A/N: Please don't form a mob, hunt me down, and kill me.
Sara couldn't deny one bit that she missed Tegan. Missed her like crazy. It wasn't just the sex either. She missed Tegan's smile and sparkling eyes. Her loud laugh, her stupid, inappropriate jokes and teasing, and just the way she treated Sara; with love. But she was thankful that at least things were improving with Aiden and she wasn't left completely alone.
It only took him two weeks to let Sara back in their bed. It made Sara so happy she could cry, mostly because sleeping on the floor was not so comfortable. There hadn't been much contact between the two, but Sara was determined to fix things. She figured physical contact would be the easiest way to get him back.
She stands in front of the bathroom mirror, adjusting the red, sheer lingerie she recently purchased. She purses her lips and messes her hair up a bit, deciding it's as good as it's going to get. Opening the door and leaning against the frame, she cocks her hip out, waiting for Aiden to notice. It only takes him a minute to sense her presence, looking away from his book and to her out of the corner of his eye.
"Is that new?" He asks, setting his book down on his lap.
Sara bites her lip, nodding. She walks over to the bed, climbing onto it. Aiden moves the book to the nightstand and pats his thighs. Sara swings a leg over him and straddles him with his hands resting on her waist. She gives him a weak a smile and he returns it just as weakly.
She is having second thoughts about her plan as she stares at his bare, muscular chest covered in hair. It doesn't turn her on anymore, and all she can think about is Tegan but that doesn't stop her from leaning in and kissing him.
It doesn't stop her from trailing her kisses lower and lower until she reaches the waistband of his boxers.
It doesn't stop her from pulling his boxers down and taking his member into her hands.
It doesn't stop her from bending down and taking him into her mouth.
But it stops him.
He puts pressure on her head to get her to stop, but she won't budge. He isn't getting hard and Sara is getting desperate, pumping frantically. She hates him for what that signals, but she hates herself more. She finally stops because she can't breathe with the choking sobs leaving her mouth every second and rolls off of him and onto her side of the bed. Her arms hug her knees to her chest.
"I'm sorry, Sara. I tried, but I can't do this with you anymore." Aiden speaks to her back, grabbing his pillow and a blanket to go sleep on the couch for the night.
Sara doesn't know how long she lays there crying but at some point she manages to fall asleep. When she wakes up the next morning she feels like complete shit, emotionally and physically. She heads to the bathroom to brush her teeth then makes her way to the kitchen. She hopes Aiden isn't around, but he is, reading the paper and eating breakfast. He completely ignores her as she finds a bowl and pours cereal into it. She stands awkwardly by the counter, unsure of sitting at the table with him like usual or if she should go back to the bedroom. She doesn't have time to make a decision before Aiden chooses for her.
"Sit." He commands, putting the paper aside. She sits. "I know you probably don't have anywhere to go in town," he flicks his eyes up to her, warning her she should stay away from Tegan, "so you can stay until you figure out what to do and where to go, but please don't draw this out any longer than it has to be."
"Thank you," she nods, slipping the ring that had been home to her finger for almost a year now off and across the table to him.
He stands, pushing his chair in and dumping the dirty dishes in the sink. He picks up the paper and ring, bunching it in his fist.
"I'm sorry." Sara says somberly to his retreating figure.
"So am I." He calls back.
...
Tegan meanwhile has been doing nothing but waiting. Waiting for any kind of acknowledgement from Sara. She's tried calling her, texting her, and waiting for her to come pick up her sketchbooks. She didn't think Sara would seriously listen to Aiden about not seeing her, but perhaps Sara a little more impressionable than she originally thought.
One day she noticed Sara had left the one sketchbook she wouldn't let anyone see, assuming she'd be back the next day to take it and work on it. Tegan spent days pacing around with it in her hands, debating whether to look at it or not. What would it reveal about Sara? She knew Sara would be upset but eventually curiosity got the better of her and she flipped through it, seeing and reading all about the adventures of this mysterious Voix.
She had to admit, she was a little frightened by the violence towards the woman, who she knew immediately was herself, but also completed fascinated by this alternate universe Sara had created and what it said about her, and how it slightly vaguely, but eerily foreshadowed their current situation. So she remained hopeful, never leaving her shop for lunch or anything incase Sara tried to come and go without having to confront her.
The odds are in her favor when Sara trudges in after two and half weeks of not seeing her. She keeps her head down and heads straight for the desk, ignoring the scrutinizing eyes of Tegan and her client. She starts shoving her sketchbooks into her empty backpack.
Tegan turns off her gun and excuses herself from her client. She walks over to the counter, leaning on it, and watching Sara.
"What are you doing?" She asks, waving her hands about, trying to get Sara to look at her.
"Packing." Sara responds curtly, hastily dropping her pens and pencils into her bag.
"Why?"
She looks up and glares at Tegan, not wanting to answer the question because she knows Tegan already knows why. She's had enough confrontation in the past two months than she ever wanted in her lifetime.
"I'm leaving." She answers anyway after moments of quiet.
"What?" Tegan grabs her arm and pulls her into the back room, looking the door behind her. "Where are you going?"
"Back home. To Montreal."
"Why?"
"Why? Because everything got fucked up out here!" Sara screeches, on the brink of tears. "As soon as I met you things started getting out of control! You fucked this all up! You just came into my life making me feel things I shouldn't feel and not even caring that you were doing it! I was fucking happy with Aiden and now it's all ruined. Everything."
"What happened with him? And now what about me?" Tegan asks, confused. She just assumed Sara would come for her, no matter what Aiden said or did..
"Aiden left me, and he's the only reason I came out here. And what about you? I can't be with you, I'm not gay!" She cries.
"Oh really? Then what were you all those time you were screaming my name while I was fucking you? Huh?"
"Just shut up, Tegan! Just shut your damn mouth for once!" Sara screams.
"No, Sara! I know you love me." She grabs Sara's shoulders, shaking her, tears running down her own face. "Why are you doing this? This doesn't have to be difficult!"
"But it is! I don't know how to be with you. I'm not strong like you are. I'm terrified, so damn terrified and I need to just leave. Forget about all of this, about you, and you can forget all about me." Sara blubbers. She wants to stay, so desperately wants to but she's too weak, too heartbroken from Aiden to commit to Tegan seriously. She couldn't take it if one day Tegan just got bored of her and left too, or if her own fear would stop them from their true potential. But that's exactly what you're doing right now by leaving, her conscience tells her. She shakes the thought from her mind, deciding that Tegan deserved to be happy, and she couldn't give that to her.
If she just goes back to Montreal, she can remove herself from the situation, suffer like she feels she deserves to, and then move on. Every one else will move on too and things will right themselves. All she has to do is rationalize everything, and believe that leaving was actually the strong thing to do.
"Sweet little Sara, always doing the right fucking thing." Tegan throws her hands up in frustration. "I hope you realize soon that what your little brain thinks is the right thing to do, always isn't what's best for you or the people around you. You were my long term girl Sara, and now you're just shitting on me and leaving. You know where to find me when you come crawling back, but I won't wait forever."
Sara rubs the tears from her eyes and leaves the room, slamming the door shut, and a life with Tegan, behind her.