Angel Dust
A/N: Alright, so I'm supposed to be going to work right now, but I wrote this last night and I couldn't wait to post it. Another one should follow tonight, because I couldn't put all the shit in this one that I wanted.
I knew I was going to leave people out when I did my shout-outs on the last review, and I'm so sorry. To viper-sa, VASHORTY, and suchbadkarma, thanks for your consistent reviews - and to everyone else, I'll try to spread it out and get to you guys as well over the next few updates. I really do appreciate all of you.
Enjoy!
Randy watched as Courtney flitted around their bedroom, throwing clothing into her overnight bag, and then throwing it back out onto the floor and the bed. Even chewing her thumbnail and scrunching up her nose, she was adorable. It was all he could do to stand in the doorway and not beg her to let him come along for her weekend visit with her parents.
"You could help me, ya know?" she asked, turning her eyes to him finally, a pout on her full lips.
Pushing off the door frame, Randy laughed as he walked to his girlfriend and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I don't see what the big deal is, Baby. It's your mom and dad. Not like you need to be all special for them."
She sighed and turned his arms, allowing him to rest his chin on her head as she perused her choices once more. "I don't see them that much anymore," she reminded him. "Besides, if I don't look perfect, my mother will ask ten thousand questions about how I'm doing and if I need therapy."
"So," he bent and whispered in her ear, "Tell her you've got all the therapy you need." Grasping her earlobe between his lips, he sucked slightly and smiled when she groaned and relaxed against him further.
Part of her wanted to tell him the reason she was driving to DC for the weekend. But another part said that it was none of his business, and that it was better if no one knew. Of course, her parents had figured it out right away, but the fact that Randy didn't seem to remember what Saturday was only solidified her resolve not to share it with him.
After another few minutes of standing in his arms, feeling his lips work over her shoulders and neck, Courtney stepped out of his grasp and moved toward the piles of designer clothing again. None of it seemed appropriate for what she was about to do. It was too casual, too formal, too freaky, too conservative.
Finally, she zipped the bag and turned, hoisting it over her shoulder. "Alright, I think that's it," she sighed, moving to Randy again as he extended his car keys to her. "You sure you don't mind me takin' your car?"
Dropping a kiss on her nose, Randy took her bag and led her out of the bedroom by the hand. "Just be careful with it," he teased as they moved down the stairs and toward the front door. "And be careful with you - I want both of you back here in one piece on Sunday, okay?"
She smiled as he carried her things to the car and carefully arranged them in the trunk. He was so much like Dave - always doting over her, showering her with affection and attention. He was quick to make sure she had everything she needed, or wanted. There was never a moment when she wondered if Randy wanted her around, or if he was happy to be taking care of her.
But there were differences. Sex with Randy was great. But she never rushed home in wild anticipation of fucking him before she put her purse down. Laying in the darkness of the night, feeling his chest rise and fall as they laughed about the minute details of their days was fun, too. But she never fell asleep knowing that she was holding the greatest thing that had ever happened to her.
Of course, she also never looked into his eyes, wondering where the demons had hidden his soul, and if he would ever find a way to reclaim it. She never awoke in a cold sweat, gripping Randy's wrist to make sure that his heart was still beating. She never worried that she would come home and find him passed out in a pool of his own vomit, tear stains evident on his stone-still features. And she never feared staring into the face of a doctor who was telling her that he was sorry, but there was just nothing they could do to save Mr. Orton.
As Randy slammed the trunk, Courtney shook her head from her own thoughts and smiled at him. He was good for her, right for her. Being with him made sense. Sometimes, it was the only thing that made sense anymore. "Are you going to behave yourself this weekend?" she asked as he rested his hands on her hips and she stared up into his brilliantly blue eyes.
"Of course," he insisted, kissing her quickly. "I only have a problem staying out of trouble when you're around," he winked, resting his forehead against hers.
After another deep kiss, she started the car and sped out of the driveway. She would find a way to make it up to him, this impromptu trip, when she got back. But for now, she had more important things to attend to.
Her heart sped up as Dave took her hands and looked deeply into her eyes. Hundreds of their friends, family, and friends of their family, looked on as the couple prepared to share the vows they had written for one another.
"Princess," he sighed, running his thumb over her palm slowly as he took a deep breath and blinked back a few tears. "Shit, I can't do this," he smiled, gripping her hand tighter. A few people gasped as Dave turned to them and grinned wider. "No, I can do THIS," he assured them. "Just don't wanna cry like a pussy in front of y'all." The crowd erupted in laughter, and the tension broke as he returned to his previous thought.
"I've seen a lot of women in my life, been admired by quite a few, and returned the affection of a few others." Courtney rolled her eyes as Dave took a baby step toward her and let go of her hand. With his palm on her cheek, he licked his lips. "But in thirty-six years, I have loved only one.
"Hawthorne once wrote "For she gets into the remotest recesses of my heart, and shines all through me." When you entered my life, Princess, I didn't even realize that I was stumbling around in the dark. But you have illuminated my world with a patient, understanding, longsuffering love that we, and everyone here, knows I don't deserve." He stopped briefly to wipe a tear from her cheek with his thumb.
Watching as she bit her lip and stared up at him through thick lashes, Dave fought the overwhelming urge to bend and kiss her. "We live in a world where promises are made and broken daily. But you could tell me today that you want the stars as a wedding gift, and they would be yours. You could ask me to move this mountain," he looked over his shoulder to the Appalachian backdrop of their ceremony, "and it would be done.
"There is no price too high, no task too complex, no request too outrageous, that I would not make it happen for you. I will move heaven and earth to make sure you are comfortable in this life, that you have not only everything you need, but every damn thing you want, Courtney Elizabeth.
"I am a man of many vices, but chief among them from the day I met you until the day that I die, has been and will always be, you, my Princess."
Slowing the car to a stop on a secluded path, Courtney listened to the final strains of Paul McCartney's "Maybe I'm Amazed," sniffling slightly as she thought about their first dance at the reception that night. He had held her so tightly against his chest, his hands running up and down her bare back as she tried her best to keep from getting aroused in front of a crowd that included her parents and grandparents.
She cut the engine and reached to the seat beside her, grasping the red roses that she had brought along for the occasion. As she stepped out of the car and smoothed a hand over her short denim skirt, she lifted the flowers to her nose and thought about their first night together as husband and wife.
The suite had been beautiful, bathed in candlelight and the warm scent of vanilla and cinnamon. Expensive wine chilled in a bucket beside the bed as Dave carried his bride over the threshold and stopped to let her take in the view.
The soft strains of slow R&B music filled the room, and the bed was adorned in ivory satin sheets. Setting her feet on the floor, Dave kissed Courtney deeply and then pulled back. "You take a minute to freshen up, okay?" He winked. "I have a surprise for you, but I need a minute to get it ready."
Nodding, she kissed him again and turned, making her way to the bathroom. Closing the door tightly, she turned and smiled at the bouquet of long-stemmed Fire & Ice roses on the counter. She read the card and smiled wider. "To my wife - My firey passion, and my soothing peace. To a life spent enjoying, infuriating, and above all, consuming each other. Always, Your Husband."
Stripping out of her reception gown and dabbing perfume behind her ears, Courtney shook her curls free of the twist they had been in all day. Naked, exposed, and vulnerable, she stepped back into the bedroom to find Dave waiting for her. His bronzed body was a stark contrast to the creamy sheets on which he was stretched, his eyes glinting in the candlelight around him.
"Damn," she sighed, catching her tongue between her teeth playfully when he smiled up at her. "You look good enough to eat." Allowing her eyes to drift to the bed before him, she sighed inwardly.
Dave reached out and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him and placing a soft kiss just above her navel as his fingers trailed lower. "Speaking of eating," he smiled as she bent to kiss him softly. "Come here, Princess," he pulled her into his lap, careful not to disturb the mirror on the bed before him, four perfectly cut, snow-white pure lines of powder awaiting them.
Shaking her head, Courtney leaned against his chest and studied the mirror. It wasn't that she was opposed to partaking in his favorite recreational activity. But at that moment, the last thing she wanted was a fucking fueled by anything other than their passion for each other. "Lover," she whispered, turning her face to kiss his chin. "Not tonight."
For a moment, he thought about telling her how expensive this shit had been, what he had gone through to get it for her. "Princess," he started, knowing the argument was futile before he ever said a word. If Courtney wanted him to put it aside and make love to her sober, he would do it. Because she asked. And he could never say no when she asked.
She rose to her knees and lifted the mirror, careful not to disturb his meticulous work. Setting it on the bedside table, she straddled Dave's waist and wound her arms around his neck. "The only thing I want inside me tonight," she smiled and dipped her head to kiss the smooth skin over his collarbone, "is you, Lover."
The last time she stood before his grave, the earth had been fresh, and she had watched numbly as his mahogany casket was lowered into the ground. Time, and weather, had changed it's appearance, as it now blended in with all of the others. His face smiled at her from the headstone, the inscription bringing a slight smile to her lips. "Do not mourn for a life lost too early, but celebrate a life lived too fully."
Courtney ran her fingers over the smooth stone and stared up into the warmth of the early spring sunshine. As she laid the roses on the ground, she knelt and ran her fingers over his photo. "It's our anniversary, Lover," she whispered. "I know I missed it last year."
Hiding away in Italy, Courtney had spent her first wedding anniversary without her husband drinking until she passed out. The thought of spending the day alone, knowing that he wouldn't be there to suprise her with any grand romantic gesture, or just to hold her through the night, had been too much to bear.
But this year was different. This year, she was ready to face him, and the memories that remembering him brought. "I hope you don't have other plans," she sighed as she rested her knees against the cold ground and smiled at the headstone. "Because I fully intend to spend some time alone with my husband."
Dave stood from his recliner and walked to the platform, the smile on his lips about to split his face in half. Reaching into the image, he ran a hand over her cheek and shuddered as she closed her eyes and touched the place with her own hand. "Fuck," he sighed, closing his eyes as a round of emotion took him over. "I love you so fucking much, Princess."
Courtney nodded, his presence closer here than she had ever felt it since his passing. "I know you can hear me," she spoke into the stillness. "And I think there are some things I need to say."