Author's Note: Hello. If I didn't reply to your review, then I'm a shit eating monkey cock. Let me know. Thanks to my Jessie-Jess for the beta (jkane180). A/N with recs and news at the end.
Nothing ruins a post-coital afterglow like an enema. Shit, I should have been writing these gems down. Where the fuck was my journal?
Edward had the decency to leave the room while Nurse Betty attempted to flush my colon. Yep, it was fucking happy hour at Casa del Loco.
"This is humiliating," I muttered, clenching my sphincter within an inch of its life. The White Coat smirked at my naked, prone body.
"You brought this on yourself," she said righteously.
See, that was her first mistake. I stood and unclenched, spilling forth a rank river from out of my bowels and onto the floor.
"Don't mess with Bella Flanagan," I spat, making sure some of my foul water dripped onto her shoes. "Unless you want to get shat on."
Sadly, the puddle on the floor contained no excrement whatsoever. Stupid, binding medications. Detoxing fucking sucked.
"You cunt," she hissed and pulled out a hypodermic from her pocket as if that bitch was spring-loaded. She pinched the cap off, and my body became lax, even before the needle pierced my skin.
"Fuck," I groaned. It was only a muscle needle, so the relief was likely a placebo at this point. "So fucking good."
"That should quiet your smart mouth some." She was proud of herself. But pride cometh before the fall.
"That was your second mistake, asshole. I'm in detox."
Her smug face contorted into panic. "Right...I mean, I should have..."
"You should have checked the chart." Ah, she had only just ass-raped me, and already we were finishing each other's sentences.
"Carlisle will have me fired for this."
"Cry me a shitty fucking river."
Suddenly, my universe bayed on all fours while what remained of my sanity was fucked on all fronts.
-({})-
"Isabella, wake up, sweetheart..."
"Bella," I corrected and opened my sore eyes. It felt like I had been sleeping for centuries. "Carlilse?" I squinted through the floaters in my eyes and shook my head like a wet dog. "Ugh, what happened?"
"What do you remember?"
My face felt heated as images of Edward's naked body came rushing back to me. I was pretty sure that I was blushing. "Edward," I said. "We made love..."
"What else?"
"I'm not sure, Carlisle. Flanagan took over for a while," I muttered sheepishly, taking futile sweeps at my eyes with my fists. My vision wouldn't clear. "I- I'm not sure where I went this time, when she took over."
"Do you want to know what I think, Bella?" Carlisle sat down carefully on the bed beside me.
"Of course."
"I think you're trapped in a memory. You're hallucinating, walking around in a dream-like state and sending aspects of yourself back in time."
"Um, I'm not sure that I understand what you mean." Did he have to be so cryptic? My head was pounding like Tommy Lee was playing a solo on it. Christ, even at my best, I had no hope of competing in a battle of wits against a three-hundred year-old immortal.
"You're having trouble reconciling fact from fiction..."
I nodded my head because, well, duh!
"Your desire to uncover the truth is now more fervent than your mind's need to protect itself through repression and displacement. It's quite fascinating, almost as if your hallucinations are guiding you to the truth."
"Where's Edward?" I asked suddenly.
"He's visiting with Jacob Black."
"Why?" I squeaked.
"Calm down, Bella. He wants to know more about what happened after you were attacked by Laurent."
"Too bad he wasn't around to have witnessed it for himself." My voice had a bitter edge to it that was likely out of character. Carlisle gave me his unfaltering look of fatherly compassion. Instantly, I bowed my head in shame.
"You know why he left, Bella."
"Yeah," I swallowed. "Because Jasper tried to attack me at my birthday party."
Carlisle looked surprised. "No," he said simply.
"Um, yes?"
"No," he insisted. "We weren't here for your birthday."
"I don't understand."
"We left in August. Edward insisted we leave, although it killed Alice. She had been planning your birthday for weeks already."
"You're wrong!" I sat up on the bed and poked him in the chest, nearly snapping my finger. He caught my fist in his before I could harm myself. "There was a party...and presents...and a paper cut. You fixed my arm and told me about how you changed Edward. He was dying from the flu and you changed him. Bit him like you were bitten so that he would become a vampire."
"No, Bella. We never had that conversation."
"You told me that his mother seemed to know that you were...different. That Elizabeth Masen might have had a psychic ability like Edward."
"Elizabeth was already dead when Edward was brought to my hospital. I never had the chance to meet her."
"Oh." I was struggling. My brain would not cooperate. I tried to summon tangible memories to mind of the party, but my recollections felt hollow. Maybe my story ended with the first book. Maybe the second book never started at all.
Words fell off the page like grains of sand.
"Did Jasper attack me?"
"Yes."
"But not at my birthday..."
"He attacked you in the forest."
I furrowed my brow. "No, that never happened. What was I doing in the woods with Jasper?"
"Bella," Carlisle cautioned. "I'd like to uncover this particular memory delicately..."
"No!" I snapped. "This is my mind, damn it! I want my memories back. What was I doing in the forest with Jasper?"
"Close your eyes, Bella." Carlisle's melodic voice took on a monotonous tone. The rise and fall of his words transformed into a peripheral buzzing. He was speaking, but I couldn't make out the meaning behind what he said. My subconscious mind battled for dominance with my senses. I mean, I thought it did. It's not like I would be conscious of it because then it wouldn't ...be...my...my... Oh, gosh. I was sooo tired. My eyes, already heavy, seemed to close of their own volition.
I could no longer feel the hospital bed under my back. The buzz of fluorescence overhead faded into the sounds of squawking birds. The stale air of my room was replaced by hot summer rain.
I was outside, but that wasn't all that had changed. I was different. Unbroken.
"Alice?" Damn, my new phone was so complicated. "Please? Meet me at the turn-off for Andersonville of the one-oh-one...or, at least call me when you get this message." My decision was sudden. I wasn't sure if she would foresee my request. Also, I hoped to God that Edward wasn't in earshot when she did.
I kicked stones along the path that led into the woods and decided to start walking. Alice would know how to find me.
This phone is utterly ridiculous. Renee shouldn't be wasting money on things like this. I didn't mean to think such ugly thoughts. It just baffled my mind how she could act like such a child: purchasing expensive items on a whim, quitting her job to be a full-time roadie for Phil. And now, they were living in another country altogether. It irked me. She was so willing to give up who she was just to keep him happy.
Yes, I did recognize the irony. I wasn't stupid. My situation was vastly different, though.
"Alice," I murmured, feeling ridiculous. "You have to listen to me. He won't do it...only you can. Please? I trust you, Alice. I trust you to change me..."
It had occurred to me that since the decision had been made by me, Alice could probably follow my thoughts. I didn't even need the phone at all.
Suddenly, the ground tripped away from me, and I fell forward onto my stomach. "Crap," I muttered, grateful that the only creature to witness my spastic clumsiness was a goose.
"Are you hurt?"
"Jasper?" My voice was incredulous. "What are you doing here?"
"I got your message," he explained. I rolled over onto my back and saw him standing several paces away from me holding Alice's phone. "She's hunting with Edward. Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, fine. Sorry, I didn't mean for you to have to come out here. I needed Alice." Crap, if she was with Edward than he probably had figured out what I was up to.
"Bella..."
"Do you think Alice could block her thoughts from Edward? I mean, if she really, really wanted to?"
Jasper's eyes were turning onyx. It was very strange. "Bella..." He moved toward me like a stalking cat, twitching with excitement.
"Jasper?" A line of blood tricked down my leg.
"You've skinned your knee."
"S-Sorry," I stuttered.
"I can't help myself, Bella. I want you. I have to have you...I'm sorry."
"Okay, Jasper, but could you not kill me all the way dead?"
-({})-
"I really hate that Jizz monkey!" My eyes snapped open and an underwear model was holding me down. No joke! "Hello, salty goodness."
"Hey, pussy-word girl."
Carlisle looked pained by our exchange. "How are you feeling, Bella?"
"Fan-fucking-tastic!" I turned to the beautiful hunk of man-meat who was my straight jacket. "I want to suck your cock," I explained.
He grinned, "Oh, I like crazy Bella. Can we keep her?"
"Emmett!" Carlisle snapped.
"Emmett!" I repeated. "Wow. Finally some apt fucking casting. You're totally Kellan. I want to have little vampiric, Calvin Klein-modeling babies with you."
"Oh yeah?" he smirked.
"Ah-huh. Give me that sparklepeen, baby. I have a present for you."
His smile grew even wider. "Fuck, yeah!"
"Emmett!" Carlisle yelled. "I have one word for you."
"Whut?"
"Rosalie."
"Shit."
The smile faded off the face of my would-be fuck puppet. "You're just as pansy-assed as your fucking brother, aren't you?"
All of these idiots were full of shit, but somehow, I was the one who started the day off with an enema.
Author's Note: Lets start with a rec...Fallen Princess by Bianca, pen name bforqueen. It's a Volturi AU and folks, English is not B's first language but she speaks it better than most of us. Started reading The Intern by a really enthusiastic reviewer called addicttwilight2. It's yummy.
CONTEST! Katinki (owner of Renward, Renfield and Chiclets) and BellaFlan (me) are running a contest with some awesome judges. More will be posted over the weekend and I'll link up on my profile. Let's just say, it's just in time for Mother's Day *evil laughter*
Um...stuff: I'm going to post previews on the BBS thread over on Twilighted. If you have questions or want to engage in some random fuckery, come on over. I have a formspring thingy for random questions but I haven't figured the bitch out yet. Links and stuff on my profile. So, please review me. I keep my iPhone in my pocket. Constant reviews means I won't have to spend the $5.00 on that vibrator app.