Author's Note: So as my profile currently states - Holy crappers, I'm a finalist: INDIE TWIFIC AWARDS for Becoming Bella Swan in the category of Canon or AU story that knocks you off your feet ! There was like eighty stories in that category and I'm all kinds of flabbergasted that BBS made the top five. Thank you for voting. I've met so many amazing women through the fandom and I'm thrilled to bits that someone other than my husband wants to read my fanfic.

"Izzy? I brought you a green tea." Gregory set the tea beside the beanbag chair I was huddled in. My arms were bruised and sore from the numerous IV drips and the current catheter felt like it had slipped out of my vein.

"Thank you," I managed, ignoring the steaming Styrofoam cup. "I need a nurse to check my arm. It really hurts."

"Let me see?" His touch was gentle but still completely foreign to me. "Yeah, I'll fix it."

"Are you a doctor?" For some reason, it surprised me that Flanagan would be married to a doctor. I looked at Gregory Flanagan's face as he re-set the catheter in my arm and decided that I liked him, despite the fact his wife was a crazed-psycho-sex-addict who had somehow managed to body shift with me.

He smiled sadly and replied, "A nurse. Hope you're not too disappointed. When your memory is restored, I promise you that you'll find it kinky." He put his hand on my shoulder and I cringed.

"Please...could you not, um, touch me?"

"Alright," he sighed and handed me a stack of books. "I'm reading the Christopher Moore book you recommended."

"Lamb?"

"No, Bloodsucking Fiends."

"Oh, I've never read that one. Is it good?" I grabbed a paperback off the pile of books Bella's husband had brought me. "What's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas?"

Gregory smiled patiently. "It's your favourite book, at least, it's the one you tell people is your favourite." He reached for my shoulder again and pulled back when I cringed.

"Sorry," I muttered again.

"I know, angel. I know that you want to deny what happened but sooner or later, you need to confront it. Where's the hard-ass bitch I know and love?"

"Sorry," I whispered. "What's my real favourite, then?"

"Um," he said distractedly and grabbed a well-worn black and red book from the pile. "This one. Twilight. Apparently you find this Edward Cullen vampire fellow fuck-hot."

-({})-

"More, please, Bella? One more time," Jacob growled, when I didn't instantly mount him.

"I'm depleted. If you want more, I'm going to need some sort of sports drink. Does Gatorade exist in this universe?"

"Gade-oooor-ate?" Jacob feigned dumb and I'd like to say this was a stretch but I was beginning to wonder.

"Enough with your douchebaggery!" I threw a pillow at him. "Get me something orange to drink...not orange juice."

"Water it is, for the lady." He used his shorts to wipe the residual semen off his dick and threw on a pair of blue cut-off sweats. "Are you hungry?"

"I could eat." My voice was lazy. I was the cat that ate the canary. "You, are so the canary and you don't even know it," I smirked. "You're mine, bitch. All mine!"

Jacob whipped his pants down and pounced on top of me. "Again!"

I started howling with laughter and made a fist around his cock. We'd fucked three times already yet he was almost rock solid again. Youth was wasted on the young. "Fine, let's play a game of cat and mouse," I practically sang and then gave his dickhead a teasing little lick.

"You better not be calling my beaver buster a mouse. It's a fucking monster." He grabbed it in his fist and I jumped off the bed in mock horror. He chased me around the bed, cock still in hand, as he aimed it like a handgun.

"Keep it away from me, you freak!" Pushing him away, I couldn't help but giggle.

"Tell him you love him." There was a taunt in his voice but the 'L' word gave me pause. I was about to kiss him when he started tickling my ribs mercilessly.

"Not gonna do it! Keep your beefy McManstick to yourself."

Jacob decided this was a good time to break into a rendition of "Girl's Got the Bun and the Boy's Got the Hotdog." I couldn't possibly articulate the tenderness of my thoughts while he was being a jerkwad.

"Jacob, stop for a minute. I want to ask you a question." I grabbed a sweatshirt off the floor and pulled it over my head. "Put your dick away, Jake. This is serious."

"It must be." With great reluctance, he holstered his pistol and tried to contemplate my face without laughing.

"I'm thinking of making a decision. One that you will be pleased with." For some reason I couldn't look at his face as I spoke. Guilt washed through me but I wouldn't allow myself to wallow in it. This was my fucking story. Mine!

Twilight was over, New Moon was right now, and this was me, line-editing the shit out of it.

-({})-

"What was my favourite part of the book?"

Gregory was a stranger to me but it comforted us both to converse as if nothing was awry. Isabella Flanagan's books were really not my taste but her husband seemed to think reading from them would spark a memory. The curiosity was killing me, however I needed to read Twilight on my own. He should not have to bear witness to the breakdown that would no doubt follow.

"Really, you have lots of favourite parts."

"So, the story is about a journalist who travels to Las Vegas to cover a dirt bike race?"

Gregory shook his head vigorously. "The plot's not the point. It's the journey that matters. What Duke learns and finally understands about the state of America and how it relates to his own mind."

"What's wrong with America? I mean, besides the obvious."

He laughed and there was a manic undertone to it. "What motivates people?"

"Love?"

"No."

"Desire?" I was in over my head in this conversation. He was getting agitated and I wasn't sure of the answer he was looking for.

"Izzy, what motivates you?"

I thought about Edward and wanted to repeat 'love' but I knew that wasn't the right answer. I bit my lip, wishing I could somehow end this conversation. Edward Cullen was my motivation. My love for him was desperate and it ruled me beyond anything else. It didn't make sense that someone like him would love someone utterly ordinary like me. Every moment I spent with him was my own agony and ecstasy because, as perfect he was, I never trusted myself to be good enough to keep him. For the last year and all the time before he left me, every day I lived in...

"Fear!"

"Yes!" Gregory put his arm around me and, acting upon instinct, I kneed him in the groin.

"...And loathing."

I felt vaguely guilty, however I did warn him not to touch me. He took a couple of painful breaths and sat in a chair a little further away from mine.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"I probably had it coming for one reason or another." He actually managed to laugh even though I had knocked the wind out of him.

"No. You seem like a good person. I'm full of rage today."

"Here," he said and opened the book. "Listen to this. Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Has it been five years? Six? It seems like a lifetime, the kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. But no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time in the world. Whatever it meant."

"That's beautiful but I'm not sure what it means. I mean, I know what he's saying but I'm not sure why it's relevant."

"Sometimes, all of the stars align and create a perfect time and place. But perfection is fleeting. Often it's only recognized in retrospect."

I nodded. That made sense.

"You asked me what your favourite part was? I'm pretty sure this is it: So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look west, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back."

Oh...yeah, I got it, now. The high-water mark, the very peak of my existence, was my time with Edward. The wave had rolled back, leaving nothing but barren sand in its wake.

Sobs tore through me and Bella's husband pulled me into his lap so that he could hold me.

This time, I let him.

-({})-

"What is it, Bells?"

"I choose you, Jake. If you can love me, damaged as I am. Then I choose you."

He smiled his beautiful smile and tried to kiss me again but I held his face back. "She's not coming back. You'd be loving me, not her. Can you do that?"

"You're the same girl, Bells."

"No, we certainly are not." It didn't matter. I couldn't sense her at all anymore. I had won the battle over this body.

"Bella." His voice was solemn and reverent. "I've never suffered any delusions when it came to you. You always say you're broken. Cut the crap! I'm tired of you using that crutch. I love you as you are, right now. I'll love the girl you become tomorrow and the day after that. Haven't I already proved myself? Do you need another vow from me? I mean, I'll do it but it seems redundant."

I shook my head and said, "I love you, Jake. Today, tomorrow and the day after that."

Jake loved me best. My choice was made. I would stay in this world with him.

Author's Note: Questions? Comments? Flames? Bitch, I can take it! Thanks to my amazing beta, Jess or jkane180 as she's known as in the hood. A shout out to my lovely wordslinger for all of them purty banners. I've posted links on my profile. I respond to every review with a preview unless your PM is disabled (I'm talking to you nifty88! If you want a preview, please let me send me a PM with an email address. If you don't care, then just keep reviewing because I adore that shit.)