed like a virgin. Which I wasn't. I'd been, you know, touched for the very first time already. "Um, can we go upstairs because I'm not keen on the idea of your family bursting in on us." I held out my hand and he took my arm like a proper gentleman.

"I'm going to fuck the smell of dog off of you," he growled and pushed me up against the glass wall.

Perhaps he wasn't a gentleman after all.

"Wait!" My ass squeaked against the glass as he drew back. "Do you hate me? Is this vengeance sex? You seem slightly out of character."

"Vengeance? No, Bella. I would never hurt you like that." He lifted me into his arms and I wrapped my legs around his waist. In the glass, our reflection seemed almost tender. But there were scratches along the surface, refracting the light and bouncing colour. For a moment, the image had me transfixed.

"I fucked another man. Don't you hate me?" The hairline crack almost appeared to be sprouting new veins before my eyes. I blinked and the line snapped back in on itself. Edward's hand pulled my face to his so that our eyes were level. The golden orbs were lightly speckled with freckles of green.

"The situation has me outraged but I blame no part of you. I am culpable for setting the wheels in motion that led you into the arms of another. There's so much I should have given you, Bella. I've failed you time and time again. I'm weak."

"So fucking weak," I agreed. "I do love you, though. I don't want to, but I do." I nearly forgot to breathe as his eyes bore into mine. "Edward," I whispered. His lips made contact with mine for the briefest moment and I whimpered against him, both from want of his mouth and self-loathing. I was being assaulted by wave after wave of Bella Swan's guilt. The crack in the glass was just a fissure in my mind. "I've done nothing but hurt and humiliate you since you came back. My heart is torn in two; I can't lie about it. I love both you and Jacob. This is not a good situation."

"Bella." Edward's voice was kind. He stoked my cheek as if I was the most precious thing in the universe. "Really, I did mean it when I promised I wouldn't make you choose."

I opened my mouth to speak but caught my tongue on Bella Swan's words. She wasn't going to miss this for anything in the world. I wouldn't let her miss this.

-({})-

Edward set me down on the ground and I flushed crimson.

"Take me upstairs, Edward," I begged. I pulled my clothes off the floor, trying to shield my nudity in case the Cullens returned home unexpectedly. Still, I smiled with encouragement at him, to make sure he didn't doubt for a second how much I-the real me-wanted him. "Please, make love to me? I've never wanted anything else as much. I want you so much, please?"

Edward smiled against my lips and graced my mouth with a feather-light kiss. "Of course, my Bella. I'll give you everything you want. We'll go slow, okay?"

I frowned and wrapped my limbs around his torso so that he could carry me upstairs. "Not too slow," I whispered. I detected the most delicate shudder when my breath hit his ear.

The living room transformed into his bedroom. The flight up the stairs happened faster than my mind could comprehend. He set me down and followed me to the en-suite.

Edward's bathroom did not have a bathtub which would have been nice. It did, however, have a European shower with around ten shower heads and a full length bench. Of all the times I had been here, I had never before examined the bathroom.

I grabbed a towel and wrapped it demurely around myself. My shoulders automatically slumped as I caught sight of my face in the mirror. Utterly pale and ordinary as usual, but also, I literally looked crazy. My hair was in such disarray it appeared backcombed.

"What's wrong, love?" Edward tried to draw me back into his arms but I was too humiliated.

"I look - I mean, look at me!"

"I'm looking," he said, smiling. He peeled the towel away from me and growled. "I want to kiss every inch of you." He knelt before me and pressed his cheek against my stomach. "So beautiful."

I allowed the towel to drop to the ground and groaned involuntarily when his cool lips made contact with my skin. Curiously, he began exploring my body by kissing my feet and calves. My thighs started trembling when he reached my knees. "Shower," I gasped, wanting to remove all traces of Jacob's scent from my body before he continued.

An image ripped through me before I could stop it: Jacob. My legs wrapped around his hips as he drove himself into me. He was whispering how much he loved me.

Poor Jacob. I started sobbing. This situation was all very wrong.

"What's the matter, Bella? Did I hurt you?"

I shook my head. "I need you, right now, Edward. I don't want to go slow."

He turned on the shower and stripped out of his clothes faster than my eyes could register. "I promise to be fast, then." He stood proudly before me, grinning and then his smile faltered. "Um, strike that last comment...and please don't make me say any pussy words."

Now I was laughing. "Where in the word did you learn all of those words from?"

"The internet, of course."

The water hit our bodies and I noticed that the droplets didn't seem to absorb into his skin the way they did mine. Water beaded and fell from him without leaving any trace of moisture behind. He was utterly untouchable.

"I'm not sure what to do, sweetheart. Please tell me what you want?"

"Just do what feels right," I said shyly. He didn't move and I started feeling stupid. "-Or not. I guess if you don't feel desire for me yet we can go slow."

Anger flashed in his eyes. "You think I don't want you?" he growled. I nodded. I really did think that. "I want to fuck you, Bella. I don't simply want to be tender. When I look at you right now, all I can think of is fucking you."

A delicious hot wave of lust shot straight to my groin at the word 'fuck.' Boldly, I wrapped my fingers around his marble erection and slid my hand up and down like Isabella Flanagan would. I need you, Flanagan. She did not take over but came to me in the form of a whisper. Get details...And stop acting like a whiney slut. If you must fuck Edward, the least you can do is own the fuck. Grow some balls or whatever.

"How?" I asked and stroked his length, squeezing tightly around him. "Tell me how you imagine fucking me."

He groaned loudly and the strangest feral sounds rumbled within his chest. He sounded so much like the monster he claimed to be but I knew the man would overcome the bloodthirsty demon.

"I've thought about doing it to you in every way and every place imaginable. On the hood of the Volvo on the side of the highway," he panted and cupped my breasts in his hands, gently squeezing my nipples between his fingers. Now feral sounds tore through my lips as I arched my back. "I imagine taking you from behind, ramming myself into you while the cars drive by."

"Tell me more," I gasped.

"I have this fantasy, Bella. We're sitting in a restaurant and you jerk me in your hand, just like you're doing right now, except we are surrounded by people. You're so fucking beautiful. Every man in the room wishes he was me...but what those jealous men don't know, is this goddess, this angel sitting beside me is actually a very wicked girl who is pleasuring me senseless. Oh, god, my Bella. I want to know what it feels like to be inside you. I want to see your face while you come."

"Sit down, Edward. I want you to be very still."

Obediently, he sat on down on the bench. I cupped his shoulders for support and hopped up into his lap, straddling his hips on my knees. "I'm going to slide you into me very slowly. Do you want me to fuck you, Edward?"

"Yes, please." His eyes were panicked. I lined up his penis at my opening and bore down slightly. Suddenly, he was all pupil. "Fuck."

"Is this okay?" I asked.

"Fuck," he repeated. "It's more than okay. I've never felt anything- Oh fuck, Bella. Please keep doing that?"

I sat down on his erection until I could go no further and then retracted him slowly out of me. Each pass was exquisite torture. I was desperate for more friction but did not want to test his self-control.

"Should I go a little faster?"

"Please," he whimpered into my hair. "Oh, yes, please."

I bore down now with more pressure and only unsheathed him half-way before taking him into me again. The walls of my pussy became impossibly slick. I was on fire for him, desperate for more friction still. I ached and only his cock could alleviate the burn.

"Faster," I gasped.

Somehow I found myself pressed against the wall with his hand under my bum. He was supporting all of my weight with that one hand while his other hand cupped the back of my head. Now he was thrusting into me, no longer moving like a virgin at all. I rocked my hips to meet his rhythm but could not keep up.

"Edward," I gasped. "Oh, please?"

I dug my nails into his neck and clung to him. I throbbed around his cock and he slowed his pace. "So warm. So beautiful." He kissed my shoulder, taking care not to get close to my pulse points. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Edward," I cried out. He looked so beautiful and blissful I couldn't contain myself. I always felt unworthy of him but the pleasure he was receiving from my body was written all of his face. I felt more like his equal than ever before. "I'm going to-"

"Come, Bella. Come for me, please."

I think I might have screamed; the sensation inside me was so intense it nearly hurt. I dug my heels into his ass. With his preternatural senses, he seemed to feel each contraction of my orgasm because he pushed into me at the perfect rhythm, drawing every possible ounce of pleasure out of the climax before he exploded into a release of his own.

Shit, shit, shit! Flanagan's voice was in my ear. I tried to ask her what the matter was but she kept screeching two words over and over again that made no sense at all.

Breaking Dawn.

Author's Notes: Reviews will bring previews! And remember, if you drink, don't flame! Only sober flamers please. Why do people flame? Any ideas? I call it random acts of unkindness. Fuck, if you don't like a fanfic, then don't read it. No one is holding a gun to your head. And if they are, include it in your review. I'll call the fucking police for you.

Lot's of love and stuff.